76. Chapter 76
Chapter 76
Lauren gave Jacob a warm smile as she leaned toward him on the loveseat, resting her forearms on her knees. “So, you’re probably wondering why we’re meeting tonight,” she said.
Jacob nodded, fidgeting a little in the chair he was perched on.
“Well, part of the reason is because I wanted to see how you’ve been since our last visit, and the other part is because there’s something your dad and I need to talk to you about.”
Jacob’s expression took on a hint of wariness. “What is it?”
“It’s about your mom,” David said gently, “and why you haven’t had any visitations with her for a while.”
Jacob’s eyes rounded in fear. “Is she mad because I told on Liam?”
“No,” Lauren assured him quickly. “She’s not mad at you. You not staying with her has nothing to do with that, okay?”
After swallowing hard, he said, “Okay.”
Lauren then switched gears. “Jacob, do you remember when we talked about super powers? How everyone has at least one, and it’s usually something they do really well?”
He nodded.
“Well,” she went on, “everyone also has at least one thing they’re not good at … like the opposite of a super power. Does that make sense?”
Jacob nodded again.
“Some people aren’t good at swimming, or singing, or climbing trees, or cooking. Simple things like that. But some people aren’t good at more complicated things … like being a mom or a dad. Now, we know your dad is really good at being a dad, because he does things with you, like going to the park and reading bedtime stories, and taking care of you.” Lauren held Jacob’s gaze for a moment before asking gently, “However, your mom wasn’t very good at those things, was she?”
Jacob looked down at his lap for several long moments, then very slowly, shook his head.
“That doesn’t mean she’s not a good person,” Lauren told him, when he finally looked up. “It just means that being a good mom isn’t one of her super powers. It wasn’t one of my mom’s, either.”
“It wasn’t?”
“No, it wasn’t. She wasn’t good at taking care of me, or protecting me. And sometimes it made me mad—and a little sad—but I told myself it wasn’t my fault. Because it wasn’t. Just like it wasn’t necessarily hers, but she did make some bad decisions and those decisions were her fault.
“Your mom has made some bad decisions, too, and those ended up getting you hurt. She brought Liam into your life without knowing what kind of a person he was, and she shouldn’t have done that, because he’s a bad person who did bad things. She also didn’t tell your dad about Liam, and keeping him a secret was wrong, because it kept your dad from being able to protect you from Liam and the bad things he was doing to you.
“Fortunately, though, there was another person who was able to protect you from Liam and the bad things he was doing to you.” Lauren tilted her head. “And do you know who that courageous person was?”
Jacob’s eyebrows drew together as he thought about the answer, but then shook his head. “No.”
She gave him a soft smile. “It was you.”
“Me?” He blinked in surprise, clearly not believing her.
“Yes, you. You protected yourself when you told me what he was doing, and that was a very brave thing to do.”
“It was?”
“Yes, it was. And you know what that means?”
“What?”
“It means we can add bravery to your list of super powers, of course.”
“Really?”
She nodded. “Not everyone is brave … especially not at such a young age.”
Jacob glanced over at David, who gave him a big smile. “She’s right.”
Lauren waited until she had Jacob’s attention once more before continuing. “Now, this new super power might be something you need to use every day for a little while,” she said.
“I will? Why?”
“Well, you see, when your mom made some of her bad decisions, they resulted in consequences. Do you know what those are?”
He shook his head.
“They’re like getting a time-out at preschool. If you do something that’s ‘bad’, you probably get a time-out, right?”
“Right.”
“So, in the grown-up world, an adult can get a time-out, too, for doing something ‘bad’. Depending on what it is, they might even go to jail to make sure they don’t do it again, because it’s important for good people to be safe from bad people. This is especially true for children, who need protection the most. Sometimes people—including parents—go to jail for hurting their child, but sometimes they just get their parental rights taken away. And by that, I mean they’re no longer able to be in their child’s life, or see them, or help raise them.”
“Oh.”
“This is what happened with your mom, and even though she wasn’t the one to physically hurt you, she made it possible for Liam to hurt you, which is why you haven’t had a visitation with her for a while. It’s also why you won’t be seeing her in the future. It was decided—by people whose job it is to protect children—that for your well-being and safety, you should live with your dad all the time and no longer have visits with your mom.”
Jacob blinked at Lauren and swallowed hard, but didn’t say anything.
