Chapter 12 #3
“I wish I just felt one thing, one way, instead of shifting all over the place from second to second,” she said, her words slightly muffled against his chest. “I’m happy.
I’m scared. I’m hopeful. I’m guilty.” She lifted her face to look at the man who was her best friend and her lover.
“I’m desperate for a donor, but I’m also desperate for that donor not to be you.
” She wanted to scream in frustration. “Now that we’ve found each other again, now that we’re finally together, why can’t everything be easier?
Why can’t we have just a little bit of happiness without all of this? ”
Justin hated to see Taylor cry, even though he knew bottling up her tears would only make her feel worse. Thank God he was here to stroke her hair, to wipe the tears away, to hold her, and to make sure she knew that he was always going to be here for her, no matter what.
When he’d left the hospital just minutes ago, he’d been so sure, so certain that everything would be okay. He’d felt so positive. But he’d stupidly forgotten that he wasn’t the only one who needed to make decisions about their future.
Whether she realized it or not, Taylor had always been her own woman, with a strong mind and purpose and sense of right.
Sure, he could dig out every trick in the book to try to persuade her to do things his way—and, honestly, at this point, he wasn’t ruling anything out.
Not when her health was on the line. But deep in his heart, he knew better.
He knew the right choice for him. But Taylor needed to make her own decision about what was right for her.
“I’ve gotten your shirt all wet,” she said as she wiped away the rest of her tears with the back of her hand. Taking a deep breath, she said, “How about we grab a cup of coffee at the Student Union before we head back?”
There was so much more he wanted to say to her, a dozen additional arguments he had ready to get her to see things his way. But she’d already told him to slow down, and he needed to heed her warning, or risk pushing her away.
The thought of losing Taylor’s love gutted him, down to the marrow.
Not yet trusting himself to say anything that wouldn’t put her on the defensive, he simply held her hand as they headed over to the campus café.
While they walked in silence, he remembered what the transplant coordinator had told him—that hope, fear, sorrow, and love were at the heart of nearly every organ transplant.
The woman had explained how hard this decision could be for people in Taylor’s position, and how Taylor’s biggest fear was likely that he would be harmed during or even recovery.
He’d listened carefully—at least, he thought he had. But the truth was that when he’d come back outside to Taylor, he’d still been barreling through her life, and her choices, like that bull in the china shop.
As they ordered then waited for their coffees, he made a silent vow to be more understanding of where she was coming from, even if it wouldn’t change his decision about wanting to be her donor.
He’d always respected Taylor’s opinions and her beliefs.
He couldn’t use loving her and wanting to help her as an excuse to act differently now.
She was desperate for some simple happiness.
He racked his brain to think of something fun they could do to give them a few hours of respite.
No question about it, they needed something to make them laugh and take the pressure off for a little while.
Thankfully, that was when his eye caught on a flyer stapled to the announcement board on the opposite wall for the St. Helena Grape Stomp Competition.
He sent a quick text to his sister, then turned to Taylor once he had Maddie’s reply. “What do you say we do a little grape stomping?”
Clearly lost in her thoughts, Taylor looked at him in confusion. “Grape stomping?”
“Yup.” He grinned at her, pointing at the flyer. “There’s a competition in your town this afternoon that’s got our names all over it.”
“It sounds fun, but I don’t want to take advantage of Maddie’s generosity.”
“She’s happy to cover for as long as we need her.
” He held up his phone so Taylor could see his sister’s reply to his text asking if she could stay a few hours longer.
“It’s right here, in her own words—she’s having a fabulous time and baking in your kitchen is just what she needed after a crazy week working in the city. ”
Seeing the spark in Taylor’s eyes, the one that told him she wanted to go stomp some grapes even if she thought she should go back and relieve Maddie of her kitchen duties, he decided now was one of those times when it was good to be a bit of a china-smashing bull.
“It won’t take long—and then once we’ve won the big prize, we’ll head straight back to your B&B. ”
“My mother always did think you were a bad influence,” she said, but she was smiling as she said it. A smile full of enough relief that he knew a break from the stress of any further tests or big decisions for an afternoon was exactly the right thing.
Hopefully, everything else would become equally clear very, very soon.