Chapter 12
“Jay, how’s it going, bud?” Finch appeared, holding out his hand.
The two men went in for a chest bump, and Blue was able to haul in her first full breath.
“So I heard a whisper that you actually work at the Pentagon and on national security, Jay.”
Blue remembered the day she’d seen him step out of that dark Escalade.
“You’re not usually one to listen to rumors, Finch,” Jay said with an easy smile. “How’s life in the military?”
“Good.”
Blue wandered off to the Goodwill store window. She looked at it without really seeing the display June Matilda had created.
“Hello, Blue.”
“Hi, Mrs. C.” The woman used to own the homeware shop before Zoe took over. Blue had known her forever. Just another part of the fabric that made up Lyntacky.
“Now that you’re back, I wondered if I could get your help with something?”
“Sure. What’s up?” Blue said, fighting the urge to look at her brother and Jay.
“I have a special birthday coming up, and we’re having a party.”
“Are you twenty-one again, Mrs. C.?” Blue teased her.
“I wouldn’t want to be that age again, let me tell you, Blue.”
“Amen.”
“I want a dress made from some material that I bought many years ago when me and the late Mr. C—may he rest in peace—visited Paris.”
She could see where this was going, but wasn’t sure how to stop it getting there.
“Would you design me something?”
The woman’s face was so hopeful, she didn’t have the heart to say no.
“I also have that industrial machine still stored at Angel’s that Zoe’s always telling me to sell. So maybe you could make it for me too. I’d pay you.”
Her instinct was screaming no, but instead, she found herself saying yes.
“Oh, now, that’s just wonderful. Thank you, Blue. You’ve made my day.”
She was hugged, and then Mrs. C. headed off down the road before she could stop her.
“Ready?” Finch called to her.
Her head was all over the place, and her hands were shaking. I can’t be pregnant, can I?
“See you around, Blue,” Jay said as she passed him.
“Yeah, see you, Jay.” She couldn’t meet his eyes. She climbed into the passenger seat, clutching the bag in her lap. Would the next time she saw Jay be when she told him he was going to be a father?
No, don’t go there. Just do the test, and then you’ll see that you’re not pregnant.
The internal dialogue going on inside her head was making it hurt.
“So what’s really going on with you?”
“Mrs. C. just asked me to design her a dress and sew it.”
“Okay, that has to unsettle anyone, but that’s not what I’m talking about, and you know it.”
She burst into tears.
“What the fuck, Blue,” Finch said as they drove out off the main street.
Blue covered her face with her hands.
“Hey, you can talk to me. Big brother, remember. What’s going on, Blue Jay?”
That made her want to cry harder. Instead, she sniffed loudly and attempted to get herself under control. “N-nothing.”
Finch snorted. “Right, you crying is nothing. You almost never cry, and when you do, it’s always serious, unlike Birdie, who I used to be able to make cry by just looking at her the wrong way.”
She rested her head back on the seat and sighed. Blue had never felt this tired before. Had the signs been there for a few weeks? The need to sleep and being cranky. Did pregnant women get cranky? Birdie would know—
I am not pregnant.
The thought that she and Jay had made a baby made her feel a mix of emotions, but the primary one was absolute fear.
“Blue,” Finch said, touching her hand gently. “What’s going on? Maybe I can help.”
“Y-you can’t,” she whispered.
“How do you know?”
She shot him a look and noted that his jaw was clenched. “Because I do,” she whispered.
They pulled into the drive minutes later, and Blue got out. She carried the pharmacy supplies inside with her brother silently following, then headed for the bathroom.
“Blue—”
“I’m showering,” she called through the door. “You make the coffee.”
Finch grunted something and left. Blue then opened the kit with fingers that shook, and read the instructions carefully.
“Please, please, don’t let me be pregnant,” she whispered to any higher power who may, on the off chance, be listening.
She then performed each step of the instructions and set the stick on the countertop. Rather than staring at it, Blue took a shower. After drying and pulling on her clothes, she then applied face cream and brushed her hair. If her life was about to implode, she wanted to at least be clothed for it.
