Chapter 13
Nicholas
The stars seemed to be lit by fire from this high up, and just as it was with the man behind him, Nicholas felt drawn to their flame.
Gabriel banded an arm around him, pulling him back a few paces. Nicholas gasped at how close he’d gotten to the roof’s edge.
“I’ve got you. I won’t let you fall.”
“Sorry.” He reached a hand toward the night sky, answering its call. “It’s just so beautiful.”
“Aside from the Dark Sky Park, these rooftops are better suited for stargazing. I prefer my own company, so I choose to come here.”
“Is this where you come for clarity?” He could hear the serenity in Gabriel’s voice.
“Yes.”
They were at the top of a dilapidated building in Ashfall.
One of at least a dozen just like it stacked in a neat row.
What used to be a vibrant district was now a ghost town.
The homes and businesses scattered about had all been left in ruins, burned and defaced during the riots.
No one came to this side of town now unless they were looking for trouble.
Shady dealings took place here, according to the news reports.
Yet here they were, and Gabriel seemed right at home.
“How did you find this place? I mean, what made you come here of all places?”
“I happened upon it one night. The lack of light pollution in this area makes the stars appear brighter and numerous.”
Nicholas scanned the busted streetlights below, counting only a few that flickered with life.
“I’m surprised some developer hasn’t swooped in to rehabilitate this place. It’s off the grid, but they could make a killing.”
Ashfall was an island unto itself. Isolated from the central areas, which had been the appeal to the residents and small business owners who lived here.
“Rumor has it, someone bought everything up within a six-mile radius.”
“You don’t seem like the type to give into rumors.”
“Oh, don’t be fooled. I can gossip with the best of them.”
“You’re such a liar.” His shoulders shook with amusement.
“Why stars? I mean, they’re beautiful, but why are you willing to come here for them?” Even as he asked, he felt the urge to reach for them again.
“Someone once told me that under the stars is where you find yourself; that there’s no greater moment of reflection than when standing beneath something greater than you. Doesn’t it feel like everything is stripped away? Like there’s nothing standing in the path of what’s real?”
“Yeah,” Nicholas agreed, because nothing felt more real than standing there in Gabriel’s protective arms.
“Who are you beneath the stars?” Gabriel ruminated. “By the time I understood the bigger question, the greater lesson, it was too late.”
Nicholas faced him, staring into the haunted windows of his soul.
“Zayn loved the stars, didn’t he?”
“He did.”
Nicholas absorbed that. “You know, sometimes I forget that I remind you of him.” He’d been so caught up in Gabriel, caught up in the way he felt around him, that he’d forgotten who he was there to fill in for. “I think that’s something I should never forget.”
Gabriel splayed a palm over his windblown cheeks, his stern expression in opposition to his delicate tone.
“Maybe that was true at first, but even with your similarities, the more I get to know you, the more I realize you aren’t another Zayn. You’re the very first you.”
Nicholas drowned in those words, loving how cherished and seen they made him feel. He’d never felt much like anything, let alone the very first of something. For the most part, he’d gone through life feeling like an imposter, and not even his God had made him feel the way Gabriel just did.
“Thank you,” he said. “My heart needed that.”
He welcomed Gabriel’s kiss. It seemed short and sweet by design, not meant to stir more than affection in him.
They observed the stars again, Gabriel’s broad chest a wall of protection that Nicholas leaned into.
“Were there lots of stars in Saraad?”
“Infinite stars. They guided my way many nights.”
“Do you ever miss home?”
“Sometimes.” Gabriel’s answer seemed to leave a lot unspoken.
“Do you ever think about going back?”
“My relationship with Zayn was forbidden in Saraad. You and I wouldn’t be welcomed there.”
Nicholas’s heart warmed as Gabriel’s response implied he wouldn’t go back without him.
“Is being queer illegal there?”
“No, nothing like that. We lived under a caste system that forbade us from being together.”
Every answer left Nicholas wanting to know more, but he didn’t want to ruin their magical night by making Gabriel relive the pain of his past. And selfishly, he didn’t want the moment consumed by Zayn.
“How often do you come here?”
“Not often enough.”
He angled his head up at Gabriel. “Have you ever brought anyone else here?”
“You mean like a hot date?” Gabriel wiggled his brows, and the wind devoured Nicholas’s laugh.
“First of all, the words ‘hot date’ should not leave your mouth.”
“Why not?”
He shrugged. “It just sounds wrong coming from you. But yeah, have you ever brought a ‘hot date’ here?”
“No.” Gabriel tucked a strand of hair into Nicholas’s bun. “I don’t date, at least not until now.”
“Not even Marcus? I mean, you’ve never even brought Marcus here?”
Gabriel shook his head. “This is our place. The stars are for us now.” His tender gaze ensnared Nicholas.
“What else do you do for fun? I want to know everything.”
“Well…” Gabriel looked to the neighboring buildings. “I sometimes jump across all of those.”
“You what? Aren’t you afraid of falling? No way you’d survive from this high up.”
“The gaps aren’t terribly far apart. Not enough to provide much of a thrill, but enough to be reminded that I’m alive. It can be hard to remember that sometimes.”
Nicholas considered his somber tone, then the other roofs. Extracting himself from Gabriel’s hold, he inched closer.
“Careful,” Gabriel warned.
Nicholas shot him a look that begged him to take his own advice.
