Chapter Ten
Kytten
I had a dad.
He had a name.
Reaper had killed him.
I didn’t know how to process that. I liked Reaper. He didn’t pull punches. If he was mad, he let you know it. And he didn’t back off until you made it right.
But he killed my dad.
The dad I didn’t know I had.
The one I would never have the chance to know.
Thorne hadn’t said much about it once King told us who our father was. He didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to be sitting next to me in church either. But King ordered him to. And Sam talked to him as well.
Thorne would do anything for her.
What made her so special?
Maybe you’ll find out if you become part of their family.
I shook my head, brushing those thoughts aside. I wasn’t ready to think about that yet.
Thorne sat quietly next to me as we waited for the new shrink to arrive. He wasn’t happy about being here, and he was making sure everyone knew it. I had agreed with Cash and King when they explained why things had to be done this way. I didn’t want Montana knowing about us, either.
I’d heard Val talk about him. I knew they didn’t get along. So I knew he was someone I didn’t want to meet. Val’s opinion of the man was enough for me.
The door opened, and I reached over and grabbed my brother’s hand. I didn’t know what I was afraid of, but I knew I needed him close.
Dr. Jefferson stepped in first, followed by a man I didn’t recognize.
“Mimic, Kytten, this is Dr. Zander Dunaway.”
The first thing I noticed was how tall he was. Almost Goliath tall. But he wasn’t as wide as Gunner. He was trim, but I wouldn’t say thin. He had shaggy dirty blond hair, and when he sat across from me, I could see the little blue flecks in his silver eyes.
“Hello, Kytten. Hello, Mimic. You can call me Dr. Dunaway, Zander, or Torment, if you prefer. Dr. Jefferson has told me you are both in clubs.” He was handsome in his suit, but when he put his glasses on, Lord have mercy! It was a good thing for Cash I wasn’t into pretty boys.
“Hello,” I said quietly. I looked at Dr. Jefferson. “Are you staying?”
“Only if you want me to. I just wanted to introduce you to Dr. Dunaway. Would you like me to stay?” I quickly shook my head. “Mimic?”
My brother looked at me before turning back to Dr. Jefferson and shaking his head.
“If that changes at any time, Dr. Dunaway can come get me.”
Dr. Jefferson excused herself, and it was just the three of us.
“Mimic, you are a member of this club, correct?”
Thorne nodded.
Dr. Dunaway didn’t seem bothered by Thorne’s quiet response. He spoke to me next. “And you are part of the Nyght Nymphs?”
I nodded similar to Thorne. I was nervous about speaking. King had told me how important it was for this first meeting to go the right way. It would ensure that Dr. Dunaway wouldn’t be able to call Montana when he learned who we really were.
“I want to assure you both that anything you tell me is strictly between us. Unless you sign a waiver, I am legally bound to keep all conversations private. I take my oath very seriously.” He waited for us both to nod before saying, “I’d like to start with a family history. What are your legal names?”
Thorne squeezed my hand. He wouldn’t speak. I would have to do it all.
“Thorne and Rosebud Peterson,” I said, waiting for him to react. When he didn’t, Thorne frowned.
“And you mother’s name?”
“Vivian Greenbush,” I answered.
“And your father’s name?”
This was where I hesitated. I waited for him to look up at me before I said, “Justin Peterson.”
He didn’t react. Except for the tiny flare of his eyes. He looked from me to Thorne, something akin to recognition moving across his features. And with a heavy sigh, he removed his glasses and said, “Please excuse me a moment.”
He stood up from his seat and walked out. It was a short dash from my seat to the door. I held it open just enough to hear Dr. Dunaway yell at King.
“You fucking bastard. You set me up.”
“I didn’t set you up,” King argued. “Kytten needed a new therapist, but I can’t have Montana bringing shit down on my club.”
“And Reaper? Does he know?”
“No. Val doesn’t even know,” Cash added.
“Where the fuck is Pippen?”
“Home with his family. He doesn’t know who they are; neither does Sypher.”
“You mean there’s something even fucking Sypher doesn’t know?” He rubbed the back of his neck. “You’ve fucked me over, you know that? When Montana finds out—”
“Are you telling me your president doesn’t respect your chosen profession?” King asked.
“This was a shit move on your part. Those are my brother’s kids!” Dr. Dunaway yelled.
“And I am trying to protect them!” King hollered back. I looked over my shoulder at Thorne. He hadn’t moved.
“Torment, please. My woman needs someone to talk to,” Cash pleaded.
“You have two very successful psychologists in your club.”
“I am already seeing Haizley. It would be a conflict of interest. And Rose doesn’t want to talk to Mellie.”
“Did you know?” Dr. Dunaway turned toward Jingles.
“I didn’t know Ellie called you until after.”
“You always were an asshole, Bastian.”
Jingles shrugged, unconcerned with Dr. Dunaway’s assessment.
“No more fucking secrets!” Dr. Dunaway turned toward church, and I ran back to my seat. When he walked through the door, the angry man from outside was gone.
“I apologize for the disruption.” He sat down and leaned back in his chair. “I want to be up-front. I knew your father. He was my brother and my friend.”
Thorne turned away.
“What was he like?” I asked. I knew he was here to talk to me about the monsters, but he knew my dad. The confused look on his face had me adding, “We only found out yesterday who he was. Our mom never told us. She said no one could know who we were.”
“Where is your mother?” Dr. Dunaway asked.
“The man took her.”
