Chapter 4
Three days later, Sean was still trying not to sulk about Gabriel’s rejection.
In some ways, he understood why Gabe had walked away.
But that didn’t mean he was very happy about it, and he didn’t think that Gabriel was being very reasonable about it, either.
He hadn’t asked Gabe to fuck away Milo’s memory.
He’d just wanted to make sure that Gabriel knew that he wasn’t going to fall in love.
If he was going to, he knew he would be feeling differently about Gabriel right now.
And what he felt for Gabe? Yeah, not even remotely similar.
Gabriel made him want to throw something at his head. Or punch a wall. Or push him up against a wall. He didn’t make him feel warm or gooey or sentimental.
Sean didn’t think he should apologize for that.
He also didn’t think that Gabriel felt much differently than he did. But somehow, by trying to be honest, he’d insulted Gabriel’s pride.
And Gabriel’s pride, as they both knew, was a considerable thing.
“You’re frowning again,” Tate said, as they walked around the lot, making sure they’d picked up all the trash the night before.
“I’m just thinking,” Sean said, leaning over and plucking a red plastic beer cup from the ground and tossing it into the trash bag he was carrying.
“Yeah, except you don’t have resting bitch face normally,” Tate said. “So what’s going on? You and Gabriel still having some kind of deathmatch over who’s going to keep the name?”
“Yes, and no,” Sean said. He really didn’t want to tell Tate about the rejection, even though he knew Tate wouldn’t blab about it to everyone, like Tony might.
“Oh?” Tate asked. “What else is going on?”
“Ugh,” Sean said as he uncovered a crushed plastic cup, holding the remnants of some of Gabe’s meatballs and a bit of moldy sauce. “Gross.” He picked it up with his glove-covered hand and shoved it in the bag. “I hate being on trash duty.”
“Yeah, it’s not a picnic,” Tate agreed.
Sean glanced up. “Don’t you dare say you’re just happy to be here. You’ve earned your spot.”
“Okay,” Tate said with a sharp grin. “I won’t, if you’ll tell me what has you glowering at Gabe’s trash.”
“We just . . . well, we kind of kissed, the other night, after I’d had too much to drink.”
Tate dropped the plastic bag he was holding. “What? Really? Oh my god,” he said, sounding way more excited than Sean had expected. “This is awesome.”
“It really isn’t awesome,” Sean complained.
“We’ve only been waiting for this for, well, a really long time,” Tate said. “Wait until Tony finds out.”
“Tony,” Sean said, enunciating each word clearly so there could be no confusion, “is not going to find out.”
“Alright, I get it. But why are you so pissy if you finally managed to stop fighting?”
Sean sighed. “I told him I just wanted to hook up,” he said, because he wasn’t quite ready to tell Tate his other secret yet. “And he got all offended.”
“How do you know you just want to hook up?” Tate wondered.
“I just know,” Sean said. “The man makes me hot. But that’s it.”
“Are you sure?” Tate asked. “Because Chase and I . . .”
“Yes, well, we’re not a star-crossed love story that began in high school,” Sean retorted. “So I’m not sure there’s much to compare here. I want to get naked. Gabriel wants . . . I’m not sure what Gabriel wants actually, but apparently it’s not only getting naked.”
“You could always ask Ren,” Tate suggested. “He’s always down for a hookup.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that would make Gabe lose his fucking mind,” Sean said. And then stopped abruptly. Right next to another few pieces of plasticware that had been hiding behind a bush. “You know, it really would, wouldn’t it?”
“Are you attracted to Ren?” Tate asked.
Was he attracted to Ren? Not particularly. Other than the fact that he looked a little bit like Gabriel, he’d never really noticed the way Ren looked. At least not the way so many other people seemed to notice.
“Not really,” Sean admitted. “But . . . it might be a good way to convince Gabriel that he’s being stupid.”
“Is he though?”
“Is he being stupid? Of course he’s being stupid. He doesn’t like me. He just got his pride hurt because I said I didn’t want anything romantic. He doesn’t want that either, I’m sure of it.”
“You do seem pretty sure about it,” Tate muttered.
“Well, has he ever seemed particularly interested in wooing me?” Sean demanded. “The man threw a meatball at me!”
“True, true,” Tate acknowledged. “Well, maybe Ren would be willing to play along, like an experiment to see how pissed off Gabriel can get.”
“He’s so stubborn though,” Sean said, pondering. The last thing he wanted to do was convince Gabriel further that getting naked was a bad idea. “But maybe . . . maybe if it was something he really wanted, and he got jealous . . .”
“You,” Tate said, gesturing with a handful of plastic forks, “are playing with fire. And you might get burnt.”
“As long as it’s Gabriel doing the burning, I don’t care,” Sean said.
