Chapter 30
Nicholas
Distractions were met with gratitude when Nicholas would rather avoid something than face it head-on. His avoidance issues were at the very top of his work-in-progress list, but this… This one he reserved grace for.
Gabriel said leaping wasn’t something he needed to learn, that his body’s natural reflexes would do the job for him. The problem was, he needed to step off the ledge for that innate work to be done.
That was the hard part, because every time he looked down he saw his fragile human body broken and contorted on the rocks below. It was like he had a bird’s-eye view to an ending he hadn’t even been conscious of.
He squeezed his eyes shut, telling himself he could do it as the wind whipped at his hair. Nicholas inched forward, but the sound of a voice he recognized saved him from having to make the jump.
Mateo.
Nicholas’s heart sprang into his throat.
What was Mateo doing at Gabriel’s home? They hadn’t spoken since before the transition, and although Gabriel had found his phone, Nicholas hadn’t powered it on once.
He couldn’t, not until he knew what he’d say to the people he’d left without warning.
Not until he found the words to tell them they could no longer be friends.
Hopping down from the railing, he thought about disappearing into one of the many unused rooms within the house. But while he may have been unprepared for a confrontation, he refused to hide from it. It wasn’t the man he wanted to be, wasn’t the man he oddly felt called to be.
The dogs scratched and whimpered at the closed balcony doors. Nicholas was sure they’d have jumped after him if he’d allowed them outside.
“It’s okay,” he whispered, stroking them. “Sorry I scared you.”
He’d have to lock them outside the room next time.
“Wait here,” he said. “I’ll be right back.”
Nicholas slipped from the bedroom, closing them in. Mateo had always been leery of unfamiliar dogs, and now wasn’t the time for introductions.
He stopped just before reaching the stairs, inhaling deeply and pricking his ears.
There was the rush of human blood, the speed aligning with the tangy, almost sour scent in the air. Nicholas recalled the lesson on emotional aromas that Hamza had given him on their ‘date’ in the city last week.
Mateo was nervous, anxious. And if Nicholas remembered correctly, the hint of citrus meant he was excited too. Nicholas didn’t smell anger, which helped in quickening his pace.
Gabriel’s gaze was fixed on the top landing, their eyes locking instantly, and as per usual, it was a struggle to break free.
Mateo hadn’t noticed him yet. He stood watching Gabriel with clear distrust, absently rubbing the side of his neck. It seemed his apprehension wasn’t directed at Nicholas. He eventually followed Gabriel’s stare, shoulders dropping, the scent of grapefruit now heavy.
“Nicky,” he sighed.
Nicholas would’ve cried at the fondness in his friend’s voice, but his tears were no longer the same. The reminder saddened him, reminded him of what he and Mateo could never have again.
He let his sadness fuel his anger. Why would Gabriel do this, force him to end his friendship now, and without his consent?
Maybe because he wasn’t honorable. Maybe because he wasn’t good.
Nicholas’s heart rebelled against that claim, upsetting him further.
It was as if the damn thing didn’t even belong to him.
“I invited him over so that you two could talk, since we’ve been gone for a while. Thought I’d surprise you.”
“That you did,” he said tightly, making his way downstairs.
It was hard to stay angry when Mateo smiled at him the way he did, hard to feel ambushed when he stepped forward to wrap his arms around him.
“Fuck, Nicky. Don’t ever disappear for that long without telling me first. Okay, pendejo?”
Nicholas hugged him back, feeling at home within his embrace. He held on a little longer, delaying the crushing blow he’d have to deliver. Why would Gabriel do this?
Did he think Nicholas would change his mind once he saw Mateo? That he’d choose a life of lies rather than a life without his best friend? He couldn’t, and he knew that more so now than he had five minutes ago. Already the lies were forming, and he hadn’t even uttered a word yet.
“Okay.” Lie number one, but he needed to buy time, even if he could only afford a few seconds of it.
Mateo pulled back, still grasping Nicholas’s shoulders, his smile faltering.
“What happened to your face?”
“What do you mean?” Nicholas felt around his nose and cheeks. “What’s wrong with it?”
Mateo gave Nicholas’s shoulders a testing squeeze, moving lower to his biceps. They were more defined than the last time they’d seen each other. Mateo’s forehead creased.
“Nothing,” he said. “You just look… perfect. I mean, you were always cute, but—”
“Cute?” Gabriel cut in, sounding offended on Nicholas’s behalf.
Mateo whirled around, out of breath. “Shit, I forgot you were there.”
He rubbed at his neck again.
“Mateo, can you wait for me in the living room? I just need to talk to Gabriel real quick.”
