Chapter 3 Bean There
Leon
I'm running late, for fuck's sake. How can I be running late when it's literally a five minute walk from my apartment to Bean There, where I'm meeting Ryan.
You could call him my best friend, although I'm not sure I can call the relationship best anything, since I've been avoiding him for a while, and it feels like he's pulling teeth every time he gets me to agree to leave the house.
Ryan is a D-man for the Hunters and was drafted when we were both in college.
He's the same height as me but wider. Even so, the cheeky smile he displays with prominent dimples and soft eyes makes him the most sought-after single player on the team and all the bunnies go crazy over him.
I swear his fan club is more like a cult at this point.
We played together in college and became easy friends from the first day, but when he got drafted, resentment swallowed me whole and I started pushing away more and more each day.
My friend persistently stayed by my side though, like the calm and steady rock he is.
He is the type of friend who will message every day just to check in, bring soup if you're sick, or listen to you talk for hours when you're upset, he's loyal to a fault.
Whoever his wife ends up being one day will be a very lucky lady.
It was no surprise that he was the second person to find out about my dumping a couple of days after it happened, however I managed to put off the actual meeting for an entire month.
It helped that Ryan was a camp advisor for youth hockey, something he volunteers for every summer.
Running down the side of the street, I can see the bright hanging plants swallowing the wall next to the coffee shop and feel immediately at ease.
It was a coincidence that aunt Lacey bought her apartment near the botanical garden and ended up offering it to me when she moved away, but I cannot deny the cosmic blessing it was since I'm a huge plant fan.
Animals are ok and people are nice, but give me a massive garden any day to get lost in.
The coffee place sits on a street corner and is a real oasis of chill in the concrete jungle, peppered with high-end fancy restaurants or hipster breweries on every corner.
It has an almost rustic feel, the design is homey, consisting of almost entirely wood furniture with cozy throw pillows draped on the low hanging sofas and wicker chairs.
There are a couple of tables outside that I have never seen empty, with the exception of when it's winter and the owners pull them inside.
It's run by two lovely ladies in their fifties who are a couple.
With every interaction between them, you can really feel the love they share for each other and the small business they have built over the years.
It's the perfect place to forget about the constant rush around the city, giving me the feel of my small hometown in upstate New York.
If they ever ran into trouble, I would probably do all I can to single-handedly keep them in business, but I'm not the only one who appreciates the vibe, seeing that the cafe is always full from morning to afternoon.
Peeking through the large glass window on the side, I see Ryan has snatched up our favorite table to the side, which is partly hidden behind a giant rubber plant, also known as Ficus Elastica.
He's wearing the traditional cap and sunglasses disguise, like that could make a giant six three guy with tattoos slip through incognito.
He's already seated with two large teal cups of coffee on the small walnut table.
Of course, Ryan being Ryan, will have ordered my favorite while he waited patiently for me.
"Hey!" I say, approaching the table and extending my arm for a handshake, "Long time to see, bud."
He slaps my hand away to engulf me in an awkward over the too small table full-body hug, while gently saying, "And whose fault is that?"
Feeling slightly hot with a blush running down my neck, I pull up the small wicker chair while I clear my voice in a manly way.
"I'm sorry, Ryan. I know you wanted to be there for me, but I...uhm. I needed some time alone to process this. I've probably said this a million times already, but it really came as a surprise and I needed to get the wallowing out of the way."
Ryan pushes forward on his elbows, "But I could have..."
"I know." I interrupt him quickly. "I know you could have been there for me.
I needed to do this on my own though. The last time I was going through a tough time, I had you and Jen by my side, so I didn't work through it as well as I could have.
Maybe that was part of the reason my relationship didn't work out in the end. We were so close to the start of our relationship, Jen and I, and I feel like she had to baby me like it was normal for a twenty-year-old to have a midlife crisis. I promise I’m not pulling away now, not like before. "
"I appreciate you saying that. You're my best friend, but I don't want to feel like I'm pressuring you into being my friend."
"There I go making people insecure again, guess Jen had a point." I sigh, "I don't know who I am anymore." I whisper to myself, although I have no doubt he heard me by the way his eyes soften.
"Ok, enough of that." My friend proclaims with a dimpled smile. "So it's been a month and you've been doing some introspection work, or some shit. How are you feeling?"
Good is on the tip of my tongue, but I'm done lying to myself or the people I love.
"Managing…" comes out instead.
My friend nods thoughtfully and looks to be pondering something. He opens and closes his mouth a couple times, but no actual sound comes through.
