Chapter Twenty-seven – There You Are
Chapter Twenty-seven
Fallon
THERE YOU ARE
Performed by Martina McBride
ONE YEAR AGO
HER: I need the sea and air and a moment of freedom. Pick me up at five a.m. tomorrow so we can hit the waves?
HIM: What’s wrong?
HER: I just need to get out of my own head for a while.
HIM: It’ll be just the two of us?
HER: Just the two of us.
PRESENT DAY
When I risked looking into Parker’s face, his lips were tight, and his eyes raged. He started to roll away, as if he was going to leave.
“I’ll fucking kill him.”
I grabbed his arm, and he stilled, turning back to me with a face I barely recognized as his.
This was not the emotionless Navy SEAL I saw so often but an enraged one.
The man who did what had to be done to defend a country he believed could still be righted, no matter how bad our government got.
This was the man who did the worst out of duty.
He would end JJ’s life if I whispered I wanted it done.
He’d protect me. He’d protect the baby.
My chest squeezed tight at those words. How long had I wanted that? For Parker to be mine? For us to have a future together that ended with marriage and children?
He’d said he wanted me. He’d finally admitted it.
But would it change now that he knew I was having another man’s baby? Would he look at me differently? Would he close down once he realized being with me meant yet another child he hadn’t asked to have or raise?
What would happen if I offered up the wild idea Maisey had placed in my head that I hadn’t stopped thinking about since?
Not even everything that had happened on the ranch, not even the thought of Ace or the Puzos sending someone here to hurt me, had stopped the idea from spinning around inside my brain all weekend.
“You’re pregnant?” he said, glancing down to where my hand rested on my stomach.
Those stupid, useless tears that had been with me for a month now rushed in. I barely caught them, holding them back by closing my eyes as I simply nodded.
A warm hand cupped my cheek, fingers stroking. My body ignited as it always had when we touched, and when I opened my lids, it was to find dark, stormy grays burning into me.
“Who have you told?” Parker asked.
“Only Maisey.”
He didn’t say anything else. He just stared at me as if he could pull every thought from my brain with just his gaze, all while he caressed my cheek with a gentleness that would be my undoing.
I pulled his hand into mine, setting them on my chest.
“Maisey suggested something pretty outlandish,” I told him. “A way I might be able to keep JJ from finding out about the baby—or at least, putting him off it if he ever finds out I have one.”
Parker shifted our hands so our fingers twined together, linking us, merging us. It made those damn tears prick again.
“A bullet in his head will make sure of it.” He said it calmly. Matter-of-factly. No debate.
My lips twitched upward. “Thanks for offering, but I think we already have enough going on without a murder rap adding to it.”
“No one will know, Fallon. It’s my job to get in and out without anyone being the wiser.”
“You can’t kill a U.S. citizen on U.S. soil without consequences.
” When he started to respond, I interrupted.
“I don’t want you to become a murderer for me, Parker.
I couldn’t live with that. And as much as I hate JJ and everything he stands for, I wouldn’t want to be a part of killing someone.
I saw…” I inhaled, memories of that day with Sadie washing over me.
Hearing the gun go off as Uncle Adam shot Theresa in cold blood.
Watching her body jerk. Hearing the sound of her gurgling.
The way she hit the ground. No. I wouldn’t ever want Parker to do that for me.
Not in cold blood. If he did that when he was on a mission, in defense of our country, it was bad enough.
I wouldn’t let him take JJ’s life on my behalf.
“I don’t want that weighing on my soul.”
His face was grim when he asked, “What did Maisey suggest?”
I hated this. I hated asking him to do this.
While it was true it would solve some of our problems, it would also start a slew of different ones.
But I’d spent the last two days thinking about it, weighing our options.
I could ease his burden of caring for Theo alone, but I’d be adding two more lives to his shoulders.
I could promise we wouldn’t be a bother and tell him that he didn’t even have to come home to the ranch when he wasn’t deployed, but I knew Parker well enough to know he wouldn’t do that.
The honorable man he was deep inside would never agree to marry me and then just walk away.
“She suggested…” My body started trembling, and I bit my lip, trying to control it. Parker’s brows scrunched.
