Chapter Eleven
A fter I dropped SJ and Isla off at school, I found my mind drifting to Rowan. I know I told him I wasn’t sure if we could go down this road, but can I just ignore whatever I’m feeling for him, forever?
I’m putting a load of laundry in the washing machine when my phone rings and my mood is instantly lifted when I see who is calling. “Hey, Dad!”
“I figured I should call you since I haven’t heard from you in a month,” he says with a hint of humor though I know he’s mostly serious.
I roll my eyes at the guilt trip I’m used to ever since I moved to Maryland. “It’s been like a week.”
“Same difference! I just wanted to check on you. How are you?”
“I’m good! What are you up to today?”
“Same old. It’s a nice day, so I’m about to go hit a bucket of balls with Jeff,”he says in reference to his neighbor.
“Sounds like fun. How’s my niece?” I ask because my father doesn’t go longer than a day without seeing his granddaughter, Eloise. Who my dad refers to as Little Ellie, and I love it.
“She’s good, but you haven’t talked to your sister?”
“Not for a couple of weeks,” I tell him.
He lets out a disappointed grunt and I steel myself for the incoming lecture. “What’s wrong this time?”
“Nothing?”
“You’re not in a fight?”
“No?” I respond, like the tension between me and my sister is something that could be reduced to something as simple as one fight. And my dad knows that.
“I hate when you two aren’t talking. You should call her.”
“Phone works both ways, Dad.”
“You’re the oldest, El.”
“That argument is so tired! She’s twenty-two! At what point does being three years younger than me stop absolving her from any responsibility?”
He huffs and I already know what’s coming next. More about how the rift is somehow my fault. “Don’t start, Ellie.”
“Did she put you up to this?”
“No? But I saw her and Trent last night and she mentioned that she hadn’t talked to you. She didn’t even know you had a new nanny job.”
“Pretty sure I told her.” Definitely told her.
“You sure you didn’t just tell Edie?” he asks, referring to my youngest sister.
“I told them both. Per usual, Em doesn’t listen to me.”
“Yes. She does, Elianna. You need to stop shutting her out over whatever tension has been between you from when you were younger.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, feeling the tension building from unresolved childhood conflict. “Is this why you called?”
“No,” he says with a bit of edge to his voice. “I was calling because I wanted to see what day I should expect you to fly in for Thanksgiving.”
I freeze, unsure of what to say because I hadn’t given it much thought. “Oh…”
“I can’t imagine you’ll need to work that weekend. They can give you the time off?”
I hadn’t exactly told my father that I’m nannying for a single dad. I just told him I got a new job and when he assumed it was a family complete with a mother that also lived in the house, I just didn’t correct him.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I tell him as I rub my forehead. I already know Rowan would give me time off for Thanksgiving in a heartbeat but I feel a little ache in my chest at the thought of not spending the day with them.
And who would cook for them?
I guess I could prepare everything before I left?
“Can I let you know? It’s not even Halloween yet.”
“Well, you know prices are just going to keep going up for flights. They are already expensive.”
“Worst case, I’ll drive again.” I make my way into the kitchen and take a seat at the table.
“Alright, well keep me posted. I think we are going to Emily’s this year.”
“We aren’t having it at our house?” My dad still lives in the house he raised us in, the house that once upon a time he lived in with my mother, and that’s where we typically go for all the major holidays.
“No, we decided we’re going to go to hers this year.”
“We? I don’t recall voting on that. We’ve always done it at our house.” I try to ignore the tears building in my throat that we are changing a twenty-five-year tradition like it’s nothing.
“And we’re switching it up this year. Don’t make this into a whole thing, Elianna,” he scolds.
“Grandma’s on board too?” I ask, referring to my mom’s mom who is a creature of habit and typically hates any kind of change.
“She wants to be anywhere her only great-granddaughter is, of course.”
“Okay, well…yeah, I’ll let you know as we get closer.”
