Chapter 14
Seth didn’t think he could be any happier.
The last week had passed by in a haze of bliss.
He and Ren had been on two more “dates.” One time, on his day off, he’d taken Ren to dinner, and then to meet up with the others at the Funky Cup.
The other, they’d shared more popcorn and another one of Ren’s favorite romantic comedies.
This one was about a guy who owned a chain of bookstores and a woman who owned a kid’s bookstore.
They’d hated each other until they hadn’t anymore.
Ren had given him a knowing look when the part in the movie had happened where it became obvious that even though they did not like each other in real life at all, they’d actually been corresponding online, to their surprise.
“This,” Ren said, as they’d cuddled in bed after, “was what I meant when I said you’d You’ve Got Mail-ed me.”
“I kinda did, didn’t I?” Seth had said, pulling him in even closer. He didn’t think he could ever get Ren close enough. Even when he was deep inside, that didn’t feel like quite close enough. “Except that we never hated each other.”
“I don’t know,” Ren teased, “I kinda hated you for a bit. I tried anyway, after you told me you wouldn’t sleep with me for the second time.”
“I was an idiot,” Seth admitted.
“Totally, but you’re my idiot,” Ren had retorted.
His claim was still sticking with him days later, leaving him in a haze of happiness that he could only lay at the door of one thing:
He was irrecoverably, completely, utterly, in love with Lorenzo Moretti.
And he was pretty sure that Ren was falling for him too. Of course, Ren might not even realize it, but Seth had already decided that he didn’t care.
This was so good, Ren didn’t ever have to realize his feelings, as long as things stayed as absolutely perfect as they were right at this moment.
“You’re grinning again,” Lennox said from over at his own desk. “It’s weird. Are you sure you’re Seth Abramson and you haven’t been body snatched and replaced by aliens?”
“Pretty sure,” Seth said. Grinning still.
“Well, I know we’re all happy for you,” Lennox said.
“I don’t know, I think David was pretty pissed at me,” Seth said. “I made him stay late last night to file a report even though he was meeting up with his girlfriend.”
“He knows the rules,” Lennox reminded Seth. “Without rules, we’d descend into chaos.”
“Quoting me back at me, I like it,” Seth said with an approving nod. “But yeah, he wasn’t happy with me. So not everyone is happy that I’m happy.”
“Ash mentioned how . . . upbeat Ren is lately, too,” Lennox teased. “I’m sure your permanent grin and his upbeatness have absolutely nothing in common.”
“Nothing whatsoever,” Seth said. And yeah, okay he was grinning again. Six months ago he’d given Lennox an epic ton of shit for behaving just this way, and now he realized why Lennox hadn’t even minded.
It felt too good to care that he was possibly annoying everyone around him.
Lennox’s phone rang and he picked it up. “Lennox,” he said in a clipped tone into the speaker. Leaving Seth to believe that it had been an unknown number. Probably informing him that his car warranty was about to expire.
“I see. Okay. I will let them know. Which hospital?” Lennox’s tone went grave. “Alright. Thank you for letting me know.”
He set the phone down with a decisive click and turned to Seth. And Seth realized that he was no longer smiling.
“That was Dave’s girlfriend, Bianca,” he said slowly, disbelieving. “Dave got into a bad motorcycle accident last night.”
“What?” Seth stood. Barely believing what his best friend was saying, even though he knew that Lennox would never lie. And never about something like this.
“Yeah, he’s in the hospital. She wasn’t sure we’d heard. She said he’s got a broken leg, in a couple spots.” Lennox let out a sigh, a big gust of shaky air. “He was lucky that one of the shards missed his femoral artery.”
“And he was riding his bike? Shit,” Seth said. “Shit, shit, shit.”
“It’s gonna be okay. I said we’d look in on him this afternoon. Is your schedule clear?”
“Yeah, but . . .” Seth hesitated. “I’m not sure he’s gonna want to see me.”
Lennox shot him a look. “What? Why wouldn’t he?”
“I just told you, before she called. He was bitching at me, complaining that he had to fill out the paperwork.” Seth stared at the desk, remembering the way they’d bickered about it, how Dave had told him he needed to stop trying to recreate the Navy, red tape and all, in their private company.
“He said he was gonna be late. He must’ve .
. . shit, he must’ve rushed to make it there in time. ”
“Don’t you dare take responsibility for Dave’s choices. If Dave could, he would absolutely kick your ass for thinking that way,” Lennox said. “And since he can’t, I will.”
“But . . .”
