Chapter Seventeen – Want To
Chapter Seventeen
Fallon
WANT TO
Performed by Sugarland
SIX YEARS AGO
HER: Dad said you’re coming with Jim and Whitney to the ranch.
HIM: I have five days. It was perfect timing.
HER: I’ve got three new bookshelves that need assembling for my room.
HIM: What do I get as payment for my manual labor?
HIM: Never mind. Don’t answer that.
HER: *** Chicken emoji *** I’ll have the inner tubes filled and ready to take us down the river. When we get to the snack bar at the bottom, all the food and drink is on me.
PRESENT DAY
After slathering Theo with sunscreen, Parker strapped a tiny life vest on him as I watched from my spot on a tube in the river. The sun filtering through the trees cast them in a mix of light and shadow, making them seem more painting than real. A watercolor image of a loving dad and his kid.
It squeezed my heart and had me jerking my eyes up to the sky, trying to control the rush of affection and longing that swept through me.
Twisting the inner tube slightly away from them, I kept one foot tethered to the river’s rocky shore so I wouldn’t float away without them.
The sound of the waterfall hitting the rocks muted Theo’s chatter.
Mist rose from a deep eddy at the base of the fall, filling the air with rainbows.
It coated my skin with a cool spray that barely eased the sweltering heat.
After weeks of unseasonably cool weather, summer had slammed down over Rivers in full force.
The heat meant there were a million things to do at the ranch—livestock and crops to ensure were watered and cared for, painting of fences and buildings, repairs to a few roofs. I shouldn’t be here, lollygagging along on a river ride.
As I started to get out of the tube, Parker’s voice halted me. “No.”
I raised a brow in his direction, and he met my irritated gaze with a cool one over the top of his sunglasses. “Sit your ass back down and cool off, Ducky.”
“Ass!” Theo screamed.
I couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped me.
I could and should fight with him on his attitude and demands, but suddenly, I was overwhelmingly tired again.
So I did the easiest thing I could. I sat back down.
Maybe Parker was right. Maybe my guests and employees needed to see me doing this simply for the reassurance it would provide.
The staff meeting had been tense with worry, but no one had threatened to leave.
If anything, everyone had buckled down and recommitted themselves simply because it seemed we were under attack.
It had choked me up then, and it did all over again.
Why the hell couldn’t I keep the tears at bay these days?
I looked down and tugged at the life vest that was pulling too tightly across my chest. In my teen days, I wouldn’t have even bothered with one as Maisey and I made this same loop from the falls down to the lake on the tubes. But now I had to be a good role model for our guests.
I clicked open the strap, loosened it, and then locked it back into place, wondering why everything felt just a hair too small these days—even my bathing suit.
My breasts had spilled out almost embarrassingly from the top when I’d put it on, prompting me to cover it with a tank top.
While I hadn’t put this particular suit on since Rae had shipped all my items from the apartment, I had worn it to the beach with her in May, and it had fit fine.
The weight gain had to have been bloating from my upcoming period—or stress eating.
Except, you’ve hardly been eating at all.
I pushed that thought away, eyes settling on Parker again as he pulled off his T-shirt.
Seeing him like this, all skin and carved muscles, literally made my mouth water and my core clench.
He was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen.
He’d always been that way, even as a teenager, but his years as a Navy SEAL had sculpted him into perfection.
It wasn’t just the cuts and grooves that made him so stunning.
It was his pure masculinity. The smattering of chest hair that led down to the waistband of his swim trunks and the delicious V that disappeared below the band.
The sinful bulge below that had forever tempted me to explore, to see what he looked like completely bare.
He absolutely did not need the life vest he donned.
Parker had been through much worse in his training, and very likely on his missions, than our lazy river could ever offer up.
He wore it for the same reason I did—for my guests and our insurance policy—but I suspected it was also for Theo.
So the little boy would wear his without argument after seeing Parker in one too.
Parker shoved his and Theo’s shoes, shirts, and sunscreen into the water-safe bag I’d brought, then handed it over to me to snap onto the hook of my tube while he sat in his. He held out his hand for Theo, who glanced at Parker with a flash of uncertainty before crawling into his lap.
I reached over and touched the little boy’s hand. “Do you like to swim?”
Theo cocked his head. “Mommy says pools are dirty.”
