Chapter 29
RYAN
I sink down on the edge of the bed after Cooper leaves, my head falling into my hands. Helpless. Completely fucking helpless. It sucks watching someone you care about suffer. And God, do I care about her. It’s like I’m right back there with Beth again, sitting by her side, powerless to stop the cancer from taking her. Now, it’s Cooper—different circumstances, same feeling. That aching, gnawing sense of uselessness that tears at me.
I probably should have walked her to her room, made sure she was okay. I wanted her to stay, to hold her, to make her feel better. But she couldn’t get out of here fast enough.
Dammit. I screwed up. I should have told her about Brad weeks ago. That night has haunted me, replaying in my head every time I looked at her, knowing I was keeping something from her that she deserved to know. Who knows? It might have pushed her to leave weeks ago. And instead of sitting here worried, we’d still be laughing. Or maybe, we’d finally be doing what we’ve both been wanting to do for months now.
I let out a frustrated sigh, my knee bouncing with restless energy, the anxious rhythm mirroring the way my body feels. My thoughts are interrupted by an urgent knocking on the door. I glance around the room, thinking maybe Cooper forgot something, but there’s nothing.
Confused, I open the door to find Cooper. Her eyes are red and misty. “Ryan,” she chokes out, pushing her way in. Before I can say a word, she slams me against the wall, her lips crashing into mine. The door shuts behind her with a thud as she clings to me, her arms sliding up my chest and around my neck. I meet her kiss with equal intensity, gripping her waist and pulling her closer. The things this woman makes me feel.
She draws back just enough to yank her shirt over her head, and God, I’ve never wanted anything more than I want her, right now. Her lips meet mine over and over, desperate and unwavering. It feels like I’m a well filled with water after days in the desert. She’s thirsty, parched—dehydrated—and I’m more than happy to quench her need. Damn, she feels incredible.
Her fingers tangle in my hair, pulling just enough to make my senses explode. The craving I have for her grows stronger, deeper. My hands roam her body, exploring every curve, every soft inch of skin. Excitement surges through me as I press her back against the wall.
My dick throbs with need, but my heart longs to explore what’s between us. I want to give her something real. Something safe in this hell she’s been living in. I’m completely lost in her—in the way she clings to me, in the chemistry that sizzles between us like a live wire.
But I can’t get lost in her—not yet. No matter how sad she is or how desperately I want her, it’s not right. My body screams at me to keep going, every part of me aching to feel her, to give her whatever she needs from me. I want to. God, I want to. To bury myself inside her. To feel every inch of her.
“Shit,” I mutter, pulling back, forcing my hands to obey. My fingers grip her waist, holding her steady as I fight for composure. I press closer into her, my resolve wavering. This is torture—pure fucking torture . My grip tightens, my jaw clenched. My desire’s evident, pressed against her where I know it feels good—for both of us.
“Ryan,” she whispers, her voice a ragged breath. Her eyes meet mine, raw and intense. “I need you.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, unable to look at the pain in hers. The last bit of strength I have pulls me back. “Coop,” I murmur, my voice thick with restraint. “You know how bad I want you. But not like this. You’ve got to talk to him first, make it official. We have to wait… just a little longer.”
“There’s nothing to wait for,” she says bitterly, shaking her head. “It’s over… God, it’s been over for so long.”
“I know. But it’s still wrong. You still live there…”
Her big brown eyes lock onto mine. “That’s never stopped him.”
True.
She steps closer. “If it’s so wrong, why does it feel like the only thing in my life that’s actually right? Why does this feel like the one thing that makes sense when everything else is falling apart?”
She’s not wrong. It does feel right. It always has.
Her hands slide down my chest, wrapping around my waist, her touch scorching every vein. “Huh? Why has everything aligned so perfectly for us? Every bad moment, every mistake led to this—us, right here, right now.” Her gaze intensifies, her grip tightening. “If this is so wrong, it’s the most perfect wrong I’ve ever known.”
My eyes meet hers. “I know.” I swallow hard. “But two wrongs have never made a right.” Gently, I release her grip on me and step back, lowering myself onto the bed. I take a deep, steadying breath, my chest tightening as my eyes drink her in. Jesus, she’s something. And I’m half-shocked I’m denying myself the chance to have her.
