29. Chapter 26
Chapter 26
Five a.m.
“I bought matching ugly sweaters for all of us.”
Morgan hadn’t gotten both feet out of the shower and Kate was already speaking to him.
Wrapping the towel around his waist, he glanced sideways at her before returning his attention to the fogged-up mirror .
“You expect me to wear that?” he muttered, gesturing to the monstrosity she held up.
Thick red fabric with garland stitched across the neckline and miniature ornaments dangling from a crooked felt tree that looked ready to fall apart if the wind blew wrong. He couldn’t stop the shiver.
“Have a little fun, Morgan. You look so serious all of the time. Please?”
Her hopeful tone wasn’t doing any favors. His nerves were thin, fraying, and the mental image of him—draped in red and jingling—was enough to turn his stomach. There wasn’t any world where that was going to happen.
Especially not after the night he’d had.
He hadn’t slept. At all. Instead, he had ended up stretched out on the couch in the upstairs office, staring at the side of Lex’s head. His little brother’s voice kept him floating between the space of awake and numb as he listened to every torrid, disturbing thing Lex had uncovered about Kyran Decker and Benji Hampton.
Lex had enough information to bury someone alive, even while they were sucking in their last, desperate gasps of air.
Where Lex had gotten it? Morgan very much doubted that sort of thing was easily available online, sitting there for anyone to find. Or rather, he had . Until Lex searched Morgan’s name.
Pulling up that accursed senior picture—with Morgan’s thousand-yard stare and hair a little too long, unkept, and unruly—had sent Lex into a peals of laughter and straight down memory lane.
Morgan would have gladly forgotten those years .
“I have a meeting in a few hours, Kate,” he said, dragging the last stroke of the razor across his face. “I still have work, even if there’s a party after.”
The bed groaned as she sat down, springs creaking under her tiny body.
“I know… I just…” she trailed off.
Morgan let her sort through her thoughts as he rinsed the razor under the water. Shaving cream littered with spots of red swirled down the drain.
Why wouldn’t he have cut himself? It was one more thing to add to this cataclysmic failure that was unfolding.
“It was fun when we were all wearing the same color at the gala, wasn’t it?”
Pressing the towel to the knick under his jaw, Morgan raised his eyebrows.
Not really.
He had forgotten that specific aspect of the night until now.
It wasn’t the first thing that came to mind. Especially not since the image of Lex on his knees was seared so deeply into his brain that it had imprinted onto his very being.
Kate sighed, heavy and loud in the silence, and the bed shifted again.
Morgan didn’t bother sparing her a second look. Spritzing his hair with heat protectant, he picked up the flat iron and started at the front. By the time he’d straightened half of the crimped, waving mess on the top of his head, he heard the annoying jingle.
And that jingling was growing closer by the second .
He set the iron down, craning his neck out of the en-suite bathroom to see the source of the noise.
Lex.
Overbright. Overdressed. Over the top. He was all wide, dimpled grin, and messy pale hair. Worse? He was shimmying for Kate like some absurd dancing monkey.
That sweater was going to be the death of him.
Kate waved her hand at Lex, then herself. “See? Both of us are wearing it.”
“And he looks like an idiot,” Morgan said flatly. “Point proven.”
Lex laughed, forever too loud for this early in the morning.
“Yeah? So what?” He flicked the white collar out from under the sweater. The overdecorated Christmas tie was barely visible and still too much.
“Bite me, Morgan.”
Now, was that a demand or an offer?
All it took was the curl of Morgan’s mouth—his smile far more sexual than it should have been—and Lex’s face lit up. Red started in his nose and spread down his neck, darker and prettier than the atrocious sweater.
Lex spun back to Kate.
“I’ll match with you. We don’t have to let him ruin our spirit.”
“Thank you,” Kate mumbled. She sounded… odd. Less grateful, more irritated. Morgan couldn’t fault her for that.
He wasn’t being particularly discreet.
Grabbing the flat iron again, he went back to straightening another section of his hair. If she wanted to call off the engagement, it might save them both from embarrassment. Of course, that would bring up a slew of questions he’d rather not get into, but he’d manage.
If not? This illusion of normalcy they’d all fallen into would suit him just fine. For now.