David watched as Jacob struggled, but not knowing with what. Confusion, sadness, or fear? Maybe all three?
Lauren reached over and took Jacob’s hands in hers. “I know it’s probably hard for you to understand all this, and you might find yourself feeling sad or missing your mom. That’s perfectly normal. It might be something you want to talk about, and if you do, then your dad can bring you here and you and I can talk as much as you want, okay? I can help you, because that’s my super power, remember?”
Jacob sniffed and nodded.
She squeezed his hands. “You might also find yourself feeling like what’s happening is your fault, because it’s really easy to blame ourselves. However, it isn’t your fault, and that’s where your brave super power will come in handy. You’ll need to use it so you don’t blame yourself for something you didn’t do, and you’ll also need to use it to help adjust to this change in your life and any challenges it might bring.”
He sniffed again. “Okay.”
She gave him a comforting, You’re going to be okay smile. “Now, which part of this is your fault?”
His mouth pursed. “No part?”
He still sounded a little uncertain, so she said, firmly, “That’s right. No part of this is your fault. It’s the fault of adults who acted badly and made bad decisions. Now, repeat after me: This isn’t my fault.”
“This isn’t my fault.”
“Jacob, Jacob, Jacob. Say it like you mean it.”
“This isn’t my fault!”
“That was pretty good, but try it one more time, using your super power. Really dig deep.”
“This isn’t my fault!” he cried out with impressive force.
“There you go. That’s what I’m talking about,” Lauren said with approval. “That’s how you say it, whenever you start to think it is your fault, okay?”
“Okay.”
Letting go of his hands, she reached back to unclasp the black leather cord hanging around her neck, with the ocean-colored stone dangling from it. “Do you remember when I told you this was an aquamarine crystal, known for its calming properties?” she asked, as she held it up.
After a brief pause, he nodded.
“Well, it’s also known for helping with feelings of self-doubt, overcoming fears in difficult situations, and giving courage when faced with changes or … loss,” Lauren continued, leaning forward to loop the cord around his neck and secure it, before tucking the stone underneath his shirt. “So, this will give you and your new super power a boost, because we can always use a little help.”
Jacob glanced down at where the outline of the crystal was visible on his narrow chest, then looked at Lauren with surprise. “But it’s yours.”
“Not anymore. Now it’s yours.”
“Oh.” There was a pause, followed by a somewhat shy, “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She took his hands again. “Now, there’s one more thing I want to tell you. Something I want you to think about.”
He looked at her expectantly.
“Our lives are made up of constant change—sometimes good, sometimes bad—and usually it’s obvious which one it is,” she said. “Make sense? For instance, you’ll probably be starting pre-kindergarten soon. That will obviously be a good change, don’t you think?”
Jacob nodded in agreement.
“But sometimes, when change occurs, it might seem bad, like what’s happening with your mom,” Lauren said. “Because your life is going to be different, and that might seem scary.”
He nodded again.
“But what if it turns out to not be scary? What if it turns out to be different in a good way?” she asked.
Jacob frowned at that.
“You haven’t had a visitation with your mom in ten weeks,” she pointed out softly. She knew from David that during all that time Jacob hadn’t once asked about Ashley, or questioned why he hadn’t seen her, so Lauren was pretty sure she knew what the answer was going to be when she asked, “Has that been scary?”
“No,” Jacob answered slowly.
“Has it seemed like a bad change, being with only your dad, doing all the things you normally do with him? Going to the park, watching movies, eating dinner?”
This time his answer was quicker. “No.”
“So, sometimes, what first seems like a bad change, can sometimes end up being a good change, can’t it?” At his quick nod, she leaned forward and said, “That’s what I want you to think about, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Now then, it’s time for you to pick a crystal from the bowl,” Lauren told Jacob, sliding the bowl toward him. “Eyes open this time.”
He got off the loveseat and kneeled in front of the coffee table, then began digging through the colored stones, finally picking a stone with very distinctive striations of color in a lacy pattern.
“Ah, good choice. That’s a crazy lace agate, and it’s known as ‘the laughter stone’ because it’s thought to encourage uninhibited laughter and increased feelings of happiness, while at the same time helping you to release feelings of unhappiness.”
Jacob smiled, pleased with his choice, and turned it over in his hands, looking at it from all angles.
Lauren turned to David. “You’re next.”
“What?” he asked, blinking at her.
“It’s your turn to pick a crystal.”
