Chapter Twenty-Two
Whitney
“Are you nervous?”
Ryan’s quiet as he sits in the driver seat, navigating us along the back roads to my parents’ house.
They’ve lived in the split-level ranch home since I was ten years old and mom was pregnant with Trevor.
Back when I was younger, mom had her own roadside vegetable stand, but she’s given it up in the last few years.
Now she caters for my company on occasion when I need her to.
Nearing sixty, I hope dad’s looking to retire, and I know mom’s ready to buy a beach house along the gulf.
“You think I should be?” His tone is one of nonchalance, a man completely at ease with the choices he’s made.
I scoot closer, grabbing his free hand with my own, and hold it in my lap. There’s just something I love when a truck has a bench seat. “Maybe. I mean, you did get me pregnant. Even if I am thirty-five, I’ll always be his little girl. Isn’t that what dads always say?”
He looks my way, taking his gaze off the road for a split second, but I can’t see his eyes behind the aviators he’s wearing. “If we have a daughter, I’ll let you know,” he drawls out, moving his hand down to my leg, lazily stroking my thigh left bare by the shorts I’m wearing.
“You truly aren’t nervous?”
Now I feel like maybe I’m a freak of nature, because I am nervous.
What if telling my family ruins Ryan’s relationship with Trevor?
If I’m honest, that’s my biggest fear. I’ve never wanted to come in between the two of them, and every time I think about the child I’m carrying, that’s the first thought that comes to mind.
“Princess,” he smiles slowly as he faces back towards the road.
“Regardless of what they say, it’s not going to change anything about the relationship we have.
At least on my end. They may be upset you’ve kept it a secret for almost four months, but if they’re the people I know they are, they’re going to be excited for you.
If anything, they know how badly you’ve wanted a baby.
There’s no way in hell they’re going to begrudge you something you’ve wanted this much. ”
I know he’s right, but I can’t help but feel he’s making it simpler than it really is.
“If you’re okay then I am, too,” I nod, moving my head up and down in an affirmative action.
He laughs, and the sound causes goose bumps to break out on my arms. God, sometimes he’s the sexiest man in the world, and I can’t believe he sleeps with me almost every night. “You keep telling yourself that, baby. It’s okay though, I believe enough for the both of us.”
Changing the subject, I ask him another question I’ve been wondering since we left the house. “Do you think it’s okay that I wore a bikini? I mean I know you can definitely tell I’m having a baby now, but it still fit. Should I have grabbed a one piece?”
His hand grasps mine again. “Fuck no, you looked hot when you tried it on the other day. I have a feeling you’re gonna need to show that belly off so people believe we’re actually having a baby. Otherwise they’re gonna think I’ve tricked you into lying.”
This time I laugh, because I know if anyone knew what kind of a guy Ryan is, they would be wondering why he’s with me. He doesn’t give himself enough credit. “Maybe I tricked you,” I lift our hands up and place a kiss on his knuckles.
Since our date, I’ve felt closer to him, feel like maybe this can be a real relationship.
Like we have enough in common to have a life together.
Before I was worried all this was merely a physical reaction to one another.
Those never last and lie to myself as I might, I want this to last with Ryan.
I just can’t voice the words to him yet, but I will, when the time is right.
“Nah,” he shakes his head. “I went completely of my own free will as soon as you offered yourself to me on a silver platter. Nothing about that night is a regret, as is nothing since.”
I still don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this man, but I hope every day that I don’t let my inability to express my feelings ruin it.
I worry I’ll push him away by protecting myself, and I truly hope it doesn’t come down to that.
“Same here,” my voice is soft as I let go of some of the tight control I keep over myself.
We stop at the turn off to my parents and he glances over at me, a slow smile spreading across his face. “I can’t believe you actually admitted it, Princess. I’ll win you over before this is all said and done.”
He has truly no idea how close he is to already doing it.
My stomach is in knots as my mom, dad, brother, Ryan, myself and two cousins sit around the table, talking after we’ve had our lunch.
My two cousins will leave in a few minutes and then, as per tradition, the rest of us will swim, eat ice cream, and nap until the sun starts going down.
Then we’ll make our way down to the local ball field where we’ll sit in the back of the pickups and watch the fireworks show our town puts on.
We’ve done this every year since I can remember, and I’ve always enjoyed it.
Right now, though, I wish my two cousins would stay for the rest of the afternoon and into the night.
Stop being a wuss, Whitney, I berate myself. You can’t just show up one day with a belly poking out five inches and then the next time with a baby in your arms, and expect nobody to wonder what in the world happened to you.
“You okay?” Ryan asks as he has a seat next to me.
He’s taken off his shirt and sweat runs down his body, making little rivers until they pool into the lines of his stomach.
My dad convinced him and Trevor to help him get some work done while he had both the boys around.
I lick my lips and then move my gaze back up to his.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
He offers me a smile. I’m pretty sure he knew exactly what I was looking at, exactly what my thoughts were. “Just checking.”
It’s then that I realize my cousins are gone, and it’s only the immediate family left. But before I can open my mouth, my mom sets down some ice cream in front of us and my stomach clenches sharply. I want that ice cream like I’ve never wanted anything in my life.
“It’s so good to have everyone around again,” she says as she doles out spoons. “It seems like forever since we’ve all been together.”
“We’ve been busy with the task force and workin’,” Trevor glances at Ryan.
“He’s right, Mona. They have us on OT right now.”
