Chapter 9
An uneasy combination of guilt and arousal lingered with Taylor for days.
The guilt should have been enough to stop him from thinking about Rocco’s mouth on his, his body pressed against his own, but it wasn’t.
In fact, if anything was winning out, it was the arousal.
More than once he woke up in a sweat, heart racing, cock hard, and after the second time, he gave up and wrapped his hand around it and let himself sink back into the dream.
The dream was better than reality anyway.
In the dream, Rocco’s mouth was on his, his tongue sweeping into his mouth, his groans the best music Taylor had ever heard.
His mouth slipped lower and then lower still, curling around a nipple, then nipping at his stomach, then finally wrapping around his dick, hot and wet, and after that Taylor couldn’t think at all.
Maybe he should be ashamed, but while he’d initiated the kiss, Rocco’s participation had been just as enthusiastic.
Taylor decided he’d make another appearance at the Arts and Crafts Fair.
But first, he decided to take himself for a punishing run, even though he usually only jogged on Saturday mornings.
He texted Hayden and asked if he was interested in fitting in another workout, but he was busy.
Taylor figured he could go by himself, but then he remembered the last time he’d swung by the Fair, he’d run into Jem and his mom.
He sent Jem a text, asking him if he was interested in a run, and got an affirmative almost immediately.
Taylor changed into his running clothes in the Town Hall bathroom and ducked out, meeting Jem at the sidewalk.
“You doin’ okay?” Jem asked as they set off, Taylor setting a pace faster than usual.
He and Jem had become friendly since Jem had moved back to Christmas Falls. At first, he’d been a little intimidated by the ex-pro football player, but he’d discovered that Jem was refreshingly down to earth, with no trace of ego, and seemed to want to be just a regular guy.
Well, Taylor was definitely just a regular guy.
“Uh, yeah,” Taylor said as they headed down the street. He didn’t really want to confess what was going on with Rocco was fucking him up, but it was.
“I ran into Steve Mills’ wife twice at the store,” Jem said.
“One time, I could call that maybe a coincidence, but then she showed up the second time, when I ran out at nine, to grab ice cream ’cause Murph was craving it, and there she was.
” He shook his head. “I think she wants to be friends—or God, something else, which is crazy.”
“A little. The whole town knows you’re head over heels for Murphy. You just proposed to the guy, for God’s sake,” Taylor said sympathetically.
“I’m a rich celebrity—or so she thinks.” Jem made a frustrated noise. “Heath told me she tried to pin him in the little hallway to the bathrooms in Rudolph’s the other day. Heath. Who is most definitely famous for not being into women.”
“Wow. Luckily the two times I’ve run into her, I was with Rocco.” Taylor picked up speed again, breathing hard through his nose as his muscles warmed up.
Jem chuckled. “I’d love to see what Rocco Moretti would do if she put the moves on you in front of him.”
Taylor didn’t want to talk about Rocco, or how fierce he’d be if anyone threatened their (faux) relationship. Because he would be fierce. He’d call her Mrs. Gucci Boots to her face and he’d make every ounce of his disdain known, all while looking stupendously, brain-meltingly hot.
So hot that Taylor wouldn’t be able to resist—
No. No. Do not go there. Do not pass Go. Do not collect two hundred dollars.
“He wouldn’t like it,” Taylor agreed.
“That why we’re running so goddamn fast?” Jem wondered casually, but it was clear from both Jem’s uneven breathing and his own, that yes, they were running fast.
He slowed down and Jem followed suit.
“I . . .” Taylor made a face. “We got into a little bit of an argument the other night.”
“Ah, trying to punish yourself, huh,” Jem pointed out dryly. “I get that. Or I do theoretically. I don’t think Murph and I argued for months when we first got together. We were too busy in bed or uh . . .in the shower . . .or once . . .” He trailed off and cleared his throat. “You get the idea.”
“I do,” Taylor said wryly. Wondered what Jem would say if he admitted that all he and Rocco had done was kiss.
“So what happened?” Jem asked.
“I think we want different things out of this,” Taylor said. Even though he wasn’t sure that was really true. He knew one thing they both really wanted.
Jem frowned. “I don’t know Rocco very well, he’s too new to town, but surely, it’s early to be having that argument?”
“I need to be focused on this job, and on the job I want. I can’t let . . . Rocco’s a distraction.” It wasn’t even a good lie. Taylor didn’t even believe it.
And neither did Jem.
“You’re the one who asked him out,” Jem said wryly.
