Chapter Three – Almost Lover
Chapter Three
Fallon
ALMOST LOVER
Performed by A Fine Frenzy
FOUR YEARS AGO
HIM: Where are you?
HER: You’re home! Everyone okay?
HIM: We were all fine until I accidentally hit play on that pop song you sent me and nearly killed everyone.
A few minutes passed.
HIM: Seriously, Ducky, where are you? I need to see you.
HER: I’ll tell you if you promise not to drag me away again.
More minutes passed.
HER: Parker?
The heat from the bonfire spread across my face as I looked up from my phone. Across the way, Rae and her most recent boyfriend were engaged in a furious debate about politics—something I avoided as much as possible when at the beach.
This was my time away. Escape. Just like San Diego was an escape from the real world that awaited me once I finished college. Sometimes, for brief seconds, I wondered if I’d done the wrong thing in not telling anyone here about the resort I owned or the money I’d inherited from my father.
But I liked being the same as everyone else—struggling students pooling together money to buy the keg and food for the bonfire. If, somehow, a few extra twenties ended up in the pot, no one needed to know where they came from.
If and when my secret got out, I knew everything would change.
Rae would be hurt the most because I’d lied by omission, but what else was I supposed to do when she hated the wealthy?
She was determined to level the economic playing field once she obtained her law degree and joined a human rights campaign.
I was almost certain she wouldn’t remain my friend and roommate if she knew the truth.
Maybe that was me thinking the worst instead of the best of her. Maybe she’d be more pissed about that than my secret. But I couldn’t take the risk. Not right now.
“What’s wrong?” The question from my date had me turning to look at him.
JJ’s golden brows furrowed together over bright-blue eyes.
He was a golden-haired Adonis, and every time I thought about him being with me, my heart squeezed a little bit.
Most of it was happiness, pleasure that someone with such a dynamic personality had been drawn to me.
But part of me wondered if the excitement I’d felt on seeing Parker’s name appear on my phone made it wrong to be on a date with anyone.
Except, Parker wasn’t ever going to be mine, and I couldn’t wait around forever for him to finally tear down the walls between us.
I deserved to have a boyfriend, to go on dates, be kissed, be romanced.
To finally have sex.
JJ had swept me off my feet the moment we’d met on the outside. We’d shouted encouragement to each other as we’d taken on a particularly wicked wave, and as soon as we’d planted our feet and surfboards on the sand, he’d asked me out.
For the first time in my life, I’d been the dead center of someone’s all-consuming focus, and I was thrilled to be there. For so much of my childhood, I’d had to fight for anyone’s attention—even my parents’—so having all of JJ’s was intoxicating.
At the sound of a vehicle door slamming shut, I turned my head toward the parking lot. A man emerged from a truck in the dim light of the streetlamps, and my heart literally flipped over .
I was up and out of the beach chair, running flat out across the sand, in a flash.
Large hands caught me as I flung myself at broad shoulders.
I buried my nose in the crook of Parker’s neck, inhaling that earthy scent that was uniquely his. The smell that had always soothed me.
“You’re home!”
He squeezed me tight before slowly setting me down and assessing me in that way he did now. It was a slow scan that looked for changes or injuries or who knew what, but every time he did it, my heart thundered, and my body nearly spasmed.
It had never felt wrong before…not until now—when my date was waiting for me at the bonfire.
Parker looked tired. Shadows lingered below eyes that seemed darker than even the night around us.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
He reached out and tugged my braid, a motion he’d been doing since childhood. A sweet tease. A comfort. Reassurance.
“Better now,” he said, and my heart tumbled over again as he grinned. When Parker smiled, everything seemed right in the world.
From behind me, a confused voice called my name. I turned to see JJ making his way from the bonfire, a frown between those thick brows.
I swallowed hard, stepped toward JJ, and twined my fingers with his. “JJ, I want you to meet Parker. Parker, JJ.”
Parker’s gaze settled on my hand gripping my date’s, and his smile disappeared.
“Wait, this is the friend you were talking about? In the Navy?” JJ said, surprise in his voice as he took in Parker’s camo pants, tan T-shirt, and military boots.
He was still in the clothes he must have worn on the plane ride home.
Or ship ride home. Or however the hell Parker had come home from his latest assignment.
It shouldn’t thrill me as much as it did to know he’d come looking for me before he’d done anything else. That I’d been his first stop after months of being gone.
Parker stuck out his hand, and JJ shook it .
“You have me at a disadvantage, I’m afraid,” Parker said. His voice was gruff, the way it sounded when he was tired. “I haven’t heard of you.”
JJ stiffened, let go of my hand, and tossed his arm around my shoulder, drawing me closer.
“Well, you’ve been incommunicado for months,” I reminded Parker. The silence that followed grew awkward, and my palms began to sweat. I cleared my throat. “How’d you know I’d be here?”
“You said you didn’t want me to drag you away again.” Parker’s gaze settled on mine, and I felt the heat in his eyes stronger than I had from the bonfire moments before.
JJ made some kind of inarticulate noise at the innuendo. Damn Parker. He was going to mess things up for me before I’d even gotten past second base with JJ.
I punched Parker in the shoulder. “Don’t make it sound like that.” I looked up at JJ and smiled. “Parker is like a big brother. The one you never want around when you’re having a little too much fun, because he does that whole overprotective thing so well.”
