Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Justin had intended to keep things light and fun to start. But he hadn’t been able to stop himself from baring a piece of his heart to Taylor.
By the time she came outside, the sun had gone down, and he’d been sitting out in the garden for an hour rereading the same page.
He’d read other books by this author and knew it was probably a gripping story.
But all he could see when he looked at the page was Taylor in pain.
And though it had been nothing more serious than cramps from dehydration, the sight of her hurting bothered him. A lot.
Thankfully, she seemed to be herself again, with bright eyes and a big smile.
She kept looking down at the ring on her hand as it sparkled in the light of the moon and the lights she’d strung throughout the garden, almost as if she couldn’t believe it was real.
He felt his heart swell knowing how much she loved it.
His mother would have absolutely loved to see Taylor wearing her ring. At long last.
“So,” he said, deliberately pivoting away from big emotional moments for the time being, “how are your folks doing? And your brother?”
“They’re good.” She took a small sip of champagne, then set the glass down. “My dad is getting close to retirement and pretty much lives at the golf course already. My mom was thinking of running for city council, but decided to put that off.”
“Why?” He’d met Caroline Cardenes several times.
It had been obvious that Taylor’s mother hadn’t approved of him or his friendship with her daughter—she’d seemed to think that he was a playboy who was angling to lead Taylor into the path of danger.
He’d tried to make her understand that keeping Taylor safe and well was as much his priority as it was hers, but she’d never warmed to him, always polite but brittle whenever they spoke.
Taylor picked up her glass and took another tiny sip before answering. “The city council would be a big-time commitment, and I think she wants to wait until her decks are cleared a bit more.”
“Is something going on with your brother?” Austin was five years younger than Taylor and had always been a bit of a troublemaker.
Possibly, Justin thought, because her parents had always been overprotective of their kids.
It was only here in St. Helena in her new B&B that Taylor seemed to have pushed her way free of her parents’ protective borders.
“Actually, Austin is doing really well. College wasn’t a great fit for him, but now that he’s started working at a gaming company, he seems to have found his niche.
” She refilled his glass. “What about you? I need the full rundown on all of your brothers and sisters. I talked briefly with Olivia and Maddie when they called to check in about your week here, but we weren’t able to catch up properly.
Start with Maddie. She sounded so mature on the phone. ”
“You’re going to freak when you see her at Drew and Ashley’s wedding,” he said. “One second she was a little girl and the next she wasn’t.”
“How are you dealing with that, Mr. Protective Big Brother?”
“Badly.” They both laughed, though he was speaking the truth. “No one will ever be good enough for her, but telling her that would be as good as shoving her into some loser’s arms.”
“You’re right. There’s nothing you can do but suck it up when she brings home Mr. Wrong.” She shook her head and made a face. “It’s something every girl’s got to learn for herself.”
“What happened with your ex?” Now that she’d given him that Mr. Wrong lead-in, he had to know. “Why did you break up?”
She looked over at the pool, almost as if she didn’t want to look him in the eye when she answered.
“After graduation, Bruce had all these plans for us in Rochester. Really detailed ones where I swear he must have sat down with my parents to map it all out—where we were going to live, work, how many kids we were going to have.” She grimaced. “Everyone heard wedding bells.”
He wanted to be angry at Bruce, at her parents, on Taylor’s behalf. But how could he blame them when he was sitting here wanting the exact same thing, wanting those wedding bells ringing for him and her?
“I was the only one who didn’t hear them,” she continued.
As if she could read Justin’s mind, she said, “I know you didn’t like him.
But he’s a nice guy, has a good heart, means well.
And staying with him was safe, the kind of safety that I knew my parents wanted for me.
Being with Bruce kept me tethered to Rochester, and it gave them hope that I wouldn’t leave forever.
” She sighed. “You know it isn’t really about me.
They’re still just so destroyed from losing the baby they had before I was born.
” Justin was one of the very few people who knew this about her family.
“I think part of the reason I’ve played it safe is because I hate the thought of causing my parents another moment of grief.