She tips her head back against the wall, a single tear slipping down her cheek. Fuck. It feels like a kick to the balls seeing her like this—hurt, vulnerable. And now I’ve just added to her pain with rejection.
“Brad and I are done,” she whispers, her voice trembling but sure. She looks at me with a determination in her eyes. “You want to know how done we are?”
She walks to where her purse is on the floor, pulling out her phone with shaky hands. “You want to know how much he doesn’t care about me? Listen to this message he sent me last night.”
She swipes her screen and starts reading, her voice wavering. “ Maybe this is just who you are, right, baby? ” She glances up at me before continuing. “ The whore who’s been passed around by assholes and now can’t even be a real partner because she’s too busy running from her own shit. Look at yourself. Every time things get tough, you bail. You’re too selfish and broken to handle a real relationship, and it’s pathetic. You don’t even have the decency to respond. You’ll be sorry, soon enough. ”
I suck in a breath. I cannot fathom calling any woman a whore, let alone threatening her. I swear to God…
“We’re over, Ryan. He doesn’t even deserve to know.” She tosses me her phone. “Here. Read the latest one I woke up to this morning.”
I hold the phone in my hand, not wanting to read it. “Go on,” she urges me.
“Coop, I don’t want to.”
“Ryan.” She meets my gaze, her eyes glassy. “Read it.”
I take a deep breath, my stomach knotting as I glance down at the screen. “ Let’s be real, Cooper—you’re just used up and washed out at this point… Hell, I got bored of you, had to go looking somewhere else. That’s what you’re good for, right? I mean, you think Ryan wants you for anything other than your —” I stop, my throat closing up, unable to say the rest out loud. Anger surges through me as I clench the phone in my hand.
Cooper walks over to me, grabbing the phone. Her voice shakes as she continues reading. “ For anything other than your big tits and tight little pussy? He’s like every other guy—you’re just a good fuck, maybe a halfway decent blow job, if that. Get it through your head, Coop: no one’s ever gonna want you for more than that. If you’re with him, don’t even bother coming home. You’re damaged goods at this point. ” She tosses her phone to the ground.
I’ll kill him.
“You see?” The hurt in her eyes is so deep, it cuts me just looking at her. “I never want to see him again. We’re done. We’re fucking done.”
Her hand flies to her ring, tugging it off her finger with frantic determination. She chucks it across the room, the sharp sound of metal hitting the wall echoes through the room—evidence of its finality. “He doesn’t deserve…”
I’m on my feet before she can finish, crossing the space between us in seconds. My mouth crashes into hers, cutting her off, completely submitting myself to her. Fuck Brad. Fuck his bullshit. He’s going to tell her not to come home? Yeah, he’s dead to me.
I kiss her with a new kind of urgency, a desire that’s been building for ten goddamn months. Our mouths meet again and again as my hands explore her body. I slide my palms up her back, fumbling with her bra until the clasp gives way. The straps slip over her shoulders, and I toss it aside. Breaking our kiss, my gaze drops to her bare tits, and I soak in every detail, my heart racing as I take her in.
I glide my hand up, sweeping my thumb across her plush skin, her nipple hardening beneath my touch. I circle it lightly before rolling it between my fingers, pinching just enough to make her gasp as her nails dig into my shoulders. The sound sends a shudder of electricity through me.
I skim my lips across hers, building a heat between us that’s sure to explode. Her hand cups the back of my neck, pulling me closer as she presses her lips firmly to mine. Our tongues tangle as I kiss her harder, deeper, with a desperation that fuels us both. She moans into my mouth, the sound whipping through me like wildfire.
Rocking my hips into her, my hard-on slides against the soft fabric of her pants, pressing right against her pussy. “God,” she murmurs, frantically lifting the hem of my shirt, yanking it upward. We break away for mere seconds to tear it off, and I pull her closer, her warm skin pressing into mine.
I trail kisses along her jaw, down to her neck, where I scrape my teeth lightly against her skin. I lick past her collarbone and suck hard, marking her with the force of my mouth. A breathy moan escapes her lips as she arches into me, an invitation I can’t resist. Her nails drag down my back, sending shivers all the way down my spine to the tip of my dick, triggering everything primal inside me.
