Chapter 38
RYAN
“Oh my God, look what I found.”
I glance over at Cooper. She’s holding up an old journal with a mischievous grin, ready to dive in.
“Don’t read that!” I call out from across the room, quickly making my way over to her.
We’re in my new condo, surrounded by boxes stacked against the walls. It’s been an all-day affair. Leo, Michael, and Adam just left after helping with the heavy lifting. Now everything’s here—we just have to unpack. The new place is a high-rise close to work, a short ten-minute walk.
“Oh, come on,” she teases, flipping the journal open. “Where’s the fun in that?”
She lands on a random page and starts reading aloud, her voice exaggerated with a dramatic flare. “ March 3, 2008. Went to a party tonight with Jeremy. Amanda was there. She didn’t talk to me, but we made eye contact.” She pauses to shimmy her shoulders, grinning . “Ooh, eye contact…”
I laugh as she looks for another page to read.
“God, I was so pussy-whipped over Amanda,” I admit. “I bet I beat off to her when I got home.” I pause, then correct myself. “No, I definitely did. I remember beating off to her a lot.”
She raises an eyebrow, grinning. “Did you ever get to touch Amanda?”
“No. Not in the way I wanted to, anyway. We became friends later, but she friend-zoned me.”
“Ouch.” Cooper’s eyes skim over the pages, a sly smile creeping across her face as she stops. “Oh, I found one.”
I lean over to see what she’s looking at. “Shit, don’t read that one. This is possibly the most embarrassing entry in the whole book.”
She glances up at me, grinning. “Well, now I have to read it.”
“God, here we go.” I mutter, chuckling under my breath.
“Come on, it’s fun! This is who you were. It’s endearing.” She clears her throat dramatically before reading aloud. “ June 8, 2008. Tonight, I touched a boob .” She rolls her bottom lip between her teeth, waggling her brows at me. “Earmuffs, kids—it’s about to get PG-13.”
I laugh, nudging her as I reach for the journal, but she steps back, keeping it just out of my reach.
“ Julie Morrison’s boob, ” she continues, pausing for maximum effect, “ and it was… awesome .”
I laugh again, standing in front of her now, arms crossed. “It was awesome,” I reiterate.
“ It was even better than I thought it would be. I took her out to Applebee’s. ” Cooper bursts out laughing, her head falling back as she does. “I mean, I’m definitely putting out if someone takes me to Applebee’s.”
“Shut up. That was the cool place to go back then.”
She keeps reading. “ When I was driving her home, she put her hand on my leg and started to rub it. ” She pauses, looking up at me. “Wait—‘it,’ as in your dick? Or ‘it,’ as in your leg?”
“Oh, just my leg,” I admit with a puff of laughter. “Yeah, and I almost came in my pants right then.”
Her grin widens, and I can’t stop smiling. This is why I love her. She can always find a way to make me laugh, even when she’s roasting me.
“ Then she started kissing my neck, and I thought I was going to crash the car, so I pulled over at a park. ” She looks up at me, feigning shock. “Oh my God, is this girl stealing my moves?”
I shrug, letting her continue.
“ We started making out, and sweet Jesus, it was awesome. ” She pauses again, grinning. “Wow, you really loved the word awesome… She started rubbing me over my pants, and then climbed onto my lap, so I grabbed her boob. She made a sound like she liked it, so I grabbed the other one. Her boobs were so awesome. I love boobs .”
Cooper doubles over laughing. Her laughter is infectious, and I’m right there with her, the sound of it filling the room.
She cocks a brow at me, still grinning. “No wonder you’re such a sucker for a car fuck. Your first boob grab? You weren’t messing around last night.”
“The car fuck last night was hot as hell,” I say, grinning. “But that was just because it was you. Now, please stop because it’s about to get real embarrassing.”
“Oh, we aren’t at the embarrassing part yet?” she teases. “No way I’m stopping… not after that teaser.”
She clears her throat again, diving back into the journal. “ I kept rubbing her awesome boobs, and then she started grinding on me over my jeans. It felt so good. It was so awesome. I could feel myself getting ready to blow, like when I jerk off, but I couldn’t stop it. I blew my load in my pants, and it was so awesome.”
Her laughter becomes uncontrollable. “Ew. Blew my load?” She pauses, trying to catch her breath as she wipes at the tears forming in her eyes. “I can’t… I can’t stop laughing.” She takes a deep breath and continues. “ I don’t think she knew, though, because she just kept grinding against me and kissing me .” She gasps for air, clutching her stomach. “Oh, Ry. She knew… I promise you, she knew.”