Eight a.m.
Inside the elevator, the barrage of red and green seemed to vibrate against the chrome and wood. The colors were out of place. Obscene and garish in its overzealous show of holiday joy.
There was nothing joyous about this. It was simply annoying.
Morgan crossed his arms, the dull pressure of his phone case digging into his chest enough to stop the uneven thrum of his heart. One more small way to keep him steady.
Then came Lex.
Morgan felt the weight of Lex’s shoulder before his body processed it—solid, unyielding.
Lex’s mouth was still running, keeping up with the mile-a-minute conversation with someone from a different floor, but he was there. Close, like a second skin Morgan couldn’t shake off.
He hadn’t said one word to Lex. Not one.
But his little brother had always been watching, hadn’t he? Morgan could probably spend an entire day in absolute silence and still be able to communicate with him. Lex understood the nuances and gestures when Morgan couldn’t—or wouldn’t—speak .
Whether it was an accident or purposeful, Morgan appreciated it all the same. More than he’d ever allow Lex to know.
Eleven a.m.
The sunlight knifed through the floor-to-ceiling windows, bouncing off the glass and brushed metal table, determined to find every square inch of reflective whatever in the conference room. It finally landed in Morgan’s eyes and the world dissolved into pure white before it came back, splotchier and washed out.
Was the sun out to get him? No. He wasn’t stupid.
Was the frustrating physicality of his body—this horrible bag of flesh and bone, rotting from the inside out—causing all of his issues? Driving him to darker thoughts than usual?
A resounding yes.
He pushed the button for the coffee, drumming his fingers along the smooth plastic. The condensation wasn’t enough to break the spiral, and it wasn’t until his fingertips started turning red that he moved them.
Hot. It was hot.
Obviously.
Maybe he really was devolving, not in the way he had originally thought.
Grabbing the little Styrofoam cup, he lowered himself into the open seat next to Lex .
“How’re you doing?” he asked, forcing himself to take a small, measured sip. Too bitter, even for him. Of course, he’d forgotten sugar. He wasn’t about to get up again to fix it.
Lex didn’t look up from the presentation, the pen spinning in his fingers while the other tapped through the slides. “You’ve never asked me that before,” he murmured, soft enough that it sank into Morgan’s ears alone. “Ever.”
“Say thank you when someone gives you what you want.”
“Uh-huh. You’re going soft, Morgan.”
“Maybe I’m simply asking so I can gauge when I can take advantage of you again,” Morgan whispered. He leaned closer until the edge of his lip was resting against the silver metal hoop in Lex’s ear. “You were such a good boy for me last time, my sweet. Whining and whimpering for my cock.”
The pen clattered onto the table before bouncing onto the floor. The reaction tightened Morgan’s chest and he had to cover his mouth to stop the laughter.
There we go.
He needed a distraction, and Lex’s flustered, red face? That perfect blend of nerves and amusement, brimming with obvious interest? It was more than enough.
Two o’clock was steadily approaching and the stream of what ifs and worst-case scenarios felt suffocating.
“You’re staring,” Lex said, picking the pen up. Back it went, moving between his fingers. He’d never been able to sit still.
“So are you.”
“ Morgan. ”
That sexual innuendo sat on Morgan’s tongue, unused, as the rest of the people piled into the conference room. Try as he might to refocus his attention to work, his eyes kept wandering to the clock on the wall.
Three hours.
One p.m.
How was the entire office covered in decoration?
Who had done it?
Was it part of the budget?
If so, who approved that budget?
As soon as the thought crossed Morgan’s mind, he knew the answer. It couldn’t have been anyone other than Lex.
Across the bullpen that was their floor—desks moved to only god knew where—Lex’s grin shone brighter than the strings of lights hanging from every available surface.
The photo booth was crowded, housing more employees than it was designed for and Lex was right there, cycling between props. One picture would have that stupid red nose and wobbly antlers. The next, he’d wear a top hat and elastic carrot nose, clear straps digging into his face. Whatever anyone wanted, he did.
Lex was magnetic. And a little pathetic.
Just a little .
This was the sort of atmosphere he thrived in. In the middle of it all, glowing from the inside out, radiating cheer so tangible it left everyone he talked to giggling. He—if only for the briefest moment—was the center of this tacky, obnoxious universe.