Apparently they were friends now, because Jem felt comfortable enough to call him out. Deservedly. Taylor could have left it alone. Could have never gone to Jolly Java and taken Rocco up on his offer.
Could have told himself and Rocco the truth.
You scare the shit out of me.
“I know, I guess I thought . . .I guess I thought I could keep my head.” And my hands to myself.
“Keeping your head is overrated,” Jem said.
“Not when I have this job on the line,” Taylor objected. “I nearly fucked this all up once, and I can’t do it again.”
“How do you know having Rocco in your life is going to make that happen?” Jem’s question seemed so reasonable.
Taylor didn’t really make the decision to tell Jem.
It just spilled out. “I had a boyfriend, a couple of years back, when I was still in Chicago. But I had befriended Mona, over the years, and she knew I’d always wanted a job in Christmas Falls.
They were working on getting her an assistant, and when the funding came through, she offered me the job.
But I . . .” Taylor let out a hard breath.
“I thought I was in love. And I didn’t want to leave Michael in Chicago.
We’d been together about six months, and I thought, maybe this would be better.
Maybe I should just give up on the whole Christmas Falls thing.
That’s the past, and maybe Michael’s the future. ”
“He wasn’t, was he?” Jem patted him on the shoulder. “Shit, man, that’s rough. But you ended up here anyway?”
“A month after I turned down Mona’s job offer, Michael got an offer to transfer to Seattle. He took it and didn’t even ask me. Just laughed when I told him I’d thought we were going the distance. I was so stupid.”
“Rocco wouldn’t ever do that. He’s in town to stay.”
“Yeah, but I took my eyes off the prize, for a second. Thought I could have both, a professional future and a guy who’d stick, who’d stay, and .
. .” Taylor didn’t need to say it. He’d gotten screwed over when he’d imagined that might be true.
Michael had fucking laughed at him for believing it. Called him naive.
And he’d ended up alone, again.
“He was an asshole. I don’t know Rocco well yet, but I do know he’s not an asshole.
” Jem cleared his throat. “Here’s something else I do know, because I almost fell victim to it myself, last year.
I didn’t think I could have Murph, either.
But the only person standing in the way of that?
It was me. I was holding myself back, for no good reason. ”
“I want to believe that’s true, because it would make everything a hell of a lot easier.
” He could go to Rocco right now, swing down Candy Cane Lane and walk into Jolly Java, tell the guy who’d been starring in his dreams for weeks now that he wanted him, for real.
Beg, even. Would Rocco give him the cold shoulder?
He’d never said it explicitly, but he’d been disappointed the other night, and speaking of the other night, there’d been the way he’d kissed Taylor back . . .
“Then make it easier. The risk is worth it, I promise,” Jem said firmly.
“I’ll think about it,” Taylor replied, like he’d actually been thinking of anything else, lately. And with Rocco? The risk would be worth the fear. Taylor already suspected that was true.
“Good,” Jem said, nodding. “You wanna swing by the fair?”
Taylor agreed. Ten minutes later, they arrived at the festival hall and he left Jem at Murphy’s display, nearly empty now, since the fair was coming to a close.
He wandered the aisles, not sure what he was looking for—liar, you know exactly what you’re looking for and it’s not here, it’s at Jolly Java—but stopping every so often to chat with a vendor or a Christmas Falls resident.
There was a cute booth with a comfy-looking nook, baby blankets with various fanciful designs, everything from princesses and castles to dinosaurs and spaceships, hanging on garments racks on each side.
Sadly he didn’t know anyone who needed one of them, because he’d been sorely tempted to stop and hang out for a minute.
After another few minutes, Taylor wandered off to where the food stalls were. He bought a cup of hot cider and sat down at one of the picnic tables, currently occupied by an older lady with white curly hair a halo around her head.
“Is it okay if I sit here a minute?” he asked.
“Oh, darling, yes,” she said brightly, looking pleased he’d come and sat down at her table, even though there were several empty ones available.
“I’m Taylor Hall,” he said, reaching out his hand. She took it, shaking it firmly but delicately.
“The deputy mayor at my table. I’m honored,” she said. “Marjorie Wagner.”
“You’re a resident or a tourist?” he asked.
“Resident,” Marjorie said firmly. “A longtime resident. Almost fifty years. My whole family lives in upstate New York, near Syracuse, but I won’t leave Christmas Falls. My husband and I moved here forty-eight years ago, raised our children here, and here is where I’ll stay.”