Chapter One Fenlia #2
But her brother does not seem bothered by that confession. When he looks back at her, his expression seems strangely akin to a kind of defeated resignation. He asks, ‘Are you in love with him?’
And she blurts out, ‘What? No!’ before she can think better of it.
Her already blushing face heats to the point it leaves her dizzy.
She whirls back to the counter, desperate to grab hold of something to do with her hands.
She twists open the cap of Elena’s tea bin and the smell of pressed leaves and flowers cascades through her senses as she babbles, ‘No, of course not! He’s… he’s just Cat! And I—’
‘Fen.’ She winces, back still turned. ‘Please be honest with me.’
Swallowing her embarrassment, she pinches the leaves into a mug and looks back at her brother.
‘No,’ she states firmly. ‘I don’t love him.
Not like that. He…’ She thinks of Cat’s and Elician’s bodies entwined on the floor, holding each other close in an embrace far beyond anything she has ever once considered.
‘He’s quiet, and he thinks so much before he says anything that sometimes I wonder if he’s even paying attention in the first place, but he always is.
And when he does talk, it’s always important.
He doesn’t ever talk about things just for fun; I always have to start those conversations.
And that’s fine, but it’s not what I would ever want in someone if I had to choose, you know?
He hates being around people for too long.
I feel like I need to push him to do anything, and when there’s free time at any moment, he spends it reading.
I taught him to read, actually – he apparently never had a chance to do it after he died and—’
‘Oh.’ The air seems to punch its way from Elician’s lungs. ‘Of course not.’ His expression twists to something so morose that Fen rushes to change the topic. The water begins boiling and she finally finishes the tea preparations. She presses a warm mug into Elician’s hands.
‘But he’s learned now! And it’s all he does.
He’s slow at it, so slow sometimes, but he reads everything from history books to play scripts to whole treatises on tax law of all things.
He’s rather obsessed with medicinal texts too, in all honesty.
Just because he couldn’t read doesn’t mean he isn’t smart – he’s kind of scarily brilliant?
He memorizes whole conversations – and who would want to be with someone who memorizes every single word you say?
And I just, anyway, the point is: he’s a really good friend, and he’s very loyal and very decent, but I don’t love him. ’
‘I see.’
She hopes he does because she feels like the delivery of the first report of her first proper mission is a failure in the starkest terms. Adalei explained protocol to her on several occasions, and she even let Fen see past reports from past spymasters that included all the correct and pertinent information in all the right order.
None of those reports included…flummery.
But her brother does not seem to notice. He breathes in the scent and steam of the tea, then says, ‘I’m going to marry him.’
‘You’re what?’ Her testimony could not possibly have been that persuasive.
And surely there is a courting process involved in such things.
Lio and Adalei spent years writing letters to each other, attending balls and gift-giving.
There were steps involved in this. Rules.
One does not just marry the first assassin they find on the shores of a river.
Or the first foreign prince who is mildly agreeable.
Or the first person you happen to fall asleep with after returning home from imprisonment.
It is inappropriate to assume otherwise.
Even the young lord Rodans would not be so bold, and he asked her for a private dinner in the weeks before she had to leave for Crowen.
‘Cat…Alest is the rightful heir to Alelune’s throne, and if we are going to end this war between our people and free both the Reapers of Alelune and the people of Kreuzfurt, having a union between the ruling houses provides the necessary stability to ensure it finally happens. I swore my life to him last night.’
‘Elician, you didn’t—’ She stops, restarts.
‘Do you love him?’ She saw them in Kreuzfurt together, and they seemed to enjoy each other’s company.
She has always known that Cat is fond of Elician, and to some extent accepts that her brother is fond of Cat in turn.
But to think it has been elevated to a matter of love?
‘I don’t know him.’ He peers down into his tea. ‘And I don’t expect it of him. This isn’t about us…it’s about our people.’
‘But you…That’s so sad.’
‘We’ll figure it out.’ He does not sound particularly enthusiastic about the prospect.
He drinks his tea and will not meet her eyes.
