13. Chapter 13
Chapter 13
Ever since David had eaten her like his favorite dessert, all Paige could think about was returning the favor.
She thought about it when she was buying groceries, doing her laundry, and paying her bills. She thought about it when she was driving, reading a book, and trying to watch a movie on Netflix.
She would’ve thought about it while masturbating if that had been allowed, but it wasn’t, so she didn’t.
And she probably shouldn’t have been thinking about it one day while at work because that would likely be frowned upon by her boss, but she did anyway. She was so engrossed that it took the sound of a throat being repeatedly cleared to snap her out of it.
Her assistant, Andrea, was standing in the doorway. On an average day her ‘hot version’ resemblance to Edna Mode from The Incredibles was strong, because of her dark, blunt-cut hairstyle and black-framed glasses. However, because of the navy shift dress she was wearing that day, the resemblance was uncanny.
“Are you okay?” Andrea asked, with an almost concerned expression on her face.
“I’m fine,” Paige said, then quickly asked, “How long have you been standing there?”
Andrea glanced at her watch. “Three minutes.”
“You’ve been watching me for three minutes? That’s super creepy.”
“What’s super creepy, is that you only blinked about ten times. What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing? That’s the way you’re going to play it? You were catatonic.”
“I wasn’t catatonic. I was just ... I have a few things on my mind, that’s all.”
Clearly not buying the explanation, Andrea gave Paige a dubious look, then turned to leave. At the door, she glanced back, making her hair swing and said, “By the way, a package was just delivered for you.”
“What kind of package?”
“A big one.”
Paige got up and followed Andrea over to the reception desk, stopping at the sight of a very large box with the Amazon logo on it. The return address was simply that of a fulfillment center, but she knew it had to be from David and the last time he’d sent her something at work, it had been six bags of Hershey’s kisses to commemorate their first make-out session. For a moment she frowned, wondering if this was going to be something to commemorate their first oral sex session and it if was, what could it possibly be? A sculpture of a man going down on a woman?
Regardless, she didn’t want to find out the contents in front of Andrea, so with her help the box was carried into Paige’s office. Then, when she was alone, Paige grabbed a box cutter and opened the top flaps to reveal a mountain of packing peanuts. Slightly curious and more than a little bit nervous, she dug through the Styrofoam pieces, sending them everywhere, until her hands touched something metal.
Something that felt like ... a lamp. Wait, make that two lamps.
She almost sighed with relief, because this was obviously going to be about the replacement of her lamps, rather than their oral sex session. And since David had given her so much shit about the ugly antique lamps, she knew these would be really nice.
Almost like a kid at Christmas, Paige pulled the lamps out of the box and set them on her desk, only to stare at them in silence.
They were about eighteen inches tall, and the main body of each lamp was a bronze sculpture of a mermaid. She ‘sat’ on the round base, with her scaled tail curling around to the back, her fin flipping up in the air. Her back was pressed against the lamp’s pipe and her arms were extended above her head, hands gripping the pipe and making her look like she was pole dancing a little bit … if mermaids could pole dance. She seemed to have been modeled after a Kardashian, with long, flowing hair, wide hips, an extremely narrow waist, and show-stopping boobs topped with pointed nipples that would’ve made a real mermaid sink straight to the bottom of the ocean.
Paige actually thought the lamps were worse than a sculpture of a man going down on a woman. At least that could’ve been considered ‘art’.
There was a knock at Paige’s door, which was almost immediately opened a few inches so Andrea could stick her head in. “Your 2 p.m. appointment is here a few minutes early, so I …” she trailed off, seeing the lamps on the desk.
“Andrea, we’ve talked about knocking,” Paige scolded, quickly trying to block the lamps with her body, as if that could make Andrea un-see them, but unable to.
Seemingly with great difficulty, Andrea tore her eyes away from the lamps to turn her attention to Paige. “I did knock.”
“Okay, well, you need to give me time to say, ‘Come in,’ before you actually come in.”
Andrea’s eyes behind her glasses shifted to the abominations once again. “Those are interesting lamps,” she said slowly. “They are lamps, right?”
“Yes, they are.”
Andrea took a few steps over to the desk as if needing a closer look. “They’re very unique. With an unusual amount of detail.”
Paige inwardly groaned. Were they really having this conversation? Apparently they were. “Yes, the attention to detail is very … unusual.”
“The person who made these is obviously a talented craftsman.”
It was now clear to Paige that Andrea really liked the damn things, which shouldn’t have come as a surprise, since she was of the opinion that Ed Sheeran was hot. Struggling to come up with a response to the ‘talented craftsman’ comment, Paige ended up only managing a neutral, “Mmm hmm,” while praying for a phone to ring somewhere so Andrea would have to leave Paige’s office and answer it.
“I can see why the design caught your eye,” Andrea continued, clearly thinking Paige had bought them. Unfortunately, Andrea couldn’t be told who was really behind the purchase, because that would lead to a million questions Paige didn’t want to answer.
“They are eye-catching,” Paige agreed, being completely truthful, looking at one of the lamps and imagining the various ways David could die for this. Or at the very least, have to explain to an ER doctor why he had a mermaid lamp shoved up his ass.
“And a definite conversation starter,” Andrea mused. “Where are you going to put them?”
Paige almost snorted. Honestly, if she thought she could get away with it, the only place she’d put these lamps would be back in the box and sent back to Amazon.