Chapter 23
N o one was awake by the time they made it home, but Blue woke his mother. What was the advantage of being home if his mommy didn’t take care of them? And take care of them she did, setting them up at opposite ends of the couch with lined trash cans, sparkly lemon-lime soda, peppermints, and cool wash cloths for their foreheads. After taking turns in the bathroom a few more times, they finally stopped getting sick. They were even able to drink some of the soda and suck on the mints they’d been provided. Jane wanted to brush her teeth, but she was too weak. Eventually—wrung out, wasted, exhausted—they fell asleep.
Jane woke a few hours later, alarmed and confused. Where was she? She sat up, caught sight of Blue at the other end of the sofa, and it all came crashing back. She had gotten sick in front of a near stranger, one she found intensely attractive, had been tended to by his mother. Her stomach still felt weak and queasy, but more from lack of food than lingering illness. She sipped the lukewarm, now-flat soda and lay back down. She thought Blue was still asleep, but a moment later, he spoke.
“How do you feel?” he whispered.
“About as well as you do, I’d imagine,” she said. The food poisoning had been brutal. “Sorry I shoved you out of my way that last trip to the bathroom.”
“I had it coming, I was lingering,” he said, pinching her toe. They shared a smile. “Sorry I took you on a date that almost killed you in multiple ways.”
“Was that actually a date?” she asked.
“It was supposed to be,” he said.
“At least it was memorable. I’ve never been on a date that started with a workout and charley horses, got shot at in the middle, and ended with food poisoning. Other guys are going to have a lot to live up to after this.”
He tossed aside the blanket, crawled to her end of the couch, and forced her to make room for him as he took her in his arms. “I don’t want there to be other guys, Jane.”
She rested her head on his chest, returning his embrace. “I think we’ve been over this already.”
“I don’t like the conclusion we determined,” Blue said.
“Tell me what’s changed,” Jane replied. “Can you live with not knowing things about me, secrets about my past and present?”
“Why did you leave the table again before the waitress arrived?” he blurted.
“To create a diversion to poison you. But clearly I messed it up and dosed both of us instead,” Jane said.
He squeezed her. “The truth.”
“Because ordering food at restaurants sends me into a panic spiral. The only thing worse for my social anxiety is making me talk on the phone or be in the spotlight in front of a large group of strangers,” Jane said.
“Why didn’t you tell me that instead of disappearing?” he asked.
“Do you tell people all your weirdly personal faults?” she asked.
“If it will help them realize I’m not a criminal,” he said, wincing as his words registered. “I mean, not that I think you’re a criminal, I don’t, it’s just…”
“It’s just there are some lingering doubts in your mind you can’t erase,” Jane said.
“A bit,” he admitted.
“Because I have no virtual footprint,” she added.
“You’re the only person I’ve ever met who doesn’t. Literally, Jane, the only person in the known universe. I’ve run criminals who paint a clearer picture than you do.”
“And it bothers you,” she said.
“Yes,” he bit out.
“There we go, back to square one.”
“Just tell me,” he begged.
“No.”
“Even if it means we can’t be together?” he asked.
She pressed her palms to his chest and shifted so she could see his face. “I guess what I need from you is a willingness to be together even though you don’t have all the answers about me, not a desire to get all the answers in order to decide if you want to be with me. Does that make sense?”
“No,” he stubbornly insisted.
“It makes sense to me,” she said.
“Of course it does, you’re a criminal mastermind. The cutest one ever.” He gave her another squeeze, and she rested her head on his chest again, exhausted, depleted.
“You’re kind of comfy for an overly curious, too tall computer geek,” she said.
“That’s because we have something. We fit, we have chemistry.”
“I don’t deny that,” Jane agreed.
“There’s only this one little obstacle standing in the way,” he said.
“My stubborn insistence on getting to know each other like normal people?” she said.
“No, your stubborn insistence on keeping your past secret,” he said.
“My past isn’t a secret. I’ve already told you it was unusual, I was homeschooled, I grew up mostly in Africa, and I have two sisters. You know what my degree is, where I work, my dating history and roommates. What else is there?”
“What about your dad? You won’t talk about him.”
She sighed. “My entire life has been defined by my dad’s choices. I don’t want it to be that way with you.”
“I swear it won’t affect the way I feel about you,” he said.
