Chapter 33
AMALIE
The drive back to the Barinov estate is quiet.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Andrei asks. He’d been silent up to that point. Probably to give me a little space and some time to think.
“I’m fine, really. What about you? You fought three guys.”
He snorts softly, as if it’s amusing to him that I would think that was an issue. “What’s the expression? ‘You should see the other guy?’”
“Guys in this case.”
“Right.”
Despite everything, a little laugh escapes me. Andrei gives me a sideways look.
“What happened after I ran?” I ask quietly.
“Nothing you need to worry about. Let’s just say out of the four of us, I’m the only one who won’t be falling asleep in a hospital tonight.”
I swallow. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“Running.”
He laughs. “You did exactly as you should’ve done. I told you to run. And the way you kicked that man in the knee was impressive.”
“Thanks.”
“I understand this is all a lot to take in,” he says. “But this is the world Roman seeks to keep you from. The world he never wants Sasha to know about. I know Roman well enough to know that right now, he’s thinking about how he’s going to make sure you never see it again.”
I don’t quite know what to say to that. I turn toward the window and rest my forehead against the cool glass.
Fear still hums underneath my skin, traces of adrenaline coursing through my veins.
But I also feel relief, knowing that every mile closer to the estate is another mile closer to safety.
And to what is, with each passing day, feeling more and more like home.
When we arrive, the gates open smoothly and slowly. The house seems to rise up out of the dark—solid, watchful, vast. Roman’s fortress. I notice immediately the extra guards on the grounds.
Andrei parks near the entrance and gets out first, scanning the area before opening my door. I grab my bag and step out. Moments later we’re passing the threshold to the mansion, the familiar scent of wood smoke and leather hitting me. I shrug out of my coat and Andrei quickly takes it from me.
“Sasha?” I ask immediately.
“Asleep. He’s been asking for you. I didn’t know what to say, but he’ll be pleased to see you’re here in the morning.”
Guilt and relief crash together in my heart. I had my reasons for running, but now that I’m back, I can’t believe I left Sasha the way I did.
“Roman?”
“In his office.” Then, after a beat, “He is eager to see you.”
“Yeah. I bet.”
“Would you like me to go with you?”
I consider it. “No. I should do this alone.”
“Very well. Good luck.” Andrei nods and walks away.
After taking a few moments to steel myself, I turn and start down the familiar long hallway. I reach the massive double doors to his office and knock.
“Come in.”
I push in one of the doors and enter the vast, dim room. A fire is roaring low in the hearth. Roman stands near the desk, jacket off, sleeves rolled, a glass of whiskey his hand.
When he glances up, I see relief and frustration, then something softer. But that only lasts a second before the hard, controlled expression returns.
“You’re back.”
“Yes.”
“Sit.”
I don’t. “I just wanted to make sure Sasha was okay.”
“He is. He’ll be better when he sees you at breakfast.”
I nod, then brace myself. “Andrei told me you’re adjusting security. I noticed more guards outside.”
“That is correct.”
“Roman—”
“You were nearly kidnapped,” he says flatly. “That ends the discussion.”
“It doesn’t,” I snap, fear and irritation coiling inside me in equal measure. “I can’t live in a prison-like environment. I won’t.”
He steps closer, those sharp green eyes on me. “And I can’t pretend the world is less dangerous than it is.”
“This is paranoia.”
He shakes his head slowly. “No. This is experience.”
I don’t know what to say to that.
“You think I don’t know it’s exhausting?” he continues. “You think I enjoy living like this?”
I open my mouth to argue, then stop, thinking better of it.
“Today should have been a good demonstration for you of why I live the way I do.”
My stomach tightens. “Roman…”
He turns away, his jaw clenching, and stares into the fire. When he speaks again, his voice is rough. “The robbery that killed my wife was not a robbery.”
The air rushes from my lungs. I remain silent.
“Sasha was with her. Just a baby in his stroller.”
My hand flies to my mouth, my blood running cold. “Oh, my God.”
“Andrei was near enough to take the bullet intended for my son. He saved his life. But Elena…” he exhales. “She did not survive.”
The room suddenly feels tiny, claustrophobic, even. He’s never spoken about this to me before.
Roman throws back the rest of his whiskey. His eyes remain on the fire as it crackles and burns. “Garin ordered it, I’m certain, but I’ve never been able to prove it. He covered his tracks too well.”
My mind flashes to the day Garin showed up at the mansion uninvited. I think about the unsettling way he looked at Sasha. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper.
“I’m not the way I am without good reason.” He finally looks away from the fire, his gaze landing on me, raw and unguarded. “Now you know why I do not gamble with safety.”
I cross the distance between us without thinking, wrapping my arms around him. He stiffens at first. Then he sags against me, his forehead pressing into my shoulder. I can feel the weight he’s carrying, all of it, in the way his hands grip my back like I’m an anchor.
“I’m so sorry,” I say again.
He slips smoothly from my grasp, standing straight again. Roman turns his eyes to the fire once more, watching it for a few long beats. Then he clears his throat and speaks. “I do not need your pity.”
“Good. Because that’s not what this is.” I step back just a bit, giving him some space. “You’re not broken for being afraid. You’re human.”
Roman turns and opens his mouth. I know what he’s going to say before he says it. I’m not afraid. But the words don’t come. Instead, he closes his mouth, forming a hard line with his lips.
He searches my face. “You came back.”
“Yes.”
He cups my face gently, reverently, like he’s relearning something precious. “Perhaps you should not have.”
“But I did.”
For a long moment, he just studies me. Then he leans in and kisses me, slowly, carefully. Not in the hungry way he’s kissed me before. This is different.
I kiss him back, my hands sliding into his hair, my heart aching from how deeply I missed his presence and his touch.
For tonight, at least, the world stays outside.