I slide my hand between her legs, skimming over her, teasing where I know she’s desperate for pressure. I caress her with feather-light strokes, back and forth, just like that night in the elevator. She arches again, but I keep the pressure barely there, watching her come undone. “Damn you, Ryan,” she pants, her voice filled with frustration. Her hand moves down, finding my cock through my joggers, and she does the same damn thing to me. Barely grazing her fingers along my length—teasing, taunting—driving me insane.
I lift my hand away, chuckling wickedly against her neck. “You’re so evil,” I tease, kissing my way down to her tits. I suck a nipple into my mouth, swirling my tongue over it as my hand slips into her pants. My fingers slide over her clit and dip into her warmth. Her gasp rings in my ear, spurring me on.
Fuck, she’s dripping.
The way she feels makes my head spin, and somehow my dick gets harder. She arches into me again, her movements anxious, mirroring my own impatience. My hands move to her waist as I pivot, backing her toward the bed. I lower her onto it, hovering over her. For a moment, I pause, tucking her hair behind her ear. I need to slow down, to take this in, to make it last. God, she’s so damn beautiful.
Leaning back, I tug at her pants and underwear. She lifts her hips, letting me slide them down her legs, and I toss them aside. My eyes rake over her naked body, soaking her in.
“Damn, babe,” I murmur, my voice rough with awe. I remember how incredible she looked in Newport, but my memory didn’t do her justice. Jesus Christ, I couldn’t have prepared myself for this. My cock aches for her, every bit of me strung tight with yearning.
My fingertips trace the edges of her thighs, teasing the smooth skin beneath them. Her eyes stay locked on mine, unflinching and intent, and it sends a rush through me. I slide my fingers up her torso, pleasure sparking with each inch of skin I touch. My hands reach her face, and my thumb brushes her cheek. Lowering my lips to her jaw, I let my breath fan over her skin. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” I murmur, my voice low and gravelly. I kiss her jawline. “You’re so damn beautiful.”
Gently, I trail kisses down her body—her neck, her shoulder, making my way down. Her gaze never falters, even as her chest rises and falls with uneven breaths. She arches into me slightly, soft gasps and moans spilling from her lips, her hands gliding over my arms and chest.
I kiss my way through the center of her tits, her grip tightening around my biceps. “Oh, God,” she murmurs, her voice shaky and raw. I glance up; her eyes are closed, her head tipped back. I press soft kisses down her torso, savoring every part of her. My lips travel lower, making my way to where I know she wants me.
Gripping her thighs, I spread her legs, opening her up for me. She arches into my touch, and I slide my tongue up the center of her. She presses against me, her fingers weaving into my hair and tugging hard enough to make me groan. “Fuck,” she gasps, the sound shooting straight to my dick.
Everything about her drives me wild—the softness, the warmth, the soaking wetness of her. Even the faint, intoxicating scent of her. I flick my tongue against her clit, and she jolts beneath me. “Jesus, Ryan,” she breathes, her voice raspy and strained.
I work her with rapid strokes, my tongue circling and teasing as I plunge a finger deep inside her. Her cries echo in my ears like the sweetest fucking music. I pause, drawing it out, loving the way she curses under her breath, filthy words tumbling from her lips. She has such a dirty mouth, and everything she says only turns me on more.
I suck on her swollen clit, releasing it with a wet pop, then dip my finger deeper, curving it upward to hit just the right spot. I lick her again, tasting her, my movements faster, more precise, until she’s gasping for air. She’s so close I can feel it.
Her pussy clenches around my finger, tight and strong, and Jesus, it’s almost too much. She cries out, arching upward, her voice breaking on a breathless “Fuck!”
The satisfaction of feeling her come against my tongue is pure, unfiltered bliss. She tugs on my hair. “Ryan,” she whispers, her voice barely audible, coated with exhaustion and desire. “Come up here. I want you… I want you inside me.”
God, I want to be inside her too. But the pull to stay down here, tasting her, is strong. I could live down here. “Ryan,” she pleads.
I reluctantly press soft kisses to her thighs before making my way back up. Not before touching, kissing, and licking every inch of her incredibly sexy body.
She meets me halfway, her hands frantically tugging at my pants. I help her, quickly freeing myself from the confinement.
