Chapter 18
T he next morning they set off. The ride was silent and awkward, as the previous night had been. Last night they ordered takeout Chinese, and the reminder of their perfect date in New York was painful.
Now Jane sat staring out the window watching the scenery in silence. No one could do quiet like Jane, Blue thought. Her entire body became still so it was difficult to discern if she was even breathing. Blue wondered why she did that. Finally it occurred to him to ask.
“Why do you sit so still?”
“When we lived in Africa, a boy I knew was learning to hunt. His dad taught us how to stalk, how to track, how to be silent. I loved it, thought it was the greatest thing ever, and I practiced so much I guess I internalized everything.”
“Did you ever see a lion?”
“Yes. When I lived there, it was the last age of the Massai lion hunts. They don’t do it anymore. They have an Olympics style contest instead. I’m not going to say I condone or endorse lion hunting, because I don’t, but it was something to see. I liked the pageantry of it, the ceremony and tradition.”
“How many places have you lived?”
“I don’t know. We moved a lot when I was a kid, but what makes it interesting was the manner of places I lived. They were always fascinating in vastly different ways. I don’t know how I turned out so ordinary.”
His mind flashed to her bashing in a car’s window and shoving a screwdriver in the starter. “I don’t think you did.”
“Compared to my sisters, I did. They’re…extremely unusual.”
“How so?” he asked.
“My older sister was a wild child, seriously insane. She had no fear. She still doesn’t.”
“What does she do?”
“She followed in our father’s footsteps,” Jane said, turning to gaze out the window. Was she sad or merely pondering?
“Doing…” he prompted, but Jane shook her head. “You said you had two sisters.”
“My younger sister is sweeter, but no tamer,” she said and left it at that. “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”
“Somewhere safe,” he said.
“And that is…” she prompted.
He was tempted to shake his head, to keep her as in the dark as he was. But she’d learn soon enough where they were headed.
“My parents’ house.”
Jane sat up. “Are you sure that’s safe? I don’t want to put them in danger.”
“It’s safe,” Blue assured her, but she still looked concerned. “Hey, it’s safe.” He patted her knee, and she did the flinching thing again. His lips pressed together, concealing his smile.
“Don’t be smug,” Jane snapped.
“Smug, me? Why would I be smug? Because you jump at the mere brush of my hand on your body? Because you have no way of hiding your undying attraction to me? Why would that end in any sort of smugness?”
“You’ve got it all wrong. I used to be attracted to you. Now I’m annoyed.”
“You jumped because you were annoyed by my touch?” he asked.
“Yes, and the more you push it, the more it’s veering into repulsion,” she said.
“You’re a bad liar,” he said.
“I’m an amazing liar,” she said, so deadpan he glanced at her with narrowed, speculative eyes. “Look at you, looking at me. You’re still not convinced I’m not a terrorist, are you?”
“I’m mostly sure,” he said uncertainly. “There’s only like a one percent doubt. Maybe two.”
“Unbelievable,” she said, facing forward with a huff of frustration.
“Hey, at least I’m being honest with you. I’m not saying there’s no doubt in my mind. And I find you crazy hot even though you might be a killer. Doesn’t that count for something?”
“I am so sick of men who believe they’re doing me a favor by being interested in me. You know I have a doctorate and a dream job at one of the world’s preeminent museums? And yet I have you believing you’re throwing me a bone by being physically attracted to me and Nick thinking he’s king of the castle because he keeps coming back to me between episodes of cheating.”
“That guy cheated on you? Seriously, Jane, you can’t marry him. And for the record, I would never cheat on you. That’s completely wrong.”
“You think I cheated on the entire United States Government,” she exclaimed.
“Only a little. And I’m more than physically attracted to you. Is that all you think this is?”
“I don’t think this is anything. As for cheating, what do you think it is when you go behind my back and try to snoop on me?” she asked.
“Do you honestly believe infidelity and looking up information about a person are the same?” he asked.
“No, but I believe they’re similar. They’re both a matter of breaking trust.”
“No,” Blue said, shaking his head.
“Yes. If I had an online presence, you should have no right to it. It would be personal, private, and off-limits to you.”
“My job,” he began, but she interrupted him.
“I’m not talking about your job. Your job is to hunt terrorists, and I get that. There are bad guys and no-goodniks in the world. Have at ‘em, go get them. Peer into every aspect of their lives and destroy them forever. But private citizens are just that, private. You should not be looking; it’s a gross invasion.”
He shook his head but otherwise didn’t reply. The remainder of the ride was silent. A while later they pulled up in front of a house in his suburban Philly neighborhood.
“Jane,” he said softly. He rested his hand on her thigh and she predictably jumped. “I know you’re mad at me right now, but can you do one little thing for me?”
“What’s that?” she asked, her tone wary.
“Tell me what a no-goodnik is,” he said, and she smiled.
“Don’t be one, and you’ll never have to find out.” She faced the house, her smile dimming slightly. “I’m a little nervous to meet your family.”
“They’re nice, I promise,” he said.
“It’s not them; it’s me. I’m not so great at meeting new people.”
“Did you bring your pepper spray?” he asked.
“Of course not,” she said.
“Then I’m sure it will be fine,” he said.
“No, it probably won’t. I hear normal words in my head, but then social anxiety steps in and says, ‘Not today, human. Let’s be weird instead,’ and what ends up coming out is a bunch of mixed up words and phrases that make no rational sense. Or, worse, I come off as mean or uptight, and I’m neither of those things.”
He took her hand in both his and began smoothing his palm over it in a relaxing manner. “What would help, Jane?”
“Not having the expectation to speak until I’m ready, until I’ve warmed up. Being put on the spot triggers an uncontrollable anxiety response.”
“What if I could guarantee it won’t be a problem for you not to talk until you’re ready?”
“That’s not possible,” Jane said.
“Oh, but it is,” Blue countered.
“How?” she asked.
“You’ll see.” He let her hand go and opened his door. Reluctantly, she opened her door and tagged behind.