“You can do this,” Blue whispered, shaking her hands a few times. She then stepped closer and looked at the stick.
There was no doubting the result. She was pregnant. She stepped to the wall, braced her back against it, and slid down, wrapping her arms around her legs.
She was pregnant and carrying Jay Haddon’s baby.
A fist pounding on the door was followed by “Coffee’s ready.”
“Coming,” Blue managed to wheeze out, climbing to her feet. She put the test back in the box and took it to her room, where she hid it in the bedside table, to be disposed of later.
“I’m out here!” Her brother called from the back deck when she’d reached the kitchen.
Picking up her coffee, she headed to join him. Finch was sitting on the edge of the deck, looking out at the gardens. Every inch was covered in something: chickens, fruit trees, rows of vegetables and herbs.
“Bring it here if you want me to throw it, Sage,” he was saying to one of the dogs.
It obediently trotted up and spat the tennis ball at his feet. He picked it up and hurled it, which sent both dogs in pursuit. They barked and ran into each other in their excitement to reach it.
“Sit,” Finch said, his voice gruff.
He didn’t do well with emotion, which she guessed was possibly part of the reason he was good at his job. Finch had always loathed it when anyone in his family or friend group was hurt or crying.
She lowered herself onto the deck beside him. Her body had been feeling different lately, but she’d put it down to the changes in her life. Turned out, not so much—she was pregnant. How the hell was she meant to wrap her head around that? Further to that, what was she going to do about it?
“I get you lost your job because of those assfaces at your work. Still not happy you walked away without fighting, just FYI, but we’ll shelve that for later. Right now I want to know what else is going on with you.”
Blue had always been open with her family—well, at least when she was here in Lyntacky. They had no idea what she got up to in New York. Not that she was a rule breaker, but still, there were just some things you never told your siblings unless you wanted a lecture.
Turned out nothing was as bad as what she’d just learned.
“Blue, talk to me.” Finch angled so he was facing her now. Worry was etched in the lines of a face so familiar to her, she knew it better than her own.
“I don’t want to tell you,” she said softly.
“But you will.”
She sighed again.
“Say it fast, like we used to when we were kids.”
“I just found out—right now, in fact—that I’m pregnant.”
He clearly hadn’t been expecting that because his mouth fell open. Blue sipped her coffee. Was coffee okay to drink while pregnant?
“Breathe, Finch, before you pass out. I thought you army types were the tough ones,” Blue muttered.
“Who is the father?” were the first words out of his mouth.
She threw him a look that said exactly what she was thinking. No way in hell was she telling him that.
“Tell me, Blue Jay.”
“No.”
He then whistled slowly. “I never thought I’d hear those words come out of your mouth until you were in a steady relationship and ready. Like me, your career always came first.”
“As you can imagine, I’m in shock too.”
He turned then, and they both stared out at the garden. Long minutes passed before Finch spoke again.
“I’m here for you in any capacity you need me to be. You know that, right?”
“Th-thank you.” Blue forced back the tears.
“How many months are you?”
Blue remembered vividly the day she’d slept with Jay Haddon because it was the day she’d also walked out on her job. “Fourteen weeks.”
“And you only realized that today? I mean—”
“I have polycystic ovary syndrome, so I’m not regular each month.”
“Okay.”
“Due to that, I didn’t think I’d get pregnant easily when the time came,” she added.
“Clearly, you were wrong.”
He didn’t freak out because she was talking about things like this. In the McAllister household, everything was discussed openly and in depth and had been since they were old enough to understand.
“So what now?”
“Honestly, I have no idea.” Her head was still reeling from the news. She was pregnant and jobless.
“I’ll support you—”
“Absolutely not. I can look after myself and any kid that comes along.”
“Are you with the guy, or—” He pinched the bridge of his nose, looking like he was battling with something before he added, “was it a one-time thing?”