Her hands roam over my chest and wrap around my neck, pulling me down in a commanding hurry. She sucks my bottom lip into her mouth, and God, her lips are irresistible. I could kiss her forever—I can’t get enough.
She gets a wild look in her eyes, blazing with raw hunger, and something shifts. She pushes me to the side, rolling on top of me—her mouth, possessive over mine. I can’t help but grin beneath her lips as she takes control. She’s always known exactly how to take what she wants—even at work—and damn, I’m happy to give it to her. Everything about this feels so fucking good.
Her fingers wrap around my length, and a groan tears through me. It’s like she knows every inch of me, every spot that drives me crazy. She’s toying with me, teasing, and every stroke makes it harder to hold back. My body’s begging for more, but I want to make this last—I’ve waited too damn long for this.
She hovers over me, brushing against me in the slowest, most tormenting way. I try to pull her down, but she restrains, her lips tugging into a sexy smirk that sends me reeling. She loves torturing me—always has.
She leans down, whispering in my ear, “Hold still, Ryan. Don’t you dare move until I say you can.” Her lips float over mine, just close enough for me to feel her breath but too far to taste her. She grinds against me, slow and deliberate. “You feel that? You’re so hard… that’s because of me.”
I chuckle, low and deep. What a teasing little devil, using my own words against me. She lowers herself just enough to give me a taste of her warmth, and holy shit, it’s maddening. I push upward instinctively, desperate for more, but she lifts away, shaking her head. “You want permission to enter, don’t you? You want me, huh?” she murmurs, flicking her tongue against my ear. A soft moan escapes her as her hands wander down, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. “You’re ready to come, aren’t you?” she adds, her tone dripping with seduction.
I groan, a deep, guttural sound that’s part frustration and part pure need. My chuckle rumbles through the air as I nod, my hand sliding around to cradle the base of her neck. “Feels so fucking good,” I mutter. My gaze locks with hers, and I can’t help but add, “You feel so good.”
Her lips curl into a playful smile, one brow cocking in challenge. “Good,” she whispers, leaning forward. She shifts slightly, and my breath hitches as she rubs her clit up and down my length. “How would you like it if I stopped? Huh?” Her tone is teasing, daring. “If I left you here, ready to fuck me?”
She rolls her hips in the smallest, most agonizing circles, the friction sending shocks through every nerve in my body. Her voice drops to a husky whisper, her breath hot against my neck. “Don’t you dare come until I say so.”
I grin as she grips my wrists, pinning them to the bed, even though we both know I could break free. God, she’s incredible. Everything about her has me mesmerized—the confidence, the playfulness, the way she takes charge. She leans in, her lips brushing mine softly, her teeth grazing my bottom lip before pulling it lightly before releasing it. “Good boys wait their turn.”
Jesus. This is so hot. I clench my fists, every muscle in my body tightening as I fight the urge to take over. I can’t take this much longer. The throbbing in my dick pulses through me like an electric current. Every soft moan, every flit of her tongue, every roll of her hips sends me closer to the edge. She’s toying with me like I’m hers to command.
And maybe I am.
And I’m more than okay with it.
I groan as her fingers trail down my chest, slow and deliberate, her nails dragging just enough to send sparks of heat shooting through me. She stops at my hips, her nails pressing slightly into my skin as she adjusts her position. She leans back, her eyes locked on mine with a mischievous grin.
“Beg me,” she whispers in a sultry voice, eyes searching mine. “Beg me to let you have me, Ryan.”
My jaw tightens, every muscle in my body trembling with restraint. I force out a chuckle. “I don’t beg.” But my God, my resolve is slipping—fast. If she keeps this up, I’ll be begging in no time.
“Oh, you will,” she murmurs as she slides lower, her mouth finding its way to my hips. Her tongue presses against my hip bone, her teeth grazing the sensitive skin, sending a jolt through me that nearly unravels me. I swear to God, I’m seconds away from losing it—from showing her exactly who’s in charge.
She tastes her way back up my body—my abs, my chest, my neck—leaving a trail of sizzling heat in her wake until her lips brush mine. Her voice is a whisper, her breath warm against my skin. “Ask for it, Ryan. I want to hear you say it.”
I snap. I need her—now.
