59. Chapter 59
Chapter 59
As David walked to his car, heart pounding with adrenaline, he pulled the red jasper worry stone out of his pocket and tossed it in the air, catching it with a smile.
He knew it wasn’t completely over. He and Ashley would still have to appear in court to sign the new custody agreement (which needed to be drafted by the lawyer he needed to hire), but to him it felt over.
At Valerie’s house, he found Jacob asleep on the couch, with Valerie curled up beside him. There was an empty glass of wine on the coffee table, and a book boasting a Highlander with a flowing mane of ginger hair wearing nothing but a plaid kilt on the cover, that she was obviously too stressed to read.
“He fell asleep about fifteen minutes ago,” she said softly, so as to not awaken Jacob, although his ability to sleep like the dead made it unnecessary.
Nodding, David took a seat in the chair closest to his mom. “Good.”
“So, how did it go?” she asked, her expression a mixture of cautious optimism and dread.
He quickly gave her the details of the meeting, including the outcome.
“Sole custody,” she murmured.
“Yes.”
“Do you think there’s any chance she’ll back out before signing the papers?”
“No. Her main concern is keeping her boyfriend safe.”
“What if they break up before you get to court, and she no longer cares about him, and you lose your leverage?”
“I’ll still have the threat of taking her to court as leverage, and she won’t want to go through that,” he assured her. “But honestly, Mom, she’s really into this prick, so I don’t see them splitting before I can get the papers signed. That being said, though, I’m going to get it done as fast as possible.”
“Okay,” she said, then gave him a sad smile. “I’m glad you got through that.”
“Me, too. You know, the worst part was realizing she didn’t think anything Liam did was really wrong. Which means, if and when she found out what he was doing on her own, she probably wouldn’t have intervened, or stopped him from doing it anymore.”
“Yeah, that’s troubling to think about.”
Valerie released a little sniffle, and then, as if an emotional dam had broken, started crying. A little shocked at the sudden outburst, David joined her on the couch and pulled her into a hug. “Mom, don’t.”
“I can’t help it.” Her voice was clogged with tears. “I’m just so happy.”
He held her while she got it all out, and when she was finally done, she whispered, “It’s a good day.”
“Yes, it is.”
“So what happens next with Jacob? How do you explain to him what’s happening?”
“Lauren and I talked about that, and she suggested having a joint session with Jacob and me after the court date to explain what’s going on, and if necessary, she’ll have extra sessions to help him deal with any emotional issues he might have going forward. Lauren said even though his relationship with Ashley wasn’t very good, he might still feel a sense of abandonment, or worse, think any of this is his fault.”
“Okay, good.” Valerie nodded her head a few times, then wiped at her eyes again before changing the subject. “So, I imagine Paige was happy with the outcome as well?”
“I haven’t actually told her yet,” he said after a brief pause.
“Why not?”
“Because I came straight here.”
Valerie looked at him for a long, uncomfortable moment, bringing on the urge to fidget. “Has something happened between you and Paige? Since all of this happened?” she asked. When he didn’t answer right away, she bluntly demanded, “What’s going on?”
Haltingly and reluctantly, David told her about the moment in Lauren’s office, when it had occurred to him that most of the time he’d spent with Paige had been when Jacob was at Ashley’s being abused. “And from that moment on,” he told her, “all I’ve been able to think about is how Jacob was going through hell while Paige and I were, uh …”
“Doing things adults do when they’re dating?”
He felt his face heat up a little. “Yes, and it’s really fucked me up. I just can’t stop thinking that—” he broke off with an unhappy sigh. “Never mind.”
“You can’t stop thinking what?” She looked at him with apprehension. “You’re not … blaming Paige for what happened, are you?”
“No, I’m not blaming her.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure.” Leaning forward, he rubbed his face. “I’m blaming myself.”
“Oh, David.”
“If I hadn’t been so … preoccupied with Paige, for lack of a better word—”
“Yeah, I don’t like that word. Use another one.”
“Fine. If I hadn’t been distracted with her—”
“I like that one even less. It sounds like you’re a child with a new toy. Try again.”
