Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
Flynn
“There she is.” June slides open a glass door that’s a whole wall. I’ve never seen anything like it. We step onto a covered terrace filled with furniture and an outdoor fireplace. A swimming pool with fountains and a diving board lie just beyond the terrace.
A blond and silver-haired woman in a white bikini and a long, sheer black cover-up eyes us from a round chair that’s the size of a small bed. “Zoya,” she says with a smirk.
“Grandma, I’d like you to meet Flynn.”
She sits up, sliding her legs off the side of the white cushion and offers her hand. “I’m Juni, it’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.” She winks at June.
I shake her hand. It’s a little cold. “Nice to meet you. June has said a lot of nice things about you.”
“June?”
June clears her throat, pulling me to sit beside her on the sectional. “When I moved to Minneapolis, I chose a different first name.”
Juni narrows her blue eyes. “Zoya is a beautiful name.”
June nods. “It is, but it’s not common, and I wasn’t looking for recognition. So I thought about my favorite grandma and chose a variation of her name.”
Juni eats up every word, clearly taken with her granddaughter. “I’m flattered. But you’re home now, so Flynn should call you Zoya.” Juni stands.
“What do you need,” Zoya asks, standing too.
“The restroom, dear. I think I can do it on my own.”
Zoya looks at me, and I return a tight grin like we’re in trouble. She sits back down, leaning into me as I put my arm around her, kissing the top of her head.
“I love you so much,” I murmur.
She reaches for my hand wrapped over her shoulder, interlacing our fingers.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen to my grandma or how I’m going to handle the ups and downs.
But I need you with me. And when the time comes, you’ll wonder things like …
should I ask this woman to marry me. And the answer is yes. Okay?”
When I don’t answer, she shifts her body, sliding her leg over my lap to face me.
“You want to marry me?” I probably look as confused as I sound.
“Eventually.” She leans forward, resting her forehead against mine.
“Do you want to marry me … eventually? A house with a big garage for cars that you’ll work on.
A room on the second floor with a balcony where I’ll play my cello.
And kids. We’ll have two kids. Maybe three.
And you’ll teach them to play the kazoo. ”
I laugh and so does she. Everything inside still feels raw. I don’t know what to do with this new kind of vulnerability. So I lean into it. I trust her.
“I mean,” she shrugs, brushing her nose against mine, “if I’m your whole world, it would be weird for you to marry someone else. Right?”
I frame her face and kiss her.
A wife?
House?
Kids?
And a kazoo?
“I would have thought you two would have gotten your fill after the concert,” Juni says.
Zoya grins, sliding off my lap and rubbing her lips together.
“Ahh … young love,” Juni says, sitting in her mammoth chair. “I remember when I met Zach. We couldn’t get enough of each other. Every touch and every look was foreplay. A slow dance to the closest place to rip off our clothes and go at it like rabbits.”
“Grandma!” Zoya giggles, cheeks stained red.
“So how long are you staying, Flynn?”
I look at Zoya. She squeezes my hand.
“As long as Zoya will be here.”
“So until I kick the bucket?”
Zoya stiffens.
“Well, if I find a good job, we might continue living here after you kick it.”
“Flynn!” Zoya smacks a hand over her mouth, eyes wide, flitting between me and her grandma.
Juni throws her head back in a belly laugh. “I like this one, Zoya.”
“Ya know,” I say, “I’m kind of an expert at keeping people alive. I’m a professional muse.”
“Stop.” Zoya giggles.
Juni’s eyebrows lift. “Tell me more.”
“How do you feel about cats?” I ask.
“What kind of cat?”
I shrug. “Dunno until we check out the shelter. In my expert experience, you don’t choose the cat; the cat chooses you.”
Zoya twists her body, caressing one cheek before kissing the other. Her eyes sparkle when she looks at me and grins. “This is so big,” she whispers.
The next morning, I sneak out of Zoya’s room, as if her parents don’t know I checked out of the hotel yesterday, and I’m sleeping in her bed until we find a place.
“You’re a jogger too. Good to know,” Bodhi says, catching me just as I open the front door. He’s in shorts and tennis shoes too as he comes down the stairs. “We can chat,” he says resting his hand on my shoulder for a second.
I don’t know if I should trust his smile or not.
“This way.” He nods to the right and starts jogging.
I follow him.
“I understand you don’t want to live this lifestyle. And I respect that,” he says. “I didn’t want it either.”
We veer to the right on a dirt trail that goes up into the hills.
“But then we got Zoya, and that girl has loved music her whole life. So I joined the family business to take this journey with my daughter. I don’t know what will happen between the two of you, but we are team Zoya.
If she wants to live in Minneapolis and ride around the city on a bike, we support that.
If she wants to travel the world, playing sold-out concerts, we support that.
If she wants to fall in love with you and have a family—”
“You support that,” I say, not trying to interrupt him. But, dude, I get the point.
He chuckles, looking over at me. “Yes. The question is, do you?”
“Of—”
“And before you answer,” he interrupts me.
“Just know that it’s okay if you have aspirations that don’t align with Zoya’s.
Henna and I spent time apart because our needs and desires didn’t align.
Holding on because you’re afraid of losing someone, isn’t good.
Giving up your dreams for someone else’s, also isn’t good.
But I can promise you, Zoya needs music like she needs air. ”
We jog around another corner. It’s a winding trail.
“Can I be honest with you?”
He laughs. “I expect nothing less.”
“I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“And?”
“Nope. No and.” I shake my head. “That’s it.”
Bodhi slows to a stop, a little out of breath as he steps to the side to stretch his quads and hamstrings.
I do the same. “Here’s what I know,” I say.
“I know I love your daughter. I know there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her or to protect her.
Beyond that, I don’t know what comes next.
I’m terrified of fuck—” I clear my throat.
“Messing up. What if something happens to Juni? What if Zoya does want to play music with her band again? Can I find a job? I don’t know what she’s told you about my past, but I don’t have a clean record, so getting a job could be a challenge. ”
“We know about your past. Zoya doesn’t keep secrets from us.”
I stare at the ground, still not used to this level of vulnerability—of accountability.
“We can be on your side too. If you’re willing to swallow your pride and allow us to help you.
We can help you get a job, but you’ll have to do it well to keep it.
And as far as what to expect with Juni’s health or Zoya’s career decisions, none of that is certain. We’re just taking it a day at a time.”
I rest my hand on my hip and nod several times. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah,” I say, looking him in the eye. “I can take it a day at a time too. And I’d appreciate you putting in a good word for me if I find a job I’m qualified for. That’s basically a mechanic position. I’m out of the muse business.”
Bodhi grins. “Fair enough.” He nods toward the trail, and we keep jogging up it.
I’ve never spent time contemplating my life or my pride, probably because I’ve never had a reason to. Zoya’s a pretty damn good reason to rethink literally everything in my life.