Chapter 3
Ajori
The weekend had come and gone. It was Monday morning, and I was up making breakfast for me and Kyrin when I heard the key in the lock.
Moments later, Vanessa breezed into the kitchen like she’d just returned from a vacation instead of another night out.
My mama was still beautiful in a way that made grown men lose their common sense.
Her honey complexion mirrored mine, but everything about her always looked a little more…
glamorous and expensive. She wore a champagne-colored slip dress with heels to match, a small clutch tucked under her arm, and the faint scent of mimosas lingering around her.
“Good morning, gorgeous daughter of mine,” she sang, kicking her heels. “Where’s my baby?”
I rolled my eyes internally while stirring the eggs. “Kyrin’s in his room.”
She walked down the hall, her voice instantly turning sweet when she called his name. A few minutes later, she reappeared, sipping from a water bottle.
“He’s ready to eat. I swear that boy will eat you out of a house and a home.”
“Better than him not eating at all,” I mumbled, hoping she heard me.
And she did.
Her eyes flicked toward me with that familiar look she gave whenever accountability tried to tap her on the shoulder.
“Ajori, don’t start,” she said, waving her hand. “I’m just talking.”
“Yeah. You’re real good at talking,” I sassed.
She ignored that and leaned against the counter. “Anyway, I had the best time last night. You should’ve seen this man trying to buy me a bottle, acting like I ain’t know it was the cheap stuff. I told him—”
“You ever think about staying home just one weekend?” I interjected, not caring to hear about her club chronicles or who tried to impress her and failed.
Vanessa’s brows shot up. “Excuse me?”
I turned off the stove and finally faced her fully. “Ma, you’re barely ever here. Every other night, it’s a new outfit, new heels, a new man, and a new drink. Meanwhile… Kyrin’s got doctor appointments, medication schedules, and a heart that could quit on him if we’re not careful.”
Her jaw tightened. “So what you saying? That I’m a bad mother? I wouldn’t say that. I raised you just fine, didn’t I?”
I stared at her. “You mean I raised me, and now I’m raising Kyrin. Ma, when is all of this gonna stop?”
“All of what, Ajori?” she asked, with a heavy sigh like I was exhausting her, while rummaging through her purse, looking for who knows what.
“The partying! The men! The disappearing acts! Kyrin needs his mama! Hell, I need my mama!” I stressed.
My voice cracked at the end, but I didn’t care. I’d held it in long enough.
“I’m tired of pretending I’m fine when I’m exhausted!
” I continued ranting. “I’m twenty-nine!
I should be living my life, moved out, with a ring on my finger, or at least in love with somebody’s toxic son by now!
But instead, I’m picking Kyrin up from school, packing lunches, helping with his homework, and making sure he eats because you’re too busy running the streets to be his mom!
Do you know how lucky I am to have Lainey?
If it wasn’t for her stepping up, I don’t know how I would’ve made it through some of these nights!
I’m tired of having to see my brother crying because you promised to come to his events at school and don’t show, and I’m tired of making up stories to explain your absence without straight-up lying to him!
And don’t get it twisted,” I added quickly.
“I don’t regret taking care of him… not for one second.
Kyrin is the best thing in my life, but I shouldn’t be doing it alone! ”
Vanessa finally looked at me. Her eyes were glossy, but not in a way that said she was ready to change.
“Ajori, you’re right. But this has always been my lifestyle… this is who I am. I like getting out and enjoying myself. I like feeling free. It’s not like I’m on drugs or something.”
Something in me snapped.
“Sometimes I wish you were.”
She blinked, taken aback. “What?”
“At least then you’d have a reason for your absence.
Addicts run because they’re broken; you run because you’d rather party than be a mother.
If you were on drugs, there would be a reason…
something to fight. But this?” I shook my head.
“You disappear by choice, and you abandon us by habit.
And the worst part? You think being absent is okay just because you're not high.”
That made her flinch.
Good… maybe it’d make her think too.
The kitchen went dead silent. I let the silence hang for a second, then dropped the final blow gently.
“You’re not just missing Kyrin’s life, Ma; you’re missing mine too. I don’t want to need you anymore, but I do… and that’s the part that hurts most,” I hated to confess.
Vanessa’s shoulders dropped a little, the fight leaking out of her. “Look… I know I haven’t been perfect,” she admitted, rubbing her temples. “But I’m going to do better. I have to.”
I studied her face, trying to see if those were just more words floating around the kitchen.
