Prologue #2
How did the man not know that he was leaving for a good reason?
How did he not put the clues together and figure out that he’d taken on a duty that he couldn’t talk about?
HOW?
Instead, he had to stand there and listen to the vitriol as Graham raged at him for leaving him.
Six months.
All he had to do was trust him for those six months, and follow.
If he did, everything would have been fine.
If he trusted him, then, he would have seen that he was serving his country in another way.
Michael had become an archangel and had been placed on Blackhawk duty.
Had he just trusted him…instead of accusing him of bailing on him, and not loving him enough, Graham would have figured it out.
But that never happened.
All Michael knew was that he loved Graham more than the man would ever know. He loved Graham to that day, and the few men he’d tried to match up with had been disappointing.
Riley had come the closest to those feelings he had for Graham, and that was why he’d proposed to him. Michael had been afraid of losing that last chance.
He’d found someone who could be his other half most of the time.
They made dinner together.
They talked about their worlds.
Unfortunately for Michael, he had been burned twice because eventually, he’d trusted Riley too.
After years of being suspicious of everyone, and uber-protective of his life, he let another man in, and once more he’d blindsided him.
No.
He broke him.
What Graham, the love of his life had blown up, and had been rebuilt over time, Riley, his fiancé, had decimated with betrayal.
The.
Worst.
Kind.
All of it made him wonder what the hell was wrong with him?
It had to be his fault. To have two relationships blow up spectacularly like they had…
Was he unworthy of love?
Was he that worthless to everyone that no one could trust him?
Clearly.
He.
Was.
So now, with two heartbreaks under his belt, Michael was done trying to find love again.
On top of that, D’Artangnan was dead and buried. He’d never be resurrected either. In order to find some peace, Michael had to let that go.
He had to let himself go.
That soldier had died the day he’d walked away from Graham, and he’d died all over again when Riley stabbed him in the heart, and back.
He’d never go by that name again.
NEVER.
It just hurt way too much.
As for the man who broke him first, when he’d walked out, he’d only said one thing during the whole relationship meltdown.
‘No one will ever love you like me.’
And it was true.
No one could love Graham that much. Michael had been pretty damn sure of it too.
He knew himself, and he knew his own heart.
Had Graham taken the chance and trusted him, saying he would meet him in the US in six months, they would have been married.
The first thing he’d been planning was to buy a ring, and do the deed. He’d been planning to ask Graham to be his forever.
Yeah, he’d been a fool to believe love existed.
Then, D’Artangnan had been willing to get down on one knee and ask Graham to marry him. Now, he wasn’t sure he could ever ask another person to marry him again.
He’d been damaged too much.
Hell!
Had Graham been less stubborn, Michael would have even eloped and married him before going back. Had the love of his life put two and two together, they would have had a union like no other.
Unfortunately for Michael, that day was forever etched into his mind.
How could it not be?
His heart had been ripped out of his chest, and it would take years to try and find love again.
Losing Graham was why he’d not dated for a while, and when he finally found Riley, he’d taken a chance. The men were very similar in personality, and he’d fallen in love with that familiarity.
But it broke him.
Yeah, those days were over.
Long.
Gone.
There was no doubt in Michael’s mind that he was dying alone, and truthfully, he was fine with that. He had his family, and he didn’t need anyone else to complete him.
Not everyone got their happily ever after, and he was just one of those men.
At least he wasn’t back in the States, having to watch all the people around him find their person and plan a wedding.
That ache still hurt.
There was that permanent scar on his heart that he’d never have his person.
That he’d never have love.
After watching Raphael and Saint get married, and then Gryphen and Ian plan their wedding, he’d wanted that more than anyone.
Only, it was clear that some people were NOT meant to be happy.
They were NOT meant to find love.
They were meant to die alone.
Like him.
Love wasn’t for everyone.
That was for sure.
The only other thing he regretted was that when he had been shot saving Doctor Leonard that Michael had lived. He could have been out of pain and not having to deal with the fallout of a love gone bad.
It would have been so much better to just not wake up to find out that his fiancé had only been with him to get the scoop on the Blackhawks.
It would have been nice to just go peacefully into the great nothingness, and feel no pain.
Only, that wasn’t life.
Life was pain.
PERIOD.
