Chapter 8 #2
Nicholas held Gabriel’s stare, and as if making a vow of his own, he amended, “I slept with men for money.”
“You were trying to survive.”
Gabriel didn’t like how much distance was between them, so he placed the pan of meat and vegetables into the heated oven before striding over to his mate.
“Does that make it right?” Nicholas licked his lips.
“It makes it forgivable.”
Gabriel tucked a loose strand of hair behind Nicholas’s ear, his fingers grazing the shell of it. Nicholas sucked in a sharp breath, retreating, reminding Gabriel that this thing between them was still tenuous.
As though an electrical current hadn’t just passed between them, Nicholas turned his attention to the view beyond the glass.
“Unbelievable,” he breathed, watching the waves roll beyond the cliff.
“I do most of my thinking out there.” Gabriel flipped the switch that retracted the wall. “Want to have a closer look? We’ve got some time until the food is done.”
Nicholas looked down at his sock-covered feet before stepping onto the patio.
He removed the elastic band holding his hair back, allowing the cool breeze to have its way with the wild strands.
He strode toward the strip of bluff, Gabriel trailing behind him.
He could still feel the sensation of Nicholas’s skin on his fingertips.
The ocean was a vast, dark expanse, even under the moonlight. But the soothing, rhythmic sound of rolling water and the crisp smell of salt-coated air made the intimidating mass appear majestic.
“This is amazing.”
Nicholas spread his arms at his sides, as if hoping the soft whisper of the sea breeze would carry him away. Gabriel stepped in next to him, seeing his favorite place through Nicholas’s eyes.
“I used to dream of a beach. It was nothing like this.” His tone sounded ominous.
“It wasn’t tumultuous, formidable, and deadly, even in its beauty?” The ocean could be all those things at once. It demanded respect.
“No,” Nicholas breathed. “It was much worse.”
Gabriel couldn’t help himself, not when his mate’s voice sounded hollowed by fear. He touched Nicholas’s chin, a silent request for his attention. He searched his expression, wondering if this beach he spoke of was another one of Gabriel’s doings.
“I said I used to dream of it. I don’t anymore.”
He slipped from Gabriel’s fingers, soaking up the ocean again.
“Well, I’m glad it no longer haunts you.”
“I should be glad too, but nowadays… I think I’d prefer it.” His tone suggested something far worse had taken its place.
“I can see why you live here now. I would too, just for this.”
“That could be arranged.”
Nicholas’s head snapped in his direction. “You want me to live with you?”
Gabriel could see where he’d gone wrong and how answering Nicholas’s question with honesty would only scare him further. But he wouldn’t avoid giving him the truth in situations where lying wasn’t absolutely necessary.
“If I had any say in the matter, you’d never leave my side, Nicholas.”
Nicholas’s arched brows pulled together, the scent of his confusion mingling with the scent of brine. Was he confused as to why Gabriel would want him to move in? Or perhaps his confusion came from his wanting to accept.
“You don’t need to feel pressured,” he assured him. “But you also don’t need to hold back.”
Nicholas shivered. Was the cool night air to blame?
“Are you cold? Let’s go back inside.”
“No.” He peered out over the ocean again. “I’m fine.”
They watched the water crest and crash against the rocks below. Nicholas’s silence felt careful, thoughtful.
“Everything in me says I can trust you,” he eventually said. “But I don’t know why. Why you? Why now?” He sounded frustrated, and Gabriel sensed he wasn’t seeking reassurance, so he didn’t reply.
“I won’t move in, but maybe you can lure me here as often as you want with the promise of a swim.” He peeked over the edge, as though in search of something. “How do you even get down there?”
“I dive.”
“Isn’t that dangerous?”
Nicholas followed that up with a question that had nothing to do with how Gabriel chose to reach the water’s surface.
“Are you dangerous?”
“I’m never a danger to you, Nicholas. That I can promise you.”
Gabriel had lived a long life, and so for him, death wasn’t a close fear.
He tended to see dancing on the edge of danger as a reminder that he was, in fact, alive.
Danger had often given his heart a jolt when it lay in tatters.
Maybe now he could learn to appreciate the simpler way of being, of walking along the sand and toeing his way into the blue waters.
“I believe you,” Nicholas breathed, stepping into Gabriel. “Why do I believe you?”
“Because regardless of all that you fear, you know in your heart that you’re safe with me.”
Gabriel took Nicholas’s closeness as permission to touch him again, as an invitation to caress and cup the soft skin of his cheeks. Nicholas shuddered, but didn’t pull away.
