Chapter 9
Joy
“One ice cream sundae coming up,” Ford says. He’s told me so much about himself tonight. I’ve learned more about the man behind the mask than I have in six months of working for him.
He orders room service while I slip into the bathroom to clean myself up. I can’t believe that I had sex with my hot boss tonight.
There is not going to be enough ice cream in the world to get me through this when I’m back alone in my apartment. But for now, I’m going to let myself feel the giddy happiness of having been with Ford, the man I’m wildly in love with.
As soon as I think the thought, I gasp. I’m in love with him. I’m in love with Ford. I think I’ve known that for months. From the first moment I met him, but now my heart will no longer let me deny it.
He still doesn’t know it’s me. He doesn’t know that I’m the one that he just gave his virginity to. Could we see each other again, maybe with the masks?
What am I thinking? I’m being ridiculous. There is no way this isn’t ending tonight. I have to treat tonight like what it is, a beautiful gift that I never expected.
With that thought, I leave the bathroom. I’m aware of a cool breeze under my dress. I lost my underwear somewhere with Ford, and I haven’t seen them since. I check under the cushion that he put under my hips, then I feel along the rumpled covers.
He’s watching me from the armchair in the corner of the room, reminding me of the scene we saw downstairs. “What are you looking for?”
“I had underwear. Did you see them? I thought I was still wearing them when we came up here.”
“I’ll help you look.” He checks around the room, squatting to look under the bed.
I love the way his pants stretch so tight across his firm ass.
He has a body built from stone. I think again about those scars on his side.
I want to ask him a million questions, but I don’t.
If he doesn’t want to tell me that story, that’s his decision.
“Are you undressing me with your eyes?” The amusement in his voice lets me know that he doesn’t mind.
Before I can answer, there’s a soft knock on the door. That must be the delivery of our dessert. I cross the room to pull open the door, surprised to see a waitress with a whole cart of food.
I step back, and she comes into the room, wheeling the cart behind her. She sets it up on the table then Ford tips her. She leaves quietly after that, not sparing either of us a glance.
“Can you imagine the level of discretion required to work in a place like this?” I ask him as I cross the room to the table. “You’ve got a lot of food.”
“I didn’t know what else you might be in the mood for.” The husky note in his voice lets me know that another round is definitely on the menu. I squeeze my thighs together, already feeling wetness starting again.
I reach for the hot fudge sundae, noting that it has extra sprinkles. Just the way I like. “This is all I want for now.”
Instead of opting to sit at the table, I take my dessert to the bed and settle against the headboard.
Ford selects a fudgy brownie with a scoop of ice cream and hot fudge sauce on top before joining me. He sits so close that his massive shoulder bumps against mine with every bite, but I don’t care. I love having this hulking man beside me.
“How did a beautiful girl like you end up here tonight?” He asks after we’ve lapsed into a comfortable silence.
“You call me that a lot,” I whisper and duck my head, pretending to be focused on my ice cream.
“Don’t tell me that you don’t know you’re beautiful,” he says, his tone telling me he can’t quite believe it.
I shrug. He doesn’t know who I am, and he’s not going to.
It doesn’t really matter if I tell him my secret.
“My sister and I used to play in movies together. It was kind of…the family business, and I loved it. I loved everything about acting, even the hard stuff like spending hours memorizing the lines was fun to me.”
“What happened?”
“We hit puberty. She blossomed into this beautiful swan, and I got cystic acne and fewer callbacks. Eventually, I just quit acting. I heard what people would say about me behind my back. It’s not like anyone needed me anyway. They had her.”
I blink back the moisture gathering in my eyes. “The worst part is she doesn’t realize she’s beautiful. She’s sweet and kind and the type of person that you want as your best friend. That’s what she is–my best friend.”
His arm is around my shoulder, tucking me close. It’s the best feeling in the world, having him hold me like this. “You don’t see yourself through my eyes. You’re beautiful, smart, and sassy. You keep a man on his toes and make him wish he could keep you forever.”
My heart warms at his words, at the way he’s calling me beautiful, smart, and sassy. But it also hurts because he just said he can’t keep me forever. Didn’t he say something earlier tonight about being in love once before? I bet she’s beautiful.
“Thank you,” I whisper. I want him to know he’s beautiful and that his scars aren’t something he has to hide away from me. Even if he just made it clear he won’t have a future with me. “From the first moment I saw you, I thought you were beautiful too.”
He chuckles. “So, for all of three hours?”
I try to chuckle, but it gets caught in my throat as a little sob. I can’t believe this is how my year is ending. I finally know what it’s like to sleep with Ford, but he doesn’t even know who I am.
“Hey,” he murmurs softly and takes my face in his hand. He thumbs away my tears. “I don’t know who the motherfucker is who’s making you cry, but he’s not worth your tears.”
I can’t agree with him. I’ll never agree with him, but I can’t tell him that. “Just kiss me again. Make me forget until midnight.”
He shakes his head. “Let me hold you.”
It’s the worst kind of torment, to be in Ford’s arms but not have him know that it’s me. He’ll never understand how much I love him. I don’t know how long we stay wrapped up in each other, quietly holding on.
Finally, Ford says, “It’s nearing midnight. Do you have any New Year’s resolutions?”
I’m not about to tell him that I’m going to quit my job. That might tip my hand.
Later, when I go to stop working for him and send him my resignation letter, I don’t want anything to tarnish this beautiful night, and that means I don’t want him to ever realize that he was with me. He wouldn’t choose me anyway. He’s clearly in love with someone else.
“No,” I sigh softly. “I don’t have any New Year’s resolutions. How about you?”
He opens his mouth and hesitates.
I bump his shoulder with mine. “You can tell me. We’re just strangers after all.”
He swallows hard and says, “I’m going to tell the woman that I love that I’m in love with her.”
This is it. This is the point when I know that I have to flee. I can’t keep staying here in his arms while he’s thinking about someone else. There’s too much pain.
“That’s a really good resolution,” I say weakly. I press a kiss to his cheek and give him a grin, the best one I can muster.
“I got fudge sauce down my dress. Would you grab me a warm washcloth from the bathroom?”
There’s a twinkle in his gaze. “There are other ways I could remove the fudge sauce.”
I laugh in spite of my heavy heart and push at his big, broad chest. If only he wanted me half as much as I want him. “Go grab me the washcloth.”
The moment he steps into the bathroom, I’m out of bed and on my feet. It takes me less than three seconds to grab my shoes and my clutch.
He’s still waiting for the water to warm, completely oblivious, and that’s the best way to end this night. I sneak out of the room, closing the door quietly.
I’m down the stairs by the time I hear him at the top of them.
He’s bellowing something, but it’s far too easy for me to disappear into the swell of bodies, of people preparing to celebrate the approach of midnight.
I don’t look back because I don’t have a new beginning to celebrate. It’s just the same old heartbreak.