Chapter Fifteen
Cash
For the past three days, I had been sitting in this fucking office during Rose’s sessions. Torment told me he was going to start pushing. He was going to make her more uncomfortable until she relented.
He said it wouldn’t be easy for her. Or me. That’s why he wanted me here. Tank sat against the wall behind me, Nav to my right. I was being fucking babysat.
My anxiety was through the roof. My knee bounced uncontrollably as I waited for her to walk out of church. King had told Torment there were cameras and gave him the option of turning them off.
He declined.
He said he normally taped his sessions anyway, and as long as he could guarantee no one watched them, he would like them left on. Nav wouldn’t tell me shit.
Church didn’t have an open feed like the rest of the grounds. The recordings could only be watched after the fact. At least, that’s what Nav told us. I thought the fucker was lying.
When I saw the door open before the end of the hour-long session, my knee stopped. I leaned forward to watch where she went. When she turned down the hallway, Nav switched the feed.
Hash had been given orders to stay out of the kitchen. Torment was setting up my woman, and I wanted to fucking kill him for it.
When the door opened, I glared up at him.
“Where is she?” Torment asked.
“In the kitchen,” Nav said. He switched the feed, and we watched as she went to the pantry and the freezer. Then she frantically searched through the drawers until she found a knife.
I jumped from my seat, and Tank pushed me back down.
“Get your fucking hand off me. That’s an order, brother.”
“No can do. King outranks you.”
“She’s going to hurt herself,” I growled and tried to stand again.
“Yes, she is,” Torment agreed as he fully entered the room. “You have to let her.”
“What the fuck for?” I asked, my anger almost at boiling point.
“She has to make a decision. On her own. She can’t do it for you.”
I understood what he was saying. And I knew this was part of his plan, but I fucking hated it. I watched helplessly as Rose stuck the knife in her boot and moved back to the hallway.
Nav switched the feed, following her as she moved outside. We had cleared the clubhouse today, leaving only a few brothers so it didn’t look suspicious. When she found out I let Torment set her up to fail, she would fucking hate me.
I promised her brother I would never hurt her.
She’s hurting herself.
Rachel’s voice in my head calmed me. I knew she was right. I knew fucking Torment was right. I had asked Haizley about his plan and while she didn’t like it either, she agreed that a controlled situation was better than an uncontrolled one.
Only we had no fucking control of anything.
She was doing so good. Her scratching was at a minimum. She smiled more. The real smile, not that fake one she gave everyone before she got to know them. Hell, she even petted the fucking dog this morning.
“This will set her back.”
“Yes,” he agreed, his eyes glued to the screen. I hated this fucker. Everyone knew the Soulless Sinners were a bunch of narcissistic assholes. How Pippen had gotten involved with them was a mystery. He was the only decent one of the whole fucking bunch.
“You’re supposed to be fucking helping her.”
“Look, Cash,” he exhaled, “I know this is hard to watch. But she hasn’t had a setback yet. That’s not how this works. She should have caved before now. If she doesn’t fall, she can’t climb back up.”
“Fuck you. Maybe she’s happy. Maybe she doesn’t fucking need you anymore, and you’re setting her up so you can stick around until it’s time to run back to fucking Montana and tell him everything you learned here.”
“Brother, I know it’s hard seeing your old lady in pain, so I’m gonna let that slide for now. But you ever fucking question my dedication to helping my clients again and I will fuck you up.” He pointed to the screen. “There, what’s that building?”
“None of your fucking business,” I growled.
“Cash,” he warned.
“It doesn’t matter,” Nav said. “She isn’t trying to go inside.”
He switched to a camera on the corner of the building. They pointed down the side so if anyone was hiding, we would see them.
Rose sat against the wall and pulled the knife from her boot. My heart was fucking breaking as she traced the vine tattoo before pressing the blade against her leg. When she hesitated, Torment pumped his fist in the air and shouted, “YES!” just as she cut into her skin.
Tank dropped his hands from my shoulder and growled.
Right there with you, brother.
I stood up and shoved Torment against the wall.
“Why the fuck are you so excited my old lady cut her fucking leg again? You’re glad you pushed her to breaking point?”
“You didn’t see it, did you?” he said calmly despite my arm against this throat.
“See what?”
“She hesitated.”
I stepped back, releasing him from my hold. “What?”
“She. Fucking. Hesitated. That was what I was looking for. Yes, I knew she would still cut into her skin. But I needed to know what progress she was making, if any.”
“Cash,” Nav called. That was when I heard it. Her screams. I looked back at the monitor. She had cut herself three fucking times. And now she was screaming.
“Go,” Torment said.
I didn’t need to be told twice; my feet were already moving as I raced through the clubhouse and out the back door.
I didn’t stop running until I made it to the shed that held the kiln.
Her screams pushed me forward as my lungs burned.
I had never run so fucking fast in my life.
As if the Devil himself were chasing me.