“Fixated?”
“Oh, God, no. That’s even worse.”
David sighed. “Consumed? Obsessed? Enthralled?”
“‘Enthralled’ isn’t bad. Go with that one.”
“Fine. So, if I hadn’t been so enthralled with Paige, would I have been paying more attention to Jacob’s distress and withdrawal? It seems likely that I would have.”
“She’s not the reason you didn’t see what was going on with Jacob. You didn’t see what was going on with Jacob because you believed Ashley would watch out for her son while he was with her, not because you were enthralled with Paige.”
“Mom—”
“I’m not finished. It’s a damn good thing you were enthralled with Paige and that she was back in your life. She’s the one who got this ball rolling, the reason you found out what was going on, and the reason you’re getting sole custody. It’s unlikely Jacob would’ve told you what was happening, because he’s a child, and was afraid of Liam. He probably would’ve kept lying to you and this could’ve gone on for who knows how long, because Liam’s manipulations were in play, Jacob’s fear was in play, Ashley’s indifference was in play, and your trust was in play. All of which were working against you. This would’ve gone on until Liam did something to leave actual bruises, or break a bone. Or, maybe worse.”
David sat back, not having really thought about the abuse continuing—or escalating. The thought of Jacob with bruises or a broken bone made David physically ill.
“So quit blaming yourself,” Valerie continued. “You’re allowed to go after the life you want—”
“Even if it makes me a terrible father?”
“Is that what you think?” She stared at him in shock. “That what happened to Jacob makes you a terrible father?”
David shrugged. “Doesn’t it?”
“No. No. It makes you a father who made a mistake—” she held up a hand when it looked like he was going to interrupt. “And your mistake has nothing to do with Paige and being enthralled with her. Your mistake was the blind spot you have when it comes to Ashley. All the lies she told you, messing with your phone and your emails, and that altercation with Paige at the restaurant … you kept trusting Ashley to be a good person, when she’s never given you any indication she would be.” Her voice had risen slightly, and she glanced down at Jacob, to see if he’d been disturbed. When it was clear he hadn’t been, Valerie finished with, “That’s the only thing you should be ‘blaming’ yourself for. Not the shit you can’t control.”
David sat in silence, going over everything she’d said, and when he was done, he found himself with a mental clarity he hadn’t felt in days. He was able to see the missteps he’d taken, starting with running away from Paige in Lauren’s parking lot, with even bigger ones following in the days after. And as he thought back to the lengths he’d gone to (including ghosting Paige on her day off), he felt like a colossal dick.
He was also able to see his claim at not blaming Paige in any way wasn’t necessarily true. He’d essentially made her the reason he didn’t see what was going on, when in reality she was just one player in the game—and had she not been a player in the game, what happened to Jacob still would’ve happened. There were many things that occurred to make the situation what it was, and David’s pursuit of Paige was not one of them.
Leaning over, he kissed Valerie’s temple. “Thanks, Mom.”
She could see he seemed a little less wrecked, but remained somewhat troubled. “I can tell there’s still something bothering you. What is it?”
He shook his head. “It’s nothing.”
“Really? Because you’ve got that Oh, shit look on your face. Now, spill.”
Normally, curse words coming from his mom would be amusing, but not today. Possibly because he’d already spilled his guts once, he found himself doing it again, explaining how he’d been essentially avoiding Paige while pretending he wasn’t, because of the ugly thoughts in his head. Saying it out loud made him sound like even more of a colossal dick and it actually made him cringe. “I know. It sounds bad—”
“That’s because it is,” Valerie agreed matter-of-factly. “It’s dishonest and disrespectful and she didn’t deserve that. You’ve wronged her badly, David, even if she doesn’t know it. But she needs to know it. She needs to know what you’ve been doing, and why, and how it’s been affecting your relationship with her. Because it has.”
“I know.”
“So, when she gets pissed at you for what you’ve been doing, which she probably will, you have to let her be pissed until she isn’t anymore, however long that takes. And while Paige is being pissed at you, you’ll need to remind her every day she’s the best thing that ever happened to you, and you’re not letting go.”