“But it will. I guarantee it will, and we’re not there yet. Someday you’ll know everything, and maybe by then it won’t matter. But right now it will matter, possibly a lot.”
“Jane, you’re so adorably stubborn, and if my esophagus and throat didn’t feel as if they’d been dipped in battery acid, I would totally kiss you right now.”
“And if I weren’t dying for a toothbrush and a long, hot shower, I’d totally kiss you back,” Jane replied. “But for now this is nice.”
“Yes, it is,” he agreed. They were cuddled up on the couch, folded together in a cozy pose, despite their combined weakness and misery. Within a few minutes, they fell back asleep, waking again when Blue’s phone rang.
He woke with a start and lunged for it. By the ringtone, he knew it was Ridge. He hadn’t called to report the gunshot or the tail. Had his boss somehow caught wind? Was Blue about to be reamed?
With effort, he reached into his pocket, straining his long arms around Jane who ducked low to allow his hand access to his pocket. “Hello,” Blue said, his voice scratchy from disuse and sickness.
There was a pause and then, “Did I wake you?”
Blue checked the time. It was ten in the morning. In Ridge’s world, that was like sleeping until four in the afternoon and a definite strike against being a responsible employee or human being. “Rough night,” Blue said.
“Anything I should be aware of?” Ridge said.
“Parts of it,” Blue said. He closed his eyes and tried to take a deep breath, not an easy task when Jane was pillowed on his chest. Not that he was complaining. His fingers skimmed absently through her hair, and she snuggled into him, still half asleep.
“You can put it in your report,” Ridge said.
Blue gripped the phone tighter. “What?” They did reports at the end of a mission, not in the middle.
“It’s over. Ethan caught the middleman in Iraq. He’s been smuggling the forgeries in and out of the country, shuttling the funds to and from the terror groups.”
“But who’s the forger?” Blue asked.
“We don’t know yet, but with this guy out of the running, it doesn’t matter.”
“Is it safe for Jane?” Blue asked and she wriggled, blinking in confusion at the mention of her name.
“We’ll keep an eye on her, but yes. The entire operation is essentially shutdown; there’s nothing left to authenticate. Bring her home, and we’ll work on a few long term security measures for her.”
“Okay,” Blue said.
Ridge paused. “You doing okay? You sound…not yourself.”
“Food poisoning, but I’m fine,” Blue assured him.
“Definitely leave that out of the report,” Ridge said. They disconnected, and Blue tossed his phone onto the coffee table.
“It’s over?” Jane asked.
“It’s over,” Blue affirmed. His hand was still smoothing the hair away from the back of her neck, and he felt suddenly as if he had known her for years instead of weeks. Had he ever been this comfortable with a woman, with anyone?
“How can it be over?” Jane asked. “Did they catch the forger?”
“They don’t need to; we got the smuggler. He was the one with direct ties to the terror cell we’ve been chasing.”
“But the forger’s still out there,” Jane said. “Still wreaking havoc on my industry.”
“I know, and we’re hopeful the guy we have in custody will point us in his direction. We’ll keep working on it, along with a few other agencies. Either way, your part is finished. You’re free.”
“Yay,” she said, albeit sadly.
They lay in quiet, comfortable silence a few minutes, and then Jane sat up. “I’m going to wash up, if you don’t mind.” Not waiting for an answer, she rolled off the couch and headed for the bathroom.
When she emerged, Blue took his turn in the shower. They ate a quiet, subdued breakfast of Cheerios. Blue’s mother was back at work, his father was sleeping, and that was why they told themselves they were hushed. The truth was both were feeling a bit melancholy at the impending departure. Each thought somehow by the time the end came the other would have given in. Jane thought Blue would have given up his need to know her secrets while Blue believed Jane would have told him everything by now. The reality was neither was willing or ready to give, and so they were at an impasse.
The drive back to DC was equally quiet, awkwardly so. They reached her apartment sooner than either of them wanted, but neither made a move to leave the car.
“I don’t want this to be the end,” Blue said.
“I think it’s for the best,” Jane countered. “Clean break, ending on a high note, no hard feelings, no baggage. That’s so rare it’s kind of a gift, you know?”
Blue blew out a breath. “Please don’t marry the guy.”
Jane didn’t reply. She leaned over the seat, pressed her lips to his like a benediction, slipped out of the car, and disappeared inside.