It seemed too authentic to be a ploy, a mask like Morgan’s own. The duality by itself was nothing short of amazing—even if it pained him to admit it. Charming in public, cutting in private. Vivacious and vicious at once.
Perhaps Lex had been paying attention growing up.
Morgan had no interest in the festivities, but he appreciated the hors d’oeuvres and elegant plated desserts. He spent too long hanging around the table, dissecting the towering silver and white Christmas tree in the corner while he popped one thing after another into his mouth.
Chocolate and raspberry—smooth, tangy, luxurious.
Walnut and bleu cheese—crunchy, salty, sharp.
It gave his brain something to chew on, something to wrap itself in other than the hands on his watch that he kept obsessively checking.
Lex was holding that ugly, horrible sweater the next time Morgan turned around, and he nearly tore it out of his hands and shredded it on the spot.
“No,” he said before the ridiculous request could start again.
“Wear it.”
“ No,” Morgan repeated, the word coming out more harshly than he intended.
“Wear it and I’ll,” Lex paused, sucking his bottom lip through his teeth. “I’ll do whatever you want at home.”
How could Morgan ever pass that up ?
“Why?” he asked, even as he was sliding off his jacket. As he was tugging the jingling abomination over his head, smoothing his hair behind his ears.
“Because I like this time of year. The snow, the lights, the—the stupid-ass hot chocolate stands that pop up. Everyone’s so happy.”
“I’ve never seen the appeal, personally.”
“Jesus. It’s the only good memory I have with you, Morgan. That gift got me through the hardest year of my life. You acted like a normal person for an entire day.” Lex’s voice dropped, fingers rubbing the garland around his neck. “You weren’t mean. You were just… you. Christmas has been special to me ever since.”
Lex’s words must have dislodged something inside of him. He felt it ricocheting around, nudging aside organs and muscle, settling into the deepest corners of his body.
They were sweet. Kind . Not at all what he would have expected to come out of that spiteful, manipulative mouth.
The jacket went back on over the sweater, and the charcoal gray muted some of the more obnoxious colors and sounds. It made the thing more tolerable. The felt tree wouldn’t be there the next time he looked down.
But, try as he might, shifting through the unlabeled boxes inside his head, he couldn’t remember what Lex was talking about. Not specifically.
The holidays blurred together into carbon copies of the previous, marked by forced smiles and family members poking into his business. The same questions.
Every.
Single .
Year.
And no escape.
His room was off-limits during that time, and so were the woods. There was no calm, no moment to breath. No peace. His frustration grew and grew until the walls vibrated and he’d have to excuse himself to the garage, hands shaking so badly they refused to grip the workbench.
Youth hadn’t been a pleasant experience.
But if Lex wanted to believe it was? There wasn’t any harm in that, and Morgan certainly wasn’t going to correct him.
That happiness wasn’t his to take away.
“I’m going to smoke,” he said, pushing the red sleeves under the jacket. One less thing to look at.
“Since when?”
“I need to take the edge off. Unless.” Stepping closer, Morgan moved the pom-pom of the Santa hat behind Lex’s shoulder. “You can think of a different way to relax me.”
The tease didn’t land like he thought it would. No blush, no stammering.
Lex’s expression turned into something more serious. The soft smile melted into a frown, brows knitting together and concern etching into the lines around his eyes. Unguarded and unflinching.
It was too much.
Today was too much.
“Morgan—” Lex started in that pleading tone that scratched at something he didn’t want to deal with right now.
“If you find them before I do, wait. I won’t be that long.”
Two p.m.
Lighting the cigarette, he inhaled the acrid, menthol fumes, relaxing into that heady dizziness that came from too long without nicotine.
He’d begun to like the parking garage. It held one of his most fond memories.
Lex could keep their youth to himself, could wade through its horrible ups and downs. Morgan? He’d rather keep their now.
He exhaled, watching the smoke circle around his head like vultures waiting for their next meal, and let his eyes wander up. The icicles dangling off the lip of the overhang were large enough to do lasting damage. They weren’t sharp, not really. But when Morgan broke one off, it was heavy. A little under a pound of solid, frozen mass. And that? That could hurt someone.