“No buts,” Lennox said inexorably. “We’ll go together to see him. Make sure he has what he needs. Reassure him that he’s still got a job when he’s recovered.”
It made sense that Lennox thought of all that stuff. He’d always been exceptional with logistics. In fact, his team had borrowed Lennox from his team more than once, when a mission was particularly logistics-heavy.
But Seth had been the leader. He’d been number one.
Which meant all of those guys on his team were under his protection. Then, and now.
“You think I can’t see you spinnin’ your wheels,” Lennox continued, heading over to the coffee station. “Blamin’ yourself even though it was Dave’s choice to speed. He always drove like a bat out of hell.”
“We don’t need all that paperwork,” Seth said through clenched teeth. “He knew it, and he called me out on it. And I wouldn’t listen.”
“Yeah,” Lennox said. He finished pouring his coffee, and walked over to where Seth sat, leaning a hip against the side of his desk. “You can definitely be a stubborn son of a bitch, that’s for sure. But it was important to you. You want things just so. Nothing wrong with that.”
“Except when it’s a guy under my protection,” Seth pointed out, hating the wry bitter edge to his voice. He’d been through this too many times.
Maybe this time Dave hadn’t died.
He’d gotten lucky. With physical therapy, he’d walk and fight and ride his bike again.
There were guys Seth had been responsible for that wouldn’t ever do any of those things again.
Seth might not have a team under his authority anymore, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t trying to control everything anymore.
“Dave is his own man,” Lennox said slowly. “You made him do his job.” When Seth opened his mouth to argue, Lennox held up his hand. “No,” he said, inexorably. “You made him do his job. Whatever he did after that, that was on him. You can’t be responsible for all of us. Not like before.”
Seth could understand the logical thought process and the conclusion that Lennox came to. Could follow every bit of it, one thing to the next, then to the final conclusion. It was sound reasoning. Dave was a grown man, who made his own decisions, for better or worse.
But all of the sound reasoning in the world couldn’t stop Seth from feeling this way.
He clenched his fists in his lap.
It would make him a coward to not go with Lennox, to not face what he’d done to Dave. Seth braced himself for it.
“I’ll go with you,” Seth said. “Gotta rearrange a few meetups this afternoon.”
“Good,” Lennox said, giving him a pat on the shoulder. But Seth could see the concern lurking in his friend’s eyes, and knew that he didn’t believe that it was settled at all.
He knew Seth better than that.
Seth hated the smell of hospitals.
It was a cliche, sure, but there was no doubt about why that was.
Hospitals—and their unique smell that seeped into your clothes, and sometimes into what felt like your skin—always felt like the setting of so many worst situations.
This was no exception.
Dave lay, pale-skinned with dark circles under his closed eyes, on the bed, his leg elevated in a sling, so it would stay immobilized. He was asleep. Drugged, Bianca had said.
“The good news,” Bianca said, smiling down at Dave with a love and an affection that Seth recognized now, “is that the doctor thinks surgery isn’t necessary. They got everything reset properly without it.”
She was older—maybe even older than Dave, with dark red hair, and a kind smile.
He knew that Dave was really fond of her. Wanted to build a future with her.
And what had he done?
Carelessly tried to take it away.
Because of some goddamned paperwork.
“That’s wonderful news,” Lennox said, reaching out and tugging her into a hug.
Something the Lennox of a year ago would never have done.
But with Seth—and mostly with Ash—he’d learned to become a normal person again.
It was jarring on every level to go from military life to civilian life. It had been even harder for Lennox.
But he’d rolled with the punches and come out the other side.
Seth had imagined that he had too, because things felt so much more in control than they had when he’d first gotten out.
But the rage spiraling through him—the rage he never let anyone else see—told him different.
“I know this is a super stressful situation,” Lennox said in a reassuring voice, catching Seth’s eye and Seth knew he wanted him to say something, anything, but Seth didn’t trust himself.
Not to say the right thing. There’d been a point when he’d always known what to say, but now that wasn’t him, it was Lennox.
“But you don’t need to worry about the hospital bills or recovery or physical therapy.
If you two need anything, you know how to get in touch. ”
A tear dripped down Bianca’s cheek. “Thank you. You two mean a lot to him. When he got out, he was a bit lost, he’s told me about it, and when he started to work for you . . .” She choked up then.
But Lennox, again, knew what to say. “We understand,” he said softly. “We’re all looking for what we left behind, when we get out.”
He glanced over at Seth again. “And some of us can’t quite leave it behind.”