5. Aiden
5
AIDEN
Nova doesn’t hide the doubt from her voice, but that’s OK. I can believe for both of us. I can bear the weight of her past and speak life over the cracked, aching places of her heart. In time, she will trust me with all of the broken pieces, and my love will mend them back together again.
“I know we’re going to have a beautiful marriage,” I reassure her. “It won’t be easy. There will be hard days and moments when we don’t see eye to eye. I’ll make stupid mistakes and I’ll beg your forgiveness each time. But I will never, ever leave you.”
She laughs then. It’s a full belly sound but there’s no amusement in it. “It’s easy to say those words but living them out. I’ve been around the men that don’t. It’s too hard.”
“I get that, angel. I do. What you’ve seen has told you this is impossible. But what I’ve seen gives me faith.” I smile then as I think of my childhood. It was so different from hers that it makes me ache for her.
“My dad took me and my brothers hunting and fishing every week as a kid. He had me working in the garden when I was knee high. I thought it was just because my dad liked to do these things. It wasn’t until I got older that I understood that if we didn’t hunt and garden, we were going to go hungry.”
She squeezes my hand. “I’m sorry.”
I shake my head. “Don’t be. I never realized how rough things were because of my father. To hear him talk, we were rich as kings. He was always pointing out the good things we had in life. He embraced the simple pleasures and loved me and my brothers fiercely.”
“He sounds wonderful.” There’s a note of wistfulness mixed in with the happiness in her tone. She wishes she had what I had, and I plan to give it to her.
“Despite how poor we were, we got one birthday present every year and it was always the same thing. A new pair of leather boots, the nice kind that were waterproof.” I pause there, not wanting to share all of the story but knowing that it matters. “When I was about ten, I threw a fit over getting new boots. I had wanted this really cool science kit and I didn’t get it. My dad looked at me. I’ll never forget the gentle sound of his voice when he told me that part of being a man is accepting things whether good or bad with grace.”
I take a deep breath. “My dad always wore sandwich bags on his feet and taped his boots together. It took me years to realize I got new boots every year, but he never did. He’s that kind of man. He put everything—his whole heart and soul—into loving his wife and raising his boys. That’s the kind of husband and father I’ll be.”
I send him new boots on his birthday each year. He calls and bitches at me, telling me I shouldn’t waste the money on him. I just ignore it and tell him I love him. He never says it back. But all I have to do is picture those taped up boots to know that he has said it to me every day for years.
Nova shivers and I realize how cold it is in the main area of the library. With the open space and the high ceilings, it’s not exactly easy to heat the old building. “Let’s go back to the employee’s lounge.”
She nods and says, “Can I borrow your phone? I want to call my brother. He was expecting to hear from me tonight.”
I pass it to her before I stand and stretch. I sense she needs some time to process our conversation. “Sure, I’ll get the space heater running.”
Nova
I watch Aiden walk away, my thoughts circling in my head. I’ve never really talked to anyone about my dad. Most of the townspeople watched me grow up. They know the story.
But having Aiden say my dad was ashamed helped me see it differently. For the first time, that little voice in my head that tells me I’m not good enough is silent.
I try to call my brother twice, but the call doesn’t go through. The cell towers must already be down in the storm.
Even though I shouldn’t snoop, I pull up the audio books on Aiden’s phone. He has a lot of books on marriage and fatherhood that he’s listened to. But it’s his most recent one that catches my eye. It’s basically a primer on pleasing a woman complete with fascinating facts about female anatomy.
The book is written by a man, but I’m pretty sure I’m learning new things about my body as I listen. I squeeze my thighs together and imagine Aiden when the author talks about the right way to go down on a woman.
“Pretty interesting stuff, yeah?” Aiden’s voice is deep.
I startle. “I didn’t hear you come back out.” My face flames as the narrator continues to describe how a woman’s clit functions. I smash the pause button and toss his phone into the seat beside me.
“I gathered that much,” his voice is still low and for a moment, I wonder if he’s mad at me. He told me I could call my brother. He didn’t say I could look through his phone or go through his reading history.
“I shouldn’t have snooped,” I confess as I stand. I feel guilty about it but only a little bit. After what I’ve seen and heard, I know that Aiden is going to make some woman a very lucky and satisfied wife. The idea that it might not be me makes my heart ache.
He steps in front of me, blocking my path. “I’m not embarrassed by what I listen to. I told you I want to be a good husband who provides for his wife and that means knowing how to please her.”
My mouth is dry while my panties are damp. My body is cold, but anticipation and nerves warm me from the inside. “Have you ever thought about practicing?”
Excitement flickers in his gaze and he wraps his big hands around my hips. His touch makes me feel owned, and I like the idea of belonging to Aiden. “I would need a partner to practice with. Know any volunteers?”
It’s now or never and I can’t think of anyone I’d rather do this with. He’s the one person I want to discover sex with. I want to feel our bodies in motion together, learn the places he enjoys being touched, and know what his face looks like when he’s coming.
Leaning up on my tiptoes, I place a kiss on his lips. It’s gentle and tentative because I’m nervous and need him to take the lead on this.
Fortunately, Aiden doesn’t need much encouragement. As soon as I touch my lips to his, he pulls me even closer and wraps one hand around the back of my head. He angles it so he can deepen the kiss, his tongue dancing with mine.
With every swipe of his tongue, he makes a pained groan. Between us, I can feel him getting hard, his bulge pressing into my belly. It creates an answering hunger deep in my body. I’m suddenly aware that my core is empty and I long for it to be filled. But not just by anyone. It needs to be Aiden. I want it to be him always.
When we finally part for air, his gaze is glassy, and it makes me wonder if mine is the same. He drags in large gulps of air, his chest heaving. With every brush of his chest against mine, my nipples tighten beneath the thick coat that I’m still wearing.
He takes my hand in his. “Let’s get back to where it’s warm.”
I follow him to the employee lounge, my heart thudding. I can’t believe I’m about to have sex for the first time and that it’ll be with Aiden, the guy that makes me feel all gooey inside.
I hesitate before I step in the room. I really like Aiden, but this could be the head injury talking. Or maybe he feels sorry for me. Or perhaps…
He tucks a strand of my straw-like hair behind my ear. “Don’t overthink this,” he whispers.
His words help me to relax. This isn’t about any of those things. We’re just killing time during a snowstorm together. It doesn’t mean anything.
As I step into the lounge, I ignore the voice in my head that calls me a liar. Aiden has managed to find a couple of blankets. The heater is humming in the corner again, warming the room.
Aiden sits on the couch, tugging me down on top of him. He gives me a grin. “Practicing together is your best idea ever.”