It was something he’d never considered, but now he had the sudden, burning desire to try it with Lex.
Would his skin melt it?
How pretty would he look with it stuck deep inside of a new cut? In his mouth?
There were so many new ideas. So many things he’d never had the chance to discover. Finding a participant willing enough to give themselves over to his more extreme impulses had always been a dream .
Lex? Lex was almost there. Closer than anyone else had dared to tread.
Every stop out of that mouth sounded more like an invitation to seek out Lex’s most depraved side, the one he locked away from the rest of the world. The woods had shown Morgan just how much debauchery his little brother actually craved.
He tossed the icicle to the ground, the vaguely familiar drawl of beach boy floating through the open space.
“Do you think this is karma?”
“Don’t go there.”
The crackle of a cigarette burning punctuated their silence. Not his. One of theirs.
Morgan’s feet started to move on their own. Flicking the cigarette to his side, he crept closer, keeping his body behind mini-vans and trucks.
“Seriously, Benji… this is starting to feel like some big circle.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I know. I just want all this to be over.”
A hand on his back stopped him mid-step.
“What are you doing?” Lex’s voice slithered into his ear from behind, whisper-quiet and tense.
Putting his finger over his lips, Morgan pointed around the cars.
“Yeah, no shit ,” Lex hissed. “I saw them. We aren’t doing what I think you wanna do. Two more bodies aren’t a solution, it’s a bigger problem . What happened to I won ’ t be that long? ”
Morgan glanced over his shoulder, eyes narrowed. Responding was too much of an effort.
Besides, he wasn’t planning on hurting either of them.
“ Morgan. ”
“You’re not the least bit curious?” Morgan murmured, focusing on the fire burning inside those blue eyes. “At all?”
“That’s the thing, they’re idiots . I couldn’t care less.”
The beach-boy drawl came back, a little louder than before. “—like, like… what if we deserve this after Ca—”
“Callie wasn’t our fault. Noah did that. Come on… don’t—don’t do that to yourself.”
“Can we go inside? Please? You can smoke after this is over, Ben-Ben.”
“I knew they were involved,” Lex whispered, the hand clenched into Morgan’s jacket relaxing. It slunk up his back, light as a feather, and—even through the layers—Morgan could feel every spot it touched.
And then Lex was walking between the cars, jingling every step he took.
Cocky.
Morgan swallowed the sigh and followed him over.
“Thanks for agreeing to meet us,” Lex said, chipper and kind. The picture of easy confidence.
“Thanks for agreeing to turn yourself in,” Benji’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. One hand stayed tucked into the pocket of the oversized puffer jacket, a cigarette dangling lazily from the other.
“Maybe we won’t have to.”
“Seriously?” Kyran snorted, at the same time Morgan heard Benji ask, “Then why are we talking?”
Lex glanced over to Morgan before looking back a t them. “Because I was hoping one of you would reconsider. ”
“Nothing to reconsider from where I’m standing,” Kyran muttered. “You… you killed…”
The way he was struggling to get the words out? How he couldn’t meet Morgan’s eyes? How he’d default to looking to Benji for help?
How pathetic were these people—these literal children? Being an adult had nothing to do with the age itself. And these two? It didn’t matter how old they actually were. Not when they could barely hold this conversation.
“Jake’s… left,” Lex said after a pause that lasted too long. “If you’re dead-set on getting the cops involved, that’s fine.” He pulled out the phone from his back pocket, rolling his finger along the power button. The screen flashed on and off, illuminating the dark space near his feet.“But we should probably let them know about the distribution of child porn too, right?”
Benji’s brow furrowed, but Kyran? That was the expression Morgan was hoping for. That paling, that sudden gray color washing over his face.
“I don’t—” Benji started, but Lex wasn’t finished.
Not yet.
“I mean, it’s only fair, don’t you think? If one person has to answer for what they’ve done, shouldn’t… shouldn’t all of us? How old were you when you started doing cam work, Kyran?” he asked, those blue eyes even wider.
Kyran’s hand pressed over his mouth, the painted black nails too stark against all of the white. The smudges of eyeliner looked like bruises.
