Chapter 19
“You’ve got a visitor.”
Jay looked up at the Sheriff of Lyntacky’s words, and suddenly tension filled the air.
Blue stood just outside the open door, one hand braced on the frame as if the building itself were the only thing keeping her upright. Her eyes went to his face. To his jaw.
“I’m so sorry,” she rushed out, stepping inside the cell before anyone could stop her. “I saw Lynx’s knuckles. I knew—” Her voice cracked. “They promised me they wouldn’t.”
Jay was on his feet in seconds. “It’s okay,” he said quickly. “I’m fine, Blue.”
She looked exhausted in a way that had nothing to do with sleep. The kind of tired that sank into the bones.
Asher was already moving, giving her a quick hug before Jay could reach her. He then stepped back out the door and shut it with a soft, decisive click.
Too soft. The sound echoed anyway.
Blue’s composure collapsed the second they were alone.
Her breath hitched, then broke entirely. Putting her face in her hands, she cried, and something inside Jay cracked. He hated seeing her vulnerable.
“Hey,” he said gently, reaching for her. “Hey—come here.”
He guided her to the bed, then eased her down beside him. The mattress creaked under their combined weight, the small space forcing closeness. He then took her in his arms and hugged her, and the shock was, she let him.
“I’m okay,” he repeated, quieter this time. “I promise. Dan has hit me harder than your brother did.”
She leaned back, wiping her cheeks with the sleeve of her denim shirt. “It’s the hormones,” she said weakly. “Apparently they surge. My mother explained it—something about brain chemistry and emotional regulation.”
Jay huffed a soft, startled laugh. “That sounds… terrifying.”
She let out a shaky breath that was almost a laugh, then covered her face again. “I did this to you,” she whispered. “You didn’t deserve—”
“No,” Jay said firmly. He lifted her chin, forcing her to look at him. “You did nothing to me. Don’t ever think that, and I’ll be honest and say, if I had a sister, I’d probably behave the same. I mean, Zoe has always been important to me, but she has her brothers, and no one messes with them.”
That made her snuffle as she searched his face as if looking for a lie. He was very good at hiding his thoughts, but he didn’t. Not now.
The truth sat heavy in his chest. What he didn’t say was that violence didn’t scare him. Failure did.
He’d survived things far worse than a couple of idiots with fists. But the thought of having Blue and a vulnerable child to protect knotted his stomach in a way no physical threat ever had.
“I need to get out of the house and find a place on my own—I’m just not sure where. But I do know I can’t live with my brothers and my parents. Lynx and Finch are overprotective idiots, and my mother is smothering.”
“You could move in with me. I have a big house with lots of room and just me living in it.”
Blue stared at him as if she’d just noticed he had a second nose.
“I’m clean and house-trained. Plus, I cook,” Jay added, wondering if he’d lost his mind, offering her a place to stay. She’s the mother of your child, idiot. Of course it’s not wrong.
“I couldn’t move in with you, Jay.”
“Why?”
“Well… ah, we don’t know each other, for one.”
“You’re carrying my child, Blue. If you need a place to stay that’s quiet and offers you the space you need to get through, then why not take it?”
Could he live with her? Jay had offered, but the truth was, since leaving his aunt’s house, he’d never lived with anyone. He’d always told himself he didn’t want to share his own space.
“I-I don’t think so,” she murmured.
“Okay, well, the offer is there, for however long, if you need it.”
“Everything has turned on its head, Jay,” she admitted. “I quit my job. I don’t know how long I can work. I don’t know what I’m supposed to need or when—”
Jay squeezed her hands. “We’ll figure it out.”
Her brows pulled together. “Jay—”
“I mean it,” he said. “Plans are just problems waiting to be solved.”
That earned him a small, watery smile. She was still too pale for his liking, but the smile was good.
“You sound like you’re negotiating a contract,” Blue said.
“Force of habit. You feeling okay?” he asked.
“The nausea is weird. It just happens like, oh, let’s hit her with it now when she’s not expecting it,” Blue said.
Jay dug into the pocket of his shorts and pulled out the small bag he’d tucked in there, for no other reason than he felt he should, and handed it to her. “They may be a bit crushed.”
“Wh-why are you carrying saltines in your pocket?” Blue whispered, clutching the bag.
“I told you, I like to be prepared.”
“So you carry saltines?”
He nodded, not wanting to tell her he’d carried them just in case he ran into her and she needed them.
She studied him then—really studied him. “Thank you.”
“Welcome,” he said. His throat felt suddenly tight.
“Are you scared, Jay?”
He didn’t deny it. “Yes. Are you?”
She nodded.
They sat there like that, knees touching, breath syncing. The quiet settled between them, heavy with everything unsaid. And then she crunched on a cracker, and he found a smile.
Jay rested a hand over hers, feeling the warmth beneath her skin as thoughts of an uncertain future whirled inside his head. For the first time in many years, he wasn’t in control, and for someone who’d been unable to control his past, that was terrifying.
“So what went down at home?” Jay asked.
“Mom was in the middle of a lesson in making baby food so we don’t buy processed crap, her words not mine, and they walked in.”
“You’re already having lessons on making baby food?” Jay asked her. “I feel like I should be in on that.”
“Why?”
She didn’t ask to be rude or hurt him. It was a genuine question. Jay could see that, but it still annoyed him. He wasn’t allowing her to shut him out of any part of this.
“Because I want to be able to feed the baby what you do,” he said patiently.