I can’t hold it in. My shoulders start to shake, and I bury my head in my hands.
“ Then she took her shirt off, and holy shit, it was so… awesome. ” She barely manages to get the words out between fits of laughter.
“Oh my God,” I cry out, laughter pouring out of me. “This is fucking… awesome .”
Our laughter consumes us, the kind that leaves you breathless, your stomach aching. It reminds me of the night we were in the pool, except that night we were high. Right now, though? It’s just us being us.
She meets my gaze, tears still shining in her eyes from laughing. She closes the journal, her expression shifting, turning serious in an instant.
Before I can process it, she closes the gap between us, her lips crashing into mine with a force that leaves me reeling. Her arms wrap tightly around my neck, pulling me in, and I kiss her back just as deeply, matching her vigor with my own.
She pulls back, her grin lighting up her face. “You’re so fucking awesome, Ryan. Will you please grab my boob like you did Julie’s?”
I chuckle against her mouth, unable to stop smiling. Her beautiful, perfect mouth. “You’re the awesomest. And hell yeah, I’ll grab your boob,” I say, gliding a hand to her tits, letting the soft fullness fill my hand.
She runs her tongue across my bottom lip, her mouth exploring mine like it’s the first time. Jesus Christ, her lips—they’re incredible. Full, soft, and completely consuming.
My hand slides down to her ass, her leggings barely a barrier between her firm roundness and my palm. The feel of her under the thin fabric makes me instantly hard. Things escalate fast—tension building between us like a storm.
Her hands fist the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head, her gaze dropping to my chest before her lips follow. She presses soft kisses along my shoulder, then drags her tongue down my pecs. When her teeth tease my nipple, a sharp jolt of heat shoots through me as her thumbs brush the muscles at my hips. The sensation slices deep, setting every nerve on fire, my dick aching for her touch.
She kisses her way back to my mouth, her breath hot against my lips. “Your body turns me on. Makes me so wet…” Her voice is low, seductive, as she kisses along my jaw.
I groan, her words turning me on all the more, desire surging through me, needing more of her in every way.
My hands scramble to pull her shirt and bra off, desperate to feel her skin on mine. My grip on her hips tightens, pulling her firmly against me, eliciting a sharp gasp that she releases right into my ear.
I back her up against the wall, my hand gliding up her stomach, over her tits, until I reach her throat. I hesitate for just a second, then slide my hand lightly around it, my fingers wrapping around her gorgeous neck.
She gasps, biting her lip, her eyes darkening with that dangerous, irresistible look.
I lean in, my lips brushing her ear. “You like this, don’t you?”
She nods, her hand reaching down for me, but I don’t let her. I grab her wrist, pinning it behind her back.
“No, no,” I murmur, my voice low and commanding. “You don’t get to touch. I’m in charge. I’m the boss.” My thumb strokes the side of her neck, slow and deliberate. Her lips curve into a grin.
“I want you begging for me,” I whisper against her mouth.
“Anything you want… just don’t stop.” Her hips arch toward me, already begging for more.
My free hand brushes against her waist, sliding lower, teasing the edge of her leggings. I skim her thighs, fingers light as a feather as she shifts beneath me, trying to guide herself toward my touch.
I grin wickedly, capturing her plump bottom lip between mine and sucking gently. Her breath catches, her need radiating off her in waves.
“What do you want, Coop?”
“Touch me.”
I move my hand up to her tits, circling her nipple with my finger, feeling it harden beneath my touch. “Your nipples are so fucking sexy,” I murmur before leaning down to take one into my mouth, flicking it with my tongue before sucking gently.
She moans loudly, her hips rolling into me again.
“Ryan, touch me,” she pleads, her voice thick with need.
I trail kisses up her neck. “I am touching you.”
“I know,” she whispers. “I want more.”
My eyes flick to hers. “What do you want exactly?” A smile tugs at my lips. “You’ll have to be more specific, babe.”
She meets my gaze with a challenge in her eyes. Her lips part, her voice a sultry demand. “I want you inside me.” She tries to move forward, but my hand holds her back, pinning her in place.
I pause for a beat, considering her, then lean in, brushing my lips over hers, slow and teasing, my finger skimming the curve of her cheek. “What else?” I whisper.
“I want to come against your fingers… your tongue… and your hard cock.”
“God,” I groan, pressing into her. “You’re so hot. I love when you talk dirty.”
My hand slides beneath the waistband of her joggers, but I stop just short, holding back.
“You’re driving me crazy, Ry,” she groans, her voice trembling. “I’ll do anything… just fuck me already.”
