36. Chapter 36 #2
My head felt light, and the edges of my vision whitened.
They’re on my side?
To keep tears at bay, I bit the inside of my cheek. I had people on my side. I had support. Every bit of logic told me otherwise, that they should hate me. But they were here, smiling and laughing with me. I was included. I wasn’t alone.
Still dazed, I sat between the girls on the bed. Lynn squeezed my hand and Daisy rested her head on my shoulder.
This is real.
I took a steadying breath.
“So, can I point out that the guest house doesn’t have a chef or a stocked kitchen? It suckssss, I’m all about the snacks right now!” Lynn sighed.
“Thought you were trying to eat healthy?” Daisy asked.
“Eh,” Lynn shrugged. “I’m on vacation. Currently, my diet is the last thing on my mind. I’m just hoping there’s some baby dust in the Spanish air!”
Daisy gagged. “Gross!”
“Whatever! How is hearing about your brother’s sex life worse than hearing about your dad’s?” Lynn protested.
“Poppy doesn’t tell me shit! She’s good like that!”
We all laughed.
“With how angry my brother is, I’ll be surprised if you two fuck at all,” Daisy stated.
“Hate sex is a thing,” I noted.
Lynn nodded in agreement. “And it’s super hot. If we don’t partake soon, hopefully Evan calms down after Poppy leaves.”
“You’re leaving?!” Daisy pouted.
“Tomorrow.”
“Damn. That sucks. I mean, I get it, though I wouldn’t stick around if my boyfriend’s ex jumped on me.” She sighed.
“Tried. She tried to jump on me,” I corrected.
“Whatever. Point is, I’m mad you’re going…But you know what that means?”
Lynn and I exchanged confused looks. Daisy jumped off the bed and ran into the bathroom. A second later, she returned, holding up a bottle of vodka overhead and screaming:
“TONIGHT WE PARTY!”
Although she did actual work nowadays, at her core, Daisy was a socialite.
She loved a party and was hell bent on us, me included, having a good time.
We did shots, facial masks, took photos, and did many more shots all afternoon.
At some point, Daisy tracked down Mark and, with a shy smile and bat of her eyelashes, she got him to decorate the backyard.
They set a stage up near the projector. Dee prepared a pizza buffet, and we had dinner under the stars.
Head back, I stared up at the night sky. Stars twinkled with a knowing wink. This place was amazing. I wasn’t ready to go.
“Hey, you.” Summoner appeared, smiling. His hand ran along the back of my chair as he sat beside me.
“Hey yourself.” I grinned.
We shared a quick kiss. We weren’t totally stupid and agreed that less PDA was best currently. But some occasional affection couldn’t be helped.
Summoner nursed a neat glass of whiskey. He looked thoughtfully tired. Lost in the tangled web of his thoughts. He’d been cagey since his talk with Evan.
“HEYYYYYYY!” Daisy bellowed as she stepped onto the patio.
Summoner hid a laugh behind his drink. All our overenthusiastic day drinking may have turned us into giggling fucking teenagers. My cheeks were warm, but I was holding it together better than her.
A beat later, Lynn and Evan walked up the side path from the guesthouses. His face was drawn in a permanent frown as she dragged him along. Almost knowingly, Lynn was a much lighter hand on the alcohol. She looked totally put together as the pair and Daisy sat on the other side of the table.
My chest tightened as Evan’s eyes fixed on me with a murderous glare. I fell into my old habit of withdrawing inside, tucking in my shoulders, and making myself small. I focused on my pizza and didn’t speak without someone speaking to me first. With every chew, I felt the weight of Evan’s eyes.
“Poppy! I need to show you my nursery plans!” Lynn exclaimed.
I looked up from my plate to her, shoving her phone at me.
“We’re thinking about something celestial.”
“Celestial?” I muttered as I flicked through her photos.
“Yeah, the cosmic entity our child will be.” She grinned.
My stomach churned as I looked at cribs, moon chart statement art, solar system-patterned swaddles, and bookcases carved out of actual moon rock. Pointedly, my throat tightened. Circulation and air ceased refilling my body.
Babies.
Flickers of cells mashed together to create an eventual person.
Little pure balls of inoffensive fluff. Except for those select few who were born killers like me.
I foolishly never anticipated moments like this.
The lofty expectations of future parents looking for the perfect paint colors and softest linens for their gene carries.
Expecting parents wanting to share their bursting excitement.
I felt a fine sheen of sweat bead on my palms.
I wanted to ask Lynn if she knew Black women were three times more likely to die in pregnancy and childbirth, a fact I knew as easily as I knew my birthday.