“Fuck this,” I growl, gripping her hips and flipping her beneath me in one swift move. Her gasp turns into a laugh, and I lean in, chuckling low into her ear. “Looks like I don’t need to beg after all.” My lips claim hers, hungry and commanding. She threads her fingers into my hair, pulling me closer as our tongues play.
Her hips shift beneath me, provoking, and my control is fraying at the edges. I pull back just enough to look at her, my breath uneven. “You win,” I mutter, my voice rough with need. “I’ll beg, Coop. I’ll do whatever the fuck you want. Just tell me you want this as bad as I do.”
Her eyes widen slightly before softening with something deeper, more vulnerable. “I want you, Ryan,” she whispers. “I’ve always wanted you.”
“Good,” I murmur, brushing my lips against hers, the contact sending a shiver through me. “Because I want you so fucking badly I can’t think straight.” My knees press against her thighs, spreading her wider as I trail my lips down her neck. I pause, my voice dropping to a low whisper. “I’m begging you to let me show you how much.”
She grins. “Oh my God,” she breathes, her voice soft but demanding. “Fuck me. What are you waiting for? Fuck me already.” Her hand wraps around my length, guiding me, swirling the tip at her entrance.
The head of my cock dips inside, and I suck in a breath. “Jesus.” I push into her, and holy hell, she’s everything. Tight, warm—better than I remember. She gasps, her nails scratching into my back, pulling me closer as I fill her entirely. I pull back and thrust again, finding a rhythm, rocking my hips into hers. Her legs wrap around me, shifting me even deeper, until there’s no space between us.
I fuck her, the tension between us unraveling with every thrust. The room fills with the sound of our ragged breaths, the slick rhythm of our bodies. She cries out my name, and that’s all it takes. She tightens around me as she comes, her head falling back, and I follow, my hips faltering as a wave of euphoria crashes over me. “Fuck,” I groan, my body taut as I spill into her, every nerve sizzling until I’m seeing stars.
I tremble over her as the rush subsides, pressing a deep kiss to her lips before collapsing onto my back. My body quakes as the aftershocks roll through me, and I chuckle softly. “Holy shit, babe.”
She grins with satisfaction. I pull her into my arms, holding her close, needing her to feel wanted, appreciated and seen. Not just for her body—but for who she is. “That was…” I pause, catching my breath. “God, that was fun.”
She laughs softly. “That was really fun.” She kisses me. “I’m going to go clean up. I’ll be right back.”
I watch her walk away. Damn. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this satisfied in my life. That was incredible. I didn’t think it was possible to want her more, but fuck, I’m already thinking about round two.
When she returns, she slides back into bed, her skin warm as her legs tangle with mine. She glances up at me, her lips curving into a teasing smile. “I never wanted to admit this… but you’re really good at sex.”
I chuckle, pulling her closer. “Well, it’s not exactly hard to be good at sex when it’s with you.” I press my lips to hers, savoring the way she melts into me. I could kiss her forever and never get sick of it.
“Yeah, right,” she says, rolling her eyes playfully. “I bet all the ladies you’ve been with still think about it to this day.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “Their sex lives would have to be really sad if that were the case.” I pause, meeting her gaze. “Besides you, I haven’t been with anyone but Beth in twelve years.”
“I’d still be thinking about this in twelve years,” she says softly. “Just like I’ve thought about Newport for the past ten months.” Her fingers trace a lazy path up and down my chest and abs. “I’ve thought of that more times than I can count.”
“I’ve thought about it a lot too… an embarrassing amount of times.” My fingertips brush along her shoulders. “I was so frustrated when I found out you were engaged—not just because I thought you cheated—but because it meant you were unavailable.”
Her lips twitch into a faint, bitter smile. “Oh, trust me. If anyone was disappointed that I was engaged… it was me.”
Her honesty hits me hard, bringing me a mixture of happiness and sadness. Everyone wants to be told they’re good in the sack, but hearing her admit she’s thought about me as much as I’ve thought about her… damn, that feels good. But just as strongly, I hate that she wasted years with Brad. He’s chipped away at her confidence, at her worth, with every selfish thing he’s done. God, my heart breaks for her.
I tighten my grip around her, pulling her closer, as if holding her tighter could protect her from the pain, from the weight of everything waiting for her back home. From him. She deserves so much more. She deserves…
Damn.
She deserves everything.