Chapter 15
B ack in DC, Jane let herself into her apartment and leaned on the door, sighing with exhaustion and too many other emotions to name. She plopped onto the couch, not bothering to shed her borrowed finery.
Nick emerged from the back and jumped in surprise at the sight of her. “I thought you weren’t due home for hours.”
“Change of plans,” she murmured.
“What are you wearing?” he asked.
“Clothes from the airport lost and found.”
“Why?”
“Long story,” Jane said.
“I didn’t think you’d be home for a while. I was working on an art project in your room, but I can move it,” he turned helplessly toward her room.
“It’s fine, leave it,” Jane said, her tone listless.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said and promptly burst into tears.
Nick, who was used to Jane’s tendency toward easy tears, wasn’t alarmed. He sat beside her on the couch. “Are these sad tears, angry tears, or exhausted tears?”
“Everything tears,” she said.
“I take it things with the guy did not go well,” he said.
“Things did not go well,” she said, scrubbing her eyes. “And I had to call in a favor from one of my dad’s contacts to get home.”
“Have you ever had to call in a favor before?” he asked.
“No,” she wailed, miserable. She had tried so hard to survive on her own over the years, never depending on her dad’s name or reputation for anything. And now at the age of twenty seven, she’d been forced to regress to a childlike dependency on that which she had eschewed for so long.
“I’m sorry,” Nick said, pulling her close for a hug.
“No you’re not,” Jane murmured.
“No I’m not,” he agreed. “It killed me to see you go off with him, knowing you might end up liking him more than me. And it makes me incredibly gleeful to see how miserably he’s failed you. I bet I’m looking pretty good now, in comparison.”
She raised her head to glare at him.
“Or possibly not.” He pulled her into his lap, and she rested her head on his shoulder. His hand rubbed her back in a soothing circle. He was safe and familiar, and Jane began to relax. And then he tried to kiss her.
Jane put up her hand, pushing him away. “Nick, no.”
“Come on, Jane. Look, you tried it with someone else, and it didn’t work out. I think that’s because you’re still in love with me.”
She laughed a little, sniffing. “I’m sure you do.”
“It’s been a while since we gave it a go. Let’s try us again. We can make it this time, I know it.”
“And when some other woman comes along you believe might be your true soul mate, what happens to me then?” she asked.
He shook his head. “I’ve tried it three times with other women, and it never works. I always come back to you.”
“This is the crux of the problem between us, Nick. You think the coming back should please me, but it’s the going away in the first place that destroys me. Last time you swore, you swore , you wouldn’t cheat on me again. You said we’d get back together, get things smoothed out, and get married. And instead I walked in on you with another woman because you’re not even good at hiding it.”
“I’m good at hiding,” he said, offended.
“Really, incredibly not helping. The point is that you’ve been a big part of my life since I was seventeen years old, and I love you for that. You’ll always have that sweet spot in my heart, my first love. And you miraculously remain one of my best friends. But in the immortal words of the great philosopher Taylor Swift, we are never, ever, ever getting back together.”
“We’ll see,” Nick replied undaunted.
Jane groaned. He rubbed her back again. “Do you want to tell me about it?”
“No. I’m exhausted, I want to sleep. Is your art project on my bed?”
“No.”
“Good, then I’ll sleep in there.”
“Go, but Jane, when you wake up, we need to have another conversation,” he said, his tone serious.
“’Kay,” she murmured, easing past him to slip into her room. It smelled like paint and something she couldn’t identify, but she didn’t care. She crawled into bed, curled into a ball, and fell promptly asleep.
When she woke several hours later, her head felt clearer, her heart lighter. The reality was that she never had to see Blue again. Her work with him and his team was voluntary. She would simply call Ridge and tell him she couldn’t continue. She would give him the name of a couple of possible replacements. She had already identified two forged artifacts for him; how much more could they need from her? The realization brought her a mingled sense of relief and sadness. She had enjoyed working with the government on a secret project. Most of her work was meaningful to her but could never be considered interesting by most of the rest of the world. But working with spies had been exciting no matter who was doing the looking. Now that it was over, Jane felt as if she were returning to the real world. And then there was Blue.
For a moment, she’d thought maybe they had something, some spark, some connection. She was attracted to him, both physically and emotionally. He was funny, intelligent, and kind. And he had almost seemed to feel the same about her at some moments, especially when they were kissing. In reality, he was suspicious of her, distrustful. To feel that way about her, he must have kept himself emotionally unavailable and remote. Whatever she had sensed between them had either been one sided or a surface physical attraction. To be fair, she had practically thrown herself at him, had made the first move and kissed him. How many men wouldn’t respond to that, if given the chance? She was disappointed and hurt, but she would move on. As long as she never, ever had to see him again. And why would she? Their worlds didn’t intersect on a regular basis and likely never would again.
She showered, put on a pair of comfortable pants and hoodie and went into the living room. Nick was still there, sitting on the couch, staring at nothing.
“No Emily?” she asked.
“She’s going out or something. Can’t remember. Either way she won’t be here,” Nick replied.
“What are you doing?’ Jane asked.
“Thinking about things,” Nick said.
“What kind of things?” Jane asked. She curled her feet beneath her and sank onto the couch beside him.
“Big, important things,” he replied.
“Like what big, important things?” Jane asked.
“Like how I hurt you, let you down, messed everything up.”
“Oh, those are big things. But they’re in the past. We’ve moved on,” she assured him.
He swiped his hands over his face. “But that’s the thing, Jane. I don’t want to move on. I want to move forward.”
“We’ve been over this,” Jane said.
“There’s one thing we haven’t discussed,” he said.
“What’s that?” she asked, smiling.
In answer, he reached into his pocket, pulled out a little box, and opened it to reveal a diamond resting on a plush bed of satin. “Marry me.”
Before Jane could summon a response, the door burst open and Blue was there. He looked flustered, distressed, panicked. His eyes scanned the room and landed on Jane.
“Get your things, you’re coming with me.”