Chapter 3
Seth waited until Lennox left to go to a client lunch meeting before he pulled his phone out.
He wasn’t stupid enough to think he could keep this conversation with Ren a secret from Lennox forever, but it was so new, and so tenuous, he wasn’t ready to share yet, even with his best friend.
But even though Seth wasn’t entirely sure it was a good idea yet, he’d already learned things about Ren that he never could’ve guessed.
He’d always known Ren had hidden depths, and now he was finally getting to see them. And maybe show a few of his own, in return.
Seth unlocked his phone, and sure enough, there were a handful of messages from Ren. AKA ITALIANBOY5.
Ren, who didn’t know the man he was talking to was the one who’d turned him down twice before. Seth felt a twinge of guilt. But it felt like he was finally getting closer to him, in a way he’d wanted for ages, and he couldn’t stop now.
Good morning, the first message read, I hope your early morning isn’t too early.
Mine was. My cousin always insists we start prep at a ridiculously early hour, but I’ll confess, it wasn’t the veggies I chopped I was thinking about.
But I realized it was kinda weird to think of you in my head as PICMAN when you don’t even have a picture, so maybe you’d be willing to share your name.
You must be private, which I get, so I won’t ask any other details.
Seth took a deep breath.
He’d been careful up to this point to not lie. He did not want to lie to Ren. There were some things you could do that you couldn’t take back.
When—because Seth knew he would find out, it was inevitable, whether Ren guessed or whether Seth found the balls to tell him himself—not if, Ren found out, he had a feeling that the lying was going to make it so much worse.
He went on to read the next message.
I realize how much of a creeper that makes me sound.
I’m not a creeper. Promise.
Seth laughed.
And finally, lastly, the fourth message: I did promise not to ghost you. So this is me, not ghosting you.
Seth took a deep breath.
When Ren had asked him last night what he wanted from the app, he hadn’t known what to say.
I want to get you out of my system, but instead, you’re burying yourself even deeper under my skin, and I don’t know how to get you out.
It had been hard to be honest. It was the most honest he’d been in ages.
He didn’t know what he wanted. Only that Ren seemed to be the key to it, if he would just listen to Seth long enough to realize that there was so much more tantalizing possibility than just fucking and then going their separate ways.
His mother always said that honesty was the best policy, and he’d believed her then, and he still believed her now.
He was going to have to toe the line. Probably not what she’d meant when she’d lectured him about their neighbor Mrs. Grossman’s broken window and his baseball in her kitchen, but Seth knew that if he confessed his identity now, Ren would close right back up.
Good morning. Got my ass handed to me by my partner, probably because I was so fucking distracted, and then he wouldn’t go away so I could text you back.
But you’re right. I am kinda private. Ten out of ten, you get a gold star for your observation skills AND for not ghosting me.
I’m not sure I feel comfortable sharing my whole name yet, but you can call me Jake.
It was the least amount of lying that Seth could come up with. His middle name was Jacob.
Seth was just about to get up and heat up his sad frozen meal for lunch when his phone buzzed again and he picked it up.
Jake, it’s very nice to meet you (officially). I’m Ren. Short for Lorenzo Domenico, but nobody calls me that, for good reason. Because it’s ridiculous.
Seth let out an unsteady breath.
He was actually doing this.
He’d known, of course, that this was Ren. He’d known.
But it was another feeling entirely to have Ren tell him who he was.
He’d already promised himself that he wouldn’t tell any other lies, but now that promise became ironclad. He couldn’t betray Ren that way.
Not when he was so . . . so . . . Lorenzo.
Lorenzo, that’s what you’ll be in my head.
His response came in almost immediately.
I just told you . . . but you know what? I should have expected it.
Seth chuckled and typed back: Gotta keep your ego cut down to size.
Ha, I see what you did there. Trying to make my heart beat a little faster, huh?
He’d always known that Ren had a very dry sense of humor. But he’d never gotten to really experience it for himself. Only vicariously, through everyone else, because he’d been so rigid, so unrelenting, so sure that they could never be friends that he’d kept the man at an arm’s length.
Always the goal. But I bet since I’m the only one who ever calls you that, you won’t be able to forget me. Bet it’s beating faster already.
Ren seemed surprisingly eager. Lennox had grumbled about him more than once, about all his supposed game playing, but there was a straightforwardness to Ren now that Seth found incredibly refreshing.
You’d be surprised. So what are your other plans for the day? Besides getting your ass kicked? Ren asked.