I’m surprised they both got the day off, especially with it being a holiday, but I won’t question it. I’m enjoying my chocolate sauce when my mom turns her gaze on me. “Where in the world have you been child? We ain’t seen you around here in almost two months.”
One more bite of my ice cream and I’ve fortified myself enough to tell everybody what’s been going on with me. It’s not a secret I can continue to keep, not even one I want to keep any longer. I push away the bowl and put my hands in my lap.
“I have something I need to tell all of you.”
Nervously I glance at Ryan, but the ball is in my court. I’m the one who needs to tell my family what’s going on here. He gives me a nod of encouragement and then reaches over to grab my hand, entwining our fingers together.
“What the fuck?” Trevor mumbles, his eyes going wide as his gaze locks on our entwined fingers. I can almost feel the energy coming from him, even though a table separates us.
I shoot him a glare and then glance back at my mom and dad. “The reason I haven’t been coming around is because I haven’t been feeling all that great. A week ago, that stopped, and I’ve got more energy than I’ve had in a while.”
“What’s wrong with you?” My dad asks, his eyes not moving from mine and Ryan’s entwined fingers.
Ryan sits forward in his chair, moving closer so that our knees touch. I take comfort from the warmth of his skin. It gives me the courage to take a deep breath and move forward.
“I’m pregnant,” I smile shakily. “Ryan and I are having a baby.”
There’s silence and shock, but my mom’s hands go to her mouth and she gasps in what I think is a happy sound all before I hear the words of my brother.
“You fucking son of a bitch,” he stands, advancing on Ryan who also stands with arms at his sides.
Seeing the two of them standing nose-to-nose causes my stomach to turn.
They’re almost matched in height; Ryan’s taller, but that’s where it ends.
Where Ryan is dark Trevor is light – longer blonde hair, lighter skin, a little bit of a smaller build.
I have no doubt Ryan can take my brother and shove him into the ground.
He’s had a harder life, lived through more than my brother’s ever had to face.
But Trevor’s got a temper and I’ve only seriously ever seen him let go of once – and that was on Stephen.
Nobody knows about that night, and I’ll take it with me to my grave.
“Trevor,” I warn him, but he doesn’t hear me. He presses up against Ryan, their noses hitting, but Ryan doesn’t take a step back.
“Whatever you feel like you gotta do, do it,” he gives Trevor a hard gaze, one I never thought I’d see between the two of them. “But know, I don’t regret a single second of it.”
I scream when my brother lays the father of my child flat on his back with one punch to the chin. It kills me that Ryan didn’t block it and hasn’t fought back. He won’t fight his friend.
“Damnit, Trevor,” I’m up out of my chair, grabbing him by the arm, where he’s standing over Ryan. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Me?” He turns to face me. His normally laughing face and smiling mouth are dark and in a deep frown. “What the fuck’s wrong with him? What the fuck’s wrong with you? It’s in the best friend code – you don’t fuck your best friend’s sister!”
Now I’m pissed. Even though it was a one-night stand, it’s turned into so much more. How dare he cheapen it by calling it fucking? I’m ready to lay into him, but Ryan’s on his feet now, not even wiping the blood off his face.
“I’m willing to let you beat me down and call me names and not put up a fight because we’ve been through some shit together, Tank,” his voice steely as he pushes me behind him, protecting me from the wrath of a pissed-off brother.
“But you’ll not talk about her like that ever again.
You don’t know what happened between us, or what’s been happening between us.
So not knowing means keep your mouth shut.
Just because you go around fucking women and throwing them away when they don’t do what you want them to doesn’t mean I do the same thing.
Treat your sister with some damn respect. ”
I look over Ryan’s shoulder, not believing what I’m seeing from my brother.
“I’m really disappointed in you, Trevor,” I’m close to tears because I’m hormonal and I don’t want them to be at odds with one another.
“Out of everyone I know I have to tell, I was most excited to tell you because you know how much I’ve always wanted a baby.
You were there numerous times when I would take a negative pregnancy test before.
” I take a fortifying breath and make myself more vulnerable than I have in a long time.
“Hell, I called you while you were overseas and cried to you – in so many ways you were my support system. How can you not be excited for me?”
Trevor’s eyes meet mine and I can see the war he’s fighting within himself. He wants to be happy, I can tell. He wants to enjoy this with me, be excited for me, but he’s holding himself back. “With Ryan?”
I nod, giving him a small smile. “He’s your best friend,” I remind him. “If he’s the best for you, why wouldn’t he be the best for me?”
“This is just going to take some getting used to,” he admits, running a hand through his hair. “Shit, I can’t believe the two of you…” He trails off, shaking his head.
“Trust us,” Ryan pulls me forward so that I stand next to him, his arm around my waist. “We’ve had months. You’ve had a few minutes.”
There’s silence, and then I hear my dad speak.
“Even if your brother’s not excited baby girl, we are.
” He stands with his arm around my mom. “When you walked in today you were lit from the inside out. I haven’t seen you look this way in years, and if Ryan’s the one making you happy, then so be it.
He’s been in this family a long time, and it’s good to know he’s going to have a permanent spot.
He’s one of the best men I know, and if he’s given you two of the things you’ve always wanted, a baby and commitment, then who am I to judge?
Now would I have preferred the two of you been married and then announced this?
Yeah, but life never goes quite the way we plan.
It’s too short. Your brother will learn that sooner or later. ”
I walk over to my parents, giving them both hugs as I let a few more tears fall. The breath comes to my lungs easier and I can finally relax, let myself be excited without this dark cloud hanging over me. Now that it’s all out in the open, I’m ready to start truly enjoying life.