“Fine. Call your sister, Elianna. I’m not kidding.”
“Did you give her this same lecture and tell her to call me?” I try to keep the edge out of my voice, but I hear it and I’m sure he does too.
“What did I say?” he says and a scowl finds my face, once again feeling like I’m a teenager and I’m just expected to always understand my sister’s feelings because I’m the oldest.
But who understands mine?
Ever.
“Okay, Dad,” I say, quietly. “I’ll call her later.”
“Good. I love you, Ellie. You know I do and I’m always on your side.”
Are you?
“I know. Love you too.” I nod.
“Talk to you later.”
I end the call and before I can stop myself, I’m pressing the phone to my ear to call Rowan. I know I shouldn’t make this call when I’m still feeling emotional about the phone call with my father, but fuck it . I’m tired of putting everyone else first. For once, I want to do what I want.
“Hey,” he answers and just the sound of his voice calms my heart which I didn’t even realize was pounding. I bite my bottom lip, not sure of what to say now that my emotions are coming down. “Elianna?”
“Are you busy?” I ask.
“What’s going on? Is everything okay?” I notice he doesn’t answer my question because of course he’s busy, Ellie.
“Yes, the kids are fine. They’re all at school. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called.”
“We have to work on how much you apologize. Talk to me and tell me what’s going on.” His voice is soothing and calms my nerves.
“It’s not about the kids,” I admit.
“That’s okay. Tell me what’s wrong, Elianna.” And those simple words have a direct line to my heart.
“Do you have plans for Thanksgiving?” I blurt out. “Like do you go to your parents’ in Florida? Or somewhere else?”
“No, not usually? Last year was pretty lowkey because it was right after Bianca passed. We ordered takeout from a restaurant that had a Thanksgiving menu. It was not great.” He chuckles. “Is that what has you upset?”
“It’s just my dad wants to know when I’m coming home and…I wasn’t sure if you needed me.”
“Oh, no Elianna, I would never keep you from your family. You can have any time off that you need.” I don’t respond because I’m struggling to find the words. “Is that why you’re upset? I hope you know I wouldn’t demand that you stay here.”
“I know you wouldn’t.” I play with the ends of my hair nervously. “I…I’m not sure I want to go home though.”
He’s silent for a second. “Elianna, you’re more than welcome to stay. I didn’t think I needed to say that. You saw Isla’s picture, right? I’m sorry to tell you, you’re officially family.”
A quiet gasp escapes me. “Thank you…” I trail off before adding, “Besides, who would cook?”
A knock on my bedroom door pulls me away from my phone and I see Rowan standing in the entrance to my room. I try not to notice how handsome he looks in sweatpants and a t-shirt but my eyes aren’t on board with that idea because I can’t stop ogling him.
“You busy?” he asks and I shake my head. “Come have a drink with me.” I eye him warily and he gives me a boyish grin. “I know you don’t like whiskey. I’ll make you a margarita.” He waves me out of bed before he leaves my room.
It doesn’t take much convincing and soon we are sitting in the living room with a margarita each. I’m sitting on the couch and he’s in a lounge chair and I’m glad we have this space between us to hopefully keep the temptation at bay.
“So, tell me why you don’t want to go home?”
“You figured there’s a reason, huh?” He raises his eyebrows at me before taking a sip of his drink. “It’s so silly.”
“I’ll bet it’s not.”
“We always have it at my dad’s. I guess you could technically call it my house since it’s the last place I lived in Ohio. This year, apparently the plan is to go to my sister’s house and nobody even talked to me about it. We’ve only ever had Thanksgiving at one place. It was the last place we had Thanksgiving with my mom, and it just…feels weird not to do it there.” I sigh. “Plus, as soon as my dad got on the phone, he was on me about not talking to my sister more. Like it’s all my fault. Somehow, it’s always all my fault.” I feel tears springing to my eyes and the last thing I want is to have a breakdown about my family drama in front of my boss. Or whatever he is. “Sometimes, I just feel like no one hears me.”