“Yeah,” he said distractedly, staring at Gabriel as if he were a complicated math equation. “Okay.”
He waited until Mateo was out of hearing range before snapping. “Why would you do this? What am I supposed to tell him?”
He was furious with Gabriel and upset with himself for believing he’d suffered the last of his betrayals.
“This wasn’t how—”
“Tell him the truth,” said Gabriel, tone soft.
Nicholas gaped at him, unsure if he’d heard him correctly.
“What?”
Gabriel moved closer, until Nicholas was cocooned in his woodsy scent, until all he could register was the plump vein at Gabriel’s neck, and the exact number of centimeters that separated their cocks. Nicholas wanted him. Even through shock, rage, and the human watching them from the next room.
“Do you trust him?” Gabriel whispered.
Nicholas put a few more inches between them, rubbing his temples.
“I-I don’t understand.”
“Do you trust him to keep your secrets, Nicholas?”
Was Gabriel giving him permission to put their lives, and the lives of countless others, in Mateo’s hands? Because Nicholas had no doubt that Gabriel, Hamza, and Marcus would fight to the death to prevent being captured or murdered for who and what they were.
What he offered went beyond generosity or making amends. It was reckless and could have catastrophic consequences if Mateo proved he couldn’t be trusted. The building tension at the corners of Gabriel’s eyes said he understood that.
Nicholas looked at his friend, unable to count all the times he’d proven his loyalty. He’d done so even when Nicholas hadn’t deserved it, even when loving Nicholas had been hard.
Mateo never gave up on him. Kept trying until Nicholas reluctantly let him in. He protected him as a child, and had returned to protect and be there for him even after leaving their foster home.
Mateo knew the worst about Nicholas’s humanity, the endless sins he’d committed while continuously pledging himself to God. He never judged him for it, never treated him like the hypocrite he was, even when Nicholas insisted he should.
All Mateo ever wanted was the best for him, even when he believed the best wasn’t Gabriel. Nicholas trusted him with his life, and… he didn’t want to lose him.
“Yes. I do.”
“Then don’t let this come between you. Don’t let what we are cost you one more thing.”
“But no one can know. It could put you all in danger. It could put us in danger.”
Because he was one of them now. They were… family.
“There is nothing more dangerous than watching the spark leave your eyes, Nicholas. Then watching you lose all that you hold dear because of me. The risk—the threat—is worth the possible reward.”
Why are you doing this to me? He wanted to ask. Why are you making it so hard to walk away?
“Shouldn’t Hamza and Marcus get a say?”
“They have. You’re their family. They want to see you happy.”
Nicholas stood there, at a loss for what to say next.
“I’ll leave you two alone. I’ll be in my study if you need me.”
“O-okay.” He nodded, still standing in the foyer after Gabriel walked away.
“Do you mind taking the dogs with you?” Nicholas called out.
He thought about the scare he’d given them, feeling terrible about it.
“They’re in my room. They could use some company.”
Gabriel detoured for the stairs, while Nicholas went to face his best friend.
“Nicky, what’s going on?”
“Let’s talk outside.”
Nicolas closed the glass wall behind them for privacy, the sound of the current providing an additional buffer. Mateo took in the view.
“I’d be impressed if I didn’t hate him so much.”
“You are impressed. You’ve got your I’m-impressed-but-I-don’t-want-to-admit-it face on.”
He grunted. “Fine. I am. But don’t tell him I said that. He looks like the type that would get an ego boost from it.”
That couldn’t have been further from the truth.
Mateo sighed, folding his arms. “Talk to me. It’s been more than a month since some hot cop with a chip on his shoulder showed up at my door with an update on you.”
“That was Gabriel’s brother, and he’s actually pretty cool once you get to know him.”
“Yeah, well, he said you two were in some remote village in Thailand getting Gabriel a personality transplant. I mean, how long does that actually take?”
Nicholas snapped his gaze up. “Wait, what?”
Hamza must have deviated from Gabriel’s spiritual retreat excuse. Nicholas was sure Gabriel knew nothing about this.
“And you believed that?”
“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I…” he trailed off, as though only now realizing how insane Hamza’s story was.
“Why did I believe that?” His eyes darkened. “What the hell is going on?”
Nicholas turned away, rubbing at his nape as he figured out where to begin.
“Remember that time I told you about my dreams? About vampires?”
“How could I forget? It was the last time I saw you.” He said it like the memory would be forever etched in pain.
“Yeah, well, about that…”
Wanting to remove the option of backing out and wanting to shave time off Mateo’s disbelief, Nicholas decided to show his friend the truth.