Chapter 28
When Dan walked into Jay’s office and fell into the chair across from his desk, he could tell by the look on his face, his friend had something on his mind.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” he replied.
“You making me a coffee or what? I just got a shot in the arm from Dr. Hannah, and it hurt like hell. They don’t give out lollypops anymore either.”
“You know you’re an adult now, right?” Jay said, going to the coffee machine he had in here.
“Whatever. I saw your girl in there.”
He hoped he didn’t visibly tense when he heard the words “your girl,” but every muscle in Jay’s body tightened. “Nice.” He didn’t ask how she was, but he wanted to.
Blue had tried to speak with him about his half sister, and he’d shut her down, and then he’d done what he did best: froze her out.
“At the doctor’s.”
“What’s wrong with you?” he asked Dan as coffee spurted out of the machine.
“Nothing is wrong with me. I needed my shots. Hudson has to have some, but he was sick, and scared, so I told him I’d go first, and show him it didn’t hurt.”
“You need another rabies shot?” Jay asked, falling back on the other thing he did best: mess with his friend.
“Ha ha. No, I didn’t, and yes it burns like a bitch. My arm is throbbing, but when I get home, I have to pretend it doesn’t.”
“Need an ice pack?”
Dan waved his offer away and took the mug Jay handed him.
“So what’s been happening with you?” Dan asked him.
The words put him on alert. “You saw me yesterday.”
“With my brothers,” Dan said calmly, his eyes meeting Jay’s. “I didn’t get a chance to really talk to you.”
“What did you want to really talk about?” Jay asked, then sipped his coffee.
Was it a coincidence that his best friend was at the doctor’s with Blue Jay and suddenly wanted to get really chatty with him? Jay didn’t think it likely.
“Are you going to make things work with Blue, Jay?”
He shrugged, keeping his eyes on his friend.
“Let me rephrase that. Are you going to carry on with your phobia of commitment and continue keeping women at a distance because you think they’re going to hurt you like your mother did?”
Dan wasn’t smiling now. The words were chosen to hit home, and they did.
“You don’t know shit all about how I grew up,” Jay snapped back, losing his cool, something he never did.
“Why don’t you tell me, then… finally.”
“You know some.”
“I know you never talk about your worthless parents. Then there’s your aunt you were shipped to live with, and I remember how no one ever went to your house. No one was close to or knew your aunt well either. Those that did said she was a bitch.”
“Dan—”
“Was she your mother’s sister?|”
He could nod to that.
“And?”
Something inside him flipped then. It was fast and fierce, and Jay embraced the wash of heat as it traveled through his veins as he thought about the uncertainty with Blue and the fact that he had a half sister called Hazel. Suddenly the control he’d been holding too tight snapped.
Jay stood and braced his hands on the desk.
“My father used to drink and hit us, and my mother was a drug addict who paid for her addiction with sex. Sex that happened in the room next to mine. Then, when child services decided she wasn’t a good mother, I was sent to live with her sister, who hated her and transferred that hate to me, and basically only took me in for the money she got.
” The words came out growled. “Happy now you know it all?”
He dropped back down in his seat, suddenly exhausted. Fucking emotions. This was why he’d always avoided them.
“I’m sure I don’t know it all, and I’m certainly not happy you suffered in any way, because you’re one of the people I love, but I’m pleased you are finally opening up to me,” Dan said calmly.
“Typical Duke, pulling out the love card,” Jay said, sounding disgusted, even though inside, he had that warm feeling again.
“You are my brother in every way. We just don’t share the same blood.”
Which was part of his problem, Jay thought. Now that he knew there was someone out there who he had a blood connection with, it was driving him crazy. For so long, it had just been her—his egg donor. But no longer.
They drank their coffee in silence for a few minutes while Jay calmed down and Dan formed his next set of questions. Jay knew this man better than he knew anyone, and he wouldn’t give up now that he had an opening.
“So is your mom still alive?”
“Yes, I believe so.”
“When did you last speak to her?” Dan asked.
“It was just before I came here.”
Dan whistled. “I’m adding her to my list.”
“The people you hate list?”
Dan nodded.
“I’d be grateful,” Jay added.
“Now, about Blue. What’s the deal with you two?”
