Chapter 20
T hey sat on the patio and gazed silently at the back yard.
“That went well,” Blue said after a long time of silence. “I think the only way it could have gone better is if my mom pantsed me and then gave me an atomic wedgie while everyone watched.”
Jane gave a little half laugh, somewhere between amusement and exasperation.
“The thing with Maggie, it’s not as if it ever had a chance to get off the ground. She was Ridge’s from the get go. I know that; I’ve always known that. It’s always been one more nail in my coffin of doomed romances.”
“Like me,” Jane said.
“No, Jane, not like you. That’s what makes it interesting. Nothing has ever clicked before the way it does with you,” he said.
“But does it though, really? What about us has worked? Me physically assaulting you? You being only eighty percent certain I’m not a terrorist?”
“It’s up to about ninety,” he said.
“We’re attracted to each other. The physical chemistry works, but at some point you have to ask yourself if that’s enough. You have your overt dependence on virtual reality, I have social anxiety.”
“The social anxiety doesn’t phase me,” he assured her.
“I also have Nick.”
He scowled. “That phases me.”
“It’s not allowed to phase you; I’m not yours. You’re in love with another woman. You don’t trust me. Those two things have been made abundantly clear to me. So, really, what are we doing here? What’s the point of all this?”
“It’s more than physical attraction. I like you. You’re funny and smart and cool. I think it’s cute how you have a PhD and yet get flustered when talking to ordinary strangers. And the Maggie thing is one of those things I have to work through. It’s not like it has any future, but the heart wants what it wants sometimes, and lately it’s been saying it wants you.”
“Even though you don’t know who I am and I’m not online?” she reminded him.
He opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it, and closed his mouth again. The truth was it did bother him that she wasn’t online; it bothered him a lot. But everything else he said to her was true, too, and when he was with her, he forgot. He forgot everything—his job, her potential criminal ties, his feelings for Maggie, her lack of virtual footprint. All he knew was when he was with her his heart felt full and whole and he wanted that feeling to continue.
“I don’t want to lose what we have going here,” he said eventually.
“What do we have going here? You can’t even bring yourself to say I’m anything but your coworker. So let that be it. We’re coworkers. Maybe at the end of this we’ll be friends, but let’s not fool ourselves we’re anything else because eventually one of us is going to get hurt, and it seems like we’ve both been hurt too many times to let it happen again.”
Blue wasn’t ready to agree, wasn’t ready to let go. The one thing they had going for them was time. Maybe with enough time on their side, they could get things right. Instead of trying to talk her into giving them a chance, he would find another way to convince her; he would charm her into submission. He had never been able to do that before, but there was a definite first time for everything. All he knew was that, while not ready to give in completely and let go of his reservations, he was also not ready to give up on them entirely. They had something; he was sure of it, and he was certain Jane felt it, too.
“Let’s recap,” she suggested.
“Yes,” he agreed.
“You’re in love with another woman,” she said.
“Yes.”
“And I have a pending proposal from my ex-boyfriend of ten years.”
“Yes.”
“You can’t trust me completely, both because you’re not certain I’m not a criminal, but mostly because I lack a virtual footprint.”
“Yes.”
“I’m angry with you because you won’t let go of your distrust.”
“Yes?” he said, but that time it came out sounding like a question. He couldn’t say for certain what she was feeling, only that it was something that kept her from giving in to him, to them.
“We agree there are too many issues between us,” she said.
“Yes.”
They were quiet a few seconds, their eyes on the horizon as a not-so-subtle tension began to wind between them, coiling like a snake.
“You’re going to kiss me now, aren’t you?” she asked.
“Yes.”
He reached for her, but she held up a hand and leaned away. “I think I should call Charles.”
“To tell him I’m going to kiss you? I’d prefer to keep it between us,” Blue said.
“To tell him I’m in danger, to tell him he might be in danger. Plus I’d like to meet with him, to pick his brain and see if he has any idea what’s going on.”
Blue sat back. “No.”
“I don’t understand that word as you think it relates to me,” she said.
“This is a sensitive operation. You can’t tell anyone about it,” he said.
“I don’t have to tell him everything, but I can give him a heads up, see if he has any ideas about what might be going on. Why are you shaking your head at me?”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to meet with him,” Blue said.
“Why not?”
“Because he has a thing for you. You guys clearly have chemistry.”
Jane put her hand to her head. “Are you actually telling me you don’t want me to meet with my friend of twenty years because you’re jealous?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then why?” she asked.
“Because I don’t want you to meet with your friend of twenty years because I’m jealous,” he said. ‘I don’t know where that immature possessiveness came from, sorry. It’s just that you and he seemed to have chemistry, a connection, and my kneejerk reaction is to hide you away from him.”
“I’m not interested in Charles,” she said. “But even if I were, it wouldn’t matter. You and I are not together. You have zero claim on my time or attention.”
“I know. You’re right, you’re totally and completely right. Just like you’re not jealous that I have a thing for Maggie.”
“Right, except I kind of completely am,” Jane said, frowning. “What is wrong with us?”
“I don’t know, but I’m inclined to blame you,” Blue said. “I was doing fine until you came along, pepper sprayed me, and made me like you.”
“You were doing fine mooning over your married coworker?” she said.
“We had a system. I love her, and she, oblivious to my feelings, treats me like a brother.”
“Sounds healthy,” Jane said.
“Tell me again how your ex-boyfriend of a decade sleeps on your couch,” he replied.
“So maybe neither of us has a positive frame of reference for relationships,” she agreed. “That’s why it’s best we’ve decided to be friends.”
“You decided. I never agreed to that,” he said.
“We’re talking in circles. Can I use your phone to call Charles?” He had confiscated her phone in case there was a trace on it.
He considered not giving the phone to her, but there was nothing to be gained by it. “You have his number memorized?” he said instead.
“I’ll call his work number and leave a message,” she replied.
With a sigh, he gave her his phone and watched while she found the number for the museum and left a message for Charles Stevens. “He might not even call,” Jane said when she was finished. “I have no idea how regularly he checks his work messages.” She had just finished speaking when the phone rang and Charles’s number came up on the screen. Jane put him on speakerphone.
“Janie, what’s up?”
“I’m in town.”
“You are?”
“I’d like to see you.”
“You would?” he said.
“You’re mocking me,” she said.
“I am?” he replied, chuckling. “Of course I want to see one of my favorite people. I’m free tonight. Want to meet for supper?”
Jane looked at Blue. They had already eaten supper, but it was only five. She would likely be hungry again in a few hours. Blue nodded. “Sure. My…colleague will be joining us.”
“Um, weird but okay,” he said. “What is this about?”
“I’d rather talk it out in person,” Jane replied.
“So mysterious, Jane.”
“You know me, Charles. A thrill a minute,” Jane said.
“A family trait,” he replied.
They made arrangements at a restaurant of Blue’s choosing and disconnected. Blue checked his watch. “We have a while until we meet.”
“Three hours isn’t so much,” Jane replied.
“It’s enough to show you some of the finer parts of Philly,” Blue said.
“Are you suggesting we go out? Like a, what’s the word, date?” Jane said.
“I sort of owe you one, and the pressure’s on to make it good,” Blue said.
“All right,” Jane agreed.
He leaned forward to kiss her, and the folding chair beneath him collapsed, tossing him haphazardly onto the deck. “You don’t believe in omens, do you?” he asked, staring up at her from his new position on the ground.
“No,” Jane replied, but later they would both begin to rethink their disbelief.