"Out with it." I give him a nudge.
"Well, uhm, I was trying to think of a sensitive way to approach this, but do you think you should try getting back on the horse?" He doesn't sound convinced the words actually left his mouth.
"I don't follow." I lie. Is it hot in here?
"You've always been a serial monogamist and I can't imagine it's easy for you to be alone right now. Do you think you could give casual dating a try?”
I huff an annoyed breath, "If by serial monogamist you mean the two brief relationships I had in college or basically shacking up with Jen from the moment we met in senior year, I don't know what you mean."
"Basically, you were this super happy guy who got along with everyone on the team and knew everyone's name on campus.
But whenever you were in a relationship, you were shining through and I understand if it could be difficult now for you to be on your own.
I know you grew up in a big family despite being an only child, with all your cousins on your dad's side.
" He takes a slow breath. "I've never actually seen you hook up with anyone in college though, so maybe you could try casually dating before you jump in with both feet into a different relationship. "
I ponder what he's saying, wondering if it even makes sense to me.
It's true that I never once did the casual thing.
Even my two brief relationships in college felt like I was one step away from proposing and we didn't even have sex in the few months we were together.
Jen thought it was so romantic that I lost my virginity to her and she told me it was a sign that I waited for her and it was meant to be.
Guess that later down the line, my lack of interest in sex was the opposite of meant to be.
Huh, still a bit bitter, then.
I find Ryan patiently staring at me and realize I haven't said anything in a few minutes. I take a huge gulp of coffee and set the cup back down on the table with a small tremble.
"I see what you're saying Ryan, but I honestly cannot see that happening. I have no interest in…" How do I say this without giving up too much of the one thing I don't want to bring up.
"I know, bud." Ryan interrupts quickly. "I know you.
But I'm not saying you have to casually start hooking up with people.
I said dating for a reason, to try and get you back to being comfortable talking and laughing with people.
It doesn't have to lead to anything, you might even make some friends, or you might find the confidence to actually date.
" He also takes a gulp of his coffee while I'm clinging to his every word.
I think I'm starting to understand better what he was badly explaining earlier.
"I also know it's only been a month and you likely won't be ready, but I'm not asking you to commit to anything other than talking to people.
Get your groove back and have easy friendships again.
" He seems nervous to continue, although I'm not actually sure why.
Then he puts his hand in his pocket and pulls out a twice folded paper in bright red while pushing it towards me and I realize it's a flyer. A flyer? Who prints stuff nowadays?
SAVE THE TREES, PEOPLE!
"Speed-dating?" My voice goes impossibly high at the end of the word. "What the actual fuck, Ryan?"
My friend grins widely, "Think about it, boo.
It's the perfect solution, like putting you through a fire trial!
You get a couple of minutes to talk to every single lady and, at the end of the night, you choose if you want to see any of them again.
If you don't, that's fine, you would have practiced talking about yourself and being casual with new people, thus giving you confidence to do it in everyday life. "
"That's..." What in the actual fuck? "That's so stupid, it might actually work."
"Hey, they don't call me a genius for nothin'." We both splurt out a laugh together. "I'll even go with you, I can never say no to a room full of beautiful ladies." He finishes on a wink.
"Ryan, despite what the league and your little cult seem to think, you forget I know you're not an actual manwhore." I admonish him with my eyes.
"Ah, well gotta keep up appearances and chase the ring hopefuls away. It's harder to find genuine connections now that I'm playing in the NHL, but I still hook up compared to you." He jokes, but I can see a self-deprecating flash of something in his eyes.
"I'm not the standard dude, everyone hooks up compared to me. But I'll take you up on your offer, can't imagine doing something like this alone." I hope he can hear the desperation in my tone.
"All good, brother. We'll meet up on Thursday and do this together. Now, did I tell you what crazy shit Mark was talking about after our training session last week?"
I sink into my chair, content to hear Ryan talk about the team goalie and his weird quirks that seem to come up after every conversation.
I know they're actually friends and he has a soft spot for the guy, who may or may not be on the neurodiverse spectrum.
And that's not me assuming, the general consensus is that he thinks he is, but never got diagnosed and doesn't want it.
Fair enough to the guy, as long as he continues to be good to my friend.
The conversation is easy and flowing for the next hour, while I reciprocate by catching him up to the progress on my gala and the hiccups I still need to sort out in just a few weeks.
We bounce off ideas and I quickly realize I never want to leave it so long to see my friend again.
Now with wallowing done, I can freak out about actually having to talk to new people in a few days. When did I become an introvert?