52. Chapter 52
Chapter 52
David’s eyebrows shot up. “Did you say naked?”
“Yes. Naked.”
“Okay, I’m listening.”
She cleared her throat. “The deal was that any time I was home alone, I was supposed to be naked, no matter what I was doing. I had to be naked so that I gotsoused to it, I would no longer be ashamed or self-conscious about my body—that I would be able to look at it and love it.”
“So, you walked around naked, for hours on end?” he asked, trying tonotpicture that.
She nodded. “At first it wasreallyawkward. Even though I was alone, I still felt self-conscious and it took me a few months to get used to it.But once I did and it became second nature, I was able to embrace naked time. I ate dinner naked. I watched movies on the couch naked—under a throw blanket because I’d get cold, but it counts. I slept naked. I put on my make-up naked, I listened to music and danced naked, too.”
His eyes widened.
Paige smiled at his response. “I know what you’re thinking.”
“You do?”
“You’re thinking that I was always a terrible dancer, like Elaine onSeinfeld—” she broke off at his expression, her brows drawing together. “What? That’s not what you were thinking?”
“No.”
“Then what were you thinking?”
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It was something perverted, wasn’t it?”
Under her direct gaze, he actually felt himself start to blush. “Maybe,” he answered, surprisingly embarrassed. “I’m sorry, okay?”
To his surprise, she started laughing. Loudly. “Youwere!”
Since she didn’t seem upset at all, his embarrassment was obviously a waste of time, so David decided to keep asking questions. “So what else did you do naked? Vacuum?”
She wiped at her eyes. “Yes.”
“Laundry?”
“Yes.”
“Did you pay your bills naked?”
“Except for my reading glasses, yes.”
He sat there, thinking about her living her life in her apartment, naked for hours at a time (alone) and for a moment, David didn’t care if it was wrong to imagine her doing all these things sans clothes … he was doing it. And he absolutely wished he could’ve seen it firsthand.
“You’re having more perverted thoughts, aren’t you?” she asked.
“What? No.”
“Yes, you are. I can tell by your expression.”
“No. Okay, fine, I am. But in my defense—”
“You have a defense?”
“Yes. Telling me all the things you do naked is really hard to imagine. So, you’re practicallyforcingme to imagine it, which makes it your fault.”
“I know. Not that it’s my fault, but that it’s hard to imagine me doing all that stuff naked. I look back and remember how I was when we were married and …” she trailed off, making a face.
“That wasn’t your fault, though.”
“No, but you still had to live with it.”
“We both had to live with it.”
Paige lifted her shoulder in a shrug, conceding his point. “The sad thing is that the rational part of my brain knew your desire came from a good, loving place, and you weren’t going to see my naked body and then assault me. But the part of my brain that held my secrets and remembered all the bad shit that happened with Carter—it was driving the bus and trying to protect me, even when it didn’t need to protect me fromyou. Unfortunately, it didn’t differentiate between sex with you and being violated by Carter, so my reactions were ‘one size fits all’.”
David reached over and covered her right hand with his left.
Paige looked down at his hand on hers, smiling a little before meeting his eyes. “That made taking back ownership of my body a priority. I tried a Pilates class and really liked it, so I signed up for more and it helped in ways I wasn’t expecting. My mental state improved, my stress levels decreased, and it fundamentally changed the way I looked.
“It was sort of like being re-born. I was now completely in tune with my body and knowing I finally owned it, was beyond empowering. I’d never felt anything like it. The first time I really looked at myself in a mirror andlovedmy body, I cried. It was … a defining moment.”
David watched her speaking—so animated and comfortable—and as had been the case several times in the past few weeks, he was astounded. He almost didn’t recognize the woman before him and it occurred to him she was probably close to being the Paige she would’ve been had Carter not molested her.
He was so focused on his thoughts that he missed the first part of what she said next.
“… went shopping for clothes and that was harder than you’d think. I didn’t have a good idea of how to dress myself and the stuff I picked out and bought? Well, let’s just say that later in my apartment, when I was modeling the very first outfit for Jules, she practically ripped it off me and shoved it back in the bag. Then she drove me back to the store and made me return everything I’d bought. She was a little unhinged, to be honest.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“You be nice,” Paige scolded him, but completely missed the mark by laughing. “Have you forgotten she was responsible for getting us together?”
He thought about that for a second, then shook his head. “I’d have come over and talked to you eventually.”
“Maybe. But she still got us together before you did that. So she’s ultimately responsible for us getting together. The facts are the facts, whether you agree with them or not.”
“Whatever,” he said dismissively. “So … she was a little unhinged?”
Paige put a hand to her mouth. “Oh, my God. It was so funny! She dragged me all over the store, throwing clothes at me and making me try them on. She basically decided what I was going to buy or not. At one point, when I was arguing about a shirt I thought was too tight, she yelled, ‘Your tits are crying out to be seen! They need to be shownrespect! You’re not allowed to wear any more shirts that make you look like you don’t have tits, because youdohave tits and they’re still pretty good. Understand? I forbid you from wearing anything that fits you like a freaking tent, ever again. I want to be able to tell that you have tits, no matter what you wear’!”
David couldn’t help but laugh and Paige joined in. When they stopped, she continued. “I’m pretty sure everyone in the store heard her and I thought I was going to die from embarrassment. But then I told myself I’d never see these people again—at least I hoped not—and in the end I decided she was right. My tits are still pretty good, so … yeah. Tight shirt? Bought it.”
He grinned at her and then said, softly, “They’re more than pretty good.”
The second the words were out of his mouth, he froze. Her saying things about her tits was allowed, but washeallowed to make comments? Probably not, because he was a man (not to mention, her ex-husband), but it had just slipped out.
Instead of being offended and clocking him, Paige smiled and tilted her head downward like she was listening to something. After several seconds, she looked back up. “They say ‘Thank you’.”
“They’re welcome,” he returned, deliberatelynotlooking anywhere near her chest.
She gathered their plates and then got to her feet. “The next installment of my recovery story involves pornography, so let me get you another beer.”
He stared after her as she walked away. Pornography?