Chapter 5 Love Stinks
LOVE STINKS
Summer
A sound of pleasure ripped from my throat, my hips swaying against Thaddeus as he pushed himself against me, hands firm on my waist, and lips pressed against mine.
His tongue ravaged the inside of my mouth.
I savored the taste of his tongue as his bulging dick pressed against my pussy like a warning command.
My temperature spiked. His mouth pulled away.
I felt a rush of air under my feet. He was lifting me, and before I could ask where, he tossed me onto the bed.
I didn’t get a chance to say anything before the weight of Thad’s chest was on me. When had he removed his shirt? As his tongue explored my naked body, I ran my hands across his back. And never mind his impressive six-pack. Where the hell did those back muscles come from?
Thad’s dick hovered at the entrance of my pussy, and I squirmed, eager for him to do what we both wanted. I needed him inside me.
“Please,” I panted.
His eyes lit up as he thrust into me. I clamped my legs around him, begging him to move harder, faster.
I clawed at the muscles in his back as he kissed my neck, my throat.
The roughness of his beard was new, exciting.
He grabbed my hips and moved so that I was suddenly on top of him, in control of the movement.
I relished in the deep heat building within me, desperate for it to crescendo but wanting the closeness to last.
“I’m going to come,” he whispered, pulling my chest against his.
I felt his new body stiffen.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he said. His breath was hot on my neck.
He withdrew, and I instantly felt a hollow emptiness. Flipping me onto my back, he lowered his head between my legs.
“Oh God,” I sighed. The sensation was like nothing I’d ever felt before. “Don’t stop.”
I felt him smile against me, moving his tongue around and using his fingers to stroke my G-spot.
The orgasm shook my entire body. He didn’t stop until I stilled.
My eyes bolted open, and I took sharp breaths in panic. My throat was dry. I just lay there staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out what type of nightmare I had just had to leave me so breathless.
Minutes passed, and I remained wide-eyed, frozen in place. The dream came back to me, and repulsion overwhelmed me. It wasn’t real. I would never fucking do that. Not now.
Shame engulfed me as my dad’s face flashed in my mind. My dream felt like some kind of hellish betrayal to him. After spending too long staring at the ceiling, I felt my breath finally slow to normal. My body remained tense, and when I lifted a hand to my forehead, it came away slick with sweat.
I couldn’t get up.
A shiver ran through me. I finally mustered up the courage to open my dry mouth and admit the most horrifying part. I was enjoying myself in the dream.
No, I mean nightmare . . .
Not only did I have to risk seeing Thaddeus around town, but he was now haunting my dreams. He was, annoyingly, at the forefront of my mind.
It was just my brain’s way of coming to terms with him being back in town.
That was all it was. As I tried to justify the dream, I could still feel the electricity of his tongue on my skin.
Bright and early, I hurried through the door, trying to make a crucial decision.
Should I arrive at the appointment with Marni on time, or show up a couple of minutes late with a coffee in hand?
I needed coffee. I sped down the street, the decision already made.
There was no way I could get through a session without my liquid courage, not after the nightmare of a night I’d had.
As the light turned green, I steered left into the parking lot and ran from the car toward the shop.
I said a silent prayer that the line wouldn’t be long.
As I pushed the door open, the scene before me crushed my hopes.
The coffee shop overflowed with people. I lifted my phone to send Marni’s secretary a message.
Stuck in traffic, I’ll be ten minutes late.
Yes, it was a lie, but it seemed better than, You can wait, I need my coffee. When I finally reached the front of the line, I gave the barista my order. “One large pumpkin spice Americano.”
Her face wrinkled in what looked to be disgust. “Americano?”
“Yes,” I said, offended that I had to explain my preference, especially when I was running late.
She began to ring up my order, and I thought that was the end of it. “I don’t know how you young people can drink that. Adding pumpkin spice to it doesn’t really make it taste any better, does it?”
My jaw dropped. Was I getting scolded? She was obviously new. I’d been coming here for years, and I’d never seen her before. “Can you please just ring up my order?”
“Anything else?” she asked, plastering a fake customer service smile on her face.
“No.” I pulled out my credit card and tapped it against the machine.