“I get that,” he murmurs. “If it’s any consolation, I hear you.” I look away from the glass I’m holding in my lap to meet his eyes which are full of understanding. “You’ve had to be strong for people your entire life. Who’s strong for you?”
A shiver moves through me and I rub my arm to try and warm my chilled skin. “Me? I guess.” I know my family loves me but they haven’t always been my strongest support system. Sometimes I feel like I love them the way they need to be loved but they don’t do the same for me.And that is a tough pill to swallow.
“Stay,” he says. “For Thanksgiving and…Christmas if you want. The kids will want you here.”
I tilt my head to the side, already knowing that we are headed in a dangerous direction but not wanting to stop. “Just them?”
He takes a sip of his drink and licks a stray drop from his bottom lip. My sex pulses instantly. “You already know I want you here.”
Butterflies begin flapping their wings in my stomach and move to my chest making my heart race. “Rowan…”
“Sunshine.”
“Why do you call me that?”
He hesitates for a second and gives me a sweet smile. “Because you have become one of the bright spots in what has felt like a very dark year,” he answers.
“That’s so sweet,” I whisper.
“ You are so sweet,” he responds instantly.
I look down at the space next to me before raising my eyes slowly to his and then back to the couch and I’m pleased he understands what I’m asking without having to say it. He gets up from his chair and sits next to me.
“I like it.”
“Good.”
I turn toward the television which is playing an old Law and Order: SVU rerun that is loud enough to drown out the sound of us talking to anyone upstairs but quiet enough that we can still hear each other clearly. I set the glass on the coffee table in front of us before tucking my feet under me and fidgeting with my hands in my lap. “I can’t stop thinking about you…and that scares me a little.”
“Tell me why.”
“I told you why,” I say quietly. “I…” I whisper. “This could turn out horribly.” Even if I wasn’t his children’s nanny, I’ve never known a situation with a man to end up any way other than awful or awkward and I’m struggling to figure out why this would be different even though he is so very different from any man I’ve ever met in my life. “This…I can’t…you’re my boss, and…” I’m rarely at a loss for words and suddenly I can’t get them out, but I feel his hand wrapping gently around my wrist effectively stopping me from trying.
“Not right now, I’m not.” His hand is warm and sends tingles up my arm and through my body as he tugs me closer to him and before I realize what’s happening, I’m straddling his lap and all the reasons as to why we shouldn’t fly out of my brain.
I feel him growing beneath me and I bite my bottom lip to prevent myself from whimpering at the feeling of what I believe to be a hard, atypically large dick pressing upwards against me. “Elianna, forget about all of that. Forget who I am for a minute. Forget why you’re here and who we are to each other. Tell me what you want.” His voice is low and husky and a shiver moves through me at his words. Not to mention, I can’t remember the last time someone asked me what I wanted. “You said you haven’t always been able to take what you want because you’re always worried about everyone else. I’m asking you to take what you want. Don’t worry about anyone else but you.”
My eyes drop to his mouth. Lush, full lips that I’ve been dying to know the taste of and how they feel against mine. I can feel his eyes still tracing my face even while my eyes are trained on his mouth. My hands move up his chest and when they cover his heart, I feel it pounding under my palms. I wonder if he’s as nervous as I am. I inadvertently shift in his lap, momentarily forgetting where I am and more importantly what I’m sitting on and the groan that leaves his lips is so sexy and feral, I can’t even stop myself from wanting to know how it would feel vibrating through me.
I lean forward and press my lips to his, and the sound transforms into a growl as his tongue snakes into my mouth without missing a beat.
Finally. Oh. my. God.
He tastes like tequila, lime, and a hint of salt, and fuck his lips are soft. The sound of his beard scraping against my skin sends a shiver through me and I can’t help but think about the sound it would make if it were to ever drag along my inner thigh.
