Chapter 24
At seven o’clock on Wednesday night, Mary was slumped on her sofa still wearing the pajamas she’d worn to bed the night before. She hadn’t left the apartment since returning from her old neighborhood and had called in sick to work for three consecutive days. Her despondency about living a life without Kendra and Dean was taking up too much space inside her. She could feel it overflowing from her pores.
All the curtains in her apartment were drawn, and the only light in the place came from the television screen. She’d been watching a marathon of the program House all day. She and Dean used to watch the medical drama together. He’d always made a bowl of popcorn before it started. She pictured the two of them curled up on the couch, their popcorn long gone and him rubbing her feet, which rested in his lap. Tears streaked down her face. Dean had loved her and treated her well. Yes, they’d started to drift away from each other recently, but every couple went through rough patches. They would have worked it out. She would have sorted things out with Kendra too. Probably Kendra would have called, asking for a recipe, and Mary would have been so happy to hear from her that she wouldn’t even have mentioned how hurt she’d been.
In the House episode Mary watched now, the doctor and his team tried to figure out why their patient couldn’t walk. They were experts at diagnosing mystery illnesses. She wished the characters were real so they could help her return to her old life. She should call the doctor fifty-something Mary used, Dr. Kreiger. She imagined walking into his office and describing her condition. Ever since I had my wisdom teeth removed, I’ve been living in another reality where I’m thirty years younger.
He would look at her over the top of his glasses. Have you ever experienced issues with your mental health?
A commercial came on the television for a psoriasis medication. Mary hit the mute button on the remote control so she wouldn’t have to listen to the long list of potential side effects. Sounds from outside filtered into her apartment, footsteps climbing the stairs. She hoped it wasn’t Brady. Then again, it didn’t matter now if she remembered sleeping with him because she wouldn’t be bringing those memories home.
There was banging on the door and then Darbi’s voice. “I know you’re in there.” The doorknob jingled. “I have your emergency key down in the car. Don’t make me go all the way back there to get it. I might die if I have to climb these stairs again.” As if to make her point, she gasped for air.
Mary sighed and dragged herself across the room to open the door.
Darbi stiffened when she saw Mary. “When’s the last time you showered or ate? You need to take care of yourself.”
“Why are you here?” Mary glared at her cousin, thinking she’d never forgive her.
Darbi pushed her way past Mary into the kitchen. “I’ve been calling you for the past few days.”
Jacqui’s voice floated up from the middle of the staircase. “You haven’t been on the news all week.” When she reached the landing, she thrust a paper bag at Mary. “Dinner, steak and cheese subs.”
Steak and cheese subs made Mary miss Dean and Kendra even more. They’d always ordered those from a local sub shop on Main Street. Mary refused to go there because the owner had been rude to her once. She pictured her daughter and husband sitting at their breakfast bar devouring their sandwiches. “Mmmm, so good,” they would say in unison.
Would she spend her entire new life mourning them and hating herself for losing them because of her misplaced longing for a career she’d left behind, a career she realized now wasn’t as glamorous as she’d remembered? Yes, she most certainly would.
Jacqui wrapped her arm around Mary’s shoulder as she entered the house. “As much as I’m having a hard time believing this crazy story, we’re worried about you and wanted to be sure you’re okay.”
“I won’t ever be okay again.” Mary collapsed into a kitchen chair. The smell of the greasy meat turned her stomach. She couldn’t think about eating at a time like this. “I drove through my old neighborhood. Saw my friend Jenni. I wanted to tell her who I was.”
“You’d better not have.” Darbi’s tone warned of dire consequences, but the worst had already happened. Kendra no longer existed, and Mary was no longer Dean’s wife.
Mary didn’t answer. The only sound in the kitchen was the butcher paper crinkling as Darbi and Jacqui unwrapped their sandwiches.
“We do have news,” Jacqui said. “I’d even say it’s good news.”
“What?” Mary asked.
Darbi wrung her hands. “I don’t want you to get too excited.” She kept her eyes trained on a spot above Mary’s head as she spoke. “I found a letter Uncle Cillian sent me after I had my wisdom teeth out and moved here. I don’t know what I did with the others, but this one was tucked in—”
“What did it say?”
Darbi took a bite of her sandwich while Mary resisted the urge to reach down her cousin’s throat and pull the words out. Finally, Darbi swallowed. She wiped her mouth with a napkin and fished around inside her purse, then pulled out a folded piece of white lined paper with ragged edges as if it had been torn out of a notebook. Her hands trembled, and the paper fell to the ground.
Mary bent to retrieve it.
Dear Darbi,
I’m delighted to hear you found your happiness in America. We Mulligans are given these do-overs for the opportunity to pursue happiness so it appears you are taking advantage of yours.
I have wanted to visit you in America, but I’m afraid I’ve waited too long. My health has taken a turn for the worse, and I can’t get around like I used to.
I do hope you continue to enjoy your new life, but I would be remiss if I didn’t warn you that sometimes these do-overs don’t stick. At some point, you may be tested by being presented with a decision similar to the one you regretted making the first time around. If you make the same decision you made in the past, you will find yourself right back in Ireland in your old life.
Fondly,
Uncle Cillian
Mary read the last paragraph again to herself and then again out loud. She threw the letter down on the table. “I don’t understand. I want to go back—isn’t that enough?”
Darbi slid the letter to her side of the table and stared down at it without speaking.
“What is the decision you regret?” Jacqui asked.
“I turned down a promotion because I didn’t want to leave Dean. I wanted to see what my life would have been like if I accepted it.”
Jacqui read out loud. “‘If you make the same decision you made in the past, you will find yourself right back in Ireland in your old life.’” She ran her index finger over the words.
“For you, that means working hard enough to get the promotion,” Darbi said.
Mary’s entire body hummed. “And then turning it down.”
A flush crept up Darbi’s neck. “Just focus on working hard enough to get the promotion.”