Chapter Thirty-two – How Much Can a Heart Hold
Chapter Thirty-two
Maisey
HOW MUCH A HEART CAN HOLD
Performed by LeAnn Rimes
THREE YEARS AGO
HIM: Fallon okay?
HER: Yes. Shaken. But grateful it’s over now.
HIM: When I saw Parker at the airport and he told me she’d been kidnapped, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen that level of devastation on another human. Not even on my dad’s face when Liza left.
HER: He loves her.
HIM: It might not have happened today, but one of them is eventually going to be left behind. Even if one of them doesn’t betray the other, someone will still die, and someone will still be left alone.
HER: You always focus on the tragic ending, Beckett. But you forget the important part. You forget they’ll have years and years and years of beautiful, loving, happy moments together before death takes them.
HIM: And you’re assuming it’ll be years and years and years. Life isn’t that predictable, Maise. Cancer. Heart attacks. Some loser who shoots up a bar, and poof, it’s all gone. And you’re left with half your soul ripped out.
HER: I’d still risk it. I’d give up just about anything for a few moments of truly feeling loved the way Parker loves Fallon.
PRESENT DAY
By the time we got to Beckett’s, I felt like I was dragging a thousand-pound weight with me.
The stress of the last few weeks, that had been eased briefly by Beckett’s beautiful proposal and the even more beautiful night I’d spent in his arms, had been chased away by this godawful day.
A day that rated up there with finding out Mom had stage-four cancer and closer to the day she’d passed.
But I couldn’t let myself think about burying another parent now, or I’d dissolve into inconsolable tears.
I barely registered Sweeney or Vader once we walked into the house.
I headed straight to the shower in the guest bathroom, turned the hot water on full bore, and stood there, trying to chase away the cold, but it didn’t work.
My body ached, my throat stung, and even though I bundled myself in sweats, I was still freezing and couldn’t seem to banish it.
Maybe the cold went hand in hand with the emotional numbness that had blanketed me again, much like it had the night I’d been attacked in the drive. And just like that night, I had no intention of fighting it. I needed it with me so I could keep moving.
When I walked into the kitchen, Beckett was heating soup, and Sweeney was nowhere in sight.
“Can I use your phone?” I asked, already missing mine more than I’d ever imagined I would.
“You don’t have to ask, Maise. What’s mine is yours.”
I dialed Fallon and gave her an update. Wylee had already called them, and Parker was increasing their security. She promised me none of them would be moving about the ranch without protection, especially the kids.
“I’m so sorry, Fallon,” I said, exhaustion creeping over me.
“This isn’t on you, Maisey. This is one-hundred-percent on the shithead who took your dad.”
“My brain knows it, but my heart is having a hard time catching up.”
“I take it you aren’t going to be here for the show tomorrow morning.”
Indecision warred. What would I do if my dad were really gone? Would I even be able to concentrate enough so I wouldn’t end up hurting myself or Titan?
What would Fallon do to fill the gap in the show schedule? I was sure one of the kids from the riding school would be happy to fill my slot.
But what would I do if I didn’t perform? Sit here, worrying about Dad? Worrying about the people I loved? For hours? All while I waited for our attacker to strike again?
I pressed my hand into my stomach and let out a shaky breath.
“As long as you truly believe Parker and the security team have the ranch and all of you protected, I’d still like to do the show.
” Beckett’s eyebrows rose in an unspoken question.
“The sheriff is right. If this asshole sees me going about my life as normal and not leaving like they wanted, they’ll come for me again. ”
Fallon wasn’t any more thrilled about the idea of me being bait than Beckett had been. But I’d do just about anything, except risk the people I loved, to lure the enemy out of their hiding spot. If they came for me, they wouldn’t be coming for anyone else.
After we hung up, Beckett insisted I eat.
When I could barely push my spoon through the broth, we both gave up, and he pulled me to the couch, tugging me up against him.
Vader leaped up next to us, pressing against my opposite side and resting his head on my thigh.
I petted him, trying to soothe us both as Beckett flicked through channels on the television.