I moan in response when his dick presses even harder against me and I grind downwards trying my best to stimulate my clit through our clothes. Then I feel his hands on my hips holding me in place. He pulls his lips from mine and they’re instantly at my ear before he bites down gently. “Elianna,” he says and I hear a hint of scolding in his voice.
“You said to take what I want and I’ve never…I’ve never done this before. I wanted to feel it.” My words are quiet, but I know he heard it because he loosens his grip on my hips and I shift again, pressing myself harder against him.
He lets out a shaky breath as he pulls back to look at me, his eyes full of hunger. “What… exactly?”
“Ummm this?” I squeak, looking down at where I’m sitting. “Through our clothes.” He raises an eyebrow at me like he’s amused and I feel heat rush to my cheeks in embarrassment before swallowing hard. “Dry humping.” His dick jumps beneath me and I gasp at the feeling. I’m guessing he likes my choice of words.
“Elianna, I need to ask you something and I need you to be honest with me.” His eyes are shining greener than usual, like the color of fresh-cut grass and I feel myself getting lost in them so I blink to break the trance. “Are you a virgin?” His hands move from my hips to my forearms, and he wraps his hands gently around them. His thumbs begin drawing circles on the backs of my arms and I want to melt even further into him at the feeling.
“No,” I whisper, shaking my head. Although I don’t have many sexual experiences and none of them were what I’d call good , I have had sex before. I think he’s struggling with what to ask next so expound. “But it’s been a while.”
“What’s a while?”
I hesitate for a moment before answering. “Six years?”
His eyes widen and his mouth drops open before he lets out a breath. “Fuck, Elianna. I am so—” He starts and I can feel him trying to move me off his lap when I squeeze my thighs to try and keep him from moving me. Or at the very least give him a sign that I don’t want to be moved.
“Don’t apologize. I want this.”
“But you said…”
“I know,” I whisper while hovering an inch above his mouth.
“I don’t want you to feel pressured. I didn’t realize…” I hear him struggling but I hear the underlying words. I didn’t realize how innocent you are.
“Would you prefer I wear a sign?” I raise an eyebrow at him and I watch as the tension leaves his face. “I haven’t had particularly great experiences the few times I’ve had sex so I decided to wait until I met someone I thought I’d actually enjoy it with.”
Just as quickly as it disappeared, the tension is back and I feel his entire body go rigid. His grip on my hips loosens and moves up slowly, dragging lightly up my spine. “Please tell me someone didn’t hurt you.”
“No.” I shake my head. “Not like that.”
I watch the relief flood him and he visibly relaxes.He rubs his jaw and leans his head back against the couch. “Thank fuck. Being a father to two girls, that is my biggest fear. Having one of them come to me…” He trails off as he lifts his head and I can tell he’s staring off into space even though his eyes are trained on my hands that he’s holding in his. They dart up to me. “I would destroy anyone for laying a finger on them.”
Even though he’s a lawyer, I’m not entirely sure which way he means ‘ destroy’ and now really isn’t the time to unpack that. “As I’ve said many times before, you’re a good dad, Rowan.”
He seems like he’s breaking himself of the hellish thoughts brought on by this conversation and has something else on his mind because a smile pulls at his lips. “Even though I can’t stop thinking about my kids’ nanny?” He brings my hands to his mouth, dropping a kiss to a few of my fingers.
I let my hands slide down his torso. “Kiss me again,” I whisper against his lips before brushing them against his. My tongue darts out and I drag it gently along his bottom lip before sucking it into my mouth and nibbling gently and then letting him go.
His lips are on mine instantly as he sits up and pulls my hips, forcing me downward on his dick as he hardens again. I wrap my arms around his neck and play with the hair at his nape, letting the silky dark brown strands slip through my fingers every few moments. I can feel his hands moving me the way he wants me which is coincidentally the way I want also and soon we find a perfect rhythm that sends electricity shooting through my body as I grind against him.