“You don’t have one-time things?” Blue demanded.
“We’re not talking about me,” he gritted out.
“Is this man important to you, Blue?”
He’d spaced out the words for effect. She could imagine him doing that in front of those he was in charge of.
“I’m not getting into the details about this.”
“Of course we’re getting into the details,” her brother snapped back. “The details are important when one day soon there will be another human to think about!”
“Don’t raise your voice at me, Finch. I didn’t have to tell you.”
“So what—you were going to hide your stomach and then the child for the rest of its life from us?”
“Shut up. I just found out, so cut me a break here. I have no idea what I’m going to do.”
“Will you tell the father, and will he want to be part of your lives?”
“I’m not telling you his name yet, Finch.”
She felt his eyes on the side of her face.
“You said I’m not telling you his name yet. Does that mean that when you do, I’ll already know him?”
“You got that from my words?” She needed to be very careful going forward because her family and friends would sniff out the truth if she gave them a chance.
She would have to tell Jay soon. There was no getting around that fact because Finch was right, she was carrying a baby, and soon everyone would know.
“Are you going to stay in Lyntacky?”
“I just found out, Finch. How the hell do I know what I’m going to do?”
“All right, no need to get testy.”
She glared at him. “I think if there was a time to get testy, now would be it, don’t you?”
“Hello, we’re back!”
“I’m not ready for them to know,” Blue said quickly.
“Mom will know because she can tell if something’s off with us just by looking,” Finch said.
“I’m making breakfast,” Meadow McAllister said, breezing out the door toward them. “Isn’t it wonderful that Finch came home this morning? Two more of my babies back in the nest.”
She wore a lemon-and-white kaftan, and Blue knew there was nothing under it. Her parents would wander around naked if they thought they could get away with it.
Both gray now, they still looked young and healthy, for all that their father was in remission from skin cancer. They never ate anything processed and did yoga and meditation daily.
“Breakfast sounds good, thanks, Mom,” Blue said. “Need a hand?”
“No, Hamish will help.” Her mom had been about to walk back inside when she stopped and stared at Blue. “What’s wrong?”
Finch snorted.
“Nothing’s wrong, Mom, I promise. Can we have blueberry pancakes?”
Blue fought the need to turn away and instead held her mother’s eyes.
“You’re not telling me something, Blue Jay McAllister, but I’ll get it out of you.” She turned back and walked inside.
“You”—she pointed at her brother— “shut up.”
He grabbed her and hauled her close for a hug, his chin running over the top of her head. “It’s going to be okay, Blue. We’ll get through it. You’re not alone.”
“I can’t believe this is happening to me. I have always been so careful. I wanted to be a world-renowned fashion designer. I had so many plans, and now…”
“They don’t have to change because you have a kid, Blue. They’ll just need to be put on a hold for a bit. Mothers run the world. No reason you can’t fulfill all your dreams.”
“I love you, even if you are really annoying and far too comfortable giving orders.”
“Back at you,” he said, holding her tight.
She felt a wave of panic crash over her then, even while resting on her brother’s solid chest.
Life for her was about to change beyond recognition, no matter who supported her. From this day onward, it would be entwined with Jay Haddon’s.
He was her child’s father and, she knew, a good man, which to her meant he would want to play a part in its life.
Digging through her memory, she tried and failed to find any single moment where he’d done something to annoy her. Which said what about him? Only that you know nothing about him and have no idea, really, of his character.
“Food’s ready!” their mother called through the open doorway.
“I don’t want to tell them now, Finch. I have to speak with the father first,” Blue said.
“That’s a phone call I’d like to listen in on. Hell of a shock for the guy.”
Blue didn’t add anything to that, since, in fact, she wouldn’t be making a phone call because she didn’t have Jay Haddon’s phone number, but more importantly, he deserved to be told to his face.
The thought made her stomach roll, or was that the baby? Dear God, she was going to be a mother, and, as far as Blue was concerned, she was likely the least qualified person she knew to fulfil that position right now.