Chapter 6 Can’t stop thinking about the sky
Dex
The team is really coming together and we're doing so well with adding portfolios that Richard is talking to me about adding a third to my team.
He does not want to put too much on my plate as a new manager however, and I honestly appreciate him for it.
It would probably rub another man the wrong way, but I have enough confidence in my skills and my relationship with Richard to know he's looking after my best interests.
There is absolutely no reason for him to put up with my surly ass for all these years and invest this much time in one-on-one training if he's not looking at the bigger picture.
Ergo, I'm looking at the bigger picture and focusing on providing the best service to my clients.
Even if they're giant dipshit fuckassess.
Luckily, I have Preston now dealing with all the calls due to his excellent bedside manner and I only have to speak to them for complex issues.
Charlize is still mainly dealing with reports, but she's taking every piece of advice I give her and tries to communicate with the clients more and more.
I could not be more proud of my ducklings, or how they're progressing and building on their strengths.
Not bad for a moody toody (Thanks again, Macy!).
I step out for my morning break and move away from the office.
We've been a team officially for six weeks and I find myself stepping out more and more and trusting them both.
There's no better feeling in the world than to be able to relax and visit an actual coffee shop mid-morning.
It's mid-August, but the heat is not sweltering for once.
There's a mild breeze and a clear sky, shining blue as it stretches to the horizon.
This shade of blue, which makes me think of him again.
The unicorn of a goofball that fell in my lap and just had to be straight.
I had to leave that night before I did something stupid, like stick my tongue down his throat and rub myself on him like a cat in heat.
Never you mind , I got hard from a handshake.
Or that I stayed hard as a steel rod for the next two hours and only managed to calm down after jacking off twice with his name on my lips.
Leon. The Leo. It's so fucking ridiculous I want to cry in exasperation, but all I manage to do is daydream like a nutcase whenever I picture his face.
I need to get over this unreasonable obsession like yesterday, so I'm going out this weekend and getting fucked six ways 'til Sunday.
Yep, that's the plan, a good old dicking to get lion boy out of my head.
I huff a long breath, knowing it doesn't work like that and knowing that I'll probably end up picturing his face on whoever I end up with.
For a split second, I consider trying to find him, but with only his name and a plethora of weird personal information I cannot identify him with, I don't see how I would do it.
Plus, nothing can come from it. So move on it is.
I go into the posh cafe off Madison Square to get my flat white, a dark espresso roast for Charlize because duh, black like her emo soul, and a cinnamon latte for Preston.
Waiting on the side for the barista to call my name, I see a flash of golden blond hair outside the coffee shop and for a second my breath stalls thinking about my unicorn.
Obviously, it was nothing, so I close the Leon window in my mind and move on to the client requirements I have to get through today.
I run through the list in my head, the most important things are to get Preston to call Mrs. Chatman and butter her up, then run through advanced reports with Charlize.
With any luck, we all get off at 6pm for once and enjoy the afternoon.
I haven't taken any vacation days this year, so I am thinking about booking a couple of days to organize my house.
Richard won't be happy if I go another year without taking any days off.
Ever since he got remarried two years ago to Darlene, a hippie wellness lady, he always goes on about work-life balance. As if!
The barista finally gets my drinks ready and I leave a twenty in the tip jar.
I appreciate how hard they have it with minimum wage living in New York and once again send thanks to whatever cosmic entity that allowed me to get a good scholarship and a useful degree that led to my current life.
I worked hard and will not apologise for wanting to be financially stable in my career.
As I walk out with the coffees, I take notice of the sky again and the unusual calm that it conveys within me.
Thinking of Leon has taken far too much time out of my carefully organized and scheduled days.
The whole interaction is still baffling in my head, how someone could look so innocent and pure while being that embarrassed.
I probably would have lashed out at the guy for assuming I was a 'phobe if I were in his shoes.
God knows I almost decked him outside when his big paw enveloped my wrist. His big giant hand that could easily wrap around my neck while the other pulls hard on my d. .. No, this stops now!
The only good thing to come out of this was torturing Macy.
I can remember in clear, vivid detail how the hopeful smile kept slipping off her face the more I recounted my night, while we were talking the next day in the office.
I could tell she was excitedly waiting for me by the elevator when I got off it in the morning and was basically bouncing on her heels like a pixie-puppy before she asked with wide hopeful eyes about my night.
She was quiet for a full minute afterwards, which I believe has happened never in her entire life.
I could have gone for the killing blow and just stopped the story the moment I stormed off from the bar like a toddler throwing a tantrum, but I felt a strong need to vindicate Leon.
While I wanted Macy to feel bad about pushing me into something I didn't want in the first place, I felt sick to my stomach at the thought of her judging Leon on the conversation.
Poor, sweet Leon, who thought it was his fault for the break-up.
I was trying not to judge his ex, but I failed spectacularly and, everytime I think about it, it makes my blood boil.
Who just ups and leaves after five years?
I don't know a lot about relationships, but that has to be poor fucking form.
I would definitely have strong words with this lady if I ever met her, if only for giving my unicorn sad eyes and making him think he's to blame.
So what if he's a little clueless? She had to have realized this in five years of relationship, she had to have understood she needed to spell that shit out.
I have no doubt in my mind a guy that great would have done anything to make her happy.
And I don't even know the guy, for fuck's sake.
So I told Macy about how he ran after me outside and explained himself, but I didn't tell her about the drink we shared after the apology.
I'm keeping that nugget just for myself, to keep me warm at night.
With a chuckle, I step into my office and place the dark roast on Charlize's desk, who just reaches for it without a thank you or even lifting her eyes from the screen. When I turn to hand Peston his coffee however, he splutters and stands straight as a pole.
"Boss, you shouldn't have. I can go get the coffees whenever you feel like one. Please let me know and I will go whenever you want!" He lets out quickly while averting his gaze in embarrassment.
"It's Dex, I told you this many times. And I wanted to enjoy the walk, it's a beautiful day.
Please relax and trust me when I say buying you guys coffee is not that deep.
" Happy with my professional but friendly response, I sit at my desk and get ready to smash my goals for the day, like the winner I am.
Instead of my screen however, my gaze drifts to the large glass window on the side and I admire the view of the skyline from the thirty-fifth floor. Why can't I stop thinking about the fucking sky?
The weekend comes sooner than expected and I know I should think about taking a few days off soon.
While I am able to relax in the office more and more with the excellent team members I was blessed with, my actual working hours have not decreased and new clients keep being added to our lists.
You would think the snobby rich people that comprise our client list would be as stingy with recommendations as they are with their tips, but apparently most, if not all, of our new clients have come via word of mouth.
While I've always been confident in my work and my general knowledge of finance, it's slightly humbling to think these clients are coming on because I did a good job. As in, personally.
I try to act like I wasn't lying to myself when I convinced myself to go out this weekend for a meaningless hook-up and pretend the real reason is the tiredness that is sweeping through my bones.
Going through a mental checklist of what I have to do for the weekend, I realize for once that I have no commitments and could probably get away with working a few hours from home and not going into the office at all this weekend.
It's... good? I feel light and free and I'm not sure I feel comfortable with this.