Even though we’ve never actually sat down and talked about their lost child, it feels like it’s colored everything in our lives. ”
“I know what it’s like not to want to talk about the hard stuff,” he said.
All too well, considering he and his father still hadn’t ever really talked about their grief.
“My mom was always after us to speak up, though, even if we were scared. Especially if we were scared.” It was only after her death that they’d all clammed up on each other.
Sean and Drew had been lucky to have Serena and Ashley to help them deal with their grief.
Justin had been lucky too—without Taylor by his side, he didn’t know how he would have coped that first year.
But that wasn’t the only thing Justin had been afraid to talk about—he and Taylor had never brought up their kiss.
Not once since it happened. And he couldn’t help but think that had been a mistake.
A huge one. Because what if they’d both gotten it wrong?
What if they’d wasted the past five years because neither of them had been brave enough to have a potentially difficult conversation?
He wouldn’t bring it up tonight, not when he really did want to give Taylor some time to see how good they were together first. But he wouldn’t wait much longer. He’d already waited so many years…
“So many times in the past few months,” she said, breaking into his thoughts, “I’ve thought about trying to talk with my mom about the sister I never knew, but something always stops me.”
Again, he nodded. “It’s tough. I mean, my dad and I still haven’t ever really talked about losing my mom.
So I completely get where you are with it.
” But he hadn’t gotten the full story about her ex yet, so he said, “Even though you thought it would worry your parents, you still broke up with Bruce.”
She rubbed her neck, looking uncomfortable.
“This is going to sound really lame after everything you and your family have been through, but the truth is that breaking up with Bruce was the scariest thing I’d ever done, because it meant I finally had to figure out how to live my own life on my own terms.”
“You already knew how to do that,” Justin argued.
“Not really. College was just another map someone else drew for me—take this class, graduate with this major, apply for this job. I thought I was being bold by staying in Palo Alto after graduation instead of moving back to Rochester, but even after I got the job in the lab and was living in College Terrace, it just didn’t fit properly.
None of it did until I came here.” She dropped her hand from her neck, as though at last she’d reached the part of the story where she could relax.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally flailing.
Still trying like crazy to figure everything out long after I already should have.
And probably screwing up more than I’m getting right.
But I’m having fun. More fun than I’ve had since you left for Germany. ”
His eyebrows rose. That was quite an admission—that he’d been the most fun part of her life, until now, at least. “I haven’t had much fun since then either. But today is a pretty great move in the right direction.”
They smiled at each other, a moment filled with enduring friendship. But also, he could have sworn, something more. Something deeper, richer, sexier. Something Justin hoped Taylor wouldn’t want to deny any more than he did.
The front bell chimed, and with the windows open, they could hear it in the garden. “That must be the pizza,” she said. “I’ll be right back.”
“You’ve been running around all day. I’ll get this.” He left before she could argue and came back a few minutes later with the huge pizza box. “I figured we’d eat straight out of the box the way we always used to. No point in getting plates dirty.”
Nodding, she flipped open the cover and grabbed a piece. Hot cheese dripped and fell onto the cardboard as she took a bite. “Mmmm. So good.”
He had been about to grab his own piece, but the pleasure-filled sound she’d just made shifted his focus to an entirely different kind of hunger.
When she noticed he wasn’t eating, she said, “Aren’t you hungry?”
“Starved.” So starved for her that he couldn’t even think of reaching for pizza.
Her eyes locked with his again, and then she was suddenly shoving her chair back, her expression distinctly uncomfortable. “This pizza is making me really thirsty. I’d better get us some water, otherwise we’re going to be chugging champagne. And we all know what a lightweight I am!”
Her laughter sounded slightly forced, and then she was hurrying off, obviously intent on putting some space between them for a few minutes.
Justin let out a low curse in the middle of the garden. So much for playing it cool and taking time to convince her they were perfect together. All he’d managed so far was to make her feel so uncomfortable that she ran away.