Chapter Seven
The Castle
The Bathroom
Same Time
Whether it was the booze, or it was hearing that one, terrible word come from D’Artangnan, Graham wasn’t sure what had turned his stomach so damn fast, but it had.
Only, he was a smart man, and he was betting it was the latter.
Granted, he’d expected nothing less. D’Artangnan Graves was a gorgeous man with a giant heart. There was no way he was single.
Someone would swoop in and claim that treasure in a heartbeat. There was no doubt there.
Hearing that he’d moved on…
Well, it did exactly what Graham had expected, but it had broken him all over again.
While he’d fully expected it as they were together under that blanket, he’d found something that had been long lost for him.
Hope.
Now, it was shattered, and he was back to being alone again.
Yeah, this was how he died.
Of a broken heart.
There was no doubt in his mind that the truth wouldn’t set him free, but put him in his grave.
As he purged up all the old booze, and bile in his stomach, he heard the bathroom door opening. Was it too much to ask that it was the ghosts?
At least that would hurt less.
Instead, it was bare feet on the stone floor as Michael was approaching him.
In that moment, he wanted to be alone because that was his fate in life.
He was destined to die by himself.
Instead asking him to leave, he said nothing.
Why?
He’d learned from his past that if he told D’Artangnan to go, he would. If he pushed him away, he’d move on and replace him.
Then again, he already had.
So, he’d take this pain as his penance and punishment. This was all his fault.
So, he suffered in silence as his belly burned from the sting of bile.
He flinched when he felt his hand on his back. Still, the man didn’t move it.
“Are you going to be okay?” Michael asked, knowing what he’d said and why he’d said it.
A part of him wanted to see if the notes were real, and if this man did feel anything for him. A part of him needed to see if he just shrugged it off, or if there was something still there between them.
Michael needed proof.
After being hurt by two men, back-to-back, he needed to see if he had a chance.
What he’d wanted was someone to protect him, and Graham had done that. In fact, he’d saved his life, diving into the water when he’d had no obligation to do that.
He knew what lurked in there, and he still did it.
If that wasn’t enough, clearly, he’d never stopped loving him. Now, he’d see if what they had could be brought back to life.
“No, I’m not okay,” he whispered, between retching out all of his stomach contents. “I haven’t been okay for seven and a half years. I’m dead inside.”
At that, Michael knelt beside him, and ran his hand up and down his spine, taking in the tattoos he remembered him getting.
He’d been there for all of them.
Oh, and as for being dead inside, he knew that feeling. He’d been the same.
Until about twenty minutes ago.
Graham had to know the truth.
“When is your wedding?” he asked, finally able to get the words out, even if he couldn’t look at the man. “When will you and your beau be married?” he asked.
Oh, and he prayed it wasn’t here. If he had to watch the man he still loved get married, he’d not survive. Already, he was barely holding on.
Michael was honest.
He saw the pain and loss as Graham was decimated by that one word. It was clear he wasn’t the only one still in love.
“It was supposed to be next year, but it’s been called off.”
Graham tensed.
“Why?” he asked, as Michael handed him a little disposable cup with water in it, and a handful of tissues.
They were both a mess, but he needed to be honest with the man so they could figure this out.
For some reason, Michael didn’t doubt that the reason he’d been brought back here by the universe was unfinished business.
THEM.
They either had to say their goodbyes forever, or fix what they’d both broken.
Michael was to the point.
“He betrayed me. He only dated me so he could learn about the Blackhawk family secrets. As part of their family, I had information, and he used it to post it all online as a news scoop. It was never about love. It was about using me and manipulating me. Now, he’s stalking me to destroy my life. He's unhinged.”
He looked over.
Had he heard him right?
So the fiancé was not the fiancé anymore?
“I’m sorry,” he said.
But he wasn’t.
Not.
At.
All.
All of a sudden, there was that hope again. It rose up, and Graham clung to it as if it just might be his lifeline.
Was he upset that the man had moved on?
No.
Was he shocked?
No.
Would he fight tooth-and-nail to get him to just look at him with love one more time so he could have peace or to forgive him?
YES.
With what he had left, Graham pushed up, and found a pack of new toothbrushes that he’d put in the bathroom for the next guest.