“I hate everything,” Gabriel said.
“What is it now?” Ren asked as he finely diced an onion, his knife flashing so quickly in the morning sunlight that Gabriel could barely see it.
“What do you mean, what is it now?” Gabriel demanded.
Ren shot him a very unsympathetic look. “With you, it’s always something. So, what totally unfair thing happened to you today?”
“For the record, it was the other night,” Gabriel said, sulking because he couldn’t quite help himself. “Sean . . . well, Sean wants to have sex.”
Ren set his knife down. “Okay, I’m failing to see how this is ruining your life. Haven’t you wanted him for, I don’t know, forever?”
“Yeah,” Gabriel admitted. And even admitting that wasn’t easy for him. But it was true, and he could hardly deny it any longer.
“I’m failing to see the problem,” Ren said very evenly. Too evenly. He had yet to pick his wickedly sharp knife back up, which probably boded well for Gabriel’s balls.
“It’s not cool for him to finally, finally get on the same goddamn page and then say, all brazen, that all he wants is sex. He wants to get naked, and that’s it. I’m not even sure he likes me.”
Ren cracked a smile. “I can kind of see where he’s coming from, to be honest.”
“What?” Gabriel couldn’t help his outraged bellow.
“I mean, we’re family. I’m sort of required to like you. But it can be a challenge, some days,” Ren said, turning back to his rapidly growing pile of minced onion.
“It is not . . .” Gabriel spluttered. “But I have feelings.”
That was not an easy thing to admit. He might not have even realized he did, until Sean had said so bluntly that he didn’t. That he wouldn’t, ever. That Gabriel could never expect him to.
Maybe it had been unfair to accuse Sean of asking him to fuck his dead husband out of his system, but that was what it amounted to, wasn’t it? They’d have sex a few times, have a boiling hot hookup, and then Sean would push him out, and he’d end up dating someone he could actually like.
Leaving Gabriel to sulk. Again.
“I don’t think anyone on this planet imagines that you don’t have feelings,” Ren said matter-of-factly. “You’re kind of the King of Feelings.”
“That is . . .”
“One hundred percent accurate. Yes, I know, you can thank Cousin Ren for being such an expert on your tortured psyche.”
“I really hate you too, now,” Gabriel grumbled. “You can’t even spare an ounce of sympathy. I’m dying here.”
“Like I said,” Ren repeated, “the King of Feelings. Is it any wonder that Sean wanted to be honest about it being just sex? You’re the kind of guy who’s gonna be holding a boom box under his bedroom window two weeks in.”
“I have never done that,” Gabriel argued.
“But you could. You would.”
Gabe hated that his cousin was right. He might.
After all, he’d been obsessed with Sean since day one.
It would have been so easy to just change the name on his truck, after all.
He had it all ready to go. He’d just held off because .
. . well, because that might change things.
And as frustrating as the status quo could be sometimes, at least he knew what it was like.
At least it meant that Sean paid attention to him.
If they didn’t have any reason to argue anymore, that would go right out the window.
He wasn’t proud of his prevaricating, but it was working, wasn’t it? Sean had finally been honest with him. Maybe it wasn’t the kind of honesty he’d been expecting. Maybe he hadn’t been expecting Sean to still be mourning the dead love of his life, but Gabriel was the first person he’d told.
Maybe over time he could wear Sean down. Make him see that they could be good for more than just sex.
“All I’m saying,” Ren continued, “is that if the guy wants to get naked with you, what kind of idiot would you be to turn him down? He’s hot, and honestly I’ve only kept my hands off, because well, you’re all tangled up about him.”
“That hasn’t changed,” Gabriel reminded his cousin pointedly.
“Yeah, I know,” Ren retorted, throwing a wicked smile over this shoulder. “It’s gotten worse.”
“So you think I should just . . . let him fuck me and keep it just to fucking?”
“You don’t do this very often,” Ren said, “so I’m going to go gentle on you, but here’s the thing . . . it’s not easy to keep it just fucking. I have to work at it. I have all these rules to make sure that my hookups don’t evolve into more.”
“That’s kind of fucked up,” Gabriel said. “You realize that, right?”
Ren shrugged, clearly unconcerned that while Gabriel was the King of Feelings, he was the opposite.
“It works for me. I prefer it that way, honestly. And while you’re emoting all over the place, don’t decide that you can fix me, okay?
I’m not like Tony, I’m not going to meet the perfect guy for me and become a different person. Does a leopard change its spots?”
“No?” Gabriel hadn’t even considered it. His own love life was enough of a disaster, why would he try to interfere in Ren’s. “I’m not really worrying about you. You’re . . . well, you’re Ren. That’s who you are.”