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
I’m wearing a fitted long-sleeved shirt but I can feel the goosebumps underneath, my entire body tingling brought on by the fire building between my legs. My hips roll against him, doing my best to drag against his shaft. “Rowan,” I moan quietly against his lips.
“God, I fucking love the way you say my name.” His voice is hoarse and gravelly and I feel my nipples begin to tingle in time with the heartbeat thumping between my legs.
“Do you?” I whimper when his lips find my neck. “Better than when I call you Mr. Kincaid?” I giggle when his dick twitches again. “I guess you like that too.”
He grips my hips to stop me from moving and chuckles into my neck. “Don’t train my dick to react when you call me that. It’s already hard enough to keep it in check when we’re in the same room.”
My hands move between us and reach under the t-shirt he’s wearing and then they’re on the drawstring of his pants. I don’t undo them, but I tangle them in my fingers long enough that he knows what I want. “You want them off?” He gives me a cocky grin before darting his gaze to where my hands are between us.
“I want…to see.”
“ Just see?” he responds with a hint of teasing in his voice.
“Maybe…touch?” I smirk and I don’t know where this sudden boldness is coming from. Maybe it’s because I’ve never felt this way before and I’m being driven by my hormones for the first time in my life. My mind is only focused on one thing at this moment and it’s how I can keep feeling this way. “Can I?” I ask and his nostrils flare.
“Whatever you want,” he says and his voice sounds strained. I drag a finger over the top of his sweatpants and I’m surprised that I don’t feel an ounce of nerves.
I guess being horny outweighs any nervousness.
I pull the drawstring slowly, my eyes not leaving his, and just as I reach my hand inside preparing to wrap around him, I hear a voice from the top of the stairs and then again like the voice is moving… closer.
“Daddy! Daddy!”
I’m off his lap in an instant, moving to the other end of the couch like he’s on fire and I watch as he stands up and adjusts himself. I try not to pay attention to the way he reaches inside his sweats to move his dick so it’s not sticking straight out. I lick my lips and I don’t miss the growl that leaves his lips. “We are not done,” he says as he moves to the entryway of the living room just as Isla comes bounding into the room, a stuffed bunny in one hand and a teddy bear in the other.
“Daddy!”
“Honey, what’s wrong? Why aren’t you asleep?” he asks as he kneels in front of her, pushing her disheveled hair from her face.
“I had a bad dream,” she whimpers before she lunges into his arms and rests her head on his shoulder. Only then does she see me and her head perks up instantly. “Ellie!” she exclaims.
“Hi, honey.” I smile at her. “I’m sorry you had a bad dream.” She pulls away from her dad and moves toward me before climbing on the couch to sit next to me.
“Uh uh, back to bed,” Rowan says, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Ellie, can I stay with you?” she asks as she rests her cheek on my arm and while I usually hate when a kid tries to use me to get out of doing what a parent tells them, I’m tempted to say yes before Rowan interrupts.
“No,” Rowan says and I frown at him, wishing he wasn’t being so tough on her just because he’s irritated that she interrupted us.
“But—” she starts.
“Isla Jude,” he says and she looks up at him. “I’ll take you back to bed. You’re not going to rope Elianna into letting you stay up.”
Her warm chocolate eyes flit up to mine and she crooks a finger at me so I’ll lean closer. Then she covers her mouth, presses her hand against my cheek, and whispers in my ear, “Will you take me?”
An unfamiliar feeling washes over me that she’d rather me take her back to bed instead of her father because I’m not used to that. Usually the kids that I nanny for are dying for more attention from their parents, especially the little girls when it comes to their fathers. I look up at Rowan and then down at Isla. “I can take her.”
Realizing that’s more than likely what she whispered, he nods and I get off the couch, Isla’s hand already encased in mine as we make our way to the stairs. “G’night, Daddy!”
“Night, honey,” he says, and when I turn to look over my shoulder, I meet his hungry eyes as they practically undress me.