She wants to reach out, to touch him, to provide him with some kind of comfort, but she does not know where to touch.
Every part of him seems as jagged and fractured as broken glass.
But the more she looks, the more she becomes certain.
He is not okay, and she does not know what to do.
The house takes its time waking up. Elena is the second to come down, and after a few words with Elician, she hurries to the city gates to fetch her husband, Jonan Morsen, and the Reaper matriarch, Marina, from where they have been waiting since the night before.
The city guard refuses to open the gates for anyone after nightfall, and Elena is quick to set things right.
As she conducts her task, the others meander down from the bedrooms above.
Zinnitzia perches by the kitchen counter.
Cat sits at Elician’s side, Lio and Adalei across from them.
Adalei tended to Lio’s hair in the night, and he greets them with a freshly shaved head with only the faintest bit of dark blond fuzz emerging from his scalp.
Fen has to bite down on a laugh; it is not a good look for him, but from his sunken cheeks and almost delicate hands and wrists, she knows better than to make any comment out loud.
She fetches him a plate and ignores the way he falls into it, eating with a kind of possessive desperation that reminds her of Cat when he first arrived in Kreuzfurt.
The difference between Lio and her brother is stark.
Even as thin and waiflike as Elician is, he eats almost deliriously slowly.
Like every bite is something to be memorized and appreciated.
Lio starts out with an attempt at being polite, but it fails within moments.
He tears huge chunks of food off and grabs for more even as he is still chewing.
He barely swallows before he goes for another.
Cat quietly adds more to Lio’s plate without being asked.
He has not said a word since he joined them, dipping his head in greeting and offering nothing more.
Fen can tell the exact moment that Lio’s stomach cramps.
He groans pitifully, and Elician reaches across the table to press his fingers to Lio’s wrist, soothing the pain.
Lio turns his hand over so their palms meld together, fingers clenched tight with promise.
Elena returns with Jonan and Marina just as the first wave of discomfort seems to pass, and while greetings are exchanged, the tension is unmistakable.
‘We should make a plan for your eventual return to Himmelsheim,’ Zinnitzia says once the silence drags on past the point of tolerance. ‘The people will be…shall we say, more than a little surprised you’re alive. We held your funeral.’
‘Another thing to thank my father for,’ Elician says.
‘It can be managed,’ Adalei cuts in. ‘We can send reports ahead…spread the news. This is a matter of perception, and joviality can overcome a need for specifics in the short term.’
‘How long will that take?’ Elician asks.
‘Not long, a few days at most.’
‘In the meantime,’ Zinnitzia says, ‘wherever did your crown end up last night?’
Elician blinks up at her, but it is clear he does not know the answer to that question. He dropped it when he arrived and passed out not long after.
‘I have it in my room,’ Adalei replies. ‘Along with a few other jewels and finery. You could wear them on your return.’
‘Why do you have all that?’ Elician asks.
‘My father intimated such things might be necessary.’
‘It was necessary to keep his crown in your room?’ Fen blurts out. Adalei casts her a glance.
‘Would you have preferred I left it on the floor?’
Fen flushes, shamed. She hadn’t meant to sound so accusatory, but it felt wrong somehow that someone else had secreted away Elician’s crown.
Fen should have paid attention to it the night before, she should have found a proper hiding place.
He was her brother. But Adalei had already intervened, and why shouldn’t she have?
As she said, she already had precious items in secret. What was one more?
Elician does not appear to care in the least. He tilts his head towards Cat for a moment or two before saying: ‘Melt it.’
‘Cousin?’ Adalei asks.
‘Melt the crown down. We’ll make a new one…a new set.’
‘A new…set?’ Zinnitzia asks this time.
‘Yes. For both Alest and I.’ He says it like they should all know what he means, and Fen is slightly gratified to know she isn’t the last one to know anything for once.
It seems Elician’s decision to marry Cat is a surprise for everyone else as well; the whole table seems stunned by the implication.
All save Adalei, whose sharp gaze is locked firmly on Elician and Elician alone.
‘You intend to wed?’ she asks, voice as steady as a stone.