Chapter 25 #2
“I can’t allow you to go another day without feeding. Your joints are already hardening.”
Nicholas halted in the flexing of his stiff fingers.
“You need blood.”
“I can’t.”
“Food and water won’t sustain you.”
“I’ll survive on rare steak. I’ll eat it uncooked if I have to. I’ll hold my breath indefinitely. I’ll—”
“You need all your senses. They’re what keep you safe.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Nicholas—”
“I can’t,” he stressed.
“Why not?”
“Because then it’s real!” He gestured to his body. “I’m changed. I know that, and there’s nothing I can do about it. You made sure of that. But the blood…”
His stomach howled at the mere mention of it, embarrassment blooming along his gaunt cheeks.
“I just need to get out of here. Then I can think and do things my own way. I can’t think, Gabriel. I can’t do anything more than feel when I’m near you. Hate, anger, hunger, lo—” he stopped himself, absently rubbing at his heart. “I just need to think.”
Nothing Gabriel said would matter. Nicholas was stubborn and wouldn’t believe he was a danger until he was placed in a situation that made him dangerous.
The doorbell rang.
Nicholas sat up, bones audibly complaining. “Who is that?”
“Wait here.” Gabriel disappeared into the house.
Nicholas stood slowly, then hurried in as Gabriel approached with Maxim, Ezekiel, and Malachi at his heels. He sank to the floor as they ran for him, wincing as they leapt into his arms.
“Hi,” he gushed, falling to his back as they overwhelmed him, jumping and barking, licking at his face.
“Look how big you guys have gotten!”
He smiled, relishing in their attention, and it broke Gabriel’s heart to have to teach him this hard lesson. He stood back, watching and listening intently, waiting to intervene.
Nicholas hugged Zeke to him, closing his eyes and inhaling at his neck, something he always did when he was human. The others nipped at his clothes, nudged their noses against Zeke as if saying it was their turn.
Nicholas’s heart rate picked up, and he held onto Zeke tighter. Zeke whined, working his bad leg as he tried to get away. Nicholas quickly ceased breathing, but that alone wouldn’t be enough for a fledgling.
The scent of blood wasn’t the only thing he needed to worry about. It was the sound of it rushing through veins, the mere sight of it. It was the feel of a heart beating against him, or even close by. It was the warmth of flesh, signaling life, identifying it as a food source.
“Imagine many hearts pounding,” Gabriel whispered. “Imagine a child falling and scraping his knee. Imagine watching a film riddled with bloodshed.”
Any of those things was a risk to his control.
Kai backed away while Maxim growled. Zeke still struggled.
Nicholas opened his eyes, thin black veins rising in the sunken hollows beneath them, and within his tortured gaze, sapphire drowned in a pool of scarlet.
Gabriel could smell the saliva flooding Nicholas’s mouth and could hear his fangs descend.
“Save him,” he croaked, trembling through his attempt at restraint.
His eyes closed again, tears running past his temples as his jaw widened with a hiss.
Gabriel was on him in a blink, extracting Zeke before pinning him down.
Nicholas thrashed and growled, bucked and snapped his teeth.
“Take them. Now,” Gabriel ordered.
Marcus appeared over his shoulder with a bag of blood, then whisked the dogs away.
Gabriel’s blood would sate Nicholas a lot faster, but the intimacy of it would feel like an even bigger betrayal after having just set him up to fail. One bag would only take the edge off enough to make him coherent, but that was all Gabriel needed.
Holding Nicholas’s wrists together with one hand, he bit the stopper off the bag, letting the contents flow into Nicholas’s snarling mouth.
Nicholas’s fangs shredded his bottom lip as he awkwardly closed his mouth around the exit port.
Soon, his markings dimmed, then faded, his lower back flattening against the icy living room floor. Gabriel sent his heat out, warming the space around them.
Nicholas drank until nothing remained, then turned his head toward the fireplace as if trying to hide his shame. He didn’t need to hide from Gabriel. Gabriel saw and accepted him completely. No flaw would ever be too big to ignore, no mistake too insurmountable.
Gabriel backed away, preparing for the verbal assault he was sure would come.
It took some time, but Nicholas eventually climbed to his feet, swaying as he slowly met Gabriel’s eyes. Gabriel expected to see condemnation, anger, and lingering shame. Instead, Nicholas seemed resigned, tired, his scent laced with the acidity of defeat. Gabriel wanted badly to hold him.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Nicholas whispered.
“Like what?”
“Like you still find me beautiful. I’m not beautiful. I’m a monster. I would’ve killed them if you hadn’t stopped me.”
He was beyond beautiful to Gabriel. Nicholas was pure. Free from taint. A white dove in a sea of ferocious ravens.
“Pretending to be human puts everyone you come into contact with in danger. You want to hold on to your humanity? That you can do. You can remain kind and gentle and nurturing… You can even keep your faith, if you want to. But only if you accept that your will is weaker than your hunger.”
A ruby-red tear fell from Nicholas’s lashes, freezing midway down his cheek.
“And what if I don’t?”
Gabriel stepped in, cradling his heart-shaped face, using his warmth to thaw him. Nicholas shuddered, seeming too weak in spirit to pull away.
“Then your body will betray you, turn rogue, and take what is needed, and you won’t be able to stop yourself. Being a vampire may offend you, but not being able to stop until you’ve emptied your victims… that is what you will never recover from, Nicholas.”
“You recovered. Over and over again. How? Why?”
Gabriel’s smile was one of sadness.
“Because, regardless of what you claim, my love, I am the only monster in the room.”
Nicholas slipped from his hold, walking away. He stopped at the staircase, placing a foot on the bottom step, but moving no further. The silence became unbearable.
Nicholas peered over his shoulder, his gaze haunting, his words hushed.
“Bring me the blood.”