“Thank you.” I hoped she’d caught the sarcastic tone in my voice. I made my way to the other side of the counter to wait for my drink.
The second I arrived, I heard, “One pumpkin spice Americano.”
A couple of others had been waiting for a while, so I knew it wasn’t mine. At least I wasn’t the only one to have asked for such an apparently scandalous drink.
“Thad?” an employee announced.
I froze when the server held the drink in his hand and looked around.
“Thad?”
I couldn’t catch a break. Let it be another Thad and not the murdering son of a bitch I was on my way to therapy to complain about.
“Thad. Your pumpkin spice Americano.”
Damn it. It was him. Thaddeus was the one who introduced me to the drink. Shaking my head, I debated turning to look when I was shoved to the side as he stepped forward. His cologne flooded my senses, and I nearly lost interest in waiting for my coffee.
“Miss, yours is ready too,” the barista said, a different one from the rude person who had taken my order.
Thad looked around to see who the man was talking to, and then looked away, like I was nobody. Damn, I wished I could perfect the ‘you don’t exist to me’ look like he had. His indifference felt like a knife in my stomach.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped forward and grabbed my coffee. Thaddeus walked away when I reached the counter.
Marni was waiting, so I really should hurry. I rushed to the door, and he held it open for me. Oh, you killed my dad and now want to be a gentleman? Give me a break.
“I don’t need you to hold the door open for me.” I regretted the words as soon as I’d spoken them.
A devilish smile lifted one corner of his mouth, and Thaddeus released the door.
I didn’t calculate how close I stood to it.
The door swung shut, hitting my coffee, and the cup fell to the ground.
The lid came free, and the contents of my Americano ran down my lower half, the rest splashing on the ground.
“What the—”
I didn’t have time to go back for another coffee. The line was too long.
Seething, I ran from the store. I could smell the pumpkin spice that had adhered itself to my pants.
I drove to Marni’s office.
“Sorry I’m late.” I hurled myself onto the couch. My safe place.
Marni was working at her desk. She closed the folder and tapped her nails on the desk. “Traffic?”
Feeling guilty as hell, I didn’t bother lying. Lying to your therapist was never a good idea. “No, but if it makes you feel better, I already received a punishment for lying. I just needed my coffee.”
Walking around the desk, Marni took a seat near me. “Other than the spilled coffee on your pants, how are you?”
I winced. “Remember years ago when you offered me drugs? Medication? Well, today I’m here for them. Give me all the drugs. Everything they have.”
Stiffening, Marni waited for me to continue.
“I need them. It feels like I’m going out of my mind.” My voice turned pleading.
“Okay, let’s take a step back for a second. If we need to look into medications, we can, but you’ve been managing just fine without them so far. Tell me what’s happened.”
I told her about the disaster that was last night but left out the dream. Nightmare. She had her receptionist make me a fresh coffee as I ranted. “I couldn’t sleep,” I said. The coffee (minus any pumpkin spice) warmed my already clammy hands.
“Tell me a little more about how you’re feeling,” she said.
I stared at her. “It’s like you said: he’s everywhere.
I’m looking for him all the time because I’m, well, not scared, but I’d rather not bump into my father’s killer.
” With the mess that’d happened at the cafe, it wouldn’t surprise me if I was being punished for some wrongdoing in a past life, and I was cursed to have Thaddeus haunt me.
Okay, that might’ve been going a stretch too far, but how was this man popping up everywhere I turned to for comfort?
Because we shared the same friend group for years and literally rolled in the same sheets.
Still, he didn’t need to show up in the spaces where I went to get relief at the exact same time.
Could he at least schedule his coffee pickups for the evening or something?
“Tarrytown has never felt so small before. Why should they allow Thaddeus to come back here? I didn’t do anything wrong, and he’s a murderer.
He’s messing up my life, again.” My town no longer felt safe.
The hangouts I once looked forward to were now like countdowns to the next painful encounter.
After what he did, how could Henry want to keep that guy around?
“I understand,” Marni said diplomatically. “Eventually, you might get a little more used to seeing him.”
I folded my arms. “I don’t want to. I wish he would go away.”
“He was away. For ten whole years, and you still spent all your time talking about him.” The words felt like a gut punch. “Can I be honest with you?”
I nodded.