“But you went to the beach with your dad, and he was teaching you how to swim,” Parker reminded him. “Remember riding the foamie while he pushed you?”
I wasn’t sure if it was the reminder of his dad that made Theo’s frown grow or the mention of the beach.
“This is way easier than swimming or surfing,” I told Theo.
“It’s more like a slow ride at an amusement park.
All you have to do is sit back and let the water take you.
You’ll see beautiful scenery and maybe some animals, and right before the river dumps us into the lake, there’s a little slope that makes you feel like you’re floating in the air. That’s my favorite part.”
I hadn’t done this in so long that I’d forgotten the simple joy of meandering along the current with nothing to do but enjoy the view.
I’d been too busy—and not just with college.
Even when I’d been here, my focus had been on making sure the ranch succeeded after Dad had poured so much money into it, especially knowing he’d only done it for me.
“You ready?” Parker asked Theo.
The little boy nodded, and Parker pushed off from the shore with a bare foot.
The current immediately grabbed their tube, but it wasn’t a fast or scary rush.
I shoved off and nearly collided with them.
Parker grabbed hold of my tube, and just like I had when I was a kid, I hooked my foot into the handle of his, joining us.
The smile that took over Parker’s face stole my breath.
The sun beat down on him, turning his dark hair into shades of silver and deep sapphire.
I wished I could see his eyes, but they were tucked behind tinted sunglasses.
I’d just have to imagine the corners crinkling in that way they did when Parker was truly happy.
Theo’s little face still looked hesitant as we moved along the surface.
He was a lanky kid, with long legs peeking out of swim trunks smattered with cartoon dogs, but his arms and thighs had a surprising amount of muscle for a kid his age.
Those muscles flexed as he clung to a handle of the tube with one hand and Parker’s elbow with the other.
I was fairly certain it wasn’t fear but uncertainty that had him gripping so tightly.
This was a new experience, something he was doing without his dad as a safety net.
I turned away, unable to look at them without my heart hurting for all they’d lost.
A shadow of a large bird crossed over us, and I looked up in time to see a hawk coast by, wings at full span. Catching an updraft, he barely seemed to move his wings but was still propelled upward at a surprising speed.
It wasn’t quiet—the river gurgled, trees rustled, birds chirped and chittered—and yet it felt quieter than anywhere I’d been in weeks. Solemn and peaceful. The heat of the day made everything seem more languid. A dream in slow motion .
I scooted down until I could rest my neck on the tube, closed my eyes, and just let the rocking of the river soothe me.
It didn’t take long for Theo to relax as well. He went from tense silence to a million questions at warp speed. What kind of tree was that? Did the wolves come down to the river? Who did all this land belong to?
“Fallon owns it all,” Parker said.
I leaned my head to the side and watched as Theo’s little mouth dropped open. Then he asked solemnly, “Are you a princess?”
I laughed. “Only if princesses sling poop for a living.”
“Poop is hel-fy.” The little boy sounded just like Teddy. Or maybe just like Spence had sounded when he’d been alive.
My smile grew. “Yep, it is healthy. It’s when animals don’t poop that you’ve got to worry.”
“I want to own a ranch. I want all the animals.”
“Fallon is going to be a veterinarian. Those are doctors for animals,” Parker told him.
My stomach twisted, a mix of joy and pain. I wouldn’t finish the program or get my license, but I’d still open the refuge.
“I know what a veg-utarian is,” Theo said proudly, and I bit back a laugh.
“Veterinarian. Not a vegetable eater,” Parker said, lips twitching.
“I know. That’s what I said,” the little boy replied. Then, he squealed with joy, pointing to the shore.
A mama deer lifted her head, warily eyeing us as we came around the bend. Her ears twitched while the rest of her remained frozen. Beside her, twin fawns continued to drink. Their spots were mostly gone, but they were still tiny.
“Deer!” Theo shouted.
The mama bounded toward the tree line, and her babies followed.
“Come back, deer!” Theo squirmed in Parker’s lap, rocking both our tubes and threatening to tip us over.
“Easy does it, buddy,” Parker said, attempting to stabilize us. “You keep shouting, and you’re going to scare all the wildlife away. They like it best when it’s quiet. ”
Theo sat for several seconds, and then he dropped his voice to a whisper and asked, “How many animals do you have, Fallon?”