“If not for Kyrin, then do it for yourself,” I said.
She frowned slightly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you can’t pour into nobody if you’re empty. You can’t show up for him—or me—if you keep running from your own life. You gotta get good for yourself first. Heal whatever it is you keep trying to drink away, because this version of you is not the one we need.”
Vanessa didn’t respond right away. For a second, she actually looked… tired.
“Well,” she exhaled, “I’m exhausted, so I’m going to go take me a nap.”
Of course.
I crossed my arms. “Kyrin has an appointment at one o’clock. I’m sure he’d want you there… the doctor too.”
Vanessa waved her hand as if it had already been handled. “I remember. Just wake me up around eleven.”
I stared at her, and she caught the doubt all over my face.
“I’m serious about doing better, Ajori,” she insisted, her tone a little firmer. “We’ll start fresh today. I’ll show you.”
Then she reached over, grabbed a piece of bacon straight from the plate, and started walking down the hall.
In my head, the same thought replayed itself.
She ain’t coming.
Not because she didn’t mean it in that moment, but because she rarely did.
There had been times I had to lie just to get her in the car.
Doctor’s appointment? Nah.
So I’d tell a little lie and say I wanted to take her to a brunch, a pop-up shop, or somewhere with mimosas, then once we were already driving, I’d change the destination, because that was the only way Kyrin’s mama ever showed up. But whether Vanessa showed up or not, I always made sure I did.
“Kyrin, come eat!” I called down the hallway.
When eleven o’clock struck, I was standing outside Vanessa’s bedroom door.
I knocked once.
Nothing.
I pushed the door open and stepped inside.
“Ma,” I called softly.
She didn’t move. She was still lying across the bed exactly how she had dropped onto it earlier with one arm hanging off the side, and her breathing heavy.
“Ma,” I tried again, a little louder.
Still nothing.
With a deep sigh, I walked over and nudged her shoulder. “Vanessa!”
She barely shifted.
There was no real movement or words, just the slow rise and fall of someone deep in sleep.
I stood there for a second longer than I should’ve.
It wasn’t a surprise, but it was still a disappointment.
I exhaled, turned, and walked out of the room, already dreading the next part—telling Kyrin.
When I stepped into our room, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling on his sneakers, concentrating hard like the laces were serious business.
I sat beside him. “Well, sport… looks like it’s just gonna be me and you today for your appointment.”
Kyrin paused.
For a second, the excitement on his face dimmed.
“So Mama’s not coming?” he asked, in a knowing tone.
I shook my head slowly. “Not today.”
He looked down for a moment, quiet, then he shrugged in that little brave way kids do when they don’t want you to feel bad. “It’s okay.”
Before I could say anything, Kyrin leaned over and wrapped his arm around my neck, pulling me into a hug.
“As long as I got you, Jo, I don’t care if nobody else shows up for me.”
My throat tightened instantly.
“You take care of me, you cook for me, you help with my homework, and you take me everywhere. You even play the game with me when you’re tired,” he added with a small smile. “You’re the best sister ever.”
I blinked fast, forcing the tears to stay where they were.
He didn’t need to see that.
I kissed the side of his head. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
I squeezed his shoulder and stood up before my voice betrayed me. “Now finish getting dressed before we’re late. I’ll be in the bathroom if you need me.”
He nodded and went back to tying his shoes while I turned away, taking a slow breath to pull myself together.
***
The cardiology office always smelled like lemon disinfectant and quiet worry.
Kyrin swung his legs from the exam table, wearing the oversized hoodie I’d made him put on. His sneakers bumped the metal frame with a steady rhythm, like he was counting down until we could leave.
Dr. Hill stepped in with his usual warm smile, white coat open over his shirt and tie.
He was in his early forties, the kind of man women whispered about in waiting rooms. He was tall, had a neat haircut, and a voice just deep enough to make “How are you feeling?” sound like more than a casual question.
And even though I’d caught him looking at me a certain way before, I knew better.
Married or not, he wouldn’t get the time of day from me.
“Good afternoon, you two,” he greeted us, then turned his full attention to Kyrin. “Hey, champ.”
He tapped his fist against Kyrin’s, then glanced down at the chart in his hand.
“You behaving for your sister?”
“Always,” Kyrin replied with a grin that was a little too proud of itself.
I playfully side-eyed Kyrin. “Uh-huh. Define always.”
“Really, Jo?” Kyrin said, looking personally attacked.