“We’re having a baby, Dan,” Jay drawled.
“Got that part and the fact that you did the horizontal thing in New York.”
“Sex,” Jay said.
“Right, that. So what now for you two? Because from where I’m sitting, across from you, I think you may be a bit gone for that girl, and I believe she feels the same.”
Did Blue really care about him? The unloved boy he’d been didn’t dare to hope.
“I’m not talking to you about this, Dan. It’s between me and Blue.”
“Okay, let’s move onto something else then. When I walked into the clinic, she was on her phone. She dropped it when I asked what she was muttering about. I picked it up and saw the woman on the screen,” Dan said.
“Who was on the screen?”
Dan studied him for several seconds. “Your half sister.”
“She told you about that?” Jay felt a stab of pain at her betrayal. That was their secret, and he hadn’t wanted anyone else to know about it, not even his oldest friend.
“I asked who it was, and she’s not a liar, so she said she couldn’t tell me. But I got it out of her. You should have been the one to tell me, Jay.”
“I didn’t want anyone to know!” The words exploded out of him. “This is my business, Dan, not Lyntacky’s. I don’t even know if I want to make contact with her, and now suddenly two people know.”
“And you think we’d tell anyone?” Now Dan was mad. His jaw clenched as he carefully lowered his mug onto Jay’s desk before rising to his feet.
“You don’t keep secrets from your family,” Jay snapped.
“You are my family!”
“I’m not your blood.”
“That means shit to us!” Dan was roaring now. “You’re family.”
“Spoken like a man who has ten blood relatives within five minutes of where you’re standing right now,” Jay said. “You don’t understand this, Dan—none of it. You’ve been surrounded by love your entire life. Surrounded by people who have your back even when you’re a dickhead.”
“And all those people are there for you.”
Jay knew the signs when Dan was reaching boiling point because he’d pushed him there often enough. He saw the muscle pulse in his neck, along with the slight flare of his nostrils.
His phone rang, and the ring tone had Jay reaching for it. “I have to take this, and it will be a long call, so I need you to leave.”
“We are nowhere near done with this conversation, Jay.”
“No, we’re definitely done,” Jay argued, wondering if he’d damaged his friendship with the man he did—in all honesty—love like a brother.
“We are not done, we’re just done for now. I’m coming back later, and we are talking,” Dan said.
Jay didn’t answer. They shared a look, and then Dan left, and Jay reached for his phone. After taking the call, he finished up in his office and walked back inside to pack.
His heart felt heavy and his head all over the place, not good conditions when he needed to do what he was about to, but Jay was good at shutting out the things that hurt him and focusing.
He was coming back downstairs when Blue arrived home.
“Where are you going?” she asked, noting he was carrying his overnight bag.
“You told Dan about my half sister.” He’d told himself to leave it until he returned, but Jay wasn’t feeling rational at the moment. He felt raw and exposed.
“Listen to me, Jay, Let me explain,” she said, coming closer.
He held up a hand. “I told you I didn’t want to find her yet. Told you not to tell anyone, and you betrayed the trust I placed in you.”
He watched the color literally drain from her face at his words, but Jay was past caring.
“I-it happened, because he saw—”
“Don’t bother explaining, I don’t want to hear it.” His skin felt tight and his head weird. He needed to get out of here before he said something he couldn’t take back.
“Jay, just talk to me,” she pleaded. “I think making contact with your half sister will help you deal with some of the trauma you still carry. Maybe you and she—”
“Stop, Blue.”
“Why can’t you talk about this with me? I care for you, Jay. I want to support and be there to help you while you work through this.”
It was the word “care” that stopped him as he walked by her to the door. He turned, almost like it was someone else doing it, and he knew what he was going to say but couldn’t stop himself.
“No. If you cared, you wouldn’t have done what you did. I don’t need someone in my life I can’t trust.”
“That’s not fair, Jay.”
He saw the tears in her eyes but didn’t stop, just walked out the door, got into his car, and drove out of town.
After reaching the airfield, he was on the private jet waiting for him in under twenty minutes, flying away from Lyntacky and the woman he was fairly sure he loved.
The woman he’d just pushed away because that was what he always did when he felt threatened or someone got too close.