Chapter 8 #2
His eyes are a molten indigo now, fixed on mine deeply as though he’s looking into me. Our first time together was frantic; all heat and hurried. But this is different. He isn’t rushing.
I reach for his belt, but he catches my wrists, and holds them over my head. “Keep them there,” he orders, and I do exactly as he asks, before he peels my sweater off in one smooth motion.
The cool air ripples across my skin as he bends and plants hot open-mouthed kisses down the slope of my neck, to my breasts where he tongues my nipple through the lace of my bra until I’m gasping. Then he unhooks my bra flawlessly and tosses it aside.
“Jesus, Tanner …”
“Shh.” He lays me back on the soft flannel quilt.
There’s a rawness to the way he stares, something almost delicate beneath the hunger, and I expect him to climb on top of me, but he drops to his knees between my thighs instead, where he slowly slides his palms up the length of my thighs to my ribs, brushing his thumbs on the underside of my breasts.
I’m trembling, which isn’t anything new with Tanner, but tonight, my need for him is scary, because it’s not just physical.
I need all of him, especially his heart.
He unbuttons my pants, and drags the zipper down tooth by tooth.
I lift my hips so he can take my jeans and panties off together.
Everywhere he touches feels like it’s about to erupt in flame.
He slides his hands behind my knees and lifts, spreading me obscenely.
That old shame of not being small, beautiful, or enough, surfaces for a moment, but he looks up, meets my eyes, and his expression is so soft I feel treasured.
I want to say something to ease this tension, but I only groan in ecstasy, because his scruffy jaw is nuzzling along the sensitive skin of my inner thigh and the friction is exquisite.
Slowly, he kisses my thighs with his beautiful lips, not hurried at all.
He holds my legs open and just breathes me in, closing his eyes for a second, and when he licks up my sensitive seam, I jolt.
He does it again, and again with a controlled drag of his tongue, avoiding my desperate clit.
I’m so close I’m going insane, and reach for his head, tunneling my fingers in his hair, trying to anchor myself.
I don’t realize I’m begging until he finally lets his lips settle exactly where I’m aching, and my entire spine lifts off the mattress.
I groan his name, crying out, feeling him come down on me again with his expert tongue adding deliberate pressure.
The pleasure builds gradually, but that tight coil in my belly is winding and I’m getting closer to snapping.
I’m breathless, babbling, and he keeps going, greedy and gentle at the same time.
I clutch the quilt, bunch it in my fists and grind against his face. I need more … more …
He moans, and the vibration makes me see stars.
There’s nothing but pleasure and the sound of my own wild voice begging, with the jackhammering beat of my heart.
When his mouth closes over my clit and sucks, I cry out, clamping my thighs around his ears.
I’m so close I start to fall over the edge, almost there, and …
he pulls away. Just like that, his lips are gone.
“Please don’t stop.” I pant. “I need to come right now or I think I’ll die. ”
“Not yet,” he says, rising to take off his jeans and underwear.
His heavy cock springs free. There’s a bead of pre-cum glistening at the tip I want to lick until he forgets his name.
But he climbs over me, and knees my thighs apart.
His dripping head, slick and hot, nudges my entrance. “Eyes on me, Winter.”
I lock onto him as he pushes in, one slow relentless inch at a time until he’s filled me completely and we’re both shaking. He stills, letting me adjust and gently cradles my face like I’m a priceless work of art.
“Tell me if it’s too much,” he whispers.
I shake my head. “More.”
Tanner starts to move with long, deep strokes that wake every nerve inside me.
I wrap my legs around him, digging my heels into his back, urging him deeper.
The bed creaks and shakes beneath us. Sweaty slick sounds of skin on skin bounce off the walls and I taste salt on his shoulder when I suck on it, muffling a scream.
He shifts, hooking my knee over his elbow, opening me wider.
And the angle … fuck. He’s hitting my sweet spot again and again, relentlessly, until the pleasure winds in me so tight I can’t breathe.
His hand slips between us, to circle my clit with his thumb in time with his thrusts.
“Come for me, baby,” he grunts, and I know he’s about to climax too.
“Let me feel it.” His words are enough to make me shatter.
The orgasm rips through me, wave after wave, while my pussy clenches around him so hard he groans my name like it hurts.
He doesn’t stop and fucks me through it, drawing out my orgasm until I’m sobbing into his neck.
Only then does he let go. His cock pulses as he spills deep inside me with a broken sound and a guttural moan.
We stay entwined together, breathing raggedly in front of the twinkling lights of the tree.
He’s still inside me when he rolls us over so I’m sprawled across his chest, still joined, with his arms around me like he’s afraid I’ll vanish.
I bury my face in the crook of his neck, inhaling cedar and sex and him.
“By the way. The door’s locked,” he murmurs into my hair.
“You’re not going anywhere until the snow melts, and I’m in no hurry for spring.
” I realize he must be joking, because Tanner and I have similar dating habits.
We’re usually dying to go home to our own beds, but here, under his cozy flannel sheets, contented and inhaling his scent like I need it to breathe, my emotions are a jangled mess.
I feel vulnerable and weepy. What if I want our relationship to last forever? What if I’m already in love with him? What if he moves on to his next conquest? I press a kiss on his chest, and he tilts my head up.