Seth: I’m going to see a new client this afternoon. I’m not sure I mentioned this, but I’m in private security. Own a business with the guy who kicked my ass this morning.
Ren: Private security, huh? Does that mean that I’ve got to keep my creeper tendencies to myself?
Seth: That all depends on if you have any.
Ren: Would I know who this new client is? Are they famous?
Seth: It would make me automatically cooler if I told you, but unfortunately gotta keep this one under wraps.
Ren: What can you tell me?
Seth: That going to see a new client always makes me nervous.
Ren: Why?
Seth: This is going to make me seem very uncool, but it’s about taking personal responsibility for someone’s safety. I never want to be the one who lets them down, even though I know I’ll do everything in my power to make sure that doesn’t happen.
Ren: But shit happens.
Seth: Exactly.
Ren: That’s not uncool, that’s actually incredibly admirable. You don’t take it for granted, giving your word like that.
Seth: Never. Thanks for understanding. My friend thinks I’m a little crazy, because they’re paying a lot of money for our expertise, but it’s never about the money. They come to us because they need help. I wouldn’t wish being famous on anyone.
Ren: Oh God, you’re not famous, are you? Is that why you’re hiding your face and didn’t want to tell me your real name? You’re the opposite of those idiots on this app that upload some famous person as their profile pic and hope nobody notices.
Ren: You really don’t have to tell me if you are, I’m cool, I promise. Except I just told you that I wasn’t cool at all. If you needed any evidence of this, these three messages would do nicely.
Seth: I’m not famous, stop hyperventilating.
Ren: Thank God.
Ren: I know some guys who play for the Riptide who come to my place to eat. I don’t think fame is ever an easy thing to deal with.
There was a split second where Seth stared at the screen, heart beating a little bit faster. He’d hoped that he’d see the man behind the kind, affable smile, the one who told the truth, but was never cruel or dramatic about it.
But he’d never imagined that he’d learn so much, so quickly.
He’s lonely. Gabe is with Sean now, and he’s alone. Whether he wants to admit it or not.
Seth: The Riptide, huh? You a football fan?
Ren: I like watching them in their tight pants, if that’s what you’re asking.
Seth: I bet your pants are even tighter than theirs.
Seth knew Ren liked to wear skinny jeans. But he hadn’t meant to give it away that he knew. That “Jake” knew. Shit, he thought, you’re gonna have to be a lot more careful than that.
Ren: How did you guess?
Seth: You work in a restaurant. Your restaurant, I’d guess, by your insinuation earlier, but I’d bet you’re one of those hipster types. Dark-rimmed glasses that you don’t actually need, ironic t-shirts, skinny jeans that look like they’re suffocating your balls.
Ren: The glasses would be a waste, because why would I want to hide my face. But the rest? Pretty spot on. Think you know me already, huh?
Seth: I’m trying to. Want to figure you out.
Ren: Do you do this with all the cute boys you talk to?
Seth: You are vain LOL. But no. And nice, assuming that I talk to any cute boys.
Ren: I find that difficult to believe.
Seth: I’m not against relationships. Would even like to try one sometime, but I did tell you last night that I haven’t dated anyone in a very long time.
Ren didn’t reply right away, and Seth found himself sweating.
Had he figured it out? Had he not covered the skinny jeans mistake with a good enough explanation?
Seth: You got real quiet there. I knew I’d scare you off, eventually . . .
Ren: You didn’t scare me off. I was just surprised that a handsome, charming man like you isn’t beating them off with a stick
Seth: You’ve never seen me, how do you know I’m handsome?
Ren: That’s easy enough, you’ve got a confidence and a swagger to you. You wouldn’t if you weren’t hot as hell. Besides, I’m less interested in that than in how fucking charming you are.
Seth took a deep breath, and then let it out again.
He was not ever going to be able to let this go. He wanted this man so goddamned bad.
Was this the moment he told Ren the truth? Or was it too soon?
Seth didn’t know.
Seth: There was someone . . . we wanted different things, though.
You, Seth thought, it was you, but I think you might be changing your mind. God knows, I’m just about ready to call it quits and tell you the truth.
I’m not cut out to lie.
Not to you.
Ren: What did he want?
Seth: At the risk of sounding even more uncool, he just wanted to fuck, and then forget about anything else.
Ren: Why would that be uncool?
Seth: Wanting more than just a quick fuck isn’t always popular on these kinds of apps.
Ren: What if I told you that was why I was on here, originally?