8. Chapter 5
Chapter 5
B y the time morning rolled around, Lex felt like death warmed over. His body was heavy, his eyes were blurry, and he was pretty sure he hadn’t gotten more than a couple of minutes of sleep. Maybe. He’d given up around four a.m. and spent the rest of the night scrolling on his phone, trying to figure out if Morgan just had a really bad violent streak or something… worse .
But no matter what he put into the search engine, he couldn’t find any results. No missing hikers or prostitutes. No unsolved cases that matched the dates and details. Nothing. Like the pictures didn’t exist. Like he’d imagined the whole thing.
He hadn’t imagined Morgan’s face.
Making his way downstairs, it was like his body was moving on its own. He was a goddamn zombie. He wouldn’t make it through the day without a couple gallons of caffeine.
And then he spotted Kate sitting at the breakfast nook, her face in a newspaper and a steaming mug close by. Coffee. The pot was still full, too. Lex could’ve kissed her.
Setting the paper down, she looked over and started to stand. “Are you hungry?”
“No, thanks.”
“I’m sorry you had a rough night,” she said once Lex had found the biggest cup available and filled it to almost spilling.
“Welcome back to the fucking family, I guess.”
Kate flinched. Visibly flinched. There went her expression—kicked puppy. Lex felt like shit all over again.
“Sorry,” he muttered, taking a sip. “I didn’t mean to come across that way. I’m tired.”
“It’s alright.” She pulled the plate of toast toward her, her eyes focused on it like it was going to disappear. ”Hopefully you two can figure out how to get along. It would be easier on everyone.”
The hum of the fridge was the only thing filling the space.
Lex could have talked more—should have talked more. But he didn’t know how to respond. And once he put his head on his hand, he was already starting to nod off .
Five minutes. He could shut his eyes for five minutes.
It didn’t even feel like thirty seconds before something hit the table.
Lex jerked, his other hand still around the cup and it went flying. He had enough time to open his eyes to see the disaster happen in real-time: coffee splattering across the wood and onto the tile, and then the ear-shattering sound of ceramic cracking.
Kate was on the floor the next thing he knew, paper towels in her hands and tears in her eyes.
Lex almost fell off the chair to help. “I’m sorry,” he rushed out too fast, “I shouldn’t have fallen asleep. I’m so, so, sorry. I’m not normally this clumsy, I swear to god. I know I haven’t made the greatest first impression—”
“ Please leave. Please.”
Kate’s voice was whisper quiet, but with enough force that it cut through his rambling apology. Lex froze, one hand hovering above the broken shards. Then he heard Morgan.
“There’s a dinner tonight with some of the board members. Introductory. Tell me you packed something other than what you have on.”
Lex knew it was directed toward him, but all of his focus was on Kate. Her hands were still shaking, her teeth sunk into her bottom lip so hard he thought she’d draw blood. Over coffee. Over nothing.
Why the hell was she acting like this? It was an accident.
“Kate,” Morgan snapped, and she jumped .
Her hands fumbled as she smoothed them across her face and then her robe before she straightened. “Yes?”
And then… nothing .
Lex stood up, cradling the pieces he could find in his shirt. He dumped it into the trash looking between the two, exhausted and more than a little confused.
Neither of them were talking. Kate was standing there, hands clasped in front of her, and Morgan? Morgan wasn’t looking at her. No. He was looking at Lex.
The silence was fucking eerie and Lex was hyperaware of how his heart kept threatening to break out of his chest. The shattered mug and the sticky coffee on his hands didn’t seem important.
“You can go, Kate,” Morgan said after another minute, still boring a hole straight through Lex and out the patio door.
She didn’t hesitate. The second the words left Morgan’s mouth, she was gone.
Lex didn’t blame her. Hell, if he had half a brain, he’d have been right behind her, bolting upstairs or out the front door. But no. Of course not.
Instead, he stood there, rooted to the spot. As much as he hated himself for it, he couldn’t move. Not when Morgan’s attention was on him. Not when Morgan was looking at him like that .
Jesus. He needed a goddamn exorcism.