“Not old enough, I’d guess. If you graduated high school less than… what? Two years ago? And your earliest video was almost fi ve years ago… give or take a year or two… you would have been maybe fifteen? Ish?”
Lex tilted his head to the side, the smile growing until it stretched across his face. “Kinda fucked how it’s still considered illegal even if you’re the one selling your own nudes, right? Huge misstep by our justice system. And spending the rest of your life labeled as a sex offender… yikes.”
“I’m gonna be sick,” Kyran mumbled between his fingers, that drawl pushing his fear into something almost comical.
“Can you leave him out of this?” Benji snapped. “This doesn’t involve him at all.”
Morgan had half-expected them to turn on each other. He had assumed Benji would look at Kyran and tell him that justice for Jacob was more important. It would’ve been the normal answer.
“I’m more than willing to leave you both out of it,” Morgan said, arms crossed across his chest as he leaned back on his heel. “I’d be happy to forget this ever happened. Wouldn’t you?”
“My parents—” Benji began and—just like before—Lex cut in again.
“ Your parents already had to worry about you being involved in a murder,” he said as he took one step toward the two. “ Your parents already had to spend thousands on a good lawyer. Your parents have to go to sleep at night knowing their son couldn’t even get into college without having to pay for answers to an exam.”
Benji’s mouth opened and closed, like a fish flopping around on land, and the arm he’d wrapped around Kyran tightened.
“Don’t they?” Lex asked, all the venom falling out of his voice. “They know that, right? ”
The silence was perfect.
“Do you see how easy it would be to pin this entire thing on both of you?” Lex’s laugh was humorless, short , and dry. “First Calliope—”
“Callie,” Benji interrupted. “Her name was Callie.”
“Thanks. Great . Callie’s disappearance was so damn similar to Jake’s. Do you guys realize that? It looks like the beginning of some murder spree for god’s sake. They both go missing, both turn up in the woods—one buried, one burned. The MO is almost there .”
Lex’s hands moved between both of them before he threw them up in the air.
“Two people—circling the drain—their lives just so screwed up they look at each other and go, fuck it . I don’t even have to do anything except go to the cops myself and give them that tip! You wanna go through that? From what I read, the last investigation took months .”
There was a pause, Lex inhaling so hard Morgan could hear the bones rattling under his skin, and then his hand shot out.
“Give me your phones. Now. Unlock them.”
Benji turned to Kyran, his eyebrows raised and Kyran shook his head so slowly it almost didn’t look like he was moving at all. But then they were shuffling through their pockets, digging out their phones without uttering another word.
When Lex had one in each hand—their matching background pictures far more amusing than t hey had any right to be—Morgan could have sworn something flickered on Lex’s face.
Regret, maybe ?
He wasn’t sure, but it pulled down Lex’s lips and softened those blue eyes into something almost watery.
“I had to make sure neither of you were smart enough to be recording,” Lex murmured as he handed them back over. “Looks like I was wrong to worry. No wires? Nothing else?”
Again, there was no answer, only the sound of Benji's jacket when Kyran shifted his weight.
“What are you going to tell people happened?” Morgan asked. “I’d like to know so if your story changes, I can tell Lex to go to the police first.”
“I’ll text our parents with his phone,” Benji said, his voice hollow. “He’s planning a vacation—was… he was planning a vacation. He could’ve met someone there and decided to stay.”
Morgan couldn’t help the low, sweet purr. “That’s more like it. I hope that this is the last time we run into each other again.”
Lex’s shoulder lodged against his once more as the two walked away, and this time? This time Morgan was sure it was more for Lex’s benefit than his own.
The roar of Benji or Kyran’s car engine was just another noise. It didn’t mean anything, not when there were so many other families and employees coming and going, none the wiser to what had transpired.
This was simply a close to any other day.
“You wanna go home?” Lex asked, quieter than before. The edge of sadness bit through the words and prickled at Morgan’s skin.
He hated that tone.
“Let’s stay for the party.” It came out of Morgan’s mouth without more than a thought. He would’ve rather done anything else. The people? The atmosphere? It took more out of him than he had to give.
But if it brought back that irritating smile? If he could see Lex lit up like that again?
He really was getting soft.
Lex shook his head. “I wanna go home. With you, Morgan. That’s the only place I wanna be right now.”