The wind picked up, the chill colder than it had been moments ago. “Let’s go inside. I won’t allow you to get sick.”
Nicholas didn’t argue, allowing Gabriel to usher him inside and onto the couch.
“I told you, I’m fine.”
Gabriel placed the fringe throw over his shoulders anyway. “I’m going to check on the food.”
He returned with linen napkins and silverware.
“We’re gonna eat in here?”
“Yes. You look comfortable where you are. I don’t want to change that.”
Nicholas observed him as he positioned their utensils along the coffee table. Gabriel could feel the questions in his stare.
“You can ask me whatever you want, Nicholas.”
He couldn’t promise to give him the truth, but he wanted Nicholas to know he could say anything to him.
“What’s a cleansing ritual?” he whispered.
Gabriel slowly placed the last fork down, once again replaying every single thing he and Hamza had argued about.
“I wasn’t eavesdropping. I couldn’t help but hear bits and pieces on my way down.”
Gabriel eyed his mate. His fair cheeks were still rosy from the cold, his brown eyes wide and hopeful. Gabriel considered deceiving him, weighing it against how damaging the truth would be. He thought about Nicholas’s hesitancy to trust and about his recent confession.
“Everything in me says I can trust you, but I don’t know why.”
He also considered how much time had passed since his dispute with Hamza and wondered if Nicholas had been working up the courage to ask about it this whole time. Was this a test? If so, it was one Gabriel didn’t want to fail. Against his better judgment, he went with the truth.
“It was a form of population control.”
Barring death by murder, his kind lived forever. The ritual was created to avoid outgrowing their lands and resources—or so they were told. The truth of how deep the council’s lies went would only be revealed after the three of them escaped Saraad and lived beyond their two-hundred-year maturity.
That was when their true strength formed, and their individual gifts developed. The council knew this, of course, because they were the oldest of the Saraadians. The most powerful, and they wanted to ensure they remained the strongest force of them all.
“So what, is it like a policy to influence birth rates?”
“Not quite as humane as that.”
“Oh.” Nicholas straightened. “Oh.”
“It’s not something I like to talk about.” Hopefully, that would quell the rising interest in Nicholas’s expression.
“Yeah, I get it.”
Gabriel made it three steps toward the kitchen before Nicholas blurted his next question.
“Who’s he?”
Gabriel spun toward him, ice cementing his veins. “Excuse me?”
“Marcus said he’s returned. Who’s he?”
Now that answer Gabriel couldn’t give. Not yet. But maybe he didn’t have to lie either.
He carefully approached Nicholas, sinking a hand into his woolen hair. Something close to a purr rumbled through his mate. He flushed with embarrassment, the scent of it striking Gabriel’s nostrils.
“I can’t answer that for you right now, Nicholas. But I promise, when the time comes, I will tell you everything.”
He ran his fingertips along Nicholas’s scalp, enjoying the sight of him softening from the contact.
“Why does it feel like I’ve been touched by you before?” His words were low, the question dangerous.
“Because you have,” Gabriel whispered, appreciating that he didn’t have to lie again, while also not addressing the deeper meaning behind the question.
Nicholas’s eyes fluttered shut, his mouth parting slightly; the perfect image of innocence and submission.
The sudden onslaught of his mate’s arousal nearly knocked Gabriel off balance, stirring intimate needs to life. The sweet floral fragrance quickly soured to dark notes of shame as Nicholas twisted away.
“The food should almost be ready,” Gabriel said softly, returning to the kitchen to allow Nicholas time to privately deal with his emotions. From near the stove, he counted the swift rise and fall of Nicholas’s shoulders as he worked to temper his own breathing.
“Just a few more minutes,” he said moments later, settling down next to Nicholas.
“Okay.” Nicholas’s smile seemed strained.
“How are you feeling?”
“Fine.” He’d answered too quickly.
Gabriel reached for his clenched fist, uncurling his fingers. “I’ve already established my terms and what I want from you. And I’m clear on what you’ll need from me. You don’t need to hide. Not from me.” His tone was patient. “How bad is it?”
The drop of blood he’d given him should still have been working through his system, acting as a balm to his cravings. It concerned Gabriel that the transition could be moving along faster than he’d anticipated. He needed more time. More time to win over his mate before ruining his life.
Nicholas blew a breath upward, keeping his gaze fixed on the ceiling. “Not too bad, but this time it’s different. This time I… It’s just different.”
“Different in what way?”