I break our kiss, needing to see her face as I slide my fingers into her panties. She’s drenched, moisture coating my fingers instantly. I grin, pulling my hand back and bringing my fingers to her mouth. Slowly, I run a wet finger along her bottom lip.
Her tongue glides across her bottom lip before her eyes lock with mine. She parts her lips, and I slip my fingers inside. Her mouth closes around them, warm and soft, her slow, deliberate suction spreading a wave of arousal that drives me to want more as I draw them back out.
“Fuck, babe,” I breathe, my voice shaking. “That’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”
Her voice drops. “Now kiss me so you can taste me.”
Christ. It’s like she knows every dirty fantasy I’ve ever had. I crush my mouth against hers, and the second her tongue sweeps inside, the faint taste of her unleashes a need so primal it makes my head spin.
Before I can react, she slips her hand free from behind her and presses against my chest, gently pushing me back just enough to give herself space. My pulse races as I watch her dip her fingers into her waistband, pulling them back up to my lips.
She drags her wet fingers along my bottom lip, her eyes daring me. I move to taste her, to pull her fingers into my mouth, but she pulls back at the last second with a wicked grin.
Her lips wrap around her own fingers, and she makes a sound—a low, soft hum like it’s the most delicious thing she’s ever tasted.
Jesus fucking Christ.
The ache of my cock takes over, and I lose all sense of control. She must see the carnal hunger blazing in my eyes because she grins, hooks her fingers into the waistband of my pants, and pulls me closer, pressing her hips against mine.
I tug her leggings down, peeling them off with a sense of urgency I’ve never known. She’s doing the same, yanking at my pants, and I step out of them quickly.
“How do you want it?” I rasp.
“I don’t care,” she gasps. “Just give it to me.”
I spin her around, bending her over. Her hands press against the wall to steady herself as my hands grip her ass, pulling her to me. I slide into her from behind, deep and deliberate.
Her moan is loud and raw, spurring me on as I press deeper, my hips snapping into hers. I thrust into her, long and slow at first, before quickening to a rapid pace. The sight of her tits bouncing with every movement, the sound of her ass slapping against me—it drives me wild, pleasure shooting straight through me.
“Oh my…” she trails off, her words dissolving into a moan as I feel her tighten around me, coming hard. The sensation is electric, pulling me over the edge with her, and the combination of her soft moans, her smooth skin beneath my hands, and the warmth of her body consumes me entirely.
“God,” I groan, gripping her hips tighter as I push into her one last time, the euphoria ripping through me. “You feel so fucking good.”
I pull out of her slowly, the aftershocks still rippling, my dick sensitive as hell. I take a moment to catch my breath before meeting her in the bathroom moments later. She’s washing her hands, her hair slightly mussed, and the sight of her makes my chest ache. I step behind her, pressing gentle kisses to her shoulders.
“I like having you here… at my house,” I murmur, my lips brushing against her skin.
She meets my gaze in the mirror, her smile soft and genuine. “I like being here.”
“No.” I wrap my arms around her stomach, resting my chin on the top of her head. “I don’t think you get it. I really like having you here. I don’t think this move would feel the same without you.”
Her brows furrow. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know,” I say, kissing the top of her head. “It would just feel… empty. Knowing I was starting over, without you here?” I sigh, the weight of it pressing on my chest. “It would suck.”
She turns around, her hands sliding up my chest, grounding me. “Trust me, I get it.” Her eyes wander over my face. “And I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”
I lift her onto the counter, her legs wrapping around me instinctively. “Will you spend the night?” My hand cups her cheek, and she nods.
“Of course,” she whispers, leaning forward to press a kiss to my chin.
My heart pounds as I pull her closer, wrapping her in my arms, her naked body pressed against mine. She rests her ear against my chest, and I know she can hear my heartbeat—loud, fast, unsteady.
The words I want to say are right there, teetering on the edge of my tongue. I love you. But I chicken out, fear gripping me. What if she doesn’t feel the same way? What if it’s too soon?
So, I don’t say it.
Instead, I kiss her.
I hold her.
I bring her to my bed.
I make love to her, slow and deep, pouring every unspoken word into the way I touch her, the way I move with her.
But I don’t tell her.
We fall asleep, her body wrapped around mine, sinking into me like she’s a part of me. I pull her closer, my arm tight around her waist, never wanting to let go.
For the past year, I’ve felt disconnected, like nothing could feel like home. I dreaded the thought of getting my own place, of confronting that void—until now.
Because being here with her fills it. She doesn’t just feel like home—she is home.