Chapter 33
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Gaines
I did what I promised myself I wouldn’t do.
I circled the block where Eloise lives three times before I let myself into the building using the code I saved to memory after peering over her shoulder two nights ago.
I had no right to be there, yet there I was, banging a fist on her apartment door, desperately hoping to find her there.
She never answered.
I tried again an hour later after swearing to myself I’d go home.
I made it an entire three blocks from her place before I stepped into a bar and downed two fingers of whiskey.
I spent the next ten minutes convincing a woman who approached me that I had no interest in going home with her.
Rewind to a few weeks ago, and we wouldn’t have made it past the alley next to the bar.
I would have let her blow me before I fucked her, and that rendezvous would have left us both satisfied, albeit for me, it would have been a temporary fix.
Now, the thought of another woman’s lips wrapped around my dick does nothing for me.
I don’t know where the fuck Eloise learned how to suck cock, but she’s in a class all her own.
After I walked away from a beautiful woman willing to drop to her knees for me, I went back to Eloise’s apartment again for another round of the torture of not finding her there.
I’m home now with a raging hard-on and a mind filled with all kinds of ‘what-if’ scenarios.
What if some guy is nailing her right now?
What if she’s blowing someone else at this exact moment?
What if I never know who she ran out to meet tonight?
“You’re so fucked,” I whisper as I pace the hallway in my apartment. “So fucked, Gaines. You can’t do this.”
I can’t fall for a woman.
I can’t want a woman to this degree.
A knock at my apartment door sends me in that direction in record time.
It’s not until I’m opening the door that I realize Eloise has no fucking clue where I live.
Berk does, though, and it’s him standing there.
“You forgot this.” He shoves a pink envelope at me. “That’s the thank you card Stevie wrote in front of you for the flowers you gave her last week.”
A light blue envelope appears from behind his back. “This is a new one. She wrote this after you left to thank you for the buttercups you brought her tonight.”
I take both and step aside to let him in. “Tell her thanks.”
“You could write a card and thank her yourself,” he jokes. “Sure, I’d love a beer.”
I laugh. “Who the fuck offered you a beer?”
“You were about to.” He pats my shoulder. “You’re not expecting anyone, are you?”
I scratch my head. “No.”
“I know you need to sleep.” He takes off toward my kitchen. “Doctors always need more sleep, so I won’t stay long.”
Since I could use the distraction, I shake my head. “You can stick around for a while.”
He appears again with two open bottles in his hand. He hands me the water, keeping the beer for himself. “I noticed you didn’t have any wine at dinner, so I assume you’re on call.”
I’m not, which is why I pounded back the whiskey at the bar less than an hour ago. “Thanks.”
“I wanted to check in.” He makes himself comfortable in one of the gray armchairs in my living room. “I know that question about why you became a doctor isn’t as cut and dry as everyone thinks it is.”
I don’t want to wander down memory lane tonight, so I shut him down. “I think Stevie got what she needed for the assignment.”
He takes the hint. “She did.”
We sit in silence as he takes a pull from the bottle.
“Anything new going on with you?” He glances around my apartment, which hasn’t changed in years.
I don’t spend enough time here to have plants or a pet. My fridge has the bare minimum in it, and I’d be correct in assuming that every box of crackers or cereal in my cupboard has surpassed its best by date by months if not years.
I live at the hospital and vacation at my office because my work there is a dream compared to the shit I see in the ED and the cardiac care unit.
That’s my life. It will always be my life.
“You know that drill.” I chuckle. “Work, sleep, repeat.”
He takes another sip of beer. “How long do you think you can sustain that?”
I arch a brow. “Forever?”
He raises the bottle in the air. “That can’t be the life you envisioned for yourself.”
I stopped having visions of what I wanted for the future years ago.
I now view life through a distinctively narrow lens.
I’m arrogant enough to know that I’m one of the best cardiologists this city has, and if I can save a life or offer someone a better quality of the life they’re living, that’s all I need.
I go for a change of subject I know he’ll welcome because he always does. “Dinner tonight was good. It was great to catch up with the family.”
“It was.” He nods. “I was glad Eloise could stop by. It’s too bad she had to run off to meet up with that kid you saved. It’s Dax, right? His name?”
I almost toss my head back in relief, but I keep it together. “That’s his name.”
“Astrid called her right before I left to check in on her.” He laughs. “You know my wife. She worries too much about the people she loves.”
I don’t know if it’s possible to do that, but I’ll take his word for it.
“Eloise’s mom was trying to track her down, so Astrid filled her in. She let her know Eloise was with a friend.”
Thank Christ it’s Dax she was with.
He’s so wrapped up in Penny that he can’t see what half of the men in Manhattan and I see when Eloise is within a ten-foot radius.
“She’s good to Stevie.” He glances at the floor before his gaze levels back on me. “My daughter has the best people in her life. I’m including you in that, Gaines.”
I’d do anything for that little girl.
Berk tosses back what’s left of the beer in a single gulp. “Astrid was tucking Stevie in when I left, so I need to head home to tuck my wife in.”
The wink he tosses me confirms that the newly married couple won’t fall asleep early tonight.
“Go have fun,” I encourage him.
“You should listen to your own advice more.” He plucks the bottle off the table and takes it to the kitchen.
I’ve been having the time of my life during the past forty-eight hours. I hope to have more of that same fun soon.
“I’ll stop by our favorite coffee spot this week and see if you’re around,” he promises, laughing because we both know the coffee there is some of the worst in Manhattan.
“Thanks again for dropping off the thank you cards.” I lead the way to my door.
“Anytime.” He stops just short of grabbing the doorknob. “Work has got to get heavy at times, Gaines. If you need an ear, day or night, you know how to reach me.”
I pat his chest. “I’m good, Berk, but I appreciate that.”
“I’m here for you.” He taps my chest harder. “Don’t forget that.”
“The same goes for me.” I take the step of opening the door. “Go home to your wife before she dozes off.”
“She’s eagerly awaiting all this.” He skims a hand over the front of his button-down shirt. “I guarantee she’s not falling asleep anytime soon.”