Lex kept waiting for Morgan to say something. A reprimand. A warning of don’t break my shit . Anything. But he didn’t. The quiet dragged on until he wanted to unplug the fridge.
And then Morgan turned around and left. A door down the hall opened and shut, and Lex exhaled all at once, his chest aching.
Morgan didn’t say a single word to him after that. Nothing. He stopped talking altogether. It didn’t matter what came out of Lex’s mouth—casual or borderline desperate, even for him—he was met with absolute silence.
The silence was killing him.
Yesterday, Morgan’s smug comments and insults had crawled under his skin. He’d been so ready to snap, to lose it, and start screaming just to get even. But now? Now all he wanted was one goddamn word. Just one.
But Lex wasn’t here for Morgan. Not really. He reminded himself of that every time he started circling the drain.
Consulting sounded well-to-do enough on paper, but honestly, what did a consultancy firm even do? Call strangers and bug them for hand-outs? Because that’s the only jobs Lex had held down; telemarketing, cold-calling… he was a professional at pissing people off.
His experience was going to work in his favor or he’d lose even more sleep trying to play catchup.
The upstairs office was supposed to help him focus—and thank god it wasn’t that beige horror show—but it didn’t. Being stuck in here with Morgan and his radio silence? It was great. Really . Exactly like peeling off a hangnail, piece by broken piece.
Morgan’s desk was fucking hug e, easily stretching the entirety of one wall. Well-worn and ancient, like the rest of this damn house. It could’ve easily sat them both. Hell, there was even a second rolling chair shoved in the corner. Did Morgan suggest they sit together? Work together? Help each other out?
No .
Instead, he banished Lex to the couch with a laptop. It wasn’t even that comfortable.
Lex had so many questions.
What the hell is a KPI? Why aren’t you speaking to me? And for the love of everything holy, what the fuck is strategic alignment?
Lex should have been paying more attention to the files he was pouring over, not watching every little move Morgan made out of the corner of his eye.
“Morgan. There’s nothing listed on this. Or… maybe there is. I—I don’t know anymore. I think I’m going blind.”
There wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell he was going to get an answer but—hey—he had said something. No one could tell him he didn’t ask for help.
This wasn’t working. None of it was.
Biting back his pride, Lex forced the apology out of his mouth. “I’m sorry if I crossed a line yesterday. It wasn’t my intention. It was an honest mistake.”
“You want to know what I’ve been thinking about?” Morgan asked.
Finally . Words.
“Sure.”
“I,” Morgan paused, pressing his lips together as if he wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue. “I wanted to be a neurosurgeon, but I couldn’t. Ever since you mentioned the word ‘doctor’ it’s been on my mind.”
Lex turned to be sure he heard him right. Morgan didn’t do personal . And Morgan sure as shit didn’t do emotional .
“What happened? ”
Morgan picked up a pen off the desk and held it in front of him. For a moment, it was steady, perfectly balanced. And then it started—small at first. A twitch. A tremor that spread to his wrist. The pen hit the wood and bounced off onto the floor.
Oh my god.
Morgan didn’t seem fazed by it, didn’t even look over at Lex. He went right back to typing like nothing had happened. “I was heartbroken for a while. It had been my dream since I was little.”
Lex’s heart dropped into his stomach, his mind spinning, trying to put everything together.
Morgan hadn’t shared anything. Ever. God, he was a person— someone with dreams and hopes. He wasn’t whatever Lex had inside of his head, or what he saw most days.
“I’m so sorry, Morgan,” he mumbled, the words tumbling out before he could stop them. “If it makes you feel any better, I wanted to go to Juilliard. I…”
Got blind drunk after you left, crashed my car , and fucked up my one leg so bad I was on crutches for six months.
Too much.
“I just… bombed. I was devastated. It’s not the same, but I get it.”
Morgan didn’t say anything else, and Lex didn’t push.
Maybe this whole ordeal was more positive than Lex had originally thought. Despite the insane moments, maybe—just maybe— they could get along. Maybe they could finally have that bond that Lex had been wanting for years.