I found her crying, slumped against the building. Lifting her in my arms, I whispered, “I love you, Rosie,” over and over. They were the only words she needed to hear, and the only words I wanted to say.
I carried her back to our room and stripped us both before walking into the shower. When she was clean, I bandaged her cuts and placed her on the bed before I crawled in beside her. Covering us both, I wrapped her in my arms and said, “Rest, baby. I’m here. I’ve got you.”
By the time she woke up the sun was setting. We had missed dinner, but it didn’t matter. I knew I could call Hash and have him whip something up for us.
I kissed her shoulder as she stirred, and I knew the moment she was fully awake because her whole body stiffened in my arms.
“Rosie,” I whispered.
Her eyes stayed closed, but her breathing picked up.
“I know you’re awake, baby. We need to talk.”
“I-I’m sorry,” her soft voice stuttered.
“Don’t apologize, baby. You’re doing so good. Torment said setbacks are normal.”
Her eyes scrunched tight, and I kissed her shoulder again. I rubbed her arm and gave her a minute before I rolled her onto her back. “Look at me, Rosie.”
She shook her head, trying to turn away from me.
“Look at me, Rose,” I said more firmly. My hands trailed down her side. My fingertips caressing the new cuts on her legs. Tears slipped from the corners of her closed eyes to run down her temples. I kissed the side of her head, catching her tears.
“I love you, Rosie.”
“I don’t deserve it.”
My hand gripped her chin, and I turned her head to face me. “Kytten, open your goddamn eyes and look at me.”
I felt her throat swallow against my hand and her eyes slowly opened.
“I don’t ever want to hear that shit come out of your mouth again.”
“Cash, I’m—”
“Shut the fuck up and listen to me.” I took a deep breath.
Torment told me to be easy with her, but she was pissing me off.
Not because she hurt herself. Though I didn’t love that.
But because of the way she saw herself. “Do you remember when you asked me why I loved you?” She nodded, and I continued, “And what did I tell you?”
“Cash,” she cried, trying to pull away from me. I wasn’t having any of it.
“What did I tell you, Kytten?” She turned her head and glared at me. There she was. “What did I tell you?”
“I’m not any of those things,” she whispered.
“Say it.” My grip on her chin held firm as she tried to look away. Resting my forehead against hers, I whispered, “Say it.”
She closed her eyes. Her voice was softer than the flap of a butterfly’s wings. “I’m strong, courageous, and independent.”
I kissed her lips. “Say it again.”
Her bottom lip quivered. “I’m strong, courageous, and independent.”
“Louder, baby.”
More tears fell as she lifted her voice to a whisper. “I’m strong, courageous, and independent.”
“Let me hear that sexy voice, Rosie.”
“I’m strong, courageous, and independent.” This time, her voice trembled as she said the words louder.
“I will make you say those words every fucking day until you believe them.”
Then I kissed her.
Hard.
When I pulled back, I looked into her eyes, which shimmered with tears she hadn’t shed.
“I fucking love you. Nothing is going to change that. Do you hear me, Rosie? Nothing.”
“You really mean that?” she asked, her voice laced with fear, and suddenly I got it. So many people in her life had left her.
“I fucking mean it, baby. I’m never letting you go.” I pressed my lips against hers. Softer this time. More sensual. I wanted her to believe the words, but I knew it would take time. She would learn to trust me, though. I was patient when it came to her.
“Baby, you have to talk to Torment.”
“Cash, I can’t.” She tried to get up, and I pinned her to the bed.
“You have to tell him why you were hurting yourself again. Nothing you tell him will make me leave, Rosie, I promise you that. But, baby, it broke my heart to hear you screaming. To see you hurting yourself.”
“Wait, how did you see me?”
Now was the time for the truth. But maybe not all of it. Torment could go fuck himself. If he wanted to tell her what he did, that was on him. I needed her to trust that I would always be honest with her. I sat up on the bed and pulled her into my lap.
“There are cameras everywhere, Rose. Even on the building you hid behind.”
“I hadn’t noticed,” she said, her eyes dropping to her hands as she twisted them together. “I didn’t want you to see me.”
“I know, baby. Why didn’t you come find me?”
She stood from my lap and paced the room. “The monsters were screaming. It had been so long since I heard them that I just didn’t think. I needed to let them out.”
“Did it help?”
Her eyes snapped to mine. “No.” She shook her head.
“Talk to Torment, baby. Tell him everything.”
“I can’t.” She turned her back on me.
Getting up from the bed, I stepped behind her and wrapped her in my arms.
“Have you ever willingly hurt a child, Rose?”
She pulled away and turned an icy stare on me. “Fuck you, Cash. I would never hurt a fucking child.”
I grabbed her arms and pulled her against my chest. She fought against me, but as badass as she was, her strength was no match for mine.
“Then I don’t care if you killed a fucking nun. Or kicked a goddamn puppy. Nothing, and I mean fucking nothing you tell him will make me stop loving you. There is nothing you can do that will make me let you go. No matter how hard you try to pull away.”