Throughout my life, I had devoted countless hours to researching maternal health.
When I wished for a mom, I looked for some evidence of a different outcome for her. Of course, I found none.
I wanted to ask if Evan knew how he would cope if something happened to Lynn.
He didn’t seem strong enough. My vision blurred as Lynn’s excited rambling faded into static in my ears.
I was faced with expectations of my response.
Jaw clenched, I took a slow breath. In through my nose, out through my mouth.
I blinked back to my surroundings, and thankfully, no one around me seemed to notice.
“…I love the space theme! I know you’ll have little gods and goddesses!” I cooed a little too enthusiastically.
“You’re so sweet!” Lynn grinned, none the wiser.
“You should totally look into star- and constellation-themed sleepers for the future little ones. I mean, if you’re going to go in on a theme, go all the way. That’s what I would do with a baby.” I forced a smile.
“Poppy gets it!” She elbowed her still-glaring husband’s side.
“Those little sleepers with the feet, now those are cute!” I shined my most natural, forced grin at Summoner.
“You’d be a great mom, Poppy!” Daisy yelled across the table.
I ignored the drunken comment. The arm that rested around my chair pulled back.
Summoner grabbed his glass and took a measured sip of his whiskey.
My heart skipped a beat at the timing of the movement.
Over the rim of the glass, he watched me with an odd mix of fondness and sadness that I didn’t understand.
The hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention.
Am I reacting right?
He said nothing. I just wanted to push through and play the expected part. I returned Lynn’s phone and took a hearty gulp of water. My internal struggle was still my own as the conversation moved forward.
Once dinner ended, the pizza didn’t even have a chance to soak up the alcohol in my stomach as Daisy shouted for more shots.
My kidneys are going to hate me!
Booze downed, she then dragged us across the yard to the newly-constructed stage for karaoke.
Things started things off with a bang as we dove straight into Don’t Stop Believin by Journey.
Summoner and Evan sang along from wicker chairs in the grass.
By the time the song ended, my nerves were suffocated under a heavy inebriation.
My body felt like a constant hum as I danced around.
Maybe Daisy was onto something by pushing drinks. I was very relaxed.
We sang through several hits from the millennial/Gen X song catalog, including more than one Spice Girls song. While Evan and Daisy argued about the music volume, I slid onto Summoner’s lap. Giggling like a loon, I ran a hand through his hair.
“Poppy,” he smiled softly.
“I love you. I, like, love you so much.” A rush of warmth flushed my cheeks.
“Well, I’m glad to hear that, otherwise this would be awkward.” He patted my thigh.
He was here, but still miles away. For as close as we got, there were still parts of Summoner out of my reach.
“DADDDDD! DUETTTTTT!” Daisy shouted into her microphone.
The music seemed louder, so she clearly won the argument.
Sighing, Summoner moved me out of his lap.
I slid into his seat as his daughter yanked him onto the stage.
The father and daughter duetted Don’t You Want Me by The Human League.
Summoner played it straight and delivered a performance that his early MTV contemporaries would be proud of.
Daisy, on the other hand, shrieked into the microphone and shook her hips like a rabid toddler.
I laughed so hard at her antics, I nearly pissed myself. The moment their song ended, I shuffled inside to the bathroom. I smiled on the toilet as the bass from Barbie Girl shook the walls. These pockets of shiny goodness made me want to stay and figure out some way for us all to coexist.
Don’t make decisions when you’re drunk.
I washed my hands and stepped into the hall. My head felt light as I stumbled over my feet. I caught myself pausing for a second before attempting walking again. Two steps later, I stumbled forward again, falling into a pair of sturdy arms.
“Thanks.” I mumbled as they helped me back to my feet.
My face twisted once I was back upright and looking at Evan. He looked so much like Summoner, it was unsettling. The worst part was his currently-scowling eyes. They were the same shade of green as Summoner’s. Loving affection from the father to radiating hatred from the son…It gave me whiplash.
“Poppy.” He said my name like it was mud-flavored.
“Evan.” I stepped around him.
“…So, you’re seeing this through, aren’t you?”
I pressed my back against the wall and stared at my sandals. “There’s nothing to see through, Evan.”
“Then why are you doing this?”
I lifted my head and met his gaze. His eyes were red from lack of sleep mixed with too much booze. The longer I looked into the fun-house mirror version of his father’s eyes, I could see a tiny shadow of vulnerability. A small hole in his defenses. I swallowed.
“…I love him.”
Evan’s scowl deepened.