“Rosebud,” Thorne hissed.
“What man?”
Thorne glared at him. “We aren’t talking about that.”
“Okay. Let’s talk about why I’m here. Dr. Jefferson gave me a very brief history. I guess now I know why,” he muttered. “Kytten.” He paused. “Would you prefer Kytten or Rosebud?”
“Kytten.” I only wanted Cash to call me Rose.
“And you?” he asked my brother. “Would you prefer Thorne or Mimic?”
When my brother didn’t answer, I elbowed him. “Mimic,” he said grudgingly.
“Kytten, Dr. Jefferson said you were dealing with self-harm. Mimic, what about you?”
“I’m only here for this appointment, so you can’t tell anyone who my father was.”
“Would you like to leave?”
“Yes.”
“Kytten,” Dr. Dunaway spoke. “Would you like Mimic to stay?”
NO! I didn’t want him to stay. I didn’t want him to hear everything. I didn’t want him to hear anything, if I was honest.
“He can go,” I said as calmly as I could.
“You sure?” Thorne asked, and I nodded, trying to give him a smile that wouldn’t tell him what I was feeling. I didn’t want him to see my shame. He didn’t waste any time getting out of the room.
“Your father was a good man. He worked hard to keep his brothers safe.” He was silent for a minute before he asked, “Did he know about you?”
“I don’t know. Mom would never tell us anything. She kept us hidden.”
“What do you mean, hidden?”
“We didn’t go to school. We traveled around a lot, too. Whenever the man found us, we had to leave. Not even the people she rented from knew we were there.”
“Did the man know about you?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Do you know who the man was?” I kept my eyes down, focusing on my hands as I nodded. “Will you tell me who he is?”
I lifted my eyes then. “No.”
“Why not?”
“Because his death will be by my hand, and Thorne’s, no one else’s.”
“Kytten, I should have made this clear at the beginning. If you tell me something in the future you are planning, I am bound by law to report it. So with that clear, I will ask again, why won’t you tell me who the man is?”
I knew what he was doing. He was protecting himself while still holding true to the rules of the MC. The one that said we handled our own shit.
“I don’t want to talk about that.”
Dr. Dunaway nodded and moved on. “Let’s start at the beginning. Tell me about your childhood. Before the man took your mom.”
Over the next hour, I shared everything with Dr. Dunaway. Well, everything I felt comfortable telling him. Which was more than I had shared with Dr. Jefferson.
I told him about the day the man took my mom, leaving out any specific details that would tell him who the man was. I told him about when the landlord found us and the months we spent on the street before Thorne disappeared when he went to get us food.
“Have you asked Mimic about that yet?”
I shook my head.
“Why not?”
“I don’t want to know,” I told him as I looked off to the side. Dr. Dunaway made too much eye contact. It was uncomfortable. Like he could tell when I was lying.
“Why don’t you want to know?”
I didn’t answer. I hid my hands under my legs so I wouldn’t scratch. I wanted to wake up the monsters. I needed them to take away what I was feeling.
“Do you think he left you, Kytten?”
I wanted to yell at him. Scream the word no so loud the whole clubhouse heard it. Instead, I dropped my head. Did I think Thorne left me on purpose? A small part of me did. And that made me feel guilty. Because I thought something bad about him.
“You can be honest in here, Kytten. It’s just you and me. No one will know what you tell me. It’s okay to let it out.”
Tears formed in my eyes. I wondered if they would spill out or if they would call the monsters to come get them.
“Sometimes,” I whispered as the first tear fell. “Sometimes I think he didn’t want me anymore. And that’s why he didn’t come back.”
Dr. Dunaway slid the tissue box across the table. “It’s okay to cry. And it’s okay to feel.”
I didn’t want to feel. That’s why I had the monsters. They took all the feelings away. The problem was, they wanted the good feelings too. Not just the bad ones.
“Are you ready to move on?”
My head snapped up, and I asked, “Move on?”
“Yes. You acknowledged how you felt. Am I right in thinking that’s the first time you have acknowledged that, even to yourself?”
I nodded and waited for him to say more.
“We can talk more about these feelings if you need to. Or we can move on and examine some other feelings. Which would you prefer?”
“Move on,” I said quickly. I didn’t want to analyze why I felt that way. Admitting it was hard enough.
“Let’s talk about the day Valhalla found you.”
Dr. Dunaway spent hours with me. He helped me admit how I felt.
Feelings I had been afraid to say out loud.
And then he let me move on. He never pushed.
He never asked why I felt that way. He said admitting them was the hard part.
And one day we would talk about why I felt them, and he would help me process that.
I was glad Ellie had suggested him. He was easy to talk to. Maybe, just maybe, he would be able to help me kill the monsters. Or at least teach me how not to need them so much.
When we were done, we walked out of church together. Cash was waiting, and he pulled me into his arms. “Are you okay, baby?” I smiled up at him.
“I need to notify Montana that I will be here for a while.”
Cash stiffened, pulling me tight, and I had to wiggle away before he crushed me.
“I won’t tell him anything. But he does need to know where I am. I can let him know it is a friend of the club.”
“She’s more than a fucking friend,” Cash growled.
“You want me to tell him that?” Dr. Dunaway asked.
“That will be fine,” King said. “Brandy, please show Torment to a guest room. You are welcome to stay here as long as you’re needed.”
Dr. Dunaway followed Brandy down the hall, and I took a deep breath. Maybe there was someone I could tell my secrets to after all.