Riley’s horrible betrayal had nearly cost him his one, precious thing in life.
His family.
Thank God they hadn’t been angry with the home plans being leaked, and they could change them up.
That saved his ass.
Now, he just wanted to get the hell out of the US for the time being so that he could regroup.
It was needed.
While everyone thought he didn’t know what was going on, Michael was smart. He was a watcher, and he knew when the vibe around him was off.
Oh, and it was WAY off.
He was Saint Michael of the martyrdom, apparently, and he did one thing in his downtime.
He watched the news when no one knew, and he saw the bruhaha that was going on back in DC.
On top of that, he had access to the security cameras, and knew when Riley showed up at the gate, or when he had flowers delivered.
He just pretended not to know since that made his life so much easier.
Better.
Ignorance, in this case, was bliss.
No one had ever given him flowers before, and while he appreciated the sentiment, once burned, twice shy.
Michael wouldn’t trust again.
He couldn’t.
Riley was dead to him, and that would never change. There was no road to redemption back to him.
None.
At.
All.
His betrayal threatened his family connections, and to Michael, that was unacceptable.
He could spend the rest of his life alone, but he couldn’t lose his family.
That would be a fate worse than death.
Now, all he wanted to do was heal, rebuild the strength in his arm, and hide until his heart was better. It was going to be baby steps from here on out.
Without.
A.
Doubt.
When would that healing be complete?
Well, that was anyone’s guess. To be honest, Michael had no clue if he would survive this.
Graham had betrayed him by not trusting in him, but Riley…he’d tried to cause irreparable harm to the people he loved, and his family.
His ability to trust was shot to shit. It would take a miracle and a whole hell of a lot of proof for him to fall down the relationship rabbit hole again.
Bet on it.
His life posed one question.
Why the hell couldn’t he find a decent guy who wouldn’t break his heart?
Why was that so damn difficult?
As he sat there on the jet, he knew now, he had another job to do there. The Blackhawks had some underwater gear to dredge a lake shipped ahead of him.
Apparently, but not the least bit surprisingly, Callen and Chris had a little problem on their hands when it came to the water on the estate.
BONES.
When Tony had been there, right before he headed out, they found an arm bone in the pond, and they needed the rest of the victim found.
That was his area since one of his specialties was deep water retrieval.
He could dive with the best of them, and he was going to earn his keep. The Blackhawks had sent him on a private jet, hidden so Riley wouldn’t know where he was, so he wanted to work that off.
No, they wouldn’t expect that, but for him, it mattered to be part of the family and give something back.
How could he repay their love?
They were putting him up in a castle, the family castle, and he could hide there for as long as he needed. That was a priceless gift, and he knew it.
Oh, and he was going to take them up on that.
The last place he wanted to be was coming face-to-face with an ex.
Yeah, with his heart this dinged up, he’d never survive that. Honestly, he was one step from getting some therapy, so he stopped thinking this was all his fault.
Michael might be a Marine, but he had a tender, gentle soul, and he’d been kicked around plenty in his life.
All he wanted was peace, and to silence those demons that were back again.
They were the ones who constantly told him that he wasn’t worthy.
Because he wasn’t.
Love had taught him that.
Some people found their persons, but he never would. Not in this lifetime. For now, he needed to stop trying, and maybe he’d get back to being calm.
As he heard his phone ringing, he pulled it from his pocket, and saw her face.
That cheered him up. Here was the one person who would always protect him, and for that, he was grateful. At least he had her on his side.
Answering the call, he smiled warmly at the woman, grateful to see her.
“Hey, Mom! Are you guys on your way home?” he asked, greeting Elizabeth.
She actually laughed.
And laughed.
And laughed.
Oh, well, that was a whole other situation that she was dealing with now.
“A funny thing happened as we had packed up and were loading up,” she admitted.
He lifted an eyebrow.
“Ethan wants to stay, and we’re not going back.”
That hung there for a few seconds. Honestly, he wasn’t sure he heard her correctly.
That sounded…off.
Now, he was curious.
“Pardon? Ethan wants to be there? Was he abducted? Replaced with a pod person? Did Raphael finally steal him and replace him with a replica?” he asked because any of those suggestions were more likely than the man willingly staying on the rez.
He hated it there.