The air in the office seemed to shift, the sound of Morgan’s laughter so sudden that Lex nearly dropped the laptop .
He had heard one laugh from Morgan. One . And it wasn’t this one. This was real. Low, rolling laughter, like Morgan had been holding it in too long.
Sleep deprivation had finally broken him.
Morgan’s laugh slowed enough for him to speak. “I—I’m,” he tried, gripping onto his chest as another wave of laughter took over. “I keep hearing your impassioned I’m sorry and it’s killing me .”
It would’ve been less painful if Morgan had slapped him. Hindsight, Lex should have seen it coming. But that didn’t help the humiliation surging through him, hot and sick.
“You are stupid, aren’t you?” Morgan shook his head. “Maybe not stupid as much as na?ve .”
Clenching his jaw, Lex had to keep swallowing the bile or else he’d open his mouth and vomit. “You… you were—what—fucking with me?” his voice came out shaky, too soft for the rage he felt.
Morgan leaned back in the chair, his lips curved into a smirk. He didn’t answer, but god , he didn’t need to. The way his eyes were focused, the tilt of his head… he was looking at Lex like some science experiment gone wrong.
“I shared something real with you,” Lex said after a minute. After his heart had calmed down. After he could uncurl his fists. “It wasn’t a joke.”
“Let me share something real with you, then.” Morgan clasped his hands together, settling deeper into the creaky, leather seat. “I would never bear my soul to you. Do you understand? I wish you were dead.”
There were no words for that .
It was like the ground had opened up and Lex was free falling into nothing. And for one small, terrifying second he felt utterly empty.
There wasn’t anything left inside of him.
The PowerPoint he was half-assing was blurring into something indecipherable. Bullet points. Charts. Nothing he cared about.
“Stop sulking.”
It was the first thing Morgan had said to him in hours. There had been dead silence except for the tap of keys and his own thoughts.
Lex didn’t bother responding. What was the point? Morgan had made it clear how little he cared about anything. If this was how Morgan wanted to be, fine. That was on him. Not Lex.
Still, no matter how hard he tried to focus, his fingers stayed frozen on the keyboard. His brain was doing it again. Circling back to Morgan. Over and over. It was exhausting— he was exhausted. There was no way he was going to be able to function at the dinner.
The sudden click of the door lock jolted him half-awake. He turned his head just in time to see Morgan moving— when the hell did that happen —to perch on the edge of the couch, not two feet away. Casual as ever.
“One question.”
Lex narrowed his eyes, looking back to the laptop. Not this time. He wasn’t taking the bait. Whatever that meant, Morgan was going to have to explain. He was over the verbal cornering .
“Your face is irritating,” Morgan continued after a minute, “so you get one question if you promise to fix it. I’ll answer whatever it is. And yes, it will be the truth this time.”
“You locked the door.”
“Not a question.”
Ignoring the snarky comebacks, Lex had so many questions. So fucking many. W hy are you such a dick and what did I ever do to you kept coming up, but one was louder than the rest.
“Why do you take the photos? Are they like… momentos?”
Morgan leaned forward, his eyes bouncing around the couch cushions. Then he smiled, and Lex watched it happen. The transition. The shift . From this Morgan to phone Morgan.
“Everyone has one thing they want,” he said, his tone almost dreamy. “Sex, food, drugs, sleep, love. We’re all addicts. My want is simple. I want my time with them to last forever. I want to imprint my entire being onto their bodies.”
Before Lex could blink, Morgan was right back to his usual flat, bored self, like he hadn’t even realized he’d done it.
“I take them as research to help me figure out what I can improve. The pictures themselves don’t mean anything to me. I don’t pour over them. I don’t go back and relive the memories. They’re information.”
Straightening, Morgan smoothed his hands over his pants and stood up to unlock the door. “We have somewhere to be in an hour.”
Lex should have asked more questions. He should have dug deeper and pulled out the truth. But he’d caught a glimpse of the one thing he wanted most in the world, and, honestly? Nothing else mattered.
Morgan was right.
Everyone was an addict.
And he was chasing his own high.