“You okay?”
I swallow. “I’m not sure what this is between us,” I admit softly. “But I don’t want it to stop.”
His smile is devastating. “Good. Because I’m keeping you.” He finds my hand and holds it against his chest.
Outside, the snow keeps falling, blanketing the world in quiet.
For the first time in years, I’m not counting the minutes, racing to leave first, or bracing for a fall. I’m just here. With him. And it feels like home.
***
Tanner
4:05 am
Helmand Province
The night is black glass, our night vision goggles paint everything ghost-green.
I’m on point, boots silent in the wadi, the Helmand wind is thick with poppy resin and goat shit.
Six of us, my brothers in arms, move like ghosts through the dark, hearts pounding, heading toward the enemy camp.
Intel said there’s two Taliban leaders here, and maybe a weapons stash. It should be an easy in-and-out.
Then the world explodes. The first round cracks past my ear, hot as a brand. Muzzle flashes are on three sides. It’s an ambush.
“Contact left!” Ramirez hisses over the net, voice shredded. I pivot, see him crawling behind a boulder, blood black on his neck. Jenkins is down twenty meters out, with his leg folded wrong, screaming through clenched teeth.
An RPG streaks across the night with its deadly fiery tail painting the darkness devil orange. BOOM. The blast lifts me and slams me into the dirt.
My ears are ringing. I can’t see a fucking thing. When the haze clears, the wall’s gone.
So are they.
Just smoke and glinting brass casings. I grit my teeth and crawl, banging my fist against the surface, letting the anger and adrenaline drive me so I can reach Jenkins’ but it’s impossible.
Where the fuck is he? I thrash, desperately reaching for a hand that isn’t there.
But it is. Warm fingers curl around me.
Hers.
“Tanner.” A soft, loving voice slices through the dark. “Come back to me, baby. You’re here. You’re mine.”
I jerk awake with my chest heaving and sweat cooling on my skin. Moonlight spills across the chocolate brown eyes that I love. The beautiful woman is propped on an elbow, still holding my hand like she’ll never let go.
“Winter,” I rasp with a raw throat.
The wadi fades, replaced by the quiet of my cabin. She traces my knuckles with her thumb and says, “You were dreaming. You said their names. Jenkins and Ramirez.”
I nod, ashamed of myself. No one has ever seen me like this. Not my brothers, not the women I kept at arm’s length.
But Winter’s the only woman who has ever kissed me as if I’m her whole world. “I didn’t want you to have to go through this,” I mutter. “The nightmares … I lose them every time. The blood. The smoke. It was fucking terrible. I couldn’t save them.”
“You don’t have to save everyone alone. Not anymore.”
I stare at our joined hands. Hers is warm, alive, and nothing like the cold I reached for in the dream.
Somehow the most horrific experience of my life feels manageable, because she’s here.
“I don’t think I’ve ever felt safe enough to fall apart,” I admit.
“But with you, I guess I do. I’m so sorry. ”
“Don’t ever apologize to me, Tanner Stone.
Because I’m not going anywhere.” She shifts closer, tucks her head under my chin and I feel her steady heartbeat against mine.
The ache of the nightmare hangs on, but it’s dull now, pushed back by the scent of her shampoo and the soft weight of her in my arms.
“Winter,” I murmur into her hair. “I hope I’m not scaring you but you should know I don’t want to let you go. Ever. I’m in love with you, baby. I’m tired of wasting time. There. I said it.”
She brushes her lips against my collarbone. “Are you sure it isn’t the dream talking?”
I tilt her chin, searching her eyes with a weak smile. “Maybe. I probably should’ve waited for a better time to tell you.”
“Any time is the right time to tell me you love me.” Her voice is all breath.
“Would you ever consider retiring from your naughty ways for good? Think you could be satisfied being naughty with just one? Because for the first time in my life, I don’t want to share you and I can’t live without you.”
“Oh my God. What took you so long?” She laughs, as her eyes fill with tears.
“I’m in love with you too, but this happened so fast, I was afraid to tell you.
” She kisses me slowly and deeply, as if she’s promising me everything.
“I didn’t think it was possible, Tanner, but a thousand times yes.
I have zero desire to be with anyone else except my naughty one and only.
” She wraps her arms around me as we sink into each other beneath the sheets. “What are we going to do?”
“About my PTSD?”
Her expression is a mix of worry and affection. “I’m not sure being naughty together is enough to make them go away.”
I chuckle, brushing a strand of hair from her face. “You’re right. I need to start seeing my therapist again, but you help too, Winter. More than you know. I used to get them almost every other night. And that was the first nightmare I’ve had with you.”
“Then we’ll still have our happily ever after?”
“Of course we will, sweetheart.” I explain, pulling her closer.
“When Zephyr proposed to Sierra, I asked him how I would know if I were ever in love. He told me I’d feel like I couldn’t live without her.
I’d want to do everything to protect her, and the world would feel happier, and brighter.
And that’s exactly how I feel about you.
I think we’re starting our own happily ever after right now …
with one kiss, one naughty touch, and a thousand I love yous, one at a time. ”