Then, he brushed his teeth as he tried to figure out a way to heal a wound that had festered for all of these years. It seemed…impossible, but still, he tried.
The whole time that he said nothing more, Michael watched him.
And was honest.
“He broke me. That seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life,” Michael admitted. “Now, I’ve learned that things aren’t what they seem to be. When I left you years ago, I felt betrayed. Here, I’ve come to realize that you didn’t betray me. I betrayed you.”
As he stood at the sink, Graham’s hand stopped, as he didn’t move.
Michael got up.
He needed to know one thing.
“I read the letters. Are they true?” he asked. “Is everything in them real, and have you really written them every year on that day?”
Graham didn’t turn around, but he nodded.
“Every year on the same day,” he whispered, his hands braced on the sink as he prayed for one miracle in his life.
That’s all he wanted.
Just one.
“I see,” Michael admitted.
Did he?
Losing him was the one thing he’d never been able to let go of in his life. It hurt that he’d been right, and that when D’Artangnan walked out that door, he’d moved on.
Without him.
Now, he wanted to weep.
“Did you love him?” Graham finally asked, hating that he needed to know, but he did.
Maybe it was to know, or maybe it was to hurt himself, but why not add to the pain?
At his question, Michael was honest.
“In a way, yes. He was my rebound guy. For six years, I bounced around, felt sorry for myself, and did everything to forget about you, Graham. It never worked. I see that now. I know why I picked Riley. He was a lot like you. Only, he was missing one thing that I never noticed, and it was the most important thing.”
Graham turned around, bare and stripped down to his soul for this man.
“What was that, D’Artangnan?” he asked.
“Honor. He didn’t have an ounce of your honor,” he admitted, moving closer to him. “I’m sorry I left you, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth when I was leaving.”
Graham stared into his deep blue eyes, and needed to know.
“Why did you leave me? Why when I said stay or it was over did you choose to leave me? Was it the ultimatum that pissed you off? Was something better waiting for you? Why did you abandon us?”
He was about a foot from the man’s body. They were both naked, and staring into each other’s eyes.
“Do you really want to know?” he asked.
The man nodded.
“I need to know so I can survive this. I feel like I’ve been dangling over sharp rocks and I’m not able to hold on anymore.
I have nothing left, D’Artangnan. I’m so empty and hollow that I feel like I’m going to crush in on myself like an old tin can.
I’m dying inside, and I can’t stop it no matter what I do. ”
Yeah, that he understood.
So, he told him.
“I signed up for a highly classified job as protection duty. I wasn’t able to tell you about it because again, it was classified. I signed papers, and I became an Archangel, thus the name, Michael, and why you couldn’t find me.”
Graham just listened, and it wasn’t lost on him that somehow in his dream, he knew this.
Had the spirits given him this insight?
A higher power?
Because he shouldn’t know this—until that moment—but he did.
Was Fate in control?
“I took that job because it paid a shit ton of money. I wanted to set us up in a nice home, so we could have a family and never be poor again. I wanted to work for that year so I could buy you the home you deserved. So that I could be that provider for you. So that we could have everything we needed for a change.”
The words…
They were a brutal blow to his chest because his dream had been right, and it hadn’t been his brain trying to fill in gaps with his hopes.
It was so shocking that Graham actually had to lean on the counter as his legs got wobbly from the shock of what he could have had.
All of the air had been sucked from the room, and he felt sick all over again.
He’d not left because of an ultimatum. He’d left to make them a beautiful life as a couple.
“I was going to work my ass off for a year to get enough money to come back here and buy a house for us. I knew you’d never leave Scotland.
I wanted to take the time to be worthy of proposing to you.
Back then, that version of me saw our tiny apartment as shameful, and I wanted to buy you the world.
Now I know that it was more than enough. ”
At his words, Graham lifted his head, and there were tears on his lashes. They were dripping down his cheeks.
“You would have come back?”
He nodded.
“I knew your tour was up in six months. I assumed you’d trust me, and when you demanded I tell you why, I couldn’t.
It made me angry when you fought me on it.
I began wondering if you cared about me at all, or if I was just a fling to keep you occupied during the wars.
I spiraled out of control at the thought I’d made a mistake, and with the papers I signed, I couldn’t back out. I had to leave.”
That was all it took.
Graham sobbed.
His legs got weak, and he fell to his knees.