This time, it was Parker who grunted unhappily.
It proved how messed up I was that I liked it.
I liked that he was unhappy to see me with JJ.
And yet, I also liked JJ. What was wrong with me?
Maybe it had to do with the screwed-up DNA from my mother’s side of the family.
Although, my dad’s side wasn’t exactly made up of saints either.
Cursed. Maybe I really was cursed—as my uncle had once told me I was.
I ducked under JJ’s arm and stepped back toward the bonfire.
“Come on, I can see if there are still any hot dogs left. You’re probably starving,” I said to Parker.
He didn’t move. He stood at the edge of the sand, looking past me at the bonfire before returning to me. “I’m pretty beat. I think I’ll head home. I just wanted to see you before I landed in bed and slept for a week.”
I turned to JJ. “Why don’t you go back? I’ll be there in a second.”
JJ didn’t look too happy, but he headed off.
Silence fell, the crash of the waves beating between Parker and me a strange warning instead of the peace it normally was. The rhythm of the music, some country song Parker would hate, vibrated over the air.
“You’ve got yourself a boyfriend, Ducky,” Parker said. His voice was completely bland. Neutral.
“It’s, like, our third date. I’m not sure we’re in boyfriend territory yet,” I said with a shrug.
“I’m pretty sure he tried to stake a claim with that handshake.”
I rolled my eyes. “You know that misogynistic, He-Man stuff doesn’t do it for me.”
A small smile returned to Parker’s face as he leaned in and said softly, “Then he’s doing it wrong.”
My stomach whooshed, my insides curled tight, and longing barreled through me.
“Don’t do that,” I breathed out.
“Do what?”
“Don’t flirt with me when you have no intention of ever doing more. I’ve finally found someone who likes me for me. Who wants me—” my voice cracked, and it pissed me off. I took a minute and then continued. “I deserve that.”
Parker’s face went blank again. He was so good at it these days. Since he finished training and started going on missions, he’d become excellent at hiding every thought and emotion. I hated it.
“You do deserve that, Ducky. I’m just not sure he deserves you .”
I blew out a breath. “You met him for two seconds. You tossed out an innuendo that made it seem like we were more when I’ve spent the last three weeks explaining you are just a friend, and now you’re pissed that he reacted to it. You don’t know him.”
He shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked on his heels. “You’re right. I don’t. I’m sorry. I’m in a pissy mood.”
Instantly, all my anger and frustration disappeared. “What’s wrong?”
“Althea’s pregnant. She’s demanding Will marry her, and I’m doing everything I can to hold him back. Hell, I’m not even sure if the baby is his. Guys from another squad told me they’d seen her with a whole series of Marines while we were deployed.”
My heart hurt for Will. “That’s awful. Is he getting a DNA test?”
“I finally convinced him to get one and to wait until after the baby is born before making anything permanent with her.”
“I bet Althea loved that.”
Neither of us were crazy about Will’s girlfriend.
“You could say I’ve now become her least favorite person.”
Laughter broke out from the bonfire behind us, and I turned to see JJ standing on the opposite side, but his gaze was on Parker and me.
If I wasn’t on a date, I would have gone with Parker simply because it had been months since we’d seen each other, but also so I could try to soothe his ruffled feathers.
We probably would have gone to the Taco Shack and then gone back to his house to watch Buffy reruns and take turns daring each other to listen to some song we both knew the other wouldn’t like.
I would have helped him decompress after a mission that had obviously settled hard on his soul and had been made worse by the news Althea had given them.
Parker and Will had grown much closer since Will’s parents had died while they were at the Naval Academy together. The men were no longer just friends. They were brothers. Parker’s parents had all but adopted Will.
“Your parents are going to be excited. They’re finally getting a grandkid.”
Parker’s brows raised. “I didn’t even think about that, but you’re right. They will be happy.”
His gaze lifted over my head to the party raging behind me. He reached out and tugged my braid again. “Go. Have fun with your new guy and your friends. Just not too much fun.”
My lips twitched.
“I think your idea of too much fun and mine are really different.”
He winked as he stepped back toward the parking lot. “That’s because you’ve never seen me in my Whites at the bar.”
My breath almost evaporated at the idea of it. The perfection that was Parker pressed into that sexy uniform, on the prowl for someone to take to his bed. A shiver ran down my spine, and I scolded myself.
He wasn’t mine. He didn’t want me that way.
In truth, he didn’t want anyone that way. At least, he didn’t want a permanent relationship. For some reason, Parker had sworn them off. He didn’t believe any relationship could last his SEAL career or didn’t believe it was honorable to be in one when he’d always be away more than he was home.
“With how tired you look, Kermit, I’m not sure even the Whites would get you action tonight.”
He laughed, and the deep sound resonated through me in the best and worst kind of way.
“I’ll call you when I come out of hibernation. We’ll hit some waves.”
“Sounds good. Be safe getting home,” I said.
He looked back, eyes drifting to the bonfire and JJ again before returning to me. “You too, Ducky.”
And then he was gone.
I felt bereft. As if, this time, I’d actually lost him. As if there was yet another barrier that had gone up between us—one of my making this time. One called JJ.