“Ducky?” He brought our twined fingers to his lips and placed a soft kiss on the back of my hand.
It only made me want to cry more. To come so close to having everything I’d wanted only to ruin it by throwing this at him?
It was so unfair. In the list of unfair things that had happened to me in my life, this was at the top.
I inhaled a shaky breath. “She suggested you and I might be able to solve both of our problems by getting married.”
His entire being stilled, stormy eyes turning almost black. But he never removed his gaze from mine.
When it felt like a lifetime had gone by, and he hadn’t responded, I jumped into the silence.
“It would just be on paper. So if JJ ever came looking, I could show the marriage certificate and the date and say the baby was yours. If he asked for a DNA test, I don’t know what I’d do, but for the most part, I’m sure I could persuade him the baby wasn’t his.
I mean, he was always jealous of you. He always thought—”
“Yes.”
Surprise hit me square in the chest. “What?”
“Let’s do it. Let’s get married.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that,” he said firmly.
“Wh-what about never wanting to get married or have kids? Don’t just toss an immediate yes back at me, Parker.
You need to think about this. You’d have two kids tied to you who weren’t yours.
I’d need the baby to have your name, have you listed as the father on the birth certificate, so it would make it more difficult for JJ to come after me. ”
“Okay.”
Every response he’d spoken was sure. Solid. Unwavering. Instead of relieving me, it pissed me off. Not because I’d wanted him to say no, but because I was throwing a bomb into the middle of his well-thought-out life, and he wasn’t even blinking at it.
“Listen, Kermit—”
This time, he cut me off with a kiss. His mouth landed on mine with nearly the same fierceness as it had held in my bathroom after the shooting.
It was strong. Unyielding. Demanding I shut up but also demanding something else, something I wasn’t sure I could truly let myself believe in yet.
He wanted me. He wanted me regardless of the fucked-up nature of my life, regardless of the fact a baby was growing inside me who didn’t belong to him.
When I started to pull away, one hand went to the back of my head, holding me in place, and he deepened the kiss.
His tongue slid inside, taking control, soothing and enflaming all at the same time.
Goosebumps coated my skin, tingling from the top of my head down to the soles of my feet.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, dragged our bodies closer, and dove in, demanding and taking as much as I was giving.
His fingers dug into the skin at my waist, and the warmth from his touch traveled up my body, a thundering wave of desire crashing over me. I hooked my leg over his hip, drawing us closer. One of us moaned. Maybe both of us did.
The entire world froze while we got lost in hands and lips and teeth as they learned each other’s curves and slopes and inner recesses.
While the heart I’d given Parker a lifetime ago finally found its way home.
While our souls rejoiced and danced to a beat faster and stronger and more intense than even the one our bodies moved to.
When he finally broke the kiss with a sharp inhale, it was me who refused to let him stop this time.
I needed this.
I needed him.
I needed to get lost in the wave before the surf broke and reality came crashing in as our boards met the sandy shore.
I shoved my mouth back at his, and he made an inarticulate noise, a grunt of pleasure and pain before rough palms slid below the hem of my shirt, skimming along soft skin.
His fingers settled on my breasts, twisting and plucking.
My core clenched, and a stunning flame rippled through me, burning me from the inside out.
I twisted, trying to get closer, and my head banged the headboard, causing a hiss to escape.
He jerked back, putting some space between us, even while his hands remained on my body.
“Not like this,” he growled. “Not when you’re still recovering. I want all your passion, Fallon, but I also want you firing on all eight cylinders when I finally make you mine.”
His lips were a vibrant red from our kiss, and his eyes were the color of skies that had been singed by lightning.
I swallowed hard. I’d wanted to hear those words from him for so long, and having them now was both painfully beautiful and painfully cruel.
I looked away and repeated what I’d said earlier. “It could be just a paper marriage, Parker. I know this isn’t what you wanted. You didn’t want me any more than you wanted marriage or kids.”
He pushed his fingers under my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze as his hand pulled mine to the bulge in his jeans—hard and large and straining to escape.
“Does that feel like I don’t want you?”
I couldn’t respond. A knot had formed in my throat as large as the one on my head.