Chapter 17
Calista Glee
The scent of stainless steel equipment and sanitized surfaces created a metallic tang in the air.
Although the room had been chaotic less than twenty hours ago, it was now eerily quiet and dimly lit, with only the light behind the bed powered on.
The sharp cramps in my lower belly, rawness on my skin from the oversized pad, and thudding from the twelve stitches I’d received didn’t outweigh the pain of my broken heart.
To add salt to the wound, the screams and tears of my sister replayed in my mind like a broken record.
When I thought I couldn’t feel any worse, my mother came hours later and looked at me with enough disappointment to fill the entire floor of labor and delivery here at Jagoda One.
I didn’t know how Blayke’s parents had gotten wind that I had given birth, but they made the drive without even coming inside and forced my bestie to leave.
She was all I had in this moment, and I needed her more than anything.
But she was gone, along with everyone else in my life.
Resting my head against the pillow, my lashes brushed my cheek as I sighed.
My body wasn’t prepared for childbirth. I felt like a fish out of water.
I didn’t know the first thing about caring for a baby, let alone a newborn.
I’d wanted to be a physician, not an obstetrician, gynecologist, or pediatrician.
I had no idea what was next when it came to post-baby care, how to care for my body while it was healing, or how to keep this baby alive.
I hadn’t even known I was pregnant. Sure, I’d been sick off and on since Halloween, but I thought it was stress and seasonal illness.
Georgia’s weather was weird as hell; I was always walking around sneezing and had some kind of cold.
My period had been spotty, but I chalked that up to stress too.
My life changed the moment I fell in love with a boy, only to be heartbroken weeks later.
I couldn’t eat or sleep, and all I did was cry, so of course, I didn’t expect my period to be normal.
I hadn’t gained any weight to signal something was happening, so walking around bump-less was the biggest indicator of me not knowing I was with child.
I’d carried this child for a full thirty-eight weeks and didn’t feel a kick or anything.
I was upset about my predicament, but I was also in shock that this had happened to me.
Leader and I’s meeting wasn’t normal. I’d been added to a group chat with his family when they thought they’d been adding him.
His sister, brother, mother, and I exchanged banter before he was added to the chat.
Upon seeing that I was defending him regarding his family's criticism of his choice in baby mama, he began to call my number. I’d been bored when I sent those responses, but that didn’t stop Leader from calling me.
I didn’t answer, and God must have been playing some sick game with me because later that night, my best friend brought her boyfriend over, who had his brother with him.
They turned out to be the very people I’d been texting in the group chat.
From then on, it was love at first sight with Leader.
My mother and sister sent me to college to get an education.
I had been set up, not wanting for anything.
Thanks to my mother’s weekly deposits and my sister paying me whenever she received a check from being a social media influencer, along with the random groceries and packages she sent, all I had to do was go to class and study.
Leader was everything a girl like me shouldn’t have been interested in.
He was involved with the mother of his son, who, I might add, wasn’t trying to let up off him.
He also sold drugs—not just small bags, but large quantities.
He’d never made it official with me, no matter how much I wanted it.
He didn’t think he had a life outside of the streets.
In Leader’s mind, his future was either death or jail.
He believed he’d more than likely fall in his father’s footsteps, who had been killed when he was a boy, forcing Leader and his brother, Emperor, to grow up too fast. I had no business getting involved with Leader, yet here I was—a patient at Jagoda One hospital who had just pushed out his second child.
The first man who spoiled me, the first boy who spent the night, my first date, my first kiss, my first love—Leader had been my everything.
Still, he didn’t fight for me. He let me walk out of his life, just like his brother let Blayke walk out of his.
My best friend and I knew we were in too deep when our lives went from being college freshmen to two girls who were in love with grown-ass men.
The day everything fell apart was the day Leader’s baby's mother confronted me, showing proof that she was still romantically involved with him and that her best friend had been with Emperor. She literally showed us our men lying in their beds. To make things worse, Blayke found out she was pregnant the same night. My friend knew she couldn’t bring a baby around her Christian parents, so we rented a car and drove to the nearest state for an abortion.