The ring on my finger grabbed my attention. I twirled it around. I’d felt elated, on top of the world last night. I hadn’t dreamed the words he’d given me, right? I hadn’t made up the “I love you” he’d whispered in my ear as I’d come apart?
Yesterday, I’d been determined to fight for forever with him, all the while having no clue he’d already taken the leap all on his own. When had that happened? When had he decided to unlock his heart and hand it to me for real?
But in taking it, was I risking doing exactly what he’d always feared? Would I hurt him? Abandon him? Not of my own free will but because someone ended my life the way they’d been determined to end my father’s?
I blinked furiously, fighting the tears that rose again. As if he’d read the quagmire that had become my emotions, Beckett slid a finger over my cheek and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “We’ve worked too hard to get here, my Maisey-girl. We’re not letting some bastard take it away from us.”
I didn’t respond. Couldn’t.
“For years, I thought opening your heart, letting someone in, was the most foolish thing anybody could do. That love was a weakness. Something that doomed you to pain. But I was wrong. Love makes us stronger. It’s made me stronger.”
“Beckett—”
“I love you,” he said firmly, resolutely, and the tears could no longer be stopped. “But I swear on my life, if you ever do something that stupid again…”
I bristled at the word stupid, and he saw it.
“Wrong word choice,” he amended. “You’ve never been stupid.
So, tell me why you thought you had to go to the watchtower alone.
Tell me why you thought we shouldn’t face the danger together after you let me slide that ring on your finger, after we’d spent hours merging our souls and our bodies together, and after you’d whispered ‘I love you’ back? ”
“I knew Fallon would use the Find Family app to locate me. I trusted you both to come after me.”
His brow raised. “You knew we’d come?”
I nodded, and for the first time since we’d woken up to our phones going off, Beckett leaned in and kissed me.
It was slow and sweet and full of the overwhelming emotions we’d had beating through us all day, and it temporarily thrust aside the numbness to write itself on my heart in a new and almost impossible way.
It was a brand that wove onto the very fiber of my being.
“I’m scared,” I told him. “Scared for everyone I love. Scared of staying and you being hurt. Scared of leaving like they want and destroying us both.”
He tugged me closer, stroked my back, kissed my forehead. “You’re not leaving, Maise. We’re not letting them win. We’ve got something they don’t.”
I just looked at him in confusion.
“Family and friends looking out for us. People willing to battle at our sides.”
It reminded me of what Andie had said about trying to fit our wedding in Beckett’s backyard.
We did have family here. Maybe more than I’d ever realized.
Family were the people you could count on to show up when you needed them most. It was the people who’d shown up for us today.
The ones who did the unfeasible on your behalf when the people you shared DNA with couldn’t or wouldn’t.
Like my father might not ever be able to show up again.
The pain that ripped through me at that thought left me raw and exposed.
After last night, I should have spent the day reveling in the pleasure of having gotten what I’d always dreamed of having.
Instead, I was grappling with the potential loss of another parent.
All the things I still wanted to say and do with Dad, that I might now miss out on, cut like a knife, slicing me in ways I wasn’t sure I could handle at the moment.
So I welcomed the numbness back. I’d let it shelter me for a while longer, at least until I could handle the full brunt of these new cuts to my soul.
? ? ?
Amazingly, I’d actually fallen asleep for a few hours tucked up next to Beckett.
And when I woke, groggy and somehow impossibly still cold, Beckett insisted on making us dinner.
Neither of us ate much, and I cleaned up, storing the leftovers while he went to check with Sweeney and Parker’s friends, who were holed up in Dad’s house.
I used Beckett’s phone to check on Dad. Wylee and the hospital administrators had transferred him to the county hospital under a fake name.
He was still in a coma, but he was breathing better, so they’d removed the ventilator.
It was progress. But not enough for my worry to ease.
I wished desperately I could be with him.
I knew if he heard me there, talking to him, telling him how much I needed him, it would increase his chances.
It hit me how true my thoughts were. I did need him.