She studied him, eyes intent as they ran over his face. He withstood it and waited for what would come out of her mouth next.
Everything between them was different now, and not just because of the baby. He knew this woman as intimately as she knew him. That changed things.
“It’s like you’re two different men,” she finally said. “The scruffy look you have when you’re in Lyntacky—”
“Not always scruffy. I tidy up occasionally,” he protested.
“And the businessman I saw step out of that Escalade with a briefcase. I wonder which one is the real Jay Haddon,” she said.
“Both. I live two lives, and they’re completely different.” He’d been more honest with her than he had with anyone else, and now he thought that was important. “We’re going to get through this, Blue. Together,” he added.
She nodded.
“Are you getting morning sickness? Because you must be close to your second trimester now. The first one is the important one. Did you know that about 95 percent of their core development happens in the first three months? Things should settle down for you in the second one—”
“Have you been reading up on pregnancy, Jay?” She had a small smile on her lips.
“Just because I can’t carry a baby doesn’t mean I don’t want to know what’s going on.”
“Good. Because I’ve read books, too, and nothing is sticking at the moment, which is likely because I’m freaking out—and the hormones thing.”
“Ask me anything,” he said dryly, tapping his forehead. “It’s all in here. One of my strengths is that I don’t forget things.”
“Nothing at all?”
He shook his head.
“What did you get for your fifth birthday?” she teased him.
“Nothing.” He didn’t say it for effect. It was just the truth.
“No party or presents?”
He shook his head.
“Ever?”
“It’s okay, Blue. The Dukes made up for it when they came into my life.”
“I’m sorry.”
She patted the hand he had on his thigh. Jay turned it over and slid her fingers between his.
“So exactly what did your parents say when you told them?” Jay asked.
“You know my parents, right? Not much makes them angry except pesticides that aren’t organic, and people who murder animals to feed themselves. Okay,” she then added, “there’s the recycling and waste thing, and I’ll tell you right now, Jay, you do not want to get into that with them.”
He snorted.
“Mom is being awesome. Dad looks confused, and worried, because he knows I haven’t lived in Lyntacky for a long time, and he’s sure I won’t cope away from here with a baby.
My brothers are assholes, so there’s that.
Birdie is Birdie, flitting in and out with little gems of information she thinks I need.
And there is a lot of hugging on her part. ”
“I’m glad you have support.”
“What about you? Do you have support?”
He nodded. “I have the Dukes, and once everyone in town knows, which is possibly already a done deal, then I’ll get some more.”
“I don’t know where to go from here, Jay,” Blue said honestly.
“I guess the old saying really fits at a time like this,” he said softly as he ran his thumb over the top of her hand. Smooth, he thought.
“What saying?”
“Small steps. We deal with this one day at a time. I know I’ve already said this to you, Blue, but I want in from the start.”
“It’s been brought to my attention that I need to let you go,” Dan said, walking into the room again. His eyes went to their joined hands, but he didn’t comment.
Blue tugged hers free.
“By whom?” Jay asked, helping Blue off the bed.
“I can get off a bed, Jay,” she protested.
“Just being gentlemanly. No need to get bent out of shape. Manners are important,” Jay added before she could speak. “If we’re going to co-parent a child, then I guess that’s something we’ll have to teach it.”
“I should probably warn you right off, Blue, seeing as I know him better than most people,” Dan said, nodding to Jay.
“Besides his annoying intellect, there is the need to be right and have an answer for any situation. I find the best response is silence. He hates that. If that doesn’t work, a good elbow to the ribs. ”
“Fuck you, Duke,” Jay snapped.
“Now, now, Jay, you shouldn’t swear. All those things you’ve read surely told you the baby can hear everything you’re saying.”
“That’s not until about twenty-three weeks, shithead,” Jay said.
“And my point is made,” Dan said with a wide grin.
“You’ll get yours, Double D,” Jay muttered, stepping out of the cell behind Blue.
“So what now, kids?” Dan was suddenly serious. “I’m here in any capacity that either of you needs me.”
“Have you seen Dr. Hannah yet?” Jay asked, looking at Blue.
She shook her head. Blue knew she needed to but couldn’t face it yet.
“Right then, let’s go there now,” Jay decided.
“People think he’s the chill guy, but the truth is, he’s far from it,” Dan said from behind them. “Just make sure you say no to him occasionally, Blue. It’s healthy!”
“I’m not just walking into the doctor’s, Jay,” Blue said, tugging her hand free when they were outside. “I’ll make an appointment.”
“Okay, sorry. I just like to get things done.”
“Right now I need to find those three people who came into the police station before they actually locate my house and meet my parents,” Blue said. “And you need to go home and ice that face, Jay.”
“Do you think they are from the place you worked in New York?”
“I know they are,” Blue said.
“All right, and thanks for coming to rescue me.”
That made her snort.
“Remember my offer, Blue,” he said. “I have a spare room if you need it.”
She didn’t answer, just nodded.
Jay studied the beautiful woman before him. He’d seen many versions of Blue Jay McAllister, but this one, the slightly ungroomed, off-balance Blue, tugged at something in his chest, but it was way too soon to examine what, even though he’d been doing just that for days.
He watched her walk away from him and climb into her father’s van. Then she raised a hand as she drove away.
That woman is carrying my child, he thought. He still wasn’t sure how he felt about the entire situation, but one thing he knew for sure was that their baby would know he loved it.