“No, really, that’s okay—”
“Eyes closed the first time,” she said, pushing the bowl toward him. “House rule.”
“To pick the one you need, not want,” Jacob piped up.
“That’s right,” Lauren said, smiling that he’d remembered.
Feeling slightly ridiculous, David closed his eyes and put his fingers in the bowl, then felt around for about thirty seconds or so, before finally settling on one. As he pulled it out, he opened his eyes and looked down to see a deep reddish-orange stone.
“What is it?” Jacob demanded.
Clearly amused, Lauren replied, “It’s carnelian. It has many benefits, but is mostly known to enhance physical stamina and boost—” she broke off to mouth the word ‘sexual’ over Jacob’s head, before finishing with, “—energy.”
When the meeting was over, David took Jacob to dinner at Cracker Barrel, and while he seemed happy to be there, he was still fairly quiet.
It wasn’t until after Jacob was in bed and David was getting ready to read a bedtime story, that Jacob opened up.
“Is Liam going to jail?” he asked.
David didn’t want to tell the truth, but he also didn’t want to lie to his son, so he sort of split the difference by not really answering the question at all. “I hope so,” he said.
“I hope so, too. I don’t ever want to see him again.”
“And you won’t, no matter what. I promise.”
After finishing two stories, David tucked Jacob in, knowing that in a matter of an hour, he’d have destroyed his bedding and would likely be sleeping sideways. Still, David did this every night, mostly out of habit. However, tonight, as he was straightening Jacob’s pillowcase, David’s fingers brushed against something underneath the pillow. When he pulled it out and saw it was a strip of four black and white pictures of Paige and Jacob, he knew immediately they were the ones she’d told him Jacob had accidentally lost.
They apparently weren’t lost, though, and if Jacob’s now worried (and guilty) expression was any clue, he hadn’t meant for them to be ‘found’… despite the fact he hadn’t put them in a very good hiding spot.
David held the strip up. “Are these the pictures Paige said got lost?”
Looking miserable, Jacob nodded.
“Did you find them?” David asked.
Jacob shook his head and looked away. His gaze landed on Marshmallow, who was curled up next to his side, and he began petting her, as if it was the most important thing in the world and required all of his concentration.
“So, they really didn’t get lost?” David prodded.
Jacob shook his head again.
“Look at me,” David said.
Slowly, reluctantly, Jacob met David’s eyes.
“Did you … take these?” David asked, holding the pictures up again.
After a long pause, Jacob replied, “Yes.”
“Why?”
When Jacob looked like he’d rather flee the country than answer, David told him gently, “You’re not in trouble, Little Man. I just want to know the truth.”
“I wanted them.”
“Why?”
“She’s nice. I like her.”
“Then why didn’t you just ask Paige if you could have them?”
“Because they were for you.”
“I’m sure she would’ve let you have them,” David said. “Or, taken more pictures and let you have those.”
“She didn’t have any more dollars.”
“Oh. Well, then I’m sure she would’ve given you these, if you’d asked her.” David glanced down at the pictures, one of which was a gem with Paige pretend-picking her nose. “I think she’d have liked you having them.”
“Really?”
“Definitely. She cares about you. A lot. And I’m sure it would’ve made her happy to know you wanted these pictures, especially this one,” he said, pointing to the one with her finger up her nose. “That’s a good one, right there.”
As Jacob giggled, David set the strip on the nightstand, next to Jacob’s collection of crystals—the obsidian, crazy lace agate, and the aquamarine pendant. “No more hiding these under your pillow. You don’t want them to get wrinkled or ripped.”
“Okay.”
Turning serious, David added, “And no more dishonesty, either, okay?”
Jacob swallowed hard, then nodded. “Okay.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
“Good.”
An hour later, David got into bed and texted Paige.
DAVID: I found those missing pictures of you and Jacob.
PAIGE: You did?
DAVID: Yes. You don’t seem thrilled. Is that because you’re picking your nose in one of them?
PAIGE: Maybe.
PAIGE: That was Jacob’s idea, by the way.
DAVID: Sure it was.
PAIGE: So, where did you find them?
DAVID: Under his pillow.
PAIGE: Really?
DAVID: Yeah. He wanted them, but didn’t want to ask if he could have them, since they were for me. But that didn’t keep him from taking them and letting you think they were lost, and then hiding them in a terrible hiding place.
PAIGE: Why did he want them?
DAVID: Because you’re nice and he likes you.