The distance to the ground made his stomach lurch, but the span between rooftops really wasn’t that bad.
Gabriel would likely end up falling onto one of the fire escapes on his way down, hopefully breaking something less valuable than his neck.
“…enough to be reminded that I’m alive.”
Nicholas took a deep breath. “Let’s do it.”
Gabriel stared at him with an alarmed expression. “No.”
“Why not? I have the speed and agility for it, and the distance isn’t great. You said so yourself.”
“It’s one thing for me to live on the edge, Nicholas. I won’t play games with your life. The answer is no.”
Nicholas bristled, but understood Gabriel’s curtness came from a good place. He rested a palm along Gabriel’s stiff jaw.
“I want to feel what you feel. I want to share in the experience. And I know you’ll keep me safe. It’s the one thing I’m always sure of when I’m with you.”
He’d promised to trust Gabriel, and so he’d put his life in his hands, knowing it was safe there. “You said it yourself. You won’t let me fall.”
Gabriel gripped his chin a little too roughly, obvious fear and passion driving him. “I’d never let anything bad happen to you.”
“I know.”
Gabriel sighed, looking to the opposite end of the roof they were on. “We take a head start from back there. I hold your hand, and we only jump once. Am I clear?”
Nicholas’s heart pounded in his throat. He’d never done anything like this. Had never taken such a risk before. But he knew he’d be okay, knew it in a way he couldn’t articulate. He laced his fingers with Gabriel’s in response.
He settled into a runner’s lunge next to Gabriel, locking eyes with him.
“Ready?” Gabriel sounded exhilarated, sending a rush of adrenaline through Nicholas.
“Ready.”
Gabriel squeezed his hand, nodding. They took off, the spring air whipping against them as they moved.
“Push!” Gabriel called out as their feet touched the ledge.
Nicholas didn’t dare look down as they hurdled through space, seeming to fly, not jump, onto the neighboring roof. Gabriel landed gracefully in a crouch, catching Nicholas as he stumbled.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Nicholas panted, his heart assailing his ribs. “That was incredible!”
His laughter felt both light and heavy, both simple and complicated. There was a sense of empowerment, a seedling of self-trust, the rush of accomplishment. He quieted at Gabriel’s soft expression, but his pulse still raced.
“What?” he asked, still trying to catch his breath.
“You’re so beautiful.”
The corner of Nicholas’s mouth turned up. “One more?”
“Are you taking advantage of how captivated I am by you?”
“Absolutely.” Nicholas felt both confidence and freedom radiate from his smile. He stood, holding out his hand.
“One more.” Gabriel held up one finger before taking Nicholas’s hand.
They ended up jumping three more rooftops before sprawling out in a fit of euphoric laughter.
Nicholas straddled Gabriel, gazing down at him. “I want to become a veterinarian.”
“Roof hopping brought you to that decision?”
“No.” Nicholas looked to the stars, then to the roofs they’d hopped across. “It made me less fearful. I’ve been thinking about it since Sandy called me earlier to ask if I could help Mike run the shelter while she’s on maternity leave.”
“What did you tell her?”
“I couldn’t say yes fast enough, and I get to bring the boys to work with me—if I can get Maxim to leave your side.”
Nicholas’s excitement faltered at Gabriel’s silence.
“Well, what do you think? Are you not happy for me?”
“Of course I am.” Gabriel kissed the center of his palm. “I’m just already missing you.”
“Well, we have time to—”
“How much time?” He sounded worried, but Nicholas chalked it up to his desire to keep him close.
“She isn’t due for another two months. But it got me thinking about expanding on her idea, opening more Kindness Refuge locations.
Then I thought, wouldn’t it be cool if there was a veterinary clinic, maybe right next door—or on-site, that offered free services to anyone who adopts from the shelter?
Sandy loved the idea of me having my own location and also the clinic idea.
It’ll take time, of course, and lots of schooling, but it feels right. Finally, everything is feeling right.”
Gabriel trailed a fingertip across Nicholas’s smile. “I’m happy for you, Nicholas, and I hope you’ll let me help you.”
He’d turned down Gabriel’s money more than once during their week together. This was no longer about sex. He didn’t want to be paid to be with Gabriel; he just wanted to be with him.
“It’s partly my fault that you’re no longer employed, which makes it my responsibility to make sure you’re taken care of.”
Although his situation was no one’s fault but his own, Nicholas understood Gabriel’s argument. However, Eliana had paid him a generous severance bonus, plus he had some of his own money saved. He’d be okay for a while. And as far as school went, he could take out loans.
He kissed Gabriel, a soft peck on the lips, a kinder way of turning him down again.
“Have I told you how good you taste?” Kissing Gabriel was all he wanted to do these days. It both quieted and stoked the stifling fire in him.
“Like butterscotch and honey.”
“Mm-hmm.” He’d lost the band holding up his hair. Gabriel gently sifted through the tangled strands, undoing the damage caused by the reckless wind.
“Let me get you home, then maybe you can have more.”
“You just want to rush home for another popsicle.” He couldn’t believe it when Gabriel told him he’d never had one. Since then, he’d gone through three boxes of them.
“That’s true. But it’s not quite summer yet, and it’s starting to feel a bit cold out.” He got them to their feet, draping his jacket around Nicholas.
“Thank you.” Nicholas grazed his lips over Gabriel’s.
“For bringing you out here?”
“No, for sharing this other side of you. It’s beautiful, and I want more.”