That day, we made a vow to swear off boys and focus on our studies.
I was supposed to be a doctor, and Blayke dreamed of being a nurse.
We were back on track by the end of September, when, in reality, I should have been getting an abortion too.
Knock knock knock
Before I faced the door, I peered at the digital clock next to the TV.
5:59 a.m.
I’d been awake for the last three hours and hadn’t gone back to sleep since the previous nurse checked my vitals.
“Good morning,” the nurse, who was introduced as the pediatric nurse, made her way inside but the dark-skinned beauty wasn’t alone. My chest tightened as she pushed in a transparent hospital bassinet.
When the nurse saw my body tense, she stopped. “If you’re not ready, I can take the baby back to the nursery to chill with me. I don’t mind…”
She smiled warmly at me. She looked to be no older than my sister, and although she was at work, her bundles were flowing down her back gracefully, and her makeup was done flawlessly. The pink scrub set she was wearing featured bows all over the top
“Um, no. It’s… It’s okay.”
She checked my face for reassurance before continuing to push the bassinet in. Once the enclosure was to the right of the bed, my face tightened.
“Baby ate an hour ago, has been changed, and is doing so good with sleeping.”
Keeping my eyes on the nurse, I licked my chapped lips.
My sister had dropped off a bag full of everything I needed around midnight, including nursing pads, a nursing bra, and gowns.
I took a shower as soon as she left, where I wept loudly.
Glow had been my everything since I was a child; she was the best big sister I could ask for and hadn’t even looked my way when she came in.
That hurt. She dropped my bags off, set my food on the tray, and left as soon as she came.
Just thinking about it had me emotional.
Blinking away the tears, I focused on the embarrassing question I needed to ask the nurse.
“Can you come back later, or have someone come later to show me how to feed and change? Maybe even have the lactation specialist come… I know breast milk is the best milk. I want to try, it’s just that I don’t…
I’m a college student, and I know breastfed babies are more attached to their mother and”
“Hey…” The nurse placed her hand on my shoulder, and the weight allowed me to take a breath.
“I’ll show you everything you need to know,” she said.
“And you’re right, breast milk is nutrient-packed for your baby, but formula-feeding is fine too.
Because you want to try, we can start with breastfeeding.
I can help baby latch, then I’ll show you how to use a pump tomorrow before you leave.
You can pump milk and allow your family to feed the baby while you rest.”
She must’ve felt me tense at the mention of family because she paused, then sighed. “Listen, I know this is a lot, but you’ve got this. From what I saw, you have a support system. Your family will come around. They are just shocked.”
A scoff left my mouth quicker than I could stop it, making the nurse giggle.
“Trust me… I’ve seen people fight in these rooms and leave the next day as if nothing had happened the day before.
And that’s with people getting the full ten months to process a baby coming.
That’s technically a year. Your family got none of that you got none of that too, boo.
. It’s been barely a day since you gave birth.
Everyone is dealing with their emotions, and they are allowed that, but I know they love you.
Your sister bringing you all those things…
” She tossed her head at the duffel bags in the corner.
“And your mother calling the nursery every hour on the hour lets me know you’ll be just fine. ”
I lit up at that revelation. I thought my mom had gone back home and was crying just as I had been. She’d always talked about becoming a grandmother, but I knew she didn’t expect me to give her one for at least another fifteen years.
“Let your people process. You can’t dwell on it.
You just gave birth to a healthy baby. You did it.
It may not seem like it now, but this will be the best thing that ever happened to you.
” The nurse looked behind her before taking a seat at the foot of my bed and continuing, “I had my son when I was sixteen. My mama didn’t give a damn about my six-month belly; she beat my ass all through the bathroom after busting in and finding me getting out of the shower. ”
She laughed, but I was sitting in shock.