CHAPTER 13 #4
“And I suppose I never will. Your fucking Trials will kill me before that ever happens.” I spun around and nearly ran the last few steps toward the house. I marched up the staircase to the third floor. Lana and Septimus had long disappeared whilst Kilian and I had been arguing in the courtyard.
Much to my disgruntlement, Kilian followed me, all the way to my bedroom. I shoved the door open. There was no use in telling him to leave me the fuck alone. I wasn’t wasting my energy on him anymore.
I crossed to the dresser as he stepped inside. The door shut behind him with a snick and I was acutely aware of how much space he took up in the small room.
“Are you just going to stand there?” I asked, forcing myself not to look at him as I rifled through the drawer.
“I want to make sure you’re in bed before I go.”
“Suit yourself.” I grabbed a pair of cotton shorts and, with liquid courage blazing through my veins, began shimmying out of my pants.
Kilian inhaled sharply. “What are you doing?”
“I’m getting ready for bed,” I said, matter-of-factly. “You don’t expect me to sleep in sparring leathers, do you?”
I ignored the flush of embarrassment I knew I would feel tomorrow morning when I woke sober and remembered this moment. For now, I didn’t care. I just wanted to sleep.
Kilian’s eyes were glued to my exposed skin as I pulled my pants off, his eyes traveling up my legs. I drew the shorts up slowly, relishing in the agonized look in his eyes, the tense set of his jaw and shoulders. His body was coiled, like it might spring forward at any second.
He swallowed hard as I bent across the bed to pull the covers.
“I–” His voice was barely leashed, those silver eyes roaming my body.
He stepped forward slightly as I climbed into bed.
I pulled the sheets over me and nestled into the pillow.
He didn’t touch me, though. Instead, he reached for the duvet.
Strong hands wrapped the cover around me with surprising gentleness.
Kilian’s scent overwhelmed me, stronger than the tainsberry.
A drug all on its own. He stared down at me for a moment, like he was contemplating something, before drawing back.
He pulled out the chair at my desk and took a seat, stretching his long legs and crossing his ankles.
The haze of the tainsberry washed over me again, and he fractured into splintering color. He wasn’t leaving. He was supposed to go after I got into bed. Did I want him to go? Not really. I’d miss him if he left. But I shouldn’t. My head ached.
“Why are you staying?” I whispered.
“To make sure you don’t choke on your vomit if the tainsberry comes back up,” he deadpanned.
“How gallant,” I muttered, burrowing deeper into the covers. “I didn’t even drink that much. You don’t need to babysit. Surely there are villages of mortals out there in need of terrorizing.”
He snorted softly. “You think so highly of me.”
“Don’t conflate your ego.” My eyes fluttered closed. “I hardly think of you at all.”
“Oh, now that’s a lie and you know it.”
“Prove it.”
“I don’t need to. We both know the truth. I’ll let you in on a little secret of mine, though, since you’re so bad at reverse engineering the link.”
I yawned. Kilian’s voice was soft and soothing, his presence making the room feel warm and safe.
“For each thought you have of me, I have two of you,” he murmured.
“I think of your eyes – onyx and unyielding, especially when you’re glaring at me.
I wonder how your hair would feel between my fingers.
I wake up, excited for the first time in decades, for the fresh hell you’re going to give me.
For whatever snarky retort you’ll throw at me that day.
Arguing with you is the highlight of my day.
It shouldn’t be. I can’t understand it. It frustrates me.
But it’s happening, whether I like it or not. ”
I frowned, blinking sleepily at him. “Why are you telling me this?”
He gave me a sad smile. “Because you won’t remember it tomorrow.”
“Give me… some credit.” I yawned again. “I… might.” But the tainsberry was making all my thoughts sluggish. I hardly knew what we were even talking about anymore, just that my default state was to disagree with him.
He only shook his head, a smile still on his lips.
I tried to take a mental snapshot of him, just like this. Because tomorrow, we’d be back to fighting, and all he’d do is stare down at me and scowl. “I like it when you smile. Makes you look nice. Less scary.”
“You think I’m scary?”
“Sometimes. But then again, I’m scared of everything these days.”
“You do a good job of hiding it.”
“I’ve developed a defense mechanism crafted solely of spite, sarcasm and sass.”
“You’ll have to teach me some day.”
“Won’t be alive that long.”
“Right.” There was sadness in his voice, and I wanted to open my eyes to look at him. But sleep was pulling me in a different direction.
“I have questions for you,” I murmured, the thought striking me randomly. I couldn’t remember the questions. Something about the Trials and… a curse.
“